crazyhairman
Bluelighter
I got banned from reddit because I told ppl to try smoking weed instead of killing themselves
I got banned from reddit because I told ppl to try smoking weed instead of killing themselves
Hi. Try adding kava alongside your herb maybe, if you haven't already done so?I got banned from reddit because I told ppl to try smoking weed instead of killing themselves
I got banned from reddit because I told ppl to try smoking weed instead of killing themselves
Well I pray you make it homie, stay strong. And don't be afraid to reach out if you need to. I am also 30 and realizing I've wasted so much of my life. And it seems like my needs for contentment will never be met.I've tried strangulation, it's a lot harder than you'd think. The few times I tried to strangle myself with a cord I just passed out instead. But yeah... it does suck to have a mind that tends to these kinds of thoughts. I've been teetering for months and I'm supposed to be 30 in December, a week before Christmas, and I'm constantly realizing that there is a pretty solid chance I won't make it. All it'd take is something extremely bad happening on top of what I already deal with to push me over the edge, like the death of someone very important to me.
Jesus deficit. I don't know what the answer is for you but living like this is just not good. I know you are off all your meds ( the ones that were helping like the ADHD ones and the lyrica ) because you weren't in MD anymore and were in VA. So maybe getting a local Dr. and some refills on your old meds will help.I guess I need to start admitting to myself that I've had some serious ideation lately. I don't know why. I guess I'm just tired of being here.
It kind of took a turn for the worse tonight, I had a belt set up around me and everything but the door probably wouldn't hold me and isn't tall enough. So I let my feet up, felt the intense pressure but knew that my survival instinct would kick in eventually and I'd put my feet down, so I merely like half way lost consciousness.
I guess it'd be a pretty dick move to kill myself on mother's day, but could be apropos seeing as how that dumb bitch started all this.
I know and it makes me feel like shit every time I consider it. I just feel so lacking in willpower and fortitude at points and it's like I'm not in control of myself, idk maybe it's just like a self harm thing.Jesus deficit. I don't know what the answer is for you but living like this is just not good. I know you are off all your meds ( the ones that were helping like the ADHD ones and the lyrica ) because you weren't in MD anymore and were in VA. So maybe getting a local Dr. and some refills on your old meds will help.
Hate seeing these kinds of posts. You know how I feel about ya. How the hell do you think we will feel if you go through with this. I'll tell ya how I would feel. It would absolutely break my heart.
It's a test mate is it not?I know and it makes me feel like shit every time I consider it. I just feel so lacking in willpower and fortitude at points and it's like I'm not in control of myself, idk maybe it's just like a self harm thing.
But I love you for always having my back. Got a day full of mulching and mowing and weedeating til 5 o clock. Hopefully shouldn't be too bad.
Yeah man, I think I'd prefer some DMT therapeutic treatment over acupuncture lmao. Maybe I should just get in the zone and dive into that, have a fresh restart.It's a test mate is it not?
I realised I see that keeping spirit, counts and determines immeasurably.
I had abandoned all will to live, interest in, bear for anything involving consciousness.
I lost my spirit and sight with it.
Hence my hardly a gamble "spirit molecule" they say right? Electric shock treatment to re-gather that spirit.
Anyway. I swear those treatments alone if anybody struggling can access, truly improve outlook so much
And general body feeling/function which eases stress.
Ideally, it wants 2, or 3 acupuncture & their acupressure massage but from no 1 it's instantaneous.
Just wanna offer "alternatives".
That's it bro. Nobody ever actually told us, WHICH avenue we will take.Yeah man, I think I'd prefer some DMT therapeutic treatment over acupuncture lmao. Maybe I should just get in the zone and dive into that, have a fresh restart.
Maybe just do it once a week instead of a few times a week. I absolutely love DMT, like, way too much. I went through a short period about 10 years ago where I had an unlimited supply of it so I was doing it every night, delving deeper and deeper in to DNA of the cosmos and exploring the DMT kingdom each time. It was wonderful, so enlightening and mind-opening, so incredibly beautiful, a journey I looked forward to every day. But after a couple of months of doing this, it eventually started to become dark. Darker and darker. The DMT spirits/beings were not so welcoming anymore, and instead of enveloping me with their infinite love and beauty like they normally did, they were basically telling me to fuck off out of their kingdom and chasing me out.This is what I've been doing, DMT 3-4 times a week, but unfortunately it isn't the remedy I hoped for. It does help me get out of a funk for awhile but then I wake up the next day back to square one.
Sounds like you got some self sabotage going on there. I sometimes have felt the same way with DMT and mushrooms. Just knowing that my psyche needs a good ass whooping to set me straight and I dive right in. It usually does. Not always the best choice though. Set and setting can really fuck you up if it takes a negative turn. So just try your best to be gentle with yourself. You've only got one mind and body, I know those self destructive thought loops can be hard to deal with, but just try reaching out to a friend when you feel yourself wading into the deep end.I'll have to wait for my friend to make more so I only have 1 breakthrough or 2 strong trips. I appreciate the insight, I guess I'll only get there if I get there. Being in the state I'm in I just hardly care how self-destructive it might be at this point which I know is a stupid choice to make. Sometimes I'll do shrooms knowing I'll have a bad trip because I feel like I have to, like I deserve it or something.
I just wanted to send you some support, let you know you’re seen heard & matter. I wish I had better words (I’ve been going through PTSD episodes lately so I have an exhausted foggy brain rite now if that makes any sense) but yea just wanted to share my support & empathyI'll have to wait for my friend to make more so I only have 1 breakthrough or 2 strong trips. I appreciate the insight, I guess I'll only get there if I get there. Being in the state I'm in I just hardly care how self-destructive it might be at this point which I know is a stupid choice to make. Sometimes I'll do shrooms knowing I'll have a bad trip because I feel like I have to, like I deserve it or something.