Andrew and I spoke by phone several times. We spoke about health, art, drugs, death, pets, heaven, psychology, fate, suicide and the loss of beloved partners and relatives. When he left me messages, he claimed we needed to speak right away, as it was something important. Usually, he’d had some epiphanous moment and ensuing thoughts he wished to share and discuss.
I talked about my dad’s suicide, which was pharmacologically due to 10+ times the recommended dosage of his prescribed benzos + some other less potent drugs. I told Andrew I blamed myself because I talked to him right before he checked out and I knew he seemed off and was unhappy. I’d always been able to get him to the hospital for charcoal + a stomach pump on each previous suicide attempt.
Andrew told me that I couldn’t stop anyone from checking out if that’s what they wanted. In fact, he always said his own death, which would come shortly, was absolute fate for which he maintained no control. I agreed with him only if he was experiencing a condition that limited the time before his body gave out. He told me that it need not be a disease, which led to an hour’s long discussion about Alexander Litvinenko. He’d send me, or direct me to articles and literature that he felt supported this view. We didn’t end up in agreement, but I appreciated his passion for debate.
I told him that death leaves a hole in the

of loved ones that can’t ever be filled or replaced by another person or pet. He told me about the people he loved and he
always mentioned his partner he lost due to alcoholism. He wanted to be with him so badly.
Sometimes we’d talk about religion. I was raised without any faith, he had religious knowledge. We discussed the notion that those who take their own lives are destined for a dreadfully hot place, and he absolutely believed this supposed sin to be false. Additionally, I wanted to know whether he believed we’d see our pets again in Heaven. He believed this to be true and he felt certain his beloved cat, who’d died young, (I believe from drinking ethylene glycol) was waiting to see him in Heaven, as well as a beloved grandparent and his partner he lost 5+ years ago.
I think we remember when he announced he’d leave Earth if Trump was re-elected. He called about 2 weeks after the vote counting began and said that he thought he’d stick around for awhile. He’d tell me that I wouldn’t believe how “this or that” some new guy he met was; and there was
no way he didn’t want to be around to see all the future possibilities for the 2 of them.
He also cared a great deal about getting his degree and he’d often have me proofread psychology papers for him. I would remind him that I wasn’t a psychiatrist/psychologist, I’d just had parents that were, and he still thought that I was around it enough to know something about the subject. He took school very seriously.
When someone hit his car (last year?) he couldn’t wait to get the check from both his, and the other dude’s insurance companies. I asked him if he was planning to get his car fixed, or get a different car. He told me he didn’t even want a car anymore—it was too much of a headache. The weather was nice and he planned to walk or take public transportation if the walk was too far.
There are so many unique, funny, and crazy good things I will remember about you always Andrew. I hope you’re with your partner, cat, and grandparent, and you are enjoying your time, free of the anxieties and thoughts the plagued you here, and that you’re enjoying a live Marco Corbelli concert.