Last week I watched "Deliver Us From Evil". For those who know about this documentary and/or have watched it I don't need to say anything further about it and would urge you to be kind and spend five minutes reading my story below.
Basically it is a documentary about sexual abuse by a Catholic priest in America and the cover-up by the wider Catholic church of this particular sexual abuser's actions and the actions of other similar sexual predators.
I was raised in the protestant Church of England: sung in the church choir of my parish church from the ages of 7 to 18; watched my father train as a priest in the very same church from when I was about 15 (he was formerly a high-school teacher) and suffered an 18-month long period of sustained sexual abuse and rapes at the hands of a retired priest called Fr Charles who although was technically retired was very active within my Church.
This is a long post but I thank you from the bottom of my heart if you choose to spend 5 minutes reading it and would appreciate any advice or input you are able to provide upon reading my story.
______________________________________________________________
Just turned 16 I ran away from home for a few days and a friend at the time (a fellow chorister) told me that Father Charles would be able to help me.
On my way back home I visited him and told him my problems and he was lovely and helpful: fed me, gave me beer and told me I was welcome round his place anytime.
My home life was really shitty at that time so I took him up on his offer and often popped in to see him. One day he asked for help to do his exercises: which necessitated my lying on the floor (clothed) and him on top of me doing some pumping of arms.
This quickly escalated into sexual activity which I was uncomfortable with but he blackmailed me and told me if I told anyone that not only would nobody believe me but that he would tell my parents and the police that he'd witnessed me stealing from the church and stealing from him personally.
I can't believe I let myself be groomed and manipulated like this but I did and he provided me with free alcohol eveytime I went round there, I was lonely (had no real friends) and my home life was awful.
I was sexually assaulted and raped by that priest when I was 16 and 17 for an 18 month period.
The priest was a retired priest connected to the church where I sang in the church choir (and had been in that choir since I was 7 years old).
My father was trraining to be a priest in that church at the time and after 18 months of abuse I ended up attempting suicide and informing the Vicar: the head priest of that church at the time.
I was picked up by the police from the beach where I'd attempted suicide by drinking three bottles of wine and taking a kitchen knife to my wrists after local folk had heard my screams of agony.
I told the police why I'd been attempting suicide but refused to disclose the name of the priest because I was so fucked in the head at the time and wanted to avoid a scandal which might adversely affect my father (who as part of his traing was seconded to the very same church where I was in choir and where Fr Charles preached, did weddings and funerals and administered the eucharist.
The Vicar didn't at first believe me and summoned the Priest to the vicarage and asked the priest - Father Charles - if my allegations were true and Father Charles confirmed that everything I'd said had happend was true.
The perpertrator was allowed to quietly leave the Parish (they even had a leaving do for him) and when my parents were informed my mother said "How could you do this to us?".... i.e. how dare I bring this shame on the family and ruin the kindly old Fr Charles' life. Unbelievable but true.
The Vicar in the 15 years since this happened was promoted and promoted and is now a Bishop. Fr Charles, I later discovered, moved parishes and was still permitted to carry out priestly duties in in his new parish even though the local Church of England Bishop and his staff were totally aware of what Fr Charles had done to me
If Fr Charles hadn't been a priest and did what he did to me and the police found out - or if my family had supported me in pressing charges against him - he would uindoubtedly have been convicted of serious sexual assaults and rapes of a minor and would have gone to prison for a number of years.
Over the next 15 years I repeatedly had nightmares about what happened - and still do - on an almost nightly basis; I regularly experienced awful flashbacks (especially when being intimate with my girlfriend); essentially I suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which a Psychiatrist has formally diagnosed and have suffered from crippling bouts of depression which has led to several suicide attempts.
They say "time heals" but in my case the opposite is true with regards to all this.
Recently I made a formal complaint to the Church of England's "Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor". This lady travelled up from the Diocese where it all happened (I now live 400 miles away), interviewed me in depth and promised to help me.
The perpertrator - Fr Charles - passed away several years ago but died with not a spot on his public image, in the eyes of all the parishioners who've known him in the various parishes in which he's spent his life "serving God"
.
And the Vicar and Rural Dean who I went to for help 15 years ago successfully hushed up the whole affair so that his own resume (C.V.) wasn't adversely affected in any way (when he really should have reported what he knew to the fucking POLICE) and is now a Bishop.
As compensation (although that word was never mentioned by the "Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor" - she preferred to simply talk about "helping me"
) the Church of England have "kindly" ![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
agreed to fund three sessions with a private practise Psychiatrist and 12 sessions with a counsellor who specialises in male survivors of sexual abuse.
Here is where I'd really appreciate some advice from folks or simply your 2c on the whole thing.
Basically I feel like I'm being - again - fobbed off by the Church and am really REALLY angry with the Bishop who, although he's aware of my approach to the church over this matter, hasn't even bothered to personally write to me and apologise for his gross negligence in failing to report the sexual abuser to the police.
Should I sue the church? Would I stand a realistic chance of being awarded damages? The vicar/ now Bishop fucked up but if I take legal action against the Church I'm not sure if I want to risk ruining his career......... I feel like I want revenge but am not sure of how much revenge and I'm also worried about my father's reaction (he's now a successful Vicar himself).
If you've read to this point then THANKYOU. I appreciate this was a long post but I needed to lay everything out as clearly as I could.
Please either respond in this thread or send me a private message..... especially if you have personal experience of this kind of thing as I'm feeling angry and lost and confused and alone and have no fucking clue whether I should do anything further and take action against the Bishop and the Church of England or should I try to simply let it all go and move on.
The problem is that I've tried to move on and let it go for the last 15 years and it simply won't go away from my mind and heart.
Basically it is a documentary about sexual abuse by a Catholic priest in America and the cover-up by the wider Catholic church of this particular sexual abuser's actions and the actions of other similar sexual predators.
I was raised in the protestant Church of England: sung in the church choir of my parish church from the ages of 7 to 18; watched my father train as a priest in the very same church from when I was about 15 (he was formerly a high-school teacher) and suffered an 18-month long period of sustained sexual abuse and rapes at the hands of a retired priest called Fr Charles who although was technically retired was very active within my Church.
This is a long post but I thank you from the bottom of my heart if you choose to spend 5 minutes reading it and would appreciate any advice or input you are able to provide upon reading my story.
______________________________________________________________
Just turned 16 I ran away from home for a few days and a friend at the time (a fellow chorister) told me that Father Charles would be able to help me.
On my way back home I visited him and told him my problems and he was lovely and helpful: fed me, gave me beer and told me I was welcome round his place anytime.
My home life was really shitty at that time so I took him up on his offer and often popped in to see him. One day he asked for help to do his exercises: which necessitated my lying on the floor (clothed) and him on top of me doing some pumping of arms.
This quickly escalated into sexual activity which I was uncomfortable with but he blackmailed me and told me if I told anyone that not only would nobody believe me but that he would tell my parents and the police that he'd witnessed me stealing from the church and stealing from him personally.
I can't believe I let myself be groomed and manipulated like this but I did and he provided me with free alcohol eveytime I went round there, I was lonely (had no real friends) and my home life was awful.
I was sexually assaulted and raped by that priest when I was 16 and 17 for an 18 month period.
The priest was a retired priest connected to the church where I sang in the church choir (and had been in that choir since I was 7 years old).
My father was trraining to be a priest in that church at the time and after 18 months of abuse I ended up attempting suicide and informing the Vicar: the head priest of that church at the time.
I was picked up by the police from the beach where I'd attempted suicide by drinking three bottles of wine and taking a kitchen knife to my wrists after local folk had heard my screams of agony.
I told the police why I'd been attempting suicide but refused to disclose the name of the priest because I was so fucked in the head at the time and wanted to avoid a scandal which might adversely affect my father (who as part of his traing was seconded to the very same church where I was in choir and where Fr Charles preached, did weddings and funerals and administered the eucharist.
The Vicar didn't at first believe me and summoned the Priest to the vicarage and asked the priest - Father Charles - if my allegations were true and Father Charles confirmed that everything I'd said had happend was true.
The perpertrator was allowed to quietly leave the Parish (they even had a leaving do for him) and when my parents were informed my mother said "How could you do this to us?".... i.e. how dare I bring this shame on the family and ruin the kindly old Fr Charles' life. Unbelievable but true.
The Vicar in the 15 years since this happened was promoted and promoted and is now a Bishop. Fr Charles, I later discovered, moved parishes and was still permitted to carry out priestly duties in in his new parish even though the local Church of England Bishop and his staff were totally aware of what Fr Charles had done to me
If Fr Charles hadn't been a priest and did what he did to me and the police found out - or if my family had supported me in pressing charges against him - he would uindoubtedly have been convicted of serious sexual assaults and rapes of a minor and would have gone to prison for a number of years.
Over the next 15 years I repeatedly had nightmares about what happened - and still do - on an almost nightly basis; I regularly experienced awful flashbacks (especially when being intimate with my girlfriend); essentially I suffered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which a Psychiatrist has formally diagnosed and have suffered from crippling bouts of depression which has led to several suicide attempts.
They say "time heals" but in my case the opposite is true with regards to all this.
Recently I made a formal complaint to the Church of England's "Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor". This lady travelled up from the Diocese where it all happened (I now live 400 miles away), interviewed me in depth and promised to help me.
The perpertrator - Fr Charles - passed away several years ago but died with not a spot on his public image, in the eyes of all the parishioners who've known him in the various parishes in which he's spent his life "serving God"
.And the Vicar and Rural Dean who I went to for help 15 years ago successfully hushed up the whole affair so that his own resume (C.V.) wasn't adversely affected in any way (when he really should have reported what he knew to the fucking POLICE) and is now a Bishop.
As compensation (although that word was never mentioned by the "Diocesan Safeguarding Advisor" - she preferred to simply talk about "helping me"
) the Church of England have "kindly" agreed to fund three sessions with a private practise Psychiatrist and 12 sessions with a counsellor who specialises in male survivors of sexual abuse.Here is where I'd really appreciate some advice from folks or simply your 2c on the whole thing.
Basically I feel like I'm being - again - fobbed off by the Church and am really REALLY angry with the Bishop who, although he's aware of my approach to the church over this matter, hasn't even bothered to personally write to me and apologise for his gross negligence in failing to report the sexual abuser to the police.
Should I sue the church? Would I stand a realistic chance of being awarded damages? The vicar/ now Bishop fucked up but if I take legal action against the Church I'm not sure if I want to risk ruining his career......... I feel like I want revenge but am not sure of how much revenge and I'm also worried about my father's reaction (he's now a successful Vicar himself).
If you've read to this point then THANKYOU. I appreciate this was a long post but I needed to lay everything out as clearly as I could.
Please either respond in this thread or send me a private message..... especially if you have personal experience of this kind of thing as I'm feeling angry and lost and confused and alone and have no fucking clue whether I should do anything further and take action against the Bishop and the Church of England or should I try to simply let it all go and move on.
The problem is that I've tried to move on and let it go for the last 15 years and it simply won't go away from my mind and heart.
