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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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I'm seeing my drug counsellor in just over an hour, and I'll explain how I see suicide as the only answer to my life. I can't take the withdrawals (and post withdrawals) from getting clean, so the solution to that will probably be suicide. And I can't continue the way I'm going or I'll probably kill myself out of depression and hoplessness. Plus I can't trust that my suppliers will always be there for me to score from, so if I run out of suppliers, I'll probably commit suicide as well. Either way, my life's fucked.
 
Sweet P said:
I'm seeing my drug counsellor in just over an hour, and I'll explain how I see suicide as the only answer to my life. I can't take the withdrawals (and post withdrawals) from getting clean, so the solution to that will probably be suicide. And I can't continue the way I'm going or I'll probably kill myself out of depression and hoplessness. Plus I can't trust that my suppliers will always be there for me to score from, so if I run out of suppliers, I'll probably commit suicide as well. Either way, my life's fucked.
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I am in the same situation. I mean slight withdrawal is hell to deal with for me. I've made it 4 months after going cold turkey and went back because I felt so blah. OK but no love for life. There is a lot of hope in low dose naltexone as a treatment for PAWS and depression in general.

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=498632

I am taking scientific research and trying to help myself out of this problem. Please follow my thread. Based on the research I have a lot of faith in this working. If it works for me I am sure it will work for anyone. Give hope a chance a little bit longer please.
 
Sweet P, are all these circumstances always related to meth comedowns or side effects? Obviously BPD in and of itself is pretty fucking terrible but do you know which is the main component of these severe symptoms you seem to get?
 
Cloudburst said:
Sweet P, are all these circumstances always related to meth comedowns or side effects? Obviously BPD in and of itself is pretty fucking terrible but do you know which is the main component of these severe symptoms you seem to get?
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It's either meth comedowns or symptoms of BPD... sometimes it's difficult to know which is responsible.
 
Do you think shooting myself in the mouth with a crossbow will kill me?

It's not as powerful as a gun, but it's strong enough to hunt with so I figure it should pack a punch.
 
A crossbow, not guaranteed to be practical. You'd probably more likely risk permanent brain damage to warrant more agony for the future since it's too narrow.

I don't really see how it can securely fit in the mouth either, could very likely just ruin your face or something from the recoil.

Wouldn't bother...
 
^ Hmmm that's true. I'm expecting a visit from the mental health crisis team soon, so if I'm quiet over the next few days, it will be because I'm in the psych hospital (my second home).
 
Red: These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.

Heywood: Shit. I could never get like that.

Prisoner: Oh yeah? Say that when you been here as long as Brooks has.

Red: Goddamn right. They send you here for life, and that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyway.

-Shawshank Redemption

The more often I've been there, the worse off I've been later on. It's quite a conflict, you know?

I just fucking lock myself in the room and don't come out until I have complete self-awareness. I'm not going back there. That's just me. Instiutionalization applies to you, no doubt, but deinstituionalization fucks you over. I don't think psych wards do shit in most parts of the world. It's a matter of instant recovery vs. long-term future degeneration or pain that can be equally as dangerous vs. an increased likelihood of some recovery in the future. Conflict again. I've decided myself - fuck that place, even after 5 sectionings in less than 2 years.
 
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As much as I hate that place, I need to get away from the world for a few days. Everything is making me depressed and suicidal. I'll go voluntarily rather than being sectioned - that way I can leave whenever I'm ready.
 
Either way, getting away from the world for a few days in our concrete-filled artificial world is pretty impossible in a restricted setting that'd just agitate you with cabin fever if you stay in your room all day (me) or go to the hospital instead (you). I think the only way to truly escape healthily is to camp out in the wilderness, which is pretty much impossible in most areas around me. Dunno about your parts though but if it can be done, why not?
 
Sweet P said:
As much as I hate that place, I need to get away from the world for a few days. Everything is making me depressed and suicidal. I'll go voluntarily rather than being sectioned - that way I can leave whenever I'm ready.
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Awww im sorry :( . If going voluntarily is better then being put on a forum (what we call it here) then go. But if you can get away from all the bullshit by fucking off somewhere else for awile that would be better. I can't count how many times ive said "if i don't get out of here im going to fucking go completely infuckingsane" :! .

So good luck and keep me updated.
 
Just letting you all know that I'm ok. I went into the psych hospital overnight and discharged myself this morning - feeling a lot better. I think I was just on a really bad meth comedown.
 
Back to my suicidal misery. I've taken 50mg's Seroquel and 5mg's Haldol to try to calm me down, but so far it isn't working. If I could afford a bus fare (which I can't - I'm that poor) I'd take a bus into the city and jump off a bridge. But since I can't do that I'm contemplating between shooting air into my jugular and shooting myself through the heart with a hunting crossbow. Haven't got enough sleeping pills to use an exit bag, unfortunately.
 
Sweet P, please don't. :(

Everything turns around, and you will be happy again. It takes time, sometimes a lot of it. It's always darkest before the dawn. You may have been here before and it not lifted up, but one time it will turn you around. I know you can work it out. PM me if you want to talk at all, I'll probably be up for a little bit. <3
 
Fuck life, fuck this, fuck everything.... Can't think of one single person who would even care if I died right about now.

I feel so alone in the world. The only person I thought I could share my pain with is the first person to call me selfish for hurting so much. I honesyly don't see any point or reason.......am I fucking dead yet?
 
Sweet P, this is heartbreaking to hear that you're back at this place again :(
You KNOW that you will get through this, just like you have before. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, you have gotten through so much. Please keep fighting this, you are such a wonderful person that the world would be at a huge loss if you left us <3
 
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