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TDS Ideation & Crisis Support
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I know you. They need you and so do we. You're one of us. You can't leave us.
LucidSDreamr
Bluelighter
Man like I feel it’s right to adopt children and help them one day (because there are so many suffering and I think it’s immorral to produce my own new ones) but that will just tie me down again like my wife did. That’s why I don’t think I’ll do it.
I guess this always goes back to serving others that they teach in recovery circles. But I am still wrapped up in my own suffering and don’t want to get ppl dependent on me again like my wife, so that I can take my life with a clear conscience.
Maybe if I stay clean long enough and live correctly that will change. But right now, I don’t feel like that.
First of all don't kill yourself. Secondly using you wife who blessed the idea of you getting euthanized and will not sleep with you but thought prostitutes could be a solution; ah wake up call.
Too many people. Please tell me you got a prenuptial agreement. Because wives that loves their husband's usually only say yes to se⁸x with a prostitute unless they are joining in. And not asexual
Sex is a way to bring a married couple closer( physically obviously but the sex is where emotional stuff happens is and making each other feel .
Think back to other women you dated or had a relationship with.
Think to when things were at there best and a problem came up and you wouldn't talk it.
Think back to a good healthy relationship with a chick that doesn't have your money. What if you said with tears in your that eyes you wanted to kill yourself. And she knew you were serious. What whould any of the chicks in you romantic past have said? Let's say the chick loves you and overhears you are suicidal. Do you really believe a woman who loves you would give a healthy guy her blessing for a suicide. I agree don't have children, there are plenty of unwanted Chinese girls( it is sick, abandoned the helpless baby because it is female.)
Too many people. Please tell me you got a prenuptial agreement. Because wives that loves their husband's usually only say yes to se⁸x with a prostitute unless they are joining in. And not asexual
Sex is a way to bring a married couple closer( physically obviously but the sex is where emotional stuff happens is and making each other feel .
Think back to other women you dated or had a relationship with.
Think to when things were at there best and a problem came up and you wouldn't talk it.
Think back to a good healthy relationship with a chick that doesn't have your money. What if you said with tears in your that eyes you wanted to kill yourself. And she knew you were serious. What whould any of the chicks in you romantic past have said? Let's say the chick loves you and overhears you are suicidal. Do you really believe a woman who loves you would give a healthy guy her blessing for a suicide. I agree don't have children, there are plenty of unwanted Chinese girls( it is sick, abandoned the helpless baby because it is female.)
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- Mar 7, 2011
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I'm really just hating shit right now. I feel like I'm only staying alive to spare my parents pain at this point. I've been daydreaming about it now for days. I feel like the only thing I have to look forward to is the slow onslaught of time and eventual death. At this point, I'm just ready to get it over with now.
Oh shit bro, what is going on or should I say going very wrong right now? PM me if you want it, not in the open. But you seemed happy and almost optimistic not long ago? I have never shared any of the really bad things I have been through but I have been where I don't give a shit, about sparing anyone pain.
I realized that things could better and they did. Please don't make any rash decisions.
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Thanks man, yeah I'll shoot you a message. It's not really anything in particular that's happened, just not feeling super optimistic about life prospects, feeling misunderstood, and like I haven't really connected with anyone in a pretty long time. Idk, it's just hard to have a good day
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I keep imagining how much pain I'm going to be in when I'm old. Feeling like I'll have to lose my leg or something, or that it's never going to feel better.
Idk, shit is just bleak, and I'm dysfunctional socially and emotionally. Couldn't even keep my therapist, the one person that was actually helping me a lot, due to insurance issues. It's just bs
Idk, shit is just bleak, and I'm dysfunctional socially and emotionally. Couldn't even keep my therapist, the one person that was actually helping me a lot, due to insurance issues. It's just bs
I'm sorry you are going through this, and I'm sorry you lost your therapist. That sucks. But things can improve, even when we think they can't. Things really can get better.
As far as how much pain you will be in when you get older, try to take it one day at a time. I have had so much fear of the future that I couldn’t even force myself to imagine it. Oddly when I look back now I can't even remember why I was so afraid. I do have some health issues but I think I was just letting my worries overwhelm me.
You do not seem emotionally or socially dysfunctional from your responses on bluelight. You come across as empathetic and easy to engage with. Maybe you are like me and can express yourself more easily when writing than speaking one on one. But if that's the case try to use that ability to your advantage.
Feel free to pm me if you feel like talking.
For some reason I've never been able to put a heart on someone's post so I'll put one here.
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Thank you, I do appreciate the sentiment a tonI'm sorry you are going through this, and I'm sorry you lost your therapist. That sucks. But things can improve, even when we think they can't. Things really can get better.
As far as how much pain you will be in when you get older, try to take it one day at a time. I have had so much fear of the future that I couldn’t even force myself to imagine it. Oddly when I look back now I can't even remember why I was so afraid. I do have some health issues but I think I was just letting my worries overwhelm me.
You do not seem emotionally or socially dysfunctional from your responses on bluelight. You come across as empathetic and easy to engage with. Maybe you are like me and can express yourself more easily when writing than speaking one on one. But if that's the case try to use that ability to your advantage.
Feel free to pm me if you feel like talking.
For some reason I've never been able to put a heart on someone's post so I'll put one here.
its just been back and forth I guess, and yeah, just feeling a little spurned by the rest of my siblings ane family and friends., but, I guess everyone's just living their life... I also had a conversation with my stepdad last night about him being worried about getting older and not feeling so great, and my stepmom getting older and being a little spacey... It just brought in all these intrusive thoughts and such, that bothered me off and on throughout the day. Those concerns and intrusive thoughts about my folks passing has bothered me basically since I was a child. I'd be going to bed and just get overwhelmed with these awful conflicting emotions and go into states of dread thinking about how much I love them and how scared I am of losing them. Of course, this only got worse basically when my biological father passed away... Death has just always been something that's weighed very heavily on me for some reason. It's frustrating as I really have just stopped engaging in extremely self destructive behavior, but, all of these neuroses still follow me around and bother me daily.
And yeah, as of right now there's no actual risk of me losing a leg or anything, it's just an intrusive thought, but it's a powerful one that fucks me up sometimes. My legs physically quite strong actually, according to the physical therapist, likely from working so much since the injury happened. But it is just very irritated and sore I think, taken a beating for sure, and I'm taking efforts to take better care of myself physically.
My hope is that they'll just be able to grow me a new leg soon enough with a neural chip before too long lol
Thank you, I do appreciate the sentiment a ton
Those concerns and intrusive thoughts about my folks passing has bothered me basically since I was a child. I'd be going to bed and just get overwhelmed with these awful conflicting emotions and go into states of dread thinking about how much I love them and how scared I am of losing them. Of course, this only got worse basically when my biological father passed away... Death has just always been something that's weighed very heavily on me for some reason. It's frustrating as I really have just stopped engaging in extremely self destructive behavior, but, all of these neuroses still follow me around and bother me daily.
And yeah, as of right now there's no actual risk of me losing a leg or anything, it's just an intrusive thought, but it's a powerful one that fucks me up sometimes. My legs physically quite strong actually, according to the physical therapist, likely from working so much since the injury happened. But it is just very irritated and sore I think, taken a beating for sure, and I'm taking efforts to take better care of myself physically.
My hope is that they'll just be able to grow me a new leg soon enough with a neural chip before too long lol
I always had a fear of my parents dying also. Somehow when the time came I was eventually able to find peace with it, I feel like they are still with me. It's hard to explain but comforting.
I also feel like our loved ones who have passed away can send us a sign, I've had this happen with my grandmother. I've attempted to tell others about it and they look at me like I'm crazy, hahaha, maybe I am.
Sending you a hug. Praying things get better.
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Thanks
I think I've maybe just been dead tired all week, just been in a shit mood and woke up angry every day. But, I made a point to get enough sleep last night, and the night before, and today I woke up and felt ok. Got my tax return too... So of course that helps ever so slightly. I'm gonna try and start saving money for an apartment, I put a bit of it away, and convinced myself to not stockpile any drugs, besides kratom. So that's hopefully a good sign, but we'll see.
AngelsandFairiesarereal
Bluelighter
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- Dec 17, 2022
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Sending you love and hugsThanks
Got my tax return too... So of course that helps ever so slightly. I'm gonna try and start saving money for an apartment, I put a bit of it away, and convinced myself to not stockpile any drugs, besides kratom. So that's hopefully a good sign, but we'll see.
kiely
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2022
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- 13,776
You sound really tired. Maybe stressed from it. Try to slow down a little bit, sleep more. Catch up with your energies. You can do this.
Write a book maybe to help others. But most of all try to get some rest and slow down a bit and I hope that you can feel better.
please
You're so good so feel better please.
DesertHarp
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 25, 2022
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- 380
I'm very alone. Things have not gone well for a few years. I think about suicide every day.
Yesterday, taking two Vicodin took the edge off of feeling so low. I had just picked up my monthly refill, so I felt "rich" with a fresh supply. But I can't use it up too fast, or I'll face withdrawal. So I haven't taken any yet today. I'm not having real back pain. I would be taking it only for mental relief. I'm trying to drag some good feelings just out of knowing the tablets are there - all 58 of them.
I think about eating the whole vial, but I'm not quite that bad off.
I should get dressed and go walk somewhere. My apartment feels like a tomb.
Yesterday, taking two Vicodin took the edge off of feeling so low. I had just picked up my monthly refill, so I felt "rich" with a fresh supply. But I can't use it up too fast, or I'll face withdrawal. So I haven't taken any yet today. I'm not having real back pain. I would be taking it only for mental relief. I'm trying to drag some good feelings just out of knowing the tablets are there - all 58 of them.
I think about eating the whole vial, but I'm not quite that bad off.
I should get dressed and go walk somewhere. My apartment feels like a tomb.
I know it's really hard but try to keep your medication to prescribed doses or you will be in worse shape when your prescription runs out.
I agree getting outside right now and walking if possible is the best idea to try to re-focus. Sometimes everything just seems to hit us all at once and the best we can do is to try not to let it overwhelm us.
Please keep trying, things will improve even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Sending love your way.
DesertHarp
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 25, 2022
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- 380
I know it's really hard but try to keep your medication to prescribed doses or you will be in worse shape when your prescription runs out.
I agree getting outside right now and walking if possible is the best idea to try to re-focus. Sometimes everything just seems to hit us all at once and the best we can do is to try not to let it overwhelm us.
Please keep trying, things will improve even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Sending love your way.
Thank you for posting. I know that running out ahead of schedule is disastrous. It means withdrawal, which for me is restless leg syndrome. That's horrible. So I won't set myself up for that.
Usually, in life, bad times don't last forever, and things do tend to improve eventually. I keep telling myself that. It feels like "whistling in the dark."
RepeatedIgnorance2c-74
Greenlighter
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- Dec 11, 2024
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Hello all, is there a proper channel to discuss Self injury addictions?
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This sub forum The Dark Side, is the best place to discuss those types of issues, yeah. We do have a dedicated thread to that topic, here:
Mental Health Thread 'Bluelight self harm support thread'
You can also take a look at this directory that may contain other threads you may find useful:
You are also of course welcome to make your own thread here regarding that if you have a specific issue you'd like to talk about... Just be sure to clearly note that you'll be discussing self harm, as it's kind of a sensitive topic for some folks
LucidSDreamr
Bluelighter
Check out the new jewelry
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crazyekkie85
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 15, 2024
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- 9
Thanks for the resources. It's good to know, in the event of wanting to reach out.