Awkward-
Yeah man, high school can be a trying time. In retrospect, high school is a bunch of immature kids grouped together not knowing how to handle each other. Most of their egos can fill the school and then some and the ones that can't feel like they get pushed to the back wall.
I want you to stop and think about the things you identified through your ego's own self lens: I'm a social loser and it would be stupid and not fun to hang out with others anyways.
Maybe I can pick up on low self-esteem or low self-confidence, but that goes hand in hand with what your mind/ego is telling you. I guarantee you that nobody came up to you and said don't hang out with me because it won't be fun and more than likely it'll end up being stupid. I can also guarantee you that your parents didn't sit you down and say "listen, we've accepted you're a socially inept loser. We're on the same page." The only page you're reading and taking to heart (more the mind) is your own. The page you've written in your head, in your mind, where all things are false. This is the ego.
If a situation doesn't go to our liking and we feel negated or cut out, the ego immediately files it away and starts negative self-talk. "I'm a loser, nobody wants to hang out with me, life sucks, etc. The mind is a very destructive mechanism. It ruins many peoples' lives who are sucked into believing what it says and reacting with emotion to what it is telling us.
Sounds like you have come up with a solution: drugs. You do not know how to cope with the negative energy your mind is creating through over-analyzing situations and taking them to heart. You want an escape and that's what drugs and alcohol do. To a T. Eventually, they stop working and insanity shines through any high/buzz. But, you're tossing the idea around. You just want to feel comfortable in your own skin is what I'm feeling from you.
Man, here's the deal: drugs are not going to make anything go away. It was the single most stupid decision I ever made and today I do not suffer from drug addiction or alcoholism, for I am clean. However, I do suffer from calamity of the mind and everything it's filed away. It tries to identify me, tell me what I believe, judge others and situations, have an opinion on everything, etc. It is true that everything our inner voice tells us is false. It's stuck on seeing happening situations through the lens of the past and projects us into the future to where fear resides. This is where anxiety develops. It is hard if not impossible at times to live in the moment, to just be. Why? Because that silences our ego, our negative, inner voice.
Practice just being you. That doesn't mean getting inside your mind and conjuring up some image of who you want to be. That, once again, is the ego. Your mind is completely separate from who you truly are, your true existence, your being. Simply exist in the moment. You will know what to do when you continue to live moment after moment, letting the old ones die and new ones come into the now. I call it flowing. You will flow with life, tackling situations and problems that come before you in the moment. Continuing to analyze these will simply bring on anxiety. We all have the "I should have, I could have, why didn't I, etc." and the "next time I'll, this won't happen again, I'm done with this" phrases that cut us back to past happenings that embarrass us in our mind and make us feel ashamed or whatever.
Take on a "whatever" attitude. If someone comes at you hostile or wants to put you down, simply be like, "whatever". Smile and leave. There's a 98% chance that they're doing it because they have low self-esteem. If you feel like you're being judged, it's because you're judging. We are all one together in the universe and it sounds like you need to establish this connection. Now, I don't know what you need to do, but maybe it helps.
Man, I'm 24 and still have acne here and there. No big deal. Social anxiety? Check that one, too. I was bad into cocaine and alcohol for years and my anxiety (if I look through the lens of the past or into the future) can skyrocket. The fact is that I can't help being me: it's just the moment and who I am right now is Brady. I am one with this world.
Take an honest look at yourself. Write down your passions, no holds-barred. Don't negative self-talk and say "this is stupid" or any of that stuff. Nothing is stupid. Your passions can take you into happiness and help fulfill something you feel like you might be missing. You're young enough to do anything you want. I love nature and being out in it. Seeing pictures of my Dad's mountain climbing treks in the 70s spiritually calms me. When others speak badly saying it's stupid or show no interest in these things, sometimes my ego will crush me saying "this is stupid: stay in the city, the materialistic, success, money, stay here and succeed." Then there is a conflicting thought because I know that is not what makes me happy. The bottom line? To each their own. You have a short life here on earth, why be denied true inner peace and happiness.
Although it is my own take on what you typed, it sounds like you want to escape using drugs. Honestly, that would be the worst decision you ever made. Don't make the mistake of being a "smart" drug user, for there is no such thing. "I want to open my mind, I only do this, I won't touch that." I said it myself when I first started and I've heard it enough times to call it pure and utter bullshit. An excuse to use.
Opening your mind starts with connecting to your being. Look beyond what your ego is telling you and just be in the moment. Flow from one to the next.
how long have you had social anxiety? if the acne is a contributing factor then you should go see a dermatoligist. i used to have horrrrrrible acne, but i saw a dermatoligist and he prescribed me some medication and now its gone:D![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
but just trust me dude, its gonna get better.
