TDS Ideation & Crisis Support

[n3ophy7e]

One mission, one agenda, one thing left to do.

And what is that?

 

[Jabberwocky]

And what is that?

alcohol + (i won't say) + (i won't say)

I think i have made you worried. Kinda. I apologize. I just had to open up somewhere. Anywhere. And i don't get this. I had to leave from my home yesterday, i was unable to tolerate this dungeon. Ended up downtown. Park. Beer of course. And a dude i know, from France, called me and was cheerful and filled with empathy. That shit ruined a perfectly good misery and sorrow

And what i don't get, huh? People who KNOW that i am unable to do anything for them, are exactly the ones who help me the most. And if there is a so-called "friend" and i give all my money, all my dope away, then they run.

 

[n3ophy7e]

alcohol + (i won't say) + (i won't say)

I think i have made you worried.

Yes you definitely have me worried. You are a really good person Japi, and wayyyy too good to lose

That shit ruined a perfectly good misery and sorrow

Meaning that they cheered you up?? GOOD!

And what i don't get, huh? People who KNOW that i am unable to do anything for them, are exactly the ones who help me the most. And if there is a so-called "friend" and i give all my money, all my dope away, then they run.

Then they, as I'm sure you've figured out, are not real friends.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yes you definitely have me worried. You are a really good person Japi, and wayyyy too good to lose

If that is the case, you have to stop it. Just stop it. Because i command you to stop it. I am not that valuable.

Worst feeling ever... making people worried because of me.

 

[n3ophy7e]

If that is the case, you have to stop it. Just stop it. Because i command you to stop it. I am not that valuable.

Worst feeling ever... making people worried because of me.

I feel the exact same way whenever people worry about me. It actually causes me to avoid those people, and to lie to them and tell them I'm doing great even when I'm not. I just don't want people to worry about me.
So I really do get it.
But it also means that people CARE about you, which is a beautiful thing And you cannot stop people from caring about you. Believe me, I've tried.
It also means you are valuable (even if you think you're not You are)

 

[thegreenhand]

fuck, thank god i have at least a few people that care about me. otherwise i think i would've been gone.

was sitting out on my porch last night at 4 am during a thunderstorm. couldn't stop thinking about slipping away into the void.

i just feel numb

 

[deficiT]

fuck, thank god i have at least a few people that care about me. otherwise i think i would've been gone.

was sitting out on my porch last night at 4 am during a thunderstorm. couldn't stop thinking about slipping away into the void.

i just feel numb

Damn. Well consider it a few +1, I care too, feel free to hit me up anytime if you need to talk to someone. I've definitely been through not being able to feel anything, recently as well. If I had the means I'm not sure I would've made it a couple weeks ago. It's an every day struggle.

 

[thegreenhand]

It's an every day struggle.

I only started feeling this way about 6 months ago, but this is 100% true

it’s either pain or numbness. the latter is my preference currently

 

[Jabberwocky]

I only started feeling this way about 6 months ago, but this is 100% true

it’s either pain or numbness. the latter is my preference currently

Now you wrote a 100% truth. Pain or numbness. Numbness is way better, or actually, less bad, but not at all something to be defined as "good"

I wish strength to you. All of you. Write about this stuff, don't hold it in. I know i will write, at some point, when i feel like doing that.

 

[SAT4N_420]

I'm in so much agony everyday. I just wish I could make everyone around me hate me so I could end myself peacefully without making them suffer.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I'm in so much agony everyday. I just wish I could make everyone around me hate me so I could end myself peacefully without making them suffer.

People love and care about you for a reason, because you're a good person. Therefore you deserve to have a good life and to be happy. What's got you in agony every day man? Much love and please take care of yourself

 

[deficiT]

I'm in so much agony everyday. I just wish I could make everyone around me hate me so I could end myself peacefully without making them suffer.

Stay strong friend. It might not seem like it but pain is temporary.

 

[Blankenstein]

I usually post and read through the recovery thread, but thought I’d come into this thread.

Reading through the last couple of pages of this thread have made me quite emotional. Everyone who has posted in here and is struggling or has struggled I feel for ALL of you.

I don’t know any of you personally, but you are all in my thoughts. Everyone who has ended up in here please keep fighting. there are people who care about you!

 

[SAT4N_420]

People love and care about you for a reason, because you're a good person. Therefore you deserve to have a good life and to be happy. What's got you in agony every day man? Much love and please take care of yourself

Thanks for the kind words, it's just that my bipolar disorder has been putting me through really brutal depressive episodes. The only thing that gives any sort of relief is heroin but I can't keep going on like this forever, it really just feels like I'm doomed to live in excrutiating pain and death is the only way to make it stop.

Stay strong friend. It might not seem like it but pain is temporary.

I've been trying my best to stay strong at the very least for those around me but the future just seems so bleak and hopeless. My mental state has deteriorated so damn badly and it seems like it's only geting worse as time goes on...

 

[deficiT]

I've been trying my best to stay strong at the very least for those around me but the future just seems so bleak and hopeless. My mental state has deteriorated so damn badly and it seems like it's only geting worse as time goes on...

It's not easy, that's for sure. I have schizoaffective and struggle with mood swings myself. The only thing that's really helped me are meds, and I actually am starting with a therapist today. I wasn't a fan of the guy I saw really, but I'm gonna just try and give it a chance.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It's not easy, that's for sure. I have schizoaffective and struggle with mood swings myself. The only thing that's really helped me are meds, and I actually am starting with a therapist today. I wasn't a fan of the guy I saw really, but I'm gonna just try and give it a chance.

Do that. Go with an open mind. I have a long history with therapists, before my disability pension was set to status "permanent" and Finnish welfare no longer demanded healthcare contact in order to pay me.

I think it is all about chemistry. Chemistry between two humans, therapist and the patient. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thanks for the kind words, it's just that my bipolar disorder has been putting me through really brutal depressive episodes. The only thing that gives any sort of relief is heroin but I can't keep going on like this forever, it really just feels like I'm doomed to live in excrutiating pain and death is the only way to make it stop.

I can kiiiiinda relate, but in a slighty different way. My severe anxiety and panic attacks have reared their very ugly and unwanted heads the last week or so and have been completely debilitating, which started leading to depression because I didn't know what to do to get out of this funk. I went and saw a few doctors who basically fobbed me off saying there's nothing they can do for me and if it gets bad enough then go to hospital and wait to see the mental health team there............RIIIIIIIIIGHHTTTIIIIIOOOOOO
For me when it gets that bad, and when no one will help me, my headspace goes reeeeeeeally fuckn dark man....like, my fiance has known me forover 15 years and even he's never seen me like that before. It really scared him.

 

[stardust10]

^ that's horrible @n3ophy7e you still feeling like that?
Did you get a Dr to listen to you at all? That's terrible multiple drs fobbed you off like that, experienced similar here. You're always going out of your way to help others as well

 

[n3ophy7e]

^ that's horrible @n3ophy7e you still feeling like that?
Did you get a Dr to listen to you at all? That's terrible multiple drs fobbed you off like that, experienced similar here. You're always going out of your way to help others as well

Yes thank you my love, I'm feeling better now. I upped my antidepressant dose a bit, and managed to get some diazepam off a friend so my panic attacks are gone now. But it's like FUCKING HELL doctors are there to help you right?! I felt very alone and misunderstood, fobbed off, NOT helped, which then lead me down a spiral of depression of "no one cares, no one will help me, there's nothing I can do" etc etc, which I rationally know is NOT true. It was just my unwell brain telling me that.
It was a dark few days though, I'll tell ya that.......
But yeah no I'm all better now thank you so much

 

[Jabberwocky]

^ that's horrible @n3ophy7e you still feeling like that?
Did you get a Dr to listen to you at all? That's terrible multiple drs fobbed you off like that, experienced similar here. You're always going out of your way to help others as well

Sure it is horrible. But i think that is exactly where the help comes from, regarding @n3ophy7e . Getting burnt by the flames of hell. That is why the constant helping of others... @n3ophy7e does not want that shit to anyone else.

Someone who has been living all of his/her life wrapped in cotton, sheltered from the pains that living can bring, they can do nothing for us.