I think at this point I can rationalize commiting suicide (not seeking attention...)

^I do not blame you one bit for not wanting to be involuntarily committed. It is, aside from being arrested, easily one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a person. You certainly can sign yourself in to avoid this, and tell the truth - that you are bipolar, have been having depressive feelings, and you feel you need medical attention so you are voluntarily entering the hospital. This is what I strongly suggest you do.

I admit I don't know you all that well, d_p, but I have observed you helping others and have been personally helped by reading your words in TDS. You may feel as though you have "nothing left to say" and I'm not going to insult your intelligence and spit a bunch of psychobabble at you.

What I will say is that when I think the world would be better off without me (I have depression, so thoughts like this are not foreign to me - and I can be very coldly 'rational' at times) I always end up talking myself out of it when I realize my 'arguments' don't stand up under scrutiny. Neither do yours.

You feel unloved, but your family and certainly your friends here in TDS would disagree. Being the support system for everyone else can certainly weigh on a person - that's why you set boundaries for yourself, not check out for good.

As for your personal beliefs - surely it is comforting to think the spirit lives on after death of the physical body, but I have yet to see proof of that - and I've dealt with loved ones' death many times, including my own mother.

Chicpoena posted this link in another thread. I think it deserves a re-read. One part that sticks out to me is:

You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.

You can face up to your legal charges if you live.
You can form or re-form healthy friendships and a relationship if you live.
You can pay back your debts if you live.
You can gain even more mental ground if you live.
You can learn more about a subject or subjects that interest you if you live.
You can make a change of scenery if you live.
You can show your family you love and honor them if you live.

Those all seem like good reasons to stick around, to me anyways.

The world can be a fucked-up place full of fucked-up people, places, and things. But if anything, that's more reason to keep fighting.

Keep fighting, man.
 
Bro all I can say is my life is extremely fucked and I understand how bad it hurts, but just imagine how beautiful it will be if you get over it.

My life is just in pieces man.... I just finally got off a 2 year opiate addiction. Im practically homeless and even getting food is hard.

I am determined to see what living a "normal" life is. I am determined to help somebody some day, some where...

Stick around bro, come on. I know its hard.
 
^I do not blame you one bit for not wanting to be involuntarily committed. It is, aside from being arrested, easily one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a person. You certainly can sign yourself in to avoid this, and tell the truth - that you are bipolar, have been having depressive feelings, and you feel you need medical attention so you are voluntarily entering the hospital. This is what I strongly suggest you do.

I admit I don't know you all that well, d_p, but I have observed you helping others and have been personally helped by reading your words in TDS. You may feel as though you have "nothing left to say" and I'm not going to insult your intelligence and spit a bunch of psychobabble at you.

What I will say is that when I think the world would be better off without me (I have depression, so thoughts like this are not foreign to me - and I can be very coldly 'rational' at times) I always end up talking myself out of it when I realize my 'arguments' don't stand up under scrutiny. Neither do yours.

You feel unloved, but your family and certainly your friends here in TDS would disagree. Being the support system for everyone else can certainly weigh on a person - that's why you set boundaries for yourself, not check out for good.

As for your personal beliefs - surely it is comforting to think the spirit lives on after death of the physical body, but I have yet to see proof of that - and I've dealt with loved ones' death many times, including my own mother.

Chicpoena posted this link in another thread. I think it deserves a re-read. One part that sticks out to me is:



You can face up to your legal charges if you live.
You can form or re-form healthy friendships and a relationship if you live.
You can pay back your debts if you live.
You can gain even more mental ground if you live.
You can learn more about a subject or subjects that interest you if you live.
You can make a change of scenery if you live.
You can show your family you love and honor them if you live.

Those all seem like good reasons to stick around, to me anyways.

The world can be a fucked-up place full of fucked-up people, places, and things. But if anything, that's more reason to keep fighting.

Keep fighting, man.

Well I think everyone is looking at this with the wrong perspective.

I am not unstable right now. I am not depressed to be honest, especially now that I've figured out what I am going to do, how I am going to do it, and that I know it will be pain free and easy for me to do.

Also, I am making this decision with a straight head, although you all will not believe me when I say that, I am completely making this decision based off of years of agony that I cannot even begin to explain. I know there are people out there who are worse off than me, I know many others are in much more pain physically as well, but the point being this is my life, and I have the right to end it, do I not?

My beliefs on life after death are solidified for me completely, I don't need proof from anyone to make me see that. Many others share the same beliefs as I - the consciousness lives on. I am just a spiritual being having a physical experience. We all die, we are biological creatures simple as that. But when you die, there is still the energy left behind (aka your soul/consciousness).

So my physical body may die when I kill myself, but I will live on I can promise you all that. If not, then I guess it will be lights out forever - but I know that will not be the case. I have already went ahead and found my way towards getting a helium tank (just a small one, which will be more than enough). This method of suicide is probably the best and easiest way - the only easier way would to have a doctor do it, and that isn't going to happen because even if I knew of a doctor who would do it for me, I'd have to pay them and well... I have no money!

I appreciate your kind words I really do. And I'm happy to hear that my kind words have helped you and others I really am. But that is as far as it goes for me. I have a lot of writings I've done that I will make sure are shared with the world, or with anyone who wants to read/listen to them after I'm gone. Maybe my writing can help others after my physical death, that would be a good thing :)

I plan on preparing a lot of stuff before going ahead and doing this, I'm not just going to pick up the helium tank and off myself, I'm going to finish some of the stuff I have going on right at this moment, but I am not going to be waiting for a while. So, to all of you who think that this is just an irrational decision I'm making because of my bipolar or some other mental illness, I can prove to you it's not by showing you that I am doing this properly (well as proper as it can be done) by collecting the materials needed, and setting everything in place before I'm gone. Not to mention, since this wont be happening today, or tomorrow, I still have plenty of time to think things through (although I know I already have made my decision), so if for some reason this is some deluded stupid decision I'm making I will realize it in time I would assume. When I am having problems with my bipolar I can easily tell, sometimes at first I will not recognize it, but either I figure it out quickly myself, or someone in my family tells me I'm acting funny.

I'm not acting 'funny' though, I'm being myself. I feel grounded, and I smile at the thought of life after death because I know it will be beautiful. You all can try and tell me I'll end up in some sort of hell for eternity burning, but I know that is not true. Religion is a joke (no offense to anyone religious) - the stories are nice and all, but thats exactly what they are, stories.

I trust myself and what I've found out through meditation. I have been in my astral/spiritual body before so I know that there is a soul and that you live on past physical death so there is no telling me that is not true. It's not any type of new age crap, it's real and it's what I whole heartedly believe in.

Thank you though for your words once again, much appreciate :)

Bro all I can say is my life is extremely fucked and I understand how bad it hurts, but just imagine how beautiful it will be if you get over it.

My life is just in pieces man.... I just finally got off a 2 year opiate addiction. Im practically homeless and even getting food is hard.

I am determined to see what living a "normal" life is. I am determined to help somebody some day, some where...

Stick around bro, come on. I know its hard.

I wish you the best and I hope that you recover quickly from all the things you're going through. Your life may seem in shambles but it could be worse (sound familiar? ha). There is no such thing as a normal life though, you must just life the life you're given, and your need to help others will keep you going.

Unfortunately for me I have helped many, and have been unable to help myself. But I believe in your situation, although I know little about it, that you will be able to get by, so you should be fine ;)

-dp
 
Anyway, just wanna thank you for the exit bag alternative! And good luck on whatever you deicide on.

Ah please don't use my idea, don't make me feel bad for even putting the idea into your head. But then again, someone suicidal is going to find a way to kill themselves so... whatever.

But your situation is completely different from mine. What you don't realize is that I have suffered in many different ways through out my life, and although things are OK at the moment, as in I'm not addicted to anything, my bipolar is leveled out, and that I have a roof over my head, I mentally cannot live anymore - not in this life.

You however have options. Go ahead and sell yours things, but then go check yourself into rehab. You have an addiction problem, which is completely different from my problems/issues.

If you want to kill yourself though I cannot stop you just as much as no one can stop me. And yes who am I to say your problems aren't bad enough to resort to wanting to kill yourself... well trust me I know a lot more than you can believe. I've been where you are in some aspects, I have been clean now from opiates for over 2 years using suboxone. Get some help with your addiction(s) - suicide by overdose is not only stupid, but also reckless because you can end up with a lot of damage (mainly the liver) that may effect you the rest of your life. You will end up looking back at your mistakes and crying everyday realizing you could have gotten help.

Don't tell me, anyone, that I can do the same, as in get help. Because I have gotten all the help I can.

But D3RG0AT don't hurt yourself, seriously. YOU, and I say YOU personally, can get help. Some cannot. If you need help getting suboxone, or need help getting to a detox facility I'm you man, just post in here or post enough to PM me. It's not hard to post 20 times, literally open up 20 threads and post every 30 seconds...

-dp
 
No matter what I experience in ultra psychedelic meditative dissasositave trance states (wow I like that phrase), there's no way I can logically ever believe it to be "the other side" or anything like that. There's no way to tap into the other side when you're alive, and there's no proving there even is another side other than using thouts to spawn comfort out of a mystery. I'll spare you the debate on this, I just had to vent for a second because no matter what's going on, it annoys me when I see/read/hear people from any camp talk what they KNOW is on the other side..it's nothing more than deluded speculation..a smilie face at best. ..and ultimately your own perception/duh.

Would you at least please explain to me how there is no way you can travel and get out of this muck where you are currently living...that it's SO impossible and unconceivable? I assume it's not a matter of self-motivation and finances?

I think A LOT of us feel like showing you how much we understand, and how much we all care in all our different ways, but you're not really giving much room to let anyone help you. I think it's time you start to let people help you vs. you help them. I know I'd definately use it, even if I felt like I didn't, but whatever.

I just wanted to mention something about clonaz. I was on that crap for 4 1/2 years at 16mg and didn'd stop until the beginning of feb. It has been utterly terrible, yes...but my god can I now again see my true potential, the fog lifting, the possibility of the bullshit subsiding. I'll eventually get off suboxone, but in due time as I'm in no rush. It's definately refreshing in a sick way to see that there is someone in a similar situation as I've been, and that I got out of it...I feel it's important to let you know this...as I definately cannot explain it with words, other than to let you know that you get better...a lot better...And I'm still in my reborn infancy..I'm talking about total eventual transformation...not some "non-new agey spiritual shit"... :)

*Clonazepam (benzos in general) are SO SO terrible for long term use, espcially for bi-polar imo. It's not just completely pointless for you to take now, aside from staving off withdrawals, it is literally keeping you from learning new coping skills. It's like you've have the off switch locked down and welded ten times over in a million spots for 7 years. God, seriously..at least detox off clonaz (and give yourself a good 6-8 months..shit at least..up to 2 years) to see how you then feel..and of course taking and using any help offered/available...including meds. This is the first time I've read that you are on it and for that long...shit I'm surprised you didn't do something drastic earlier. You could definately quit taking that shit, and it wouldn't even take any more, and wouldn't matter if you had a job or not..etc. There is literally no excuse to not quit. I definately would man.

Everything aside, if you truely are trying to do the "ultimate end rationalizations" for suicide, shouldn't you be having this/these talk(s) with your family/friends/loved ones? Try to even get past the first sentence with people you truely know, you won't..and not because (if you even) start to feel super guilty..but because you'll realize how much others just don't love you but how much you love them. -good fortune.
 
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how do you know you werent in this same dilemma before coming into this existence?

i mean if your notion of afterlife were so sound/solid, i just dont see how you could be in this situation.

the balance of learning/understanding isnt partial... so just the fact that your left at the end of an unanswered equation with a "?" above your head should show just how unsound and unfinished everything in your reality really is.

2 quotes

"what happened, happened the way it happened, and couldnt have happened any other way"

"it aint over until the fat lady sings"
 
^"simple" yet sweet, nice.

Hopefully Dila-P is taking some of this in. What would you say if he replied with something like, "Well my conclusion has already been learned. It was supposed to be that way. ? How do you reason with the unreasonable? There's certainly a way, but it's not always obvious. Imo, Dila-P is VERY reasonable, but he happens to be just barely hanging on. Here's to another day Dilated.... 8)8o%)
 
I am not going to tell my family/loved ones about this because they would physically keep this from happening - although if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. I could never slit my wrists, jump off a building, or anything like that though so I guess locking me up in a padded room would do the trick but then again I could starve myself or something but that would also really suck and be a horrible way to die so I wouldn't do it.

And then I know what you'll say... if they would restrain you from doing it they must care so much about you! I never said they didn't! I may seem to be coming off selfish here, but the fact of the matter is, is that this is my choice, no one else can choose this for me.

I'm willing to listen to what you all have to say, I have been haven't I?

And everything you said about my views on life/death are totally moot points. Why? Because I do know for a fact that there is a soul, and that we all have one, and that our consciousness lives on. We, our physical bodies, are just a shell. Our consciousness within our physical bodies is just a piece of our higher selfs. I have learned my lessons here, I've been through more than most people will experience in their lifetime by ten fold.

Like I've been saying, I'm making this decision while I'm not feeling manic, nor depressed. In fact at this current moment I am still content with my decision and I don't think that will change. I haven't decided when to do this yet, I may have some things to sort out before hand, but it will definitely be much sooner than later.

Garbage you said "how do you know you werent in this same dilemma before coming into this existence?" - I don't know that. In fact it may be why I am here. The fact of the matter is, even if I'm wrong and I haven't learned the lessoned I've needed to learn to continue my spiritual growth, I will just replay this exact same scenario out until the lesson is learned. It's as simple as that.

-dp
 
They're moot points because it doesn't matter, that's not the point of life. You will have willingly decided to waste a literal once in a life time opportunity. I don't buy into the bullshit notion that there are no make ups in life, that's a fallacy. You can always better yourself and start over, as long as you're willing to try. If you only put in half as much effort to life as you are in giving up, well then you'd be truely happy. -good fortune.
 
DP,

We've had a few PM's tossed back and forth before. Please reconsider what you're thinking. I know you're not seeking attention, and I'm very sorry for the unfortunate series of events that's led you to where you are today, but you never know what the future holds in store for you.

Keep holding on and never give up,
CH
 
I feel like a fuck up myself who has gotten himself into a rut. Not so deep as others, but I suffer a great deal almost everyday (everyday that I don't get high on morphine that is) and sometimes wish for the pain of life to go away. I don't know wtf is on the otherside and anyone who says they know for sure... well how I mean how can one known for sure?

I mean here we are on this planet literally overwhelmed with input, then we realize oh hey this is actually just a large rock flying around a bright burning star, and beyond that are billions of other stars/planets and the "big picture" is just something impossible to see. And this goes both ways, you can look out with a telescope and see this sort of pattern or even look inward with a microscope and it all sort of iterates the same point.

At this point, suicide is not an option (for me). My mom might have cancer, (and god knows I'll cry and suffer if I lose her to cancer, even though we never had a close relationship since I started using drugs), my father is borderline alcoholic and isn't very happy with life and doesn't understand me or talk to me very much (especially sober). I'm 22 years old and have been working in retail since I was 15. I haven't a dollar to show for it, I hate my job with a passion. I've never been in love, only ever had one girlfriend. I'm still a virgin. The only thing I really care about is ensuring that I feel high again, at least one more time.

Case and point: My life is pretty much shit. I have made a decision that before I can ever consider suicide, I have to try and build a life. I have to try for a career, get that schooling, try to find someone to love. If I've given it my all and still come up short, then fine. Then maybe I'll give in.

This thread got me thinking is all, I'm not telling you to wait it out and not kill yourself because it's obvious that you're going to do what you want to anyway. I do, of course, hope that you change your mind.
 
Well I think everyone is looking at this with the wrong perspective.

I am not unstable right now. I am not depressed to be honest, especially now that I've figured out what I am going to do, how I am going to do it, and that I know it will be pain free and easy for me to do.

Also, I am making this decision with a straight head, although you all will not believe me when I say that, I am completely making this decision based off of years of agony that I cannot even begin to explain. I know there are people out there who are worse off than me, I know many others are in much more pain physically as well, but the point being this is my life, and I have the right to end it, do I not?

Unfortunately for me I have helped many, and have been unable to help myself.

The people at the highest risk for suicide are the ones that aren't too depressed to actually carry out the act, as any psych or a simple Google search can tell you. That is why SSRIs carry black box labels. Once you start to feel better - or in your case being bipolar, having the swing back to mania, there is little that can truly stop you.

Trusting people carries risk and a lot of them aren't worth it. You may be confident in your spiritual practice, but thinking you know something doesn't mean you actually know it. I know of no meditation group or practice that supports suicide. Suicide is a harmful act. I speak from the perspective of an agnostic who has some quirky spiritual ideas here and there. Absent a terminal illness (and bipolar need not be) intentionally causing one's own death is as profound a "murder" as someone who goes into a convenience store and shoots the clerk to death over money.

The trick is to figure out who IS worth it, and you can't do that if you are dead. You are engaging in thinking and patterning out your own death that is counterproductive to your life. Someone earlier in this thread mentioned that if you put the work into living your life that you are putting into contemplation of ending it, you WILL live.

What you are thinking about doing is not euthanasia. It is denying your immortal soul its present channel of being. There may very well be nothing out there, and as someone who has researched the matter in more painful days of my own, I don't think the way you're planning on doing it is going to be as painless as you might think. People botch it all the time. Frankly, advocating such a method is incongruous to the person I know you to be, and I am placing that in very nice terms.

You may be able to rationalize it, but that does not make it right. My best advice remains to either focus on saving your own life through these "meditative practices" or if you are unable to do that, voluntarily sign yourself into the hospital. I will personally assure you that you will cause the people you have helped, myself included, significant pain, and no, people don't "just get over" losing a loved one.

I hope you don't go through with it, d_p. Don't give up. Fight for your own life as hard as you have fought for those of others. Fight your cases. Yeah, life really does suck at times, but every once in awhile you get a miracle.

You are too good a human being to wind up a statistic, and that is what death will reduce you to in the eyes of those of us left. Is that consistent with your "spiritual practice"? That's a rhetorical question.

Please choose to live and thrive for those who truly cannot. Your work on this planet isn't done, and life's a hell of a trip (in the good way) if you stick around. If you cannot take care of yourself, check yourself into the care of those who can.
 
Ahh... very kind words honestly. I will be honest to you all right now and tell you I haven't completely forgotten about ending my life, but I haven't fully put forth the effort to do so either. If I would have, well, I wouldn't be here right now would I?

Mariposa you make some good points I admit as well. I talked to others about suicide and spirituality. Some told me it's my right, some told me karma me will get me, and some told me lots of other things... The point is it really doesn't matter does it? Because in the end, you're dead, period. While spirituality may play a part in ones killing them self, their intellect may override everything and play the bigger role. And in my case, my intelligence & intellect do override everything sometimes. I do want to fight for a real life, I truly, truly do. But it seems that my energy has just been either neutral or negative lately, even though I seem to cover it up very well around anyone, hell I hide it from myself very well too! I think that I'm completely fine, but deep down I am worried that my bipolar may be up to no good... but then again I can't always blame my bipolar. Like I've said I've been good mentally, and I'm saying that honestly, because of my medication. I'm very level-headed, I do get angry sometimes but if you lived in my house you'd understand why, Lol.

So for right now I am not completely pushing the idea of ending my life out of my head in all honesty, but I am willing to try some more things to get my life back together. I really need to focus on figuring out a way to pay off my fines, otherwise I may find the police trying to find me :/ and I will *never* *ever* go back to jail! So lets hope I find some cash, and some true love with a beautiful women shall we :)

-dp

The people at the highest risk for suicide are the ones that aren't too depressed to actually carry out the act, as any psych or a simple Google search can tell you. That is why SSRIs carry black box labels. Once you start to feel better - or in your case being bipolar, having the swing back to mania, there is little that can truly stop you.

Trusting people carries risk and a lot of them aren't worth it. You may be confident in your spiritual practice, but thinking you know something doesn't mean you actually know it. I know of no meditation group or practice that supports suicide. Suicide is a harmful act. I speak from the perspective of an agnostic who has some quirky spiritual ideas here and there. Absent a terminal illness (and bipolar need not be) intentionally causing one's own death is as profound a "murder" as someone who goes into a convenience store and shoots the clerk to death over money.

The trick is to figure out who IS worth it, and you can't do that if you are dead. You are engaging in thinking and patterning out your own death that is counterproductive to your life. Someone earlier in this thread mentioned that if you put the work into living your life that you are putting into contemplation of ending it, you WILL live.

What you are thinking about doing is not euthanasia. It is denying your immortal soul its present channel of being. There may very well be nothing out there, and as someone who has researched the matter in more painful days of my own, I don't think the way you're planning on doing it is going to be as painless as you might think. People botch it all the time. Frankly, advocating such a method is incongruous to the person I know you to be, and I am placing that in very nice terms.

You may be able to rationalize it, but that does not make it right. My best advice remains to either focus on saving your own life through these "meditative practices" or if you are unable to do that, voluntarily sign yourself into the hospital. I will personally assure you that you will cause the people you have helped, myself included, significant pain, and no, people don't "just get over" losing a loved one.

I hope you don't go through with it, d_p. Don't give up. Fight for your own life as hard as you have fought for those of others. Fight your cases. Yeah, life really does suck at times, but every once in awhile you get a miracle.

You are too good a human being to wind up a statistic, and that is what death will reduce you to in the eyes of those of us left. Is that consistent with your "spiritual practice"? That's a rhetorical question.

Please choose to live and thrive for those who truly cannot. Your work on this planet isn't done, and life's a hell of a trip (in the good way) if you stick around. If you cannot take care of yourself, check yourself into the care of those who can.
 
This life is not a practice run. It's the only one we get. Don't waste it.

If for nothing else, stick around out of morbid curiosity - that's why I'm still here :) (The guilt about survivors helps a lot too).
 
The medication I'm on is lamactil (lamotrigine). It has helped my bipolar extensively, but my anxiety and my OCD I have worked on myself. I am also on klonopin but I've been on benzos for over 7 years so they do nothing for me anymore really... it takes the edge off at most, but really I am only still on my klonopin because I was told I'd be on it the rest of my life for my anxiety and I cannot see myself being able to quit taking it. I guess to be fair it does help, at least somewhat. But for the most part I have worked with myself, through meditation, to help overcome my anxiety issues and my OCD issues.

-dp

Does lamictil really work? I have intennnnnssseee bipolar and i'm perscribed that but i dont take it.
should i give it a try? what is it like? my old therapist wouldnt give me xanax and gave me that instead, so i just thought she was full of shit.
 
So selfish to think after your family who yeah might not be there for you all the time has thrown so much money into trying to make your life better just a giant slap to there face.

Honestly how could you think that killing yourself is the "right way out" you come in here on your high horse acting like your life sucks which It sounds like it does but I can tell you right now there is someone out there who had a worse life and has made it through thick and thin.

I had a friend who hung himself and I'll tell you what that shit hurts family, friends, everyone. I miss him daily sucide his never the correct option. I know how you feel I have a DUI pending right Now I'm fighting a drug addiction I am losing everything slowly I had a verbaly abusive step-father and physicaly abusive too.

I'll tell you fucking straight up I've preserverd and will countinue all I think about is getting out of highschool leaving and never looking back. I never would go to the lengths of taking my own life and hurting myself and everyone around me. You know killing yourself is one of thee biggest selfish things EVER.

You say you don't want attention so I'm not giving you any. I'm sorry your life has turned to shit (we both should of thought before getting in a car intoxicated) we do these things to ourselfs so we have to to pull our heads out of our ass's and deal with it.

FIGHT or GTFO end of story seek prof. Help

With Love man --ShayzoN
 
i think you need to just go live out in the woods for a awhile and connect with nature and find yourself or maybe your other selves. Get out of this world and go waaay back to your roots. Im not some hippy preaching to hug trees but thats where real life is and it helps more then we know if you let it ;) Stay alive love yourself forgive the assholes and just be!

my fuckin life sucks probably just as much and i still havent gotten off my ass to fix it at 24 years old. i also was the popular one all the friends the vip parties the one who everyone could count on blah blah well that didnt last im broke overweight no friends dont trust anyone or myself fuuuuck..but shit changes everyday you just never know what could happen.. but if i have learned one thing its that nothing happens unless you set it in motion then the universe will help you out!
 
i think you need to just go live out in the woods for a awhile and connect with nature and find yourself or maybe your other selves. Get out of this world and go waaay back to your roots. Im not some hippy preaching to hug trees but thats where real life is and it helps more then we know if you let it ;) Stay alive love yourself forgive the assholes and just be!

my fuckin life sucks probably just as much and i still havent gotten off my ass to fix it at 24 years old. i also was the popular one all the friends the vip parties the one who everyone could count on blah blah well that didnt last im broke overweight no friends dont trust anyone or myself fuuuuck..but shit changes everyday you just never know what could happen.. but if i have learned one thing its that nothing happens unless you set it in motion then the universe will help you out!

well said.
 
I haven't read the whole thread, but that's because I only have one thing to say after reading your post: IT ISN'T THE END OF THE WORLD. Only the end of the world is the end of the world. ;) :)

Motivation is hard to find for anything, especially the motivation to stay alive given your rationalizations for life and the afterlife. It's hard to stay motivated to be happy and active and engaged with the world when you're alive. But the way I have justified it all to myself is that I'm only gonna get this one chance to be alive on Earth in the capacity that I am alive and aware now, so why end it early? We have to die eventually, so what's the difference if we die today or in 100 years? Well, the difference is that you're cutting off any chance you had of having any of the experiences that would come about in your life, some of which might be amazing and delightful. And even if the whole rest of your life sucks, what have you really lost? At minimum, there's just as much reason not to kill yourself as there is to kill yourself, and I think the scales tip ever so slightly toward staying alive, so that's the option I've picked for now, and I recommend it to anyone. :)
 
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