I've been in trouble Nas serious trouble still am but it's swimming a channel, I have waded through vicious deep waters endured hell, seen the hellish, maximum levels of sickness and pain this week, I now have a support boat alongside to at least hold rim of to keep afloat, because I need a rest, like the channel swimmer.
I have no physical energy left, only today after a 72 hr round of extreme stomach pain, constipation and consequently flared haemorrhoids too painful to even mobilise, think or rest, I released the block, it's unnaturally toxic herxeimer, BM's "vital" vital =ling Life!
Only now can my body rest, begin to recover some energy.
It's run flat out truly.
Fasting is a must. Not standing up is priority. Gradual return of energy, breath and will!
Severe trauma last Saturday. AI is attacking us (mum & I) in this hour as we step ever nearer to rifing the shit completely out of our bodies like v v few people in Earth.
AI plays us off against each other. Divide and...
Things boiled over last Sat, explosive arguments, PTSD instilling.
With damaged nerves, depression too deep to describe, after way too much pain sickness and sleep dep so long.
I packed minimal basics, piled on every fittable clothing layer, and tried to escape by leaving to find if possible a remote outdoor location where ideally never been found to die in peace, no way back.
I was chased around by car by my mum in hysterical state herself.
I didn't like it, so suddenly, unprepared rushing to my death basically.
I saw no choice.
Eventually reluctantly I returned, but the stress had impact, hence true fight again to secure future last 3 days.
I can only rest, mentally ride out discomforts, sickness, hunger.
I have hit Guiness record depression too.
Amazing spiritual dreams last night. Lonely, far away from home, abandoned. Lost. Nobody on my side, evil lurking in all around.
It was a portayal of my hopeless position, no plan, way out just a wing and a prayer.
Except,
@hylite was there with me, student accomadation,
Vivid detailed dreaming, lots bad characters.
hylite's light, love, care, support saved the day.
At the end I had to quickly leave the residence due to imminent danger.
She said without thinking....we'll just have to go somewhere else then....
She arrived there like me a free agent, no affiliation as such.
But she was coming with me anyway!
We talked on couch briefly about my present plans hopes expectations prognosis. None of which slightly favourable.
I emphasised it being a case of the body, not the mind. But my spirit is broken.
Critical point. hylite's presence there, warmth love support compassion light and intelligence saved it being perilous and entirely hopeless.
Really knocked off my feet here. See if few dsys of rest now bowels are freed up can reboot me.
I likely won't post much if at all at least for now.
Wakin up like usual early 4.A.M......roll a joint and inhale......Gooood.Be bless ya all.Peace
