chippermonk
Bluelighter
I'll have to try some metamizol next time I'm in a country where is legal
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Venting I just hate being sober
- Thread starter Mushoku_Sensei
- Start date
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
Don't expect too much of it. There's definitely nothing like a high with this one. It's also apparently better for visceral than scelettal pain and might lower your bp... The rare but dangerous side effects that lead to it's ban are the reason why you only get it with a prescription here, not sure about other countries. And I think it's almost never used for kids for the same reason.
Uden
Bluelighter
You didn't barge into anything. (Didn't you create this thread? I might be wrong...) I'm sorry I haven't been around and didn't reply to your posts. I'm just kinda out of it ATM. I'll back at some point. Trying to kick this shit. Sucks... don't really want to, but there's just no point anymore. Can't get anyone to sell me the real shit so fuck it. They don't get money anymore.
Anyway, like I said, I'll be around.
Peace and stuff. To everyone.
Robi
Bluelighter
I think I hate being intoxicated,use to love it I guess
JuiceBoxXxJunK13
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2025
- Messages
- 1
Dude I absolutely feel the same way with opiates. I’m not out of control with it like I used to be in my 20s mostly IVing Mexican tar- that shit has theee worst withdrawals by far. I just like to use downers recreationally. What really sucks is when people that do rails of ketamine 3+ times weekly or smoke hardware will sit there and tell me that I really need to quit or get away from opiates. I’ve been clean multiple times since I started using around 18 years ago, longest was 3 years. And sitting those times I usually substituted with alcohol and was wayyy worse mentally and physically. It’s not my fault my DOC happens to be downers. I just don’t see my self ever being 100% clean. And I don’t see anything wrong with recreationaly using opiates. Pretty sure our govt put such a bad stigma on it so everyone hates it..So I'm done, the last minor physical WD is over, and I'm forced to stay clean for another two days bc I came here for a tolerance break and didn't check my carry on stash. Then found out it takes some fkn 4-6 weeks to bring Tramadol tolerance to baseline, while every other opioid takes 2 weeks max.
... So it was all for nothing again. Like spacing out my doses ( yeah not enough ik by now). But anyways it doesn't matter why, but fact is I actually started believing my life wasn't as bad - while I still had drugs - and I could just stop and go on eventually...
Missed by far again... Looks like my life is still AS emotionally taxing as it was before... Which was why I started taking drugs in the first place.
Now I don't sleep for being dissatisfied and unhappy rather than wd or side effects or still too high or whatever and it's no better.
Another thing is that I'm obviously better at getting done what needs to be done when doped
But the worst is by far the internal pressure that comes out again.. might be connected to spring as well, cause autumn and spring are often more difficult emotionally. But likely it's more due to being sober and getting bored and really lonely. Ig it's normal but I seriously don't want to feel it. No need. I refuse. This goddamn shit should have died together with my youth ffs
What on earth do I still have human needs for when I have kids to take care of!?! No way to fulfill them anyway
So yeah. There need to be things to look forward to in life imo. Didn't have much of that the last 13 years... Now I have access to all kinds of drugs at leastSo I ordered myself a little gift...
Fun fact: "Gift" in German = "Poison" (how very fitting indeed)
After all I need some "sun" in my life - "Sonne", the Rammstein version please...
PS: I just smiled and am feeling better already. Writing IS therapy after all...
BourbonMac
Bluelighter
Yeah... me too. I've been addicted to kratom already for... 8 years??? Good God. Most of the time it doesn't do much, but I cut back recently and it's been fucking me up. I only have like 25g left though and am broke, so I'm kinda screwed. Shitty friends owing me... 150 or so still and not even mentioning it is ass. They're hardly friends, just the last people in my life, buying vodka and beer every day. Like hey, maybe stop buying 24 packs of beer and just grab a couple shitty cheap tallboys that are like 10%? They used to sell one like that for a buck. Gimme my fucking cash lol
I'm close to affording a 20oz bag, just barely off. It would suck to go into withdrawal, because I already wake up with them. Insane fatigue, holy shit. I'm glad I can at least skip night doses now, because I really hated that. I'd get baked, forget, then go drink it like "why am I drinking this shit." Often I'd do 6g during the day, 2.5g or so at night to avoid restless legs, but I don't get them now. It's just the crazy fatigue when I get up, dose, and then I'm finally feeling good on this again.
Either way, yeah. I feel the same way for so many reasons. Every day it's like I'm just waiting for around bedtime to get stoned out of my mind. But honestly, I just want a lifetime supply of DMT. I hate being sober, and I hate reality, the world, society, all of it disturbs me. That alternate world within DMT was not only of great comfort to me, but very beneficial for my mental health. My chemist is long gone, Idk how to make that shit.
Probably isn't that hard, but going back to the whole, I'm broke, that's not gonna happen any time soon. All I got is some acid, finished all my shrooms that were 3 years old the other night. They'd lost potency, but I spent the evening and following day in a constant meditative trance. It's that kind of thing you wish you could always feel. Your mind so quiet, so empty. I have OCD and intrusive thoughts, but they simply couldn't happen. I enjoyed this while I could
I'm close to affording a 20oz bag, just barely off. It would suck to go into withdrawal, because I already wake up with them. Insane fatigue, holy shit. I'm glad I can at least skip night doses now, because I really hated that. I'd get baked, forget, then go drink it like "why am I drinking this shit." Often I'd do 6g during the day, 2.5g or so at night to avoid restless legs, but I don't get them now. It's just the crazy fatigue when I get up, dose, and then I'm finally feeling good on this again.
Either way, yeah. I feel the same way for so many reasons. Every day it's like I'm just waiting for around bedtime to get stoned out of my mind. But honestly, I just want a lifetime supply of DMT. I hate being sober, and I hate reality, the world, society, all of it disturbs me. That alternate world within DMT was not only of great comfort to me, but very beneficial for my mental health. My chemist is long gone, Idk how to make that shit.
Probably isn't that hard, but going back to the whole, I'm broke, that's not gonna happen any time soon. All I got is some acid, finished all my shrooms that were 3 years old the other night. They'd lost potency, but I spent the evening and following day in a constant meditative trance. It's that kind of thing you wish you could always feel. Your mind so quiet, so empty. I have OCD and intrusive thoughts, but they simply couldn't happen. I enjoyed this while I could
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
Good luck!!!
I guess I can't imagine what it's like even... But I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best from my heart!!
- Don't give up, you know why you're doing it, and those are damn good reasons! 
... See you on the flip side - or so I hope
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
If you still feel like this in a few days I'm envying you... Sounds like the best place to be...
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
Hey, what's smoke hardware?
.. also trust me almost any government out there is stigmatizing that.. Probably because it's addictive and none of the accepted classical drugs like alc 
. I'm still undecided as to what is my ultimate target... Though being clean would be great for many reasons, the stigma being only one... What I hate most about being addicted to something is that first it's not really a choice anymore, second - and at least for me at least equally important - you have to keep increasing doses. And that's where the trouble started at least for me... Well I guess that's what disturbed me more than losing my freedom ... The fun decreases as the cost increases, which is basically why I started the taper this time as well... Idk. I honestly doubt it's possible but I wish I could just use them occasionally... No tolerance, and a tiny amount being enough... That would be so perfect 
... But yeah... There are only few who can do that I guess. - And my envy's gonna follow them like their own shadow LMAO 
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
Kratom has some of the same features Tramadol also has, the serotonin part. I'm getting very well how hard it must be to quit after such a long time - in case you even want to.. you'll probably have to taper as well; good luck getting your money back btw.
Going cold is always the harder way, and taking long as well if it's anything like Tram for brain metabolism... But when you're saying it doesn't do much most of the time that might be a motivation? Cause with some money at hand you could get DMT as well I suppose. Where are you from? Not a place where it's legal I figure?I wrote this many times before on here but DMT can be used in it's traditional way legally in most countries - since the ingredients of Ayahuasca are widely available. You still have to put in some effort and manage to drink what's likely one of the most disgusting things to get down on earth
. But it works. For hours. I'd say it's at least worth the trouble for a once in a lifetime experience...Edit: now I almost forgot: Last night I also took some of my old mushrooms - 4 g worth of them accidentally
. I had shredded and mixed them with honey (the result is called Blue Honey), and they're very easy to take like that unless it's a huge amount of it... Which it was for me.. Maybe it was their age for losing potency or my mixer got too hot (took very long and never managed to powderize all of them) or the tea I mixed it with was boiling them, in any case it made me feel sick but not even a trace of a pattern appeared 
... When I realized I had taken double of what I meant to I got scared for a bit so in the end I didn't mind all that much. There was still a hint of that friendly feeling I know from mushrooms and I was falling asleep early so I guess that's what was left of the effects (they always make me sleepy)... Just mentioning cause of the coincidence 
Last edited:
Uden
Bluelighter
Never planned on leaving the site. (I dunno why I said that, I think I thought that's what you meant? No clue.) You guys are pretty much the only real people I know. Besides my mom and sister.Good luck!!!
I guess I can't imagine what it's like even... But I'm thinking of you and wishing you the best from my heart!!
... See you on the flip side - or so I hope
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
Hey! How is it going? .. I actually tried to use an expression that I thought I knew what it meant
. I meant see you on the other side of addiction... Possibly clean the both of us.... If that makes sense...So how are you? I'm curious but don't feel pushed...
As for me I'm almost off the Tramadol. In little and weekly steps... Actually tomorrow is the last day, or so I planned.
Doesn't mean I stopped the opis all together, but I should be fine without the SNRI then..
Next one to go out is Ket. My saline solution is almost finished and I'm planning on not making another unless I'm clean from the opis... Which isn't even gonna hurt much because lately it always made me feel like shit...
So it's time to think about how to deal with the biggest issue (which I carefully avoided to do so far
). 
By now I'm also feeling the vapes in my lungs... And I promised to my son (the one who found out, and he really kept it a secret
) that I will stop by next year. Which is not going to work as long as I use opioids regularly... That much is sure./ End of Rant
Anyway I hope you are okay...
jasperkent
Bluelighter
If it still worked for me, I'd still be doing it.
These days I want to be sober more than I want to be fucked up.
Uden
Bluelighter
Honestly? Not as good as you. I miss it. Knew I would. Don't want to give it up. Don't have a choice. Fucking hate this place.Hey! How is it going? .. I actually tried to use an expression that I thought I knew what it meant
So how are you? I'm curious but don't feel pushed...
As for me I'm almost off the Tramadol. In little and weekly steps... Actually tomorrow is the last day, or so I planned.
Doesn't mean I stopped the opis all together, but I should be fine without the SNRI then..
Next one to go out is Ket. My saline solution is almost finished and I'm planning on not making another unless I'm clean from the opis... Which isn't even gonna hurt much because lately it always made me feel like shit...
So it's time to think about how to deal with the biggest issue (which I carefully avoided to do so far
By now I'm also feeling the vapes in my lungs... And I promised to my son (the one who found out, and he really kept it a secret
/ End of Rant
Anyway I hope you are okay...
Glad you're doing good though. I hope you keep it up.
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
Hmm.. I'd be absolutely surprised if you didn't miss it... So did I understand you correctly when I'm thinking you're clean atm?
Also I'm hardly that much better drug -wise, since I didn't stop the opiods... I just switched to Tapentadol and now Tilidin, since the former is messing me up too much for trying to be on it at work
So for REALLY quitting I'm definitely not there yet...
Uden
Bluelighter
I mean not technically... but I don't get high. Can't sleep for shit. So I might as well be. Keep boiling old filters I've boiled I don't know how many times now. Seems to help with the WD's a bit but that gets old too. And I've done some roxy's over the last week. Didn't really do shit for me but maybe take the edge off imperceptibly, or nearly so. I tried not to get my hopes up that I'd feel anything off them but failed in that. Took 5x 15mgs. Then used the next 5 over the next day or three. Probably should have taken all 10 at once. Wish I could find some opanas. It's been a little over a week since I've gone out looking for anything H or Fent-wise, not that I'd find anything worth a fuck anyway if I did go looking.Hmm.. I'd be absolutely surprised if you didn't miss it... So did I understand you correctly when I'm thinking you're clean atm?
Also I'm hardly that much better drug -wise, since I didn't stop the opiods... I just switched to Tapentadol and now Tilidin, since the former is messing me up too much for trying to be on it at work
So for REALLY quitting I'm definitely not there yet...
What the fuck happened to you Knoxville? You suck.
Mushoku_Sensei
Bluelighter
I see you're underway.... From fent back to pills is probably the biggest step one may have to take...if you can achieve that much it would probably make things quite a bit easier Already, right? Your tol must be going down rather fast this way... Don't give up! You're going to be able to feel them again eventually
Robi
Bluelighter
Me too
jasperkent
Bluelighter
Knoxville always did kinda suck.
Is that where you are? I went to UT and then kept living in Knoxpatch for another 15yrs or so-- 1977 thru early 90s.
I'm currently down the road in Chattanooga.
Uden
Bluelighter
Yeah, just outside it unfortunately. It didn't suck for a while in that regard. It does now. At least for a 45 year old white dude from Maine. *shrug*
Lived in the general area since 2008. Oak Ridge. Farragut. Rockwood. That sucked. Knoxville itself for a time. Western Heights was ... interesting. Sevierville. I think that's it.
Last edited: