Indeed, you're blessed in that way at least
I'm a parent. i can't see any way that I wouldn't die of heartbreak within an hour of learning of a child of mine's suicide. It gives you pause for good reason
YET being the operative word. Shit takes time, but shit will change as sure as eggs are eggs, but you know this
I diagnose cool-humanitis
Yes, many people would mourn your death and be in just as much emotional pain if you took your own life. I guarantee it.
Are you using H every day? Is it part of your daily routine?
there will always be people in pain when you die. This thought alone makes me reconsider my own actions.
It has been a long time since I was suicidal but yet everyday I fantasize about the happiness I will feel when I don't have to do life anymore. And Nature is kind, it reminds me that no matter what we will die so in a way it is a blessing. So whatever that is it is sort of a reward. If it is nothingness (like we strive for in a heroin nod) or continued journey it will relieve us of it of life.
(for me it would be just trying to get high but the risks are big) Let's hope it does not come to that and I drop dead wherever I am peacefully.
I appreciate you bringing this up and talking on it. Just know that you are not alone, and you never will be. Most of us on here has experienced those same thoughts about suicide, and personally I think it is normal. Me personally, I wondered what would happen if I would pass, and who might come to my funeral. I was in a dark place once upon a time where I was over a thousand miles from home with a loaded rig, in tears and by the grace of god I was shaking to much to do the shot. I reached out and spoke with a friend/using buddy, and even though I didn't OD that night I continued to get high. So with you speaking on it does really help the process in healing.
This makes me really relieved to read
Another truth. We stay because we love others.This makes me really relieved to read
We are all heroes in a way. My parents are 88 my dog is 13. As much pain as I will be in when the pass I also dont want them to have the pain of me passing first. Like a pact we made. Some kind of duty. But wow is it daunting. I feel like I sit here watching people leave me. Yet in another way they jump into my heart and never leave me. They are part of me, not separated in body anymore. But yeah, I do tremble sometimes at what is coming. But after my brother was killed by a drunk driver 35 years ago it was made clear to me nothing is ever taken without something being given back. And I got a lot of internal love and insight. I could almost feel like my brother was patting me on my back as I was giving as much love to the people that needed it.I really relate to that dude. I have been suicidal MANY many times in my life. I have actually attempted suicide 6 times (and thankfully, failed. I now joke that I'm never attempting suicide again because I clearly suck at itAnother truth. We stay because we love others.
). Yes, I am. That's why I keep thinking about how easy it would be to just taken more than what I usually take.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope he's in peace at least, and thank you, I do want to find something to help, a better alternative to death.
Thank you for the kind words, I really do appreciate it. My family has such a poor understanding of drugs and mental health and I'm not close enough to anyone else that I can talk about this with in real life, so it's very comforting to know that there are people here who care and understand, it makes feel less alone.I appreciate you bringing this up and talking on it. Just know that you are not alone, and you never will be. Most of us on here has experienced those same thoughts about suicide, and personally I think it is normal. Me personally, I wondered what would happen if I would pass, and who might come to my funeral. I was in a dark place once upon a time where I was over a thousand miles from home with a loaded rig, in tears and by the grace of god I was shaking to much to do the shot. I reached out and spoke with a friend/using buddy, and even though I didn't OD that night I continued to get high. So with you speaking on it does really help the process in healing.
There are tons of people here that only want the best for you. Even if people in 'real-life' don't care, just know you have people here that do.
If you look out into the world as an observer how can any human not be depressed. Wars, violence people screwing each other. I am telling you one of the funniest scenes on the Sopranos was when AJ's therapist asked if he is depressed. He said of course I am depressed you would have to have your head shoved so far up your ass to not be depressed.
Hang in there bro loneliness is a tough thing. I been single for so long and nothing ever works out. The only thing giving me solace these days is meditating on god and praying.
Thanks man, I appreciate that. I'm trying to have a more positive outlook, but end up falling in the same traps I always do. This phase has just been particularly shitty, because I not only lost my partner, but I lost a lot of respect for myself. I used to keep solace in the fact that I'm 'not really that bad of a guy', but I'm starting to understand more and more everyday how totally self absorbed and callous I can be. It's been a long time coming but I can no longer simply blame my childhood experiences for my behavior. Eventually I have to recognize some things and take accountability. But it's not something I really want to do.
tbh man that really bodes well, as difficult as it seems
