Im reaching my breaking point

[awkwardchild]

Ok so I am a guy in highschool and I'm just getting fed up with everything. I have very few friends and I never hang out with anyone. I could probably hang out with someone if I wanted, but it would be stupid and not very fun. Im very lucky to have my own computer so I can go on the internet. Id probably go insane if I didnt. My parents used to push me to hang out with people, but now they have accepted that I'm a social loser and just go on the internet in all my free time. On top of all this I have pretty bad acne and social anxiety.

I have also never had a sip of beer or a puff of weed in my life. Now I know what you are thinking; "How did a straight edge kid find his way to a drug site?" Well guess what? For 2 years now I have been wanting to smoke weed and do psychedelics (I could care less about alcohol), but Im not sure how to get any drugs (I know, pathetic right? Some of you guys are addicted to heroin, and here I am not even knowing how to access weed). I know who the big dealer is at my school, but im not sure how to ask or whatever. Out of the few friends I do have, none of them do drugs, so I dont really have the "easy access" to drugs that most teenagers supposedly have. So basically for the past 2 years I have been wanting to get high, but living sober.

Im not sure how much longer I can take this path of life; never hanging out with anyone and just going online all day. Im not going to kill myself or anything drastic like that though. I hope when i go to college i will have some friends.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

 

[BrokedownPalace]

High school's tough bro, we've all been there. I guess my life in high school is what you 'want' your life to be now.. All the parties, drugs, girls, concerts, festivals, road trips.. Now I am twenty two and threw my life away to heroin and and finally getting cleaned up for good. I also got cancer last year which put a damper on life.

Now I have a slew of mental afflictions (anxiety PTSD, depression, insomnia, addictions).. all requiring medication and therapy. I have minimal friends left, and I don't like going to to the bar and drinking.

HOpefully things will start to fall into place after high school. Most people in high school are condescending jerks anyways, and you are probably better off without them. You sound like a good kid and I wish ya the best. There is nothign wrong with wanting to smoke some weed and experiment, but I was in your shoes years ago and ultimately all I got me was in a slew of messes, many of which I cannot dig myself out of.

I would recommend maybe seeing a therapist/psychiatrist, many places have free clinics and even your school's guidance counselor could help you out.

 

[awkwardchild]

High school's tough bro, we've all been there. I guess my life in high school is what you 'want' your life to be now.. All the parties, drugs, girls, concerts, festivals, road trips.. Now I am twenty two and threw my life away to heroin and and finally getting cleaned up for good. I also got cancer last year which put a damper on life.

Now I have a slew of mental afflictions (anxiety PTSD, depression, insomnia, addictions).. all requiring medication and therapy. I have minimal friends left, and I don't like going to to the bar and drinking.

HOpefully things will start to fall into place after high school. Most people in high school are condescending jerks anyways, and you are probably better off without them. You sound like a good kid and I wish ya the best. There is nothign wrong with wanting to smoke some weed and experiment, but I was in your shoes years ago and ultimately all I got me was in a slew of messes, many of which I cannot dig myself out of.

I would recommend maybe seeing a therapist/psychiatrist, many places have free clinics and even your school's guidance counselor could help you out.

Thanks for the reply. That sucks for you, i hope your getting heroin under control.

I dont plan on being "blazed err day" or anything like that, but i know if drugs are easy to get, this is easier said than done. All im really interested in right now is weed and psychedelics.

 

[Legerity]

I have similar memories of high school. Anxiety, low self-esteem, bad acne, on my own quest to find drugs even though nobody I knew used them. It's really a difficult period to go through and I would not want to go back.

The worst part about high school for me was trying to form my own identity while also wanting to be the same as everybody else. Everybody is insecure and just wants to be liked.

You think you're a social loser? Who says you have to have 20 friends to hang out with all the time? Socializing may be beneficial for mental health and enjoyable depending on the people, but there's no judgment to be made against somebody who spends more time alone. The ability to be alone is important.

Appreciate your individuality and life your life according to your own values. The world doesn't need more people to be mindless drones, it needs people who have worked through their difficulties who can shine some light rather than contributing to the current disaster that we are all living in.

Your experiences are what will shape you and build the strength that you develop over the time. For better or worse it is often the difficult experiences that create the most change. You may be exactly where you need to be right now, even if it sucks. It'll pay off in the end.

 

[Juicy Lucy]

Sounds like you wanna get high for the wrong reasons.

Getting high is brilliant when everythings good. When things aint so good it can just make everything 10 times worse.

 

[awkwardchild]

Sounds like you wanna get high for the wrong reasons.

Getting high is brilliant when everythings good. When things aint so good it can just make everything 10 times worse.

I dont really understand this. Im not wanting to get high to "forget about all of lifes problems" or anything like that. I just wanna have some fun. I want to use shrooms or lsd to have some deep reflection on myself, and life in general.

Im not wanting to do drugs to "trip my balls off" or anything.

 

[motiv311]

^well if you eat shrooms , why not trip your balls off? that would be reflective as hell.

Just go up to the kid and be like "yo bitch I hear ya sell tha' dankest nugz"

"hook me up "

or find someone to smoke with ... Depending on what grade your in ... I'd say smoking weed would make you a few friends at least.

 

[awkwardchild]

^well if you eat shrooms , why not trip your balls off? that would be reflective as hell.

Just go up to the kid and be like "yo bitch I hear ya sell tha' dankest nugz"

"hook me up "

or find someone to smoke with ... Depending on what grade your in ... I'd say smoking weed would make you a few friends at least.

Ya i know, im just saying that im not one of those users who just wants to get fucked up and intoxicated just to not be sober. I actually want to trip with a purpose.

"yo bitch I hear ya sell tha' dankest nugz" this would sound like im trying to be cool and that i just want drugs to be with the "in" crowd which is not the case.

<can't help you with that one. you'll figure it out if it comes down to it - OverDone>? im a junior btw

 

[Asclepius]

Sounds like things are really lonely for you at the moment.

High school is so tough especially when you dont have anyone to confide in or just be yourself and hang around with.
I had alot of 'friends' in High School but very little real close confidents. It is really hard when you dont feel you fit in.

Think one of the worst things is not knowing who you are or where you can fit in. Building your own sense of self(for yourself) is the most important thing. There is alot of Social Political crap in highschool that wanes in Intensity as you get older but being stuck in that kind of atmosphere can be stifling and horrible isolating emotionally.

Is there anything that you have an Interest in that you can join a group etc with?(I know that sounds like a cliched question but dont cut off avenues for yourself just because you feel stuck in the present).

Doing drugs on your own can be risky, they should ideally be for enjoyment. My concern is that you may be putting the cart before the horse here...?

Whats the story with the friends you do have, do you find them boring or do you just have nothing in common with them?

BTW there is nothing remotely 'pathetic' about your post. In early High-School I was with groups that didn't use and were fairly staid in nature then I started hanging round with people who smoke and drank, did solvents etc then moved onto stims and weed. Unfortunately for me many of them stopped and focused on their lives while I continued. 8)

 

[awkwardchild]

Sounds like things are really lonely for you at the moment.

High school is so tough especially when you dont have anyone to confide in or just be yourself and hang around with.
I had alot of 'friends' in High School but very little real close confidents. It is really hard when you dont feel you fit in.

Think one of the worst things is not knowing who you are or where you can fit in. Building your own sense of self(for yourself) is the most important thing. There is alot of Social Political crap in highschool that wanes in Intensity as you get older but being stuck in that kind of atmosphere can be stifling and horrible isolating emotionally.

Is there anything that you have an Interest in that you can join a group etc with?(I know that sounds like a cliched question but dont cut off avenues for yourself just because you feel stuck in the present).

Doing drugs on your own can be risky, they should ideally be for enjoyment. My concern is that you may be putting the cart before the horse here...?

Whats the story with the friends you do have, do you find them boring or do you just have nothing in common with them?

BTW there is nothing remotely 'pathetic' about your post. In early High-School I was with groups that didn't use and were fairly staid in nature then I started hanging round with people who smoke and drank, did solvents etc then moved onto stims and weed. Unfortunately for me many of them stopped and focused on their lives while I continued. 8)

Thanks for the reply.

putting the cart before the horse- not really sure what this saying means, but how would doing weed/low dose psych's on my own be risky?

I have a few really good friends who I can easily be myself around and have a good time, but they are in another grade and we rarely ever hang out together. We all play the same sport. These kids are popular in their grade and go to parties and stuff while i sit behind a computer screen on saturday nights.

I have a few other friends, mostly from years ago and we arent as close as we used to be. Nothing really in common with them anymore and its just a struggle to hang out with them. Id rather just be by myself than them tbh.

 

[Bojangles69]

Yeh I had intense social anxiety and a bit of acne too in highschool. Was very much a social retard and drugs disinhibited me to the point where I had went from a complete loser, to an ecstacy selling pimp.

It got me lots of females at the time, and although the drugs may have made me "cool" and changed my attitude if I could go back I would NEVER have touched a single drug ever.

My advice and I take this really serious is please don't do drugs. Not even weed. We had a serious problem with drugs when I was in highschool and it seems every single kid who "broke" and smoked their first joint or popp'd their first E pill it was only a matter of months before they would all drop E every weekend and it became ALL about the drugs. No more "where are we going" but more "what drugs are we doing tonight".
The only thing I liked about it was it was easy to hook up with girls in that kinda of scene but fastforward 10 years and I'm a full blown addict and haven't been laid in years. Am just rotting away basically till I die.

Please stay away from drugs. Go to the gym, fight, be angry, vent that aggression, but don't damper it by sedating yourself. Its too easy an escape and becomes compulsive for a lot of people, especially at that age. I suggest looking into inderal for the social anxiety and maybe a low dose of lexapro. High doses of pantothentic acid worked great for my acne along with retin a cream. They are both fairly easy to get online. But please stay away from drugs.

 

[theartofwar]

@ awkwardchild - I hated highschool man - anyone whose been through it knows how tough it can be - doesn't matter who you are. It sounds like you just wanna try a few drugs and have a fun time, I can totally relate to that man. I was already doing drugs before highschool but my use launched when I got there for sure. I just want to offer you my support , dont know you but I know highschool lol I went to 4 of em. Hang in bro.

 

[Bojangles69]

/\ Yeh its funny how even the cool kids in highschool who seemed to have all the girls and attention even when I speak to them now they all say the same thing, "highschool was the worst part of my life".

You don't really realize how bad it is untill a few years after and you grow up a bit. But highschool really is hard for a lot of people. I think its really just the insecurity that comes with the age. We always think people are thinking about us and judging us till we grow up and realize most people are thinking about themselves and don't even have the time to be judging us that much.

 

[Asclepius]

*Putting the cart before the Horse: meaning doing things back to front.


Well perhaps if you just want to experiment on your own there is no harm, ideally, I dont mean to scaremonger you, its just that if you are chronically lonely it may become too much of an easy escape for you. If you are hanging round with people doing the same thing you may have the extra security of having someone there if for eg. you get a bad trip etc, you can also see the different effects it has on them; sometimes other peoples experiences; be it good or bad, can be learned from personally.
Once your looking after yourself, things should be ok. Just be wary about isolating with any substance for long periods, it could cut you off from what you do have in your life already.
Substances can and do replace relationships, I cant predict what will happen but just take things slow, easy and take care of yourself man!

 

[awkwardchild]

Yeh I had intense social anxiety and a bit of acne too in highschool. Was very much a social retard and drugs disinhibited me to the point where I had went from a complete loser, to an ecstacy selling pimp.

It got me lots of females at the time, and although the drugs may have made me "cool" and changed my attitude if I could go back I would NEVER have touched a single drug ever.

My advice and I take this really serious is please don't do drugs. Not even weed. We had a serious problem with drugs when I was in highschool and it seems every single kid who "broke" and smoked their first joint or popp'd their first E pill it was only a matter of months before they would all drop E every weekend and it became ALL about the drugs. No more "where are we going" but more "what drugs are we doing tonight".
The only thing I liked about it was it was easy to hook up with girls in that kinda of scene but fastforward 10 years and I'm a full blown addict and haven't been laid in years. Am just rotting away basically till I die.

Please stay away from drugs. Go to the gym, fight, be angry, vent that aggression, but don't damper it by sedating yourself. Its too easy an escape and becomes compulsive for a lot of people, especially at that age. I suggest looking into inderal for the social anxiety and maybe a low dose of lexapro. High doses of pantothentic acid worked great for my acne along with retin a cream. They are both fairly easy to get online. But please stay away from drugs.

everything in moderation i suppose.
I already workout and stuff but why are you so against drugs? Not to be rude but it just sounds like you had a hard time controlling your use. I dont intend on living my whole life without trying some soft drugs

@ awkwardchild - I hated highschool man - anyone whose been through it knows how tough it can be - doesn't matter who you are. It sounds like you just wanna try a few drugs and have a fun time, I can totally relate to that man. I was already doing drugs before highschool but my use launched when I got there for sure. I just want to offer you my support , dont know you but I know highschool lol I went to 4 of em. Hang in bro.

thanks man. even though im not mr popular or anything, there are definitely kids who have less friends/ a worse time at school than i do. so im grateful for that atleast.

 

[awkwardchild]

*Putting the cart before the Horse: meaning doing things back to front.


Well perhaps if you just want to experiment on your own there is no harm, ideally, I dont mean to scaremonger you, its just that if you are chronically lonely it may become too much of an easy escape for you. If you are hanging round with people doing the same thing you may have the extra security of having someone there if for eg. you get a bad trip etc, you can also see the different effects it has on them; sometimes other peoples experiences; be it good or bad, can be learned from personally.
Once your looking after yourself, things should be ok. Just be wary about isolating with any substance for long periods, it could cut you off from what you do have in your life already.
Substances can and do replace relationships, I cant predict what will happen but just take things slow, easy and take care of yourself man!

thanks. and right now theres no need to worry. like i said before; i dont even know how to get weed.

 

[theartofwar]

Being popular isn't a great thing - I can tell you right now 90% of the people you know as popular will prolly never leave the area, never amount to shit. I wasn't very popular at first - but selling drugs made me a fixture at parties and people needed me for their shit. I was never popular outside of those reasons - i played sports and all that but drugs came first. The reasons people are popular are not ones that translate into life after highschool , that's the bottom line you can remind yourself. Nobody gives a fuck 5 years after who started QB or who had the nicest clothes, you're trying to make it in life.

 

[awkwardchild]

Being popular isn't a great thing - I can tell you right now 90% of the people you know as popular will prolly never leave the area, never amount to shit. I wasn't very popular at first - but selling drugs made me a fixture at parties and people needed me for their shit. I was never popular outside of those reasons - i played sports and all that but drugs came first. The reasons people are popular are not ones that translate into life after highschool , that's the bottom line you can remind yourself. Nobody gives a fuck 5 years after who started QB or who had the nicest clothes, you're trying to make it in life.

I know a few people who this may be very true for, but for others, not really. Alot of the popular kids at my school who party and shit, actually are very good students. But ya, I definitely know what you mean

 

[Bojangles69]

everything in moderation i suppose.
I already workout and stuff but why are you so against drugs? Not to be rude but it just sounds like you had a hard time controlling your use. I dont intend on living my whole life without trying some soft drugs


thanks man. even though im not mr popular or anything, there are definitely kids who have less friends/ a worse time at school than i do. so im grateful for that atleast.

Yeh I definitely did have a hard time controlling my use but I don't believe the reason was because I had an addictive personality. I think its really the combination of drugs + insecure people that leads to = addiction imo.

I was very insecure, and taking my first hit of pot I was like "omg this is awesome, I feel great and everyone whos high around me seems to love me right now.. ". But it was also fake, and quickly became my own protective little bubble from reality. At the same time drugs for teenagers is almost a sort of "rights of passage" like graduating college and getting married. So yeh I don't feel right being so hard on you about not doing drugs.
And I did have friends who were able to control their use. I just also had friends that severely messed themselves up over it. And there never seems to be a pattern. Like even when I wrote insecure people are more likely to get addicted I had friends that were rock solid secure people and want up killing themselves over drugs. So you never really know how things will pan out.

Weed in reality is not a bad drug. Even if you get a psychological addiction to it its nothing like being addicted to a harder drug like opiates. And my real piece of advice would be when it comes to opiates, NEVER get in the habit of using them often. Just watch yourself. I use to pop 10 percs in a day in highschool and tell myself "I don't plan on doing this when I'm in college I'm gonna just workout, play sports and bang girls". Than of course I get to college and theres even more drugs. Its impossible to predict how it will go. Just be careful I guess is all I'm saying. You don't sound like an idiot, just exercise the best judgement you can. If you see yourself starting to smoke pot/take pills every single weekend, its usually not long before it just becomes every few days, then every other day, then every day. I never had the ability to avoid that insidisouly slow progression because I was always too cocky about it. And that was another one of my downfalls thinking I was too strong for drugs... haha, look at me now.

Just be careful like I said =]

 

[yougeekay]

Yeh I had intense social anxiety and a bit of acne too in highschool. Was very much a social retard and drugs disinhibited me to the point where I had went from a complete loser, to an ecstacy selling pimp.

It got me lots of females at the time, and although the drugs may have made me "cool" and changed my attitude if I could go back I would NEVER have touched a single drug ever.

My advice and I take this really serious is please don't do drugs. Not even weed. We had a serious problem with drugs when I was in highschool and it seems every single kid who "broke" and smoked their first joint or popp'd their first E pill it was only a matter of months before they would all drop E every weekend and it became ALL about the drugs. No more "where are we going" but more "what drugs are we doing tonight".
The only thing I liked about it was it was easy to hook up with girls in that kinda of scene but fastforward 10 years and I'm a full blown addict and haven't been laid in years. Am just rotting away basically till I die.

Please stay away from drugs. Go to the gym, fight, be angry, vent that aggression, but don't damper it by sedating yourself. Its too easy an escape and becomes compulsive for a lot of people, especially at that age. I suggest looking into inderal for the social anxiety and maybe a low dose of lexapro. High doses of pantothentic acid worked great for my acne along with retin a cream. They are both fairly easy to get online. But please stay away from drugs.

no offense to you but not everyone that does drugs ends up like this.