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Venting I just hate being sober

I can vibe with this for sure. Being on medications pretty much since I was like 13 and there's been periods where I just don't have access to them for either reasons that I took more than I was supposed to and ran out, or say other substances would be like you know ran out of my stash waiting till next payday, that kind of thing.

I generally do not spend much time straight up sober, like Stone Cold Sober just a coffee, and I f****** prefer my life like this. I can have times when I'm completely dry and you're not low characteristically they just not as high. Not even trying to be punny or anything I just like it better when I'm slightly stimulated and or twisted just a bit.

Also from my experience the best way to quit anything is to just run out of money. That'll put a f****** stop to everything real quick, necessity drives all of my decisions except for my periodic hedonism
 
Them Witches said:
It is not controlled by the British any more. That ended in 1997. I traveled there in 1994 and 1996. I would not travel there again though.

I have been talking about this topic recently comparing the current USA "fentanyl crisis" to the First Opium war 1839-1842. Regarding how Britain paid India to increase their poppy production to be imported/smuggled into China which created approx. 4 million Chinese opium addicts. Then Britain invaded China and took hold Hong Kong and other main Chinese providences.

Many believe that China is getting pay pack and executing the same "war tactic" on the US. I strongly believe there will be severe conflict on US soil and "illicit fentanyl, Nitazine, Xylazine" are being used as a silent weapons to weaken the US's resources of able-body fighting men & women.
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Actually pretty interesting take, Fair observation
 
Working_Class said:
I can vibe with this for sure. Being on medications pretty much since I was like 13 and there's been periods where I just don't have access to them for either reasons that I took more than I was supposed to and ran out, or say other substances would be like you know ran out of my stash waiting till next payday, that kind of thing.

I generally do not spend much time straight up sober, like Stone Cold Sober just a coffee, and I f****** prefer my life like this. I can have times when I'm completely dry and you're not low characteristically they just not as high. Not even trying to be punny or anything I just like it better when I'm slightly stimulated and or twisted just a bit.

Also from my experience the best way to quit anything is to just run out of money. That'll put a f****** stop to everything real quick, necessity drives all of my decisions except for my periodic hedonism
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Yo! And welcome to the club 😜
Not sure whether I wrote it here already but I switched to Kratom, thinking it's easier to stop and at least semi legal... But I'm still abusing the left over pills I have and just can't hold back enough to bring my tolerance down... So yeah, I'm going to run out p soon... I still wish I could return to surviving sober and not being upset all the time ( I swear I hate this keyboard for always clicking send accidentally in the middle of writing 😒)... Means I'm ready to accept that I need therapy.... Though Idk how and whether that might be possible.... My life doesn't fit with drug abuse, it's creating problems although I'm really playing it safe by now... 😮‍💨
 
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Mushoku_Sensei said:
So I'm done, the last minor physical WD is over, and I'm forced to stay clean for another two days bc I came here for a tolerance break and didn't check my carry on stash 🙄. Then found out it takes some fkn 4-6 weeks to bring Tramadol tolerance to baseline, while every other opioid takes 2 weeks max. 😤... So it was all for nothing again. Like spacing out my doses ( yeah not enough ik by now). But anyways it doesn't matter why, but fact is I actually started believing my life wasn't as bad - while I still had drugs - and I could just stop and go on eventually... 🤦

Missed by far again... Looks like my life is still AS emotionally taxing as it was before... Which was why I started taking drugs in the first place. 😑
Now I don't sleep for being dissatisfied and unhappy rather than wd or side effects or still too high or whatever and it's no better.
Another thing is that I'm obviously better at getting done what needs to be done when doped 😒
But the worst is by far the internal pressure that comes out again.. might be connected to spring as well, cause autumn and spring are often more difficult emotionally. But likely it's more due to being sober and getting bored and really lonely. Ig it's normal but I seriously don't want to feel it. No need. I refuse. This goddamn shit should have died together with my youth ffs 😒
What on earth do I still have human needs for when I have kids to take care of!?! No way to fulfill them anyway 😒
So yeah. There need to be things to look forward to in life imo. Didn't have much of that the last 13 years... Now I have access to all kinds of drugs at least 💀 So I ordered myself a little gift...
Fun fact: "Gift" in German = "Poison" (how very fitting indeed 😈)
After all I need some "sun" in my life - "Sonne", the Rammstein version please...

PS: I just smiled and am feeling better already. Writing IS therapy after all...😈
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Not a chance in hell id ever do it voluntarily, I do what I want and when I decide to quite I'll quite. Im one those guys who never will never quite until Im in the ground. Drugs are all care about there are my life and made that choice for them to be that way. I knew an alcoholic who would offer you a beer when you came into his house and he would get angry when you didnt take it because the alcohol was his life. Im on the ASPD spectrum so I never cared about people to much, I dont really like people.
 
fuckabout89 said:
Not a chance in hell id ever do it voluntarily, I do what I want and when I decide to quite I'll quite. Im one those guys who never will never quite until Im in the ground. Drugs are all care about there are my life and made that choice for them to be that way. I knew an alcoholic who would offer you a beer when you came into his house and he would get angry when you didnt take it because the alcohol was his life. Im on the ASPD spectrum so I never cared about people to much, I dont really like people.
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What's your favorite drug?
 
^Eh its worth trying but THAT IS ALL.

I have done meth (Hommade crank) and practically felt nothing but was downstream from some "cartel meth" and didnt sleep for 2 days. Literally one was first hand one was secondhand...

Not much insight there -- the rush is killer if you an IV or a smoker but other than that its just too much. You need sleep. We all do..
 
Working_Class said:
Actually pretty interesting take, Fair observation
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There was also a "2nd Opium War' from 1856-1860. Same place, same team players.

Both of these wars helped to cripple China's young aged militant fighting men creating a estimated 10-20 million opium addicts. Last reported in 1949, the amount of Opium and Diacetylmorphine
were close to 20 million addicts,
 
notsmokeymcpot42088 said:
^Eh its worth trying but THAT IS ALL.

I have done meth (Hommade crank) and practically felt nothing but was downstream from some "cartel meth" and didnt sleep for 2 days. Literally one was first hand one was secondhand...

Not much insight there -- the rush is killer if you an IV or a smoker but other than that its just too much. You need sleep. We all do..
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It just all varies man like weed sometimes I get stuff that total trash and wears off in 4 hours and stuff that just doesnt wear off. It varies on the street too, I know that powdery looking shit that was small crystals was good back 2019 but I haven't seen that for a while all I seen now is that wet looking stuff and stuff that looks like its mixed with plastic. That wet looking stuff is alright but there's wet looking shit that isnt. Stimulants effects effect me strongly always have. My first adhd med I got I use to skip school to enjoy the high it gave me concerta it was like mdma.

But nothing in my opinion compares to the pseudo stuff I got back in 23 absolutely nothing that was magical. Euphoria absolutely had me sinking into my bed and then eventually the psychosis came there was no shadow people I thought had ESP and was extremely fucked up. I get an effect from meth that again no one will believe me is future premonitions every single fucking time only when I stay up past 3 days though.
 
fuckabout89 said:
I mean enjoy opioids I just wouldn't want to be nodding off all day. I couldn’t funtion like that and eventually it starts making me think about my fucked up life.
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I'd say you're lucky to not be too fond of them. I am very much awake with most of my doses. They motivate me and I can work like a machine... Sometimes I like getting close to the nod, but more would just make me sleep and miss the high, so I'm trying to avoid that.
Stims are only good for keeping me awake when I have to be at all cost. Even caffeine gave me an all body tremor when I took it with Kratom after just switching to it.
I didn't ever get much out of stims but very uncomfortable. Restlessness and shaking...
 
Mushoku_Sensei said:
I'd say you're lucky to not be too fond of them. I am very much awake with most of my doses. They motivate me and I can work like a machine... Sometimes I like getting close to the nod, but more would just make me sleep and miss the high, so I'm trying to avoid that.
Stims are only good for keeping me awake when I have to be at all cost. Even caffeine gave me an all body tremor when I took it with Kratom after just switching to it.
I didn't ever get much out of stims but very uncomfortable. Restlessness and shaking...
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I just our brains are wired differently. Kratom works good for focus for me.
 
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