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<insert clever staying clean title> December

Serotonin101

Serotonin101

Moderator: SIED
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figured we can keep the clean crew going. I'm still going strong and hope everyone else is too. much love to all of you :)
 
I was trying to think of a clever title for December too, but couldn't! JaNEWary will be easy lol.. =D

So glad to hear you're still going strong Serotonin! <3
 
:) thank you. just got done visiting my probation officer and was on the train home and figured I'd check to see if a December thread was made yet. I couldn't think of a title for the life of me but I figured the purpose of the thread is more valuable than its name. love all of you guys and gals. 3 more months til I'm off drug court. :D can't wait.
 
That's awesome news and such an accomplishment! You must be so proud of yourself :)
 
DecENDber has been used in the past. This is a tough month for a lot of people, but it can be done. Just take it one day at a time! <3
 
oh I definitely am. its been a long 9 months in drug court. at first it was nice cuz it was a reason to leave the house and go to st Louis, but the "newness" wore off about 8 months ago :P now its like a chore to go drop for drug testing, see my PO, go to court, treatment twice a week, and still juggle school and NA on top of it all. at least I get about a year of outpatient treatment and regular random tests for a grand total of about $120 at the end of drug court. can't beat that.
 
December doesn't go well for me at all. The night of 11/30 I popped pills (tilidine/weak opiate & bromazepam), monday I scored two bags of h. and did most of them that night, now I'm stuffed up with loperamide and got some small bumps of heroin left, I don't crave it too bad but I don't wanna flush it down the toilet, too.
I'm working really really hard on some serious issues with my therapist lately and I don't have the willpower or energy to battle my drug problems with all I've got right now, I just hope I will get through those next weeks without getting hooked again. It's just that I'm quite careless atm and I don't feel the urge to change that.

I know that kind of indifference is most dangerous, but I don't wanna deal with it right now...
 
i'm still struggling, been struggling since octsober now; fuck opiates really mess your brain up. At least my life is in order now, if nothing else.
 
I finally made it through day one. The psychological aspect had been pure hell, just wanting to curl up and die, and feeling like I could explode, and horrible depression and anxiety.

But, I made it through it...
 
Not only does it get better, it gets easier. The holiday season is especially tough for the newly sober I think. Everyone who is struggling: you can make it! And I promise next year won't be nearly as tough!
 
So it's day two for me again, too. Monday was hard nodding for me, tuesday I smoked a tiny bump of h, but now I'm 100% clean the second day. I talked openly about what's going on in my support group yesterday, and since then I see much clearer how high the stakes are. The indifference is gone mostly, and that is a good thing.

We can do this!
 
I relapsed bad on my Alprazolam today.. just when I thought I was doing better, I failed.

I was at work and a customer was really stressing me out, so on break I took 3mg, (I got down to 0.5mg/day from my usual 4mg or sometimes more than 4mg/day) and it hit me much harder than I thought... about 15 minutes later it started to kick in, and the woman on the phone was like "I don't understand a word you just said". Now I'm freaking out as to whether or not I was making sense, if I was slurring my words, etc.. I don't remember ANYTHING from the last hour at work because of my Xanax. It's really making me freak out even more...and the conversation with the woman who "didn't understand a word I was saying" lasted like 20 minutes and I know my supervisors are probably pissed about that. I don't know. I think I'm just looking into it too much. From what I remember, we were making small talk for some of the conversation but ugh I don't know... I just really fucked up...
 
hthr007 said:
I relapsed bad on my Alprazolam today.. just when I thought I was doing better, I failed.

I was at work and a customer was really stressing me out, so on break I took 3mg, (I got down to 0.5mg/day from my usual 4mg or sometimes more than 4mg/day) and it hit me much harder than I thought... about 15 minutes later it started to kick in, and the woman on the phone was like "I don't understand a word you just said". Now I'm freaking out as to whether or not I was making sense, if I was slurring my words, etc.. I don't remember ANYTHING from the last hour at work because of my Xanax. It's really making me freak out even more...and the conversation with the woman who "didn't understand a word I was saying" lasted like 20 minutes and I know my supervisors are probably pissed about that. I don't know. I think I'm just looking into it too much. From what I remember, we were making small talk for some of the conversation but ugh I don't know... I just really fucked up...
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it will be okay heather. you're still alive to give it another go. stay strong and don't give up :)
 
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