• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

Status
Not open for further replies.
My name's Josh, I had a traumatic childhood which led to benzo, dissociative and amphetamine habits. I've since moved out and am now recovering living with 3 close friends.
 
Josh, welcome. That is fantastic that you have the support of friends/roommates. Are they in recovery as well?
 
Hey everybody this is my first post so im really trying to not break any rules. I'm 20 years old and I started using I've heroin about 6 months ago. I finally had my fill and I decided to get clean. I know people have recovered from bigger and longer habits than myself which makes me feel selfish for complaining but I just feel the need to talk to someone that knows what I'm going through. Its been 7 days and my physical withdrawals are gone but the mental aspect is the hardest for me. Whenever I'm bored I get the psychological cravings for the drug again. I know its not worth it but the idea continues to permeate through my mind. I try to stay busy but there comes a time that everybody needs to slow down. My worst times are at night right before bed and when I'm bored at work. Has anyone else found something to keep their mind at bay during periods of inactivity.
 
eastcoast2778 said:
Hey everybody this is my first post so im really trying to not break any rules. I'm 20 years old and I started using I've heroin about 6 months ago. I finally had my fill and I decided to get clean. I know people have recovered from bigger and longer habits than myself which makes me feel selfish for complaining but I just feel the need to talk to someone that knows what I'm going through. Its been 7 days and my physical withdrawals are gone but the mental aspect is the hardest for me. Whenever I'm bored I get the psychological cravings for the drug again. I know its not worth it but the idea continues to permeate through my mind. I try to stay busy but there comes a time that everybody needs to slow down. My worst times are at night right before bed and when I'm bored at work. Has anyone else found something to keep their mind at bay during periods of inactivity.
Click to expand...

Welcome to bluelight and the recovery support section! The following threads may be of interest to you~

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/630868-Craving-thread-–-v-Hold-On

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/...thread-vs-Summer-breeze-makes-me-feel-fiiiine

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/663215-Good-things-about-being-off-drugs-getting-sober

Congratulations on your sobriety <3 After I quit opiates (I've been clean of them since March), the hardest aspect of recovery for me was the emotional aspects. The cravings, feeling like I "lost a friend", etc. I still get cravings which I fight successfully, but that doesn't mean it is easy. I hope you find some comfort and help in the boards here.

Any questions, feel free to PM myself or any other moderator here :)
 
Hey guys! Im a 23 year old mother of 2 hoping to get some help and encouragement. looking back Ive been an addict for quite some time but made the tragic mistake to start banging about a year ago. THANK GOD i am no longer suicidal but i am on a waiting list to go to inpatient for 6 months. This is very difficult for me considering (now at least) i am functioning relativelly well, have a house, custody etc...i know thkings will go back to the way they were if i dont go because rehab is the only thing keeping me sane and giving me a will to live. Just looking for encouragement to keep me through until i get there. Ironically though i have this excuse that ill be leaving soon keeping me from trying to do ANYTHING to stop or slow down...tired of this hell. I know this is what i need to do 6 months of rehab is better than continuously trying and failing to get clean on my own right? Right??? I hope i posted this in the right place...i have no clue
 
Hi I'm Ash.
I'm currently withdrawing from antidepressants, which i have taken since the age of 18.
Alcoholic and drug addict with bipolar and PTSD
Artist/Student

I need help re: coming off effexor. I have done much research and do believe that the psych who is taking me off the drug is reducing me far too quickly.
In saying that, I am suffering extreme withdrawal symptoms. If it wasn't for the couple of joints i have daily, i would not be managing. I'm sick like a pregnant lady, highly agitated, symptoms of major depression, fixated on thoughts of suicide and self harm. Along with this shaking and sweating profusely are now apart of my everyday since reducing the first 75 mgs.

He wants me to decrease the dose every 3 days by 75 mgs.
Based on my consultation with this doctor, I made up and given his age that he really follows the old DSM. Questions based on my sexuality and his response to that suggests this man believes that because i love both women and men that I'm mentally ill for that simple reason.

Im hoping to get into treatment to be monitored and atleast be supplied with the drugs and care i need during this time as I am really ill.

If anyone has experienced coming off effexor, and has suggestions; I am very open to them.

Having reduced from 450 to 375
I have began a v. low dose of seroquel 50mg, due to wh insomnia, which isn't helping me very much. ((hence a 4.20 am post)) Speaking of which this calls for a celebration :p

Thanks,
ASHYXXX
 
@Gypsyjunkie--Congratulations on your decision to quit and your actions--I know they will pay off. Welcome to Bluelight and TDS. Have you checked out Sober Living? I think there will be lots of threads and a great community in that forum as well as here in TDS and in the Mental Health subforums--they are all related after all! Post in the socials and get to know people that way--it can be a great way to have someone to talk to in the middle of the night when you are feeling fragile or just to bolster the feeling that you don't have to do this alone.<3

@cotton.candy--Welcome to you, too! There is a great resource through the Icarus Project website that talks about coming off of SSRIs and the like. You can find it here. Maybe that would be good to show your doctor. Also, you can use the search engine on Bluelight to find related threads--I know a lot of people have experiences with that drug.Here is a forum that you might find helpful.
 
Hi, I'm Nick in the UK. Nearly 40 now and no longer in the scene any more. But I miss it. Done most drugs, hard and soft, got addicted too but always recognized it when I did and pulled back.
I found addiction for me was always caused by not having any thing else in life to distract me. So I've managed to stick to use but not abuse. But I miss those things that made me feel so alive. I need that every so often as now I just feel so blah! about life.
Looking forward to reading some good stories now I here. :)
 
Hello Everyone,

I am a mid 30's male, former Alcoholic, former weed smoker, hell have done just about everything except H , crack and a few others. I was in the military and was overseas and saw my fair share of things. I currently have PTSD, Severe Depression and Social anxiety disorder, I really do not leave my house because of the panic attacks. I also have a dying pancreas. I thought maybe after years of this it would go away or with the med's it would make life easier or at least make it so I could go out , have friends something, but I was wrong. I still get my moods that sometimes last for months at a time when I just want to end it all.

I do go to college online going for my second degree , this time in computer networking, but I think I am doing it just to pass time, as I do not think I will ever have a normal job. I really wonder what will become of me, if this life, strain on my brain with my thoughts if it will finally take me under. The last time I was going to do it I put on my military dress uniform grabbed my gun ( I did not load it) and was going to go out by suicide by cop, pathetic I know. My wife ended up calling some of the guy's I served with and they talked me down.

I think I am just lost in this world, I can not do anything, and life get's so boring on the days I am not depressed having no friends really to talk to get's to me and it's hard to just be alone with my own thoughts all the time. I just don't know what to do for myself, I am one of those people that can help others but when it comes to me, I have no thoughts on how to make it better. I am sorry this is so long I just needed to get this out and maybe somebody will understand or have any input on how to make life more bearable.

Thanks for reading
 
Welcome to the forum, Twizztid.
I hope you stick around here and take part in posting within the Recovery sections.
Life is full of various struggles, don't be afraid to reach out and grab some extra support <3
 
Twizztid said:
I just don't know what to do for myself, I am one of those people that can help others but when it comes to me, I have no thoughts on how to make it better.
Click to expand...

This is a very common thing. I struggle a lot with this and I think most people do. Buddhism teaches that being compassionate with yourself is the root of true compassion for others. It starts with acceptance and that sounds soooooo simple, but proves to be very hard.

My husband is a Viet Nam veteran and he gets a lot of help from the VA. This came as a total shock to him because his experience right after he came back from the war in the '70s was dismal and for years he wanted nothing to do with them. Have you gone for counseling there? Are there any peer support groups? I know that therapy--whether it is individual or group is a very hit-or-miss thing--it all depends on the skill of the therapist and there are some really incompetent ones out there. Still, I would continue to give counseling a try, even if it means going private and paying.

Feeling lost in the world is an opportunity to create meaning in your life. Feeling lost is most often needing more than the prescribed life has to offer. We start out excited little scientists--every day is a new day to ask questions, to test things out, to forget all about ourselves and just be 100% engaged in the world. then the rules take over and some of us follow them and some of us rebel against them but one way or another our relationship with society's rules comes to define who we are. What happened to the world, to nature, to feelings and our own unique perspective? I think this is at the root of a lot of our sense of being lost--the boredom and the sense of meaninglessness.

One of the programs that I have heard a lot about that could be a great thing for you is the canine companion program for vets with PTSD. While I know that there are only a fraction of the dogs needed and I don't know how hard it is to get into the program, it's worth checking out. One of the vets that never left his house anymore was able to start taking classes at a local community college with his dog and one of the best things about it was that the dog got him going back out in nature. Nature is really, really healing when the human world feels empty.

I'm glad that you found Bluelight. TDS is a great community of caring people. I can open my computer at any time of day or night and connect with people that are attuned to suffering--whether from addiction, mental struggles, grief, hopelessness. We connect and it doesn't seem quite as hopeless. Welcome.<3
 
Hello everyone. I first visited these forums a few years back when I was in high school. I'm now a 21 year old guy living in California, bearing an amazing girlfriend and family. I'm a confident individual, and have a lot going for me. I enjoy writing fantasy novels, drawing landscapes and fantasy battles, and I'm learning how to create 2d videogames in my past-time. I used to work at a fast food place right out of high school, and drove an '96 Chevy pick-up truck. I recently got a prestige (excellent condition) '96 honda civic, with a rebuilt engine.
Soon after getting my car, I lost my job. I've kept that low-key from my family, who helps me pay for gas while they believe I'm just having a hard time getting hours. The truth is, I've lost my job (and the happiest moments I could have in my still-to-be relationship) due to my goddamn addiction to opiates.
I was always a pussy when it came to drugs. If You read my older posts, You'd find that I couldn't handle smoking herb. I'd question the strength of my sanity pre-dose of taking a psychedelic, for I feared I wouldn't be able to handle a trip.
As time went on since high school, I grew in touch with myself in a way I wish I never had. I was able to handle drugs very powerfully, and experimented with oxy and crystal. Marijuana became nothing more than a cigarette to me, and the amount of product that would send other people off the walls from smoking crystal would barely faze me.
Though I became addicted to nothing, I would soon find a drug my second year into my job to be the fucking devil.
A co-worker, a female wiccan, had a tooth removal. They gave her a large amount of 5mg vicodins, to which she discerned "clouded her spirit with evil." She gave them all to me, for just $10. I really loved the similar buzz it had with oxy, without the nodding off feeling. I remembered family members who had bottles, and shamelessly stole them- promising myself I would put them back as I had found a vicodin connect.
I would find myself melting away with warmth, surrounded by lit candles and letting the steam from a hot shower consume the whole bedroom while I blasted "Tool." I'd lay in my bed naked, drawing trees and shit.
The vicodin made me lose my social anxiety. It made me "cool." I was a skinny white guy with long blonde hair, who used to have nerves. At the point of taking those pills, I wasn't high but rather I was a new and better version of myself.
When I felt my first withdrawal, I noticed a stomach ache and mild cravings similar to my cigarette addiction. Instead of stopping there, I went to my dealer and slowly burned my shy $1,500 on $20 a day norcos. I overpaid on them, and found my first dealer to be an asshole for drying my account and never dropping his price when I discovered dealers who'd shoot them out at <no prices> (The other dealers would run out, he wouldn't as he stole 100 of them from his dying mom each month. Cunt rag.)

My withdrawals got bad. Severe stomach problems like dihareeah (Sp?), horrible fatigue, headaches, insomnia, lack of appetite (lost 25 pounds and I only weighed 140), and general hatred for all around me.

I met the girl of my dreams, but even our love couldn't tear from this drug. She figured out I was using only because she thought I was high when I WASN'T using. I came clean on my secret and it almost tore us apart.
She's been an amazing supporter but I still can't seem to go 5 hours without taking something, my only way to afford them being to beg money from family to get gas or food. I find myself breaking down alone, crying and shit. I can take 10 norcos (100mg hydrocodone) or even 10 percocets (100mg oxycodone) without flinching or even itching.

These opiates have costed me oh so very much. I'm gonna lose my goddamn liver to tylenol if I don't start extracting. I try to tell myself I can't be happy without these opiates, and that I should just use H 'cause it'd be way cheaper and I can get just as high with much less- which I know is a HORRIBLE idea. I have access to horribly cheap 10mg methadones, which completely slice cravings but actually just make me much more higher in a nasty intoxication-kinda-way.

I want to admit myself to suboxone treatment- but how the FUCK can I afford even $100 a week? <snip>
Anyways... that's me. I hope I can be an active an insightful user to this forum. Maybe writing my problems down can give me the push I so desperately need to quit.

-Acolyte-
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hi RedAcolyte and welcome to Bluelight and TDS.

You will be able to find some good support here. I snipped out your question about sources for subs as this is against the rules outlined in the Bluelight user agreement.

Have you considered talking to your family and letting them know the truth about where you are and going to rehab? I know it seems scary but sometimes trying to keep everything hidden from everyone and convincing yourself that you can manage it on your own is a terrible trap. I hate to see you caught there.

I hope that writing everything down did help. I think it is a great way to commit to changing.<3
 
Just saying hi...
Not really sure what to say about myself. More than 30, married, work a professional job, two dogs and a cat. No children, ever! Diagnosed with Bipolar 1, been in and out of psychiatric care most of my life but try and function the best I can. I have a low level opiate addiction, which I try to manage and I take anti-ps.

That's was it really, boring me :)
 
My name is Bob. I live in Southern Indiana. I am a recovering IV heroin user, on suboxone for about three years (this time) and clean now for about 1 1/2 of those three years. I didn't know until the last few years that I was self medicating for PTSD and depression. I had a really screwed up childhood, one that reads like that of Charles Manson or some antisocial serial murderer. Fortunately for humanity I turned my anguish inward and used it to harm myself instead of anyone else. Cutting, shooting up, taking anything that might get me high, suicidal ideation and a few real attempts. Now I am clean from heroin and all opiates but in the past few years the pain in my back has increased exponentially. I have gone through physical therapy, traction machines, hot and cold packs, back braces, and have tried every OTC and non-narcotic Rx for it, and to no avail. I have been needing a cane to get around for about a year, despite being in my mid-thirties. Now, for the past few months I have been pretty much restricted to my bed, except when I force myself to go to Mass or to doctors appointments. Unfortunately, I have been totally honest with my doctors and so as soon as I tell them the truth about my recovery, they take this attitude like, "yeah, we know why you're here," and all hope of help or relief flies out the window. I can't even get any explanation out about how much I have changed my life over the past year or two. I am a man of deep faith now, and I put that faith into action by volunteering as a home visitor for St. Vincent de Paul, and as an outreach minister bringing the Eucharist to hospital patients. Or I did these things, and will again when I can walk more than a few feet again. I had an MRI recently, and the neurosurgeon who showed me the results says surgery might help, but he would rather I try pain management first. Problem is, no pain doctor wants me as a patient. Ironically, these doctors would have no problem putting me on pain meds and letting me get addicted to them, but since I am addicted they won't touch me.
I know I am whining here, but I am sure someone else here has been through this. I just don't know how much longer I can stand this. I mean, i have resisted self-medicating so far, but I have a life to live and being stuck on my bed is not my idea of living. Besides, I don't know why but I am also tempted to start cutting myself again, if not worse, just to distract myself from the pain and the frustration of not being able to get help. I mean, at least I can control that pain, i guess. I don't know what to do next.
Thanks for being here, though folks. It is so nice to be able to write this stuff down and know the people reading it has some idea of what it is like. Thanks, peace and God bless you all.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top