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If You are Thinking about Suicide, Please Read This

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Sweet P said:
^ Yeah it just seems like the odds are stacked against me too much. I mean, how the hell is a drug addicted tranny with multiple mental illnesses meant to have a normal life? I've tried and tried, but got nowhere. And when I look ahead, I just see more of the same. So there's not much point in continuing, is there?
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Ofcoarse you can live a normal life, you just mentioned the things that need to be normalized. You have a drug addiction, get rid of the addiction. From what your saying, it is difficult being a tranny. Well then why not cover it? there are gay people in this world who don't want to come and are extremely happy with their lives, they just don't want to show that they are gay fearing it might get in the way of other stuff. Which is perfectly normal. Plus you would look like a hot guy:) and you could keep the tranny stuff for the bedroom. As for the mental illness well there is treatment for that but first you need to address all the other stuff. Everything is possible, just make it happen.
 
^ I know you mean well, but I find your suggestion that I should return to the closet and live as a guy totally offensive. You're basically telling me to hide my true self from the world. Fuck that. If they can't handle it, that's their problem. Plus I've been on hormone therapy ever since I was a teenager... I can pass as a regular girl 99% of the time, and there is no way I could ever go back to being a guy. Especially now that I have boobs.
 
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This is really for anyone who can get anything out of it, but I'm hoping it will help you Sweet Pea.


I spent probably the majority of the time since I was 16 completely and utterly depressed. I spent 20 and 21 a suicidal heroin addict. I was on 26 different psych meds in just over a year. I went to jail 3 times. I couldn't imagine getting out of it. I honestly thought my choices were live miserable or kill myself.

I'm almost 23 now, and got clean off heroin around 9 months ago. I still get depressed a lot, but it is nowhere near as bad. I read some of my posts on BL from last year and some of my old journals and I honestly don't even understand where I was coming from.

Please believe me when I say that ADDICTION is the root of your problem. If you get rid of that, and then give your body some time to recover from the PAWS (it took me about 4 months), you will start to feel so much better, and if you require medication, it will work better. Therapy will get through to you more.

I've been where so many of you on this board are, and not too long ago. I wish there was some way I could let you feel how I feel now. I wish I could show you what your life would be like even 6 months into sobriety.

I just here to offer support and hope. It does get bet better.
 
Sweet P said:
^ I know you mean well, but I find your suggestion that I should return to the closet and live as a guy totally offensive. You're basically telling me to hide my true self from the world. Fuck that. If they can't handle it, that's their problem. Plus I've been on hormone therapy ever since I was a teenager... I can pass as a regular girl 99% of the time, and there is no way I could ever go back to being a guy. Especially now that I have boobs.
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oh i didn't know about the boobs, my bad
 
this probably isn't helpful but when i get extremely upset
i play the following song:

Queen - Good Old Fashioned Loverboy
OR
5th Dimension - Age of Aqarius (Let the Sunshine In)

very loud, and then I dance around the room.
it's as good as any rush. :)
hope you feel better and IM me if you need someone to vent to. i wont antagonize anyone.
 
Back home after making a suicide threat and spending the night in a secure psych hospital... honestly, that place is like Fort Knox. They were wanting to keep me in there for a week under observation, but I decided to discharge myself this morning (against doctor's advice, but he was a dickhead and I was really starting to hate the place). Still feeling pretty shitty, but much better than I was last night. Whatever medication they put me on, it certainly gave me a good night's sleep and has made me feel a bit more stable.
 
Hey hun, it's great to hear you're feeling a bit more stable now. When are you seeing you psych next? <3
 
Love psychiatric hospitals. They are a great place to be able to think in a neutral environment for some time.

They must manage their psych units in NZ differently than in the states. Most hospitals here keep you in-patient (involuntary) for ~2 weeks (depending on the unit, some it is ~5 weeks), at first sign of any suicidal gesture.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Hey hun, it's great to hear you're feeling a bit more stable now. When are you seeing you psych next? <3
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Won't be seeing the shrink from the drug and alcohol service till early February, unfortunately. But I'm seeing my drug counsellor twice a week which is helpful. Apart from my crises, I try to avoid the mental health service as much as I can. In my experience, psychiatrists from the mental health service are totally useless/ignorant when dealing with patients who have mental disorders AND drug addictions.

mrjackjones said:
Love psychiatric hospitals. They are a great place to be able to think in a neutral environment for some time.

They must manage their psych units in NZ differently than in the states. Most hospitals here keep you in-patient (involuntary) for ~2 weeks (depending on the unit, some it is ~5 weeks), at first sign of any suicidal gesture.
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I was almost committed under the Mental Health Act (i.e. placed in hospital involuntarily), but somehow I managed to avoid that. Probably because the hospital staff never heard me make a direct/immediate threat to my life while I was in there. Sure, I was uncooperative and bitchy at times, but I was careful never to give them a reason to get a court order to keep me locked up.
 
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sweet P did you meet any interesting people while you were there? i ended up in a ward twice and i met some pretty cool people there, some real wackos too hehe:)
 
Trust me I know how you feel. That is really my biggest mental heath issue. But don't give up meds, just tell them that may you might want to try a non-SSRI (since you say you are on one and well apparently it isn't working right now). Things change and something can work for awhile, maybe a year and then for some reason stop. I had a lot of luck with Lamictal for my BPD. You might as the psych doc about it.


I was committed under the mental health/drug addiction program or whatever. State mandated shit. It was an interesting experience there but putting me in AA was a bad idea really... sorry, sidetracking
I'm waiting till Feb. too. I have so much to try to explain. We can wait together :)
 
mrjackjones said:
Love psychiatric hospitals. They are a great place to be able to think in a neutral environment for some time.

They must manage their psych units in NZ differently than in the states. Most hospitals here keep you in-patient (involuntary) for ~2 weeks (depending on the unit, some it is ~5 weeks), at first sign of any suicidal gesture.
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Here in Illinois, they can only keep you 5 days involuntarily, and then if they still want to keep you they have to go to court and prove that you are still a danger to yourself or others. I think it is pretty easy for they to prove that if they actually go to the court appearance, but I've been told they rarely do unless they are very concerned because it is a hassle and they have to take time out from seeing other patients and all that.

Once the court agree, however, I believe you are then under their care until they tell you they feel you are ready to leave.
 
Inpatient, the 2nd time was the least stressed out I've ever been in my life. Tried to eat better and was just getting into Yoga again and got along well with those that stayed. It just takes you out of whatever is triggering you. I think although inconvenient it certainly, if you wanna try, is helpful.
 
Lifeandtimes said:
sweet P did you meet any interesting people while you were there? i ended up in a ward twice and i met some pretty cool people there, some real wackos too hehe:)
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I mostly kept to myself. I was in a bad mood the whole time and wasn't there to make friends. :\
 
I haven't thought about suicide in awhile, actually, but tonight has not been a good nigh.


I'm really sick, feels like pneumonia honestly, but I have no insurance to go to a clinic or doctor. My parents think I am sick because I am using heroin again (I'm not, though I have been drinking PPT occassionally). Then they started getting upset and reminding me that I'm 22 and all I do is sit on that couch all day. I have nothing to show. I dont have my degree, I dont have my own place, I dont have a real job, I dont have any relationships romantic type or friends even really.

I'm feeling pretty damn useless atm. I honestly am in one of those moods where I just want to cocoon myself away for awhile :\
 
I am still feeling how I was Saturday.

Not sure why this is all coming about suddenly, but I don't know how to talk to people about it without them feeling like I manipulating them and their feelings.

I'm a know manipulator (not something I'm proud of), especially in my addiction and I still have some of those mindsets now. I feel like if I tell people this while they are mad at me they will just think I am saying to get them to feel guilty and sorry for me.
 
^If your intentions are pure- let that be known and talk to the people you are referring to......
No need to beat yourself up over guilt.
Guilt is a terrible waste of energy (I know, I waste a lot of life on this:/ ) ESPECIALLY if you are wanting to do something out of good intentions......you said you want to talk to people but don't want them to think you are manipulating them- tell them that.

You have been through so much and this last year have made incredible improvements in your life- You should be proud.
Try to think positively about the future and keep looking forward!

If you want to vent or just talk about anything- You are free to PM me, as you know:)
 
Hello everyone here,
I just wanted to say that this thread helped me greatly over the last 48 hours or so. I read the whole thread from start to finish over the previous night and day.
I signed up today (oh , yesterday here now) mainly to say thankyou to everyone who has contributed to this particular thread. (Didn't realize there was an intro thread for TDS 'till now). It's not easy for most (many) people to express themselves in this matter ... of course It's not the most uplifting subject of all time. I can relate to most of all of you and many of your situations and thoughts ... and that is what can often help so immensely might I say. :)

I was very close to signing in (not quite checking out) last night to express my own sense of helplessness.
I'm glad to say though that by the 10th page or so my own feelings of despair and suicidal thoughts were fading back into the background from whenst they dwell.

On one hand It would probably be very therapeutic to talk about my own situation right now ... but on the other hand I wouldn't want to tempt those feelings any more than I have to tonight after such an intense struggle these past few days , so as not to sink back so low ... ya know? ... Always a possibility.

"I wept because I had no feet , until I saw a man who had no legs" -

Great famous quote that one , tho I think I fluffed it lol
The OP reminded me of this saying and it was like a bullet to the head (A good revelational bullet that is , if such a thing might exist) ... that is to say , it reminded me of how I usually see this struggle (life) when depression isn't clouding my mind so intensely ...
I hope you get me , I'm a little bit manic right now (even tho intoxicated) ... sorry if I've fucked up.

So , I have a tendancy to ramble ...
Best I take my leave for now ... thankyou to you all again for the stories , advice and insights ... and maybe oneday I could elaborate more on my own views and experiences on and about this issue.
Cheers very much! =D

Umbo. ... Wonders in Limbo ...

420!
 
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