So it's this weird combination of a reward system.
That was used to getting little spikes from this impairment exclusively. And then a sudden loss of hope of any kind of contacts that are familiar. That's why the crash of feeling bigger than the actual ideas you have about how you can explain why this connection hurts so much is because you're not just losing. You're losing the anticipation of what this could have been like in the future.
You're losing an anticipation of what the connection itself should be. The anticipation turns into an impulse and the fantasy and what it could turn into in real life. And this anticipation was such a huge huge component. So when you're sitting here telling yourself, I shouldn't be this ruined over this and ruined over that or actually the way you would think it should be. The normal way you are thinking it to be.
Just want and remember that you're not measuring the depth. You're measuring the height of a nervous system that never got the taper off from that extreme high.
But many of us don't get that curve. You don't get sad and then a bit better and then a bit better. Instead of that, you get okayish and then flat and then ' oh my god, is this going to go on forever? ' That flatness has a name in addiction work and it's usually referred to as a period of anhedonia.
For people who are addicted to hard substances, this flat period does go on for months and a longer duration of when nothing really feels like anything. And a lot of people relapse here because they think, well, if life is going to feel like cardboard forever, I might as well go back to this person that at least feels something.
Intoxication abuse can cause people to have reduced control over impulses or urges. As a result, it can make it difficult for them to suppress aggression that is not appropriate for this situation.
And it's not hard to see why a person would feel this way. Heavy substance abuse and especially alcohol will numb that pain out and cause impulsive actions because your inhibitions are down and your brain is no longer functioning properly and you can't feel pain anymore that you can easily be able to inflict instead on yourself.
And no, feeling awful doesn't mean that has done some sort of permanent damage to you and that you'll never recover and never be able to again. What it means is that you are feeding your reward system one consistent thing over and over again. And now that this thing is gone, your system needs time to recalibrate. So think of it as a period when the system is down, not destroyed forever.
Which is why you really have to force yourself to be patient with yourself. And going through this period, your mind wants to make it mean something because that's what your mind does. It wants to find meaning, patterns in things. And it tries to make you believe that if you feel this way and you get pleasure out of nothing more than this, then obviously this was you in person.
But this is just the mind reaching for anything. It just means that your brain got used to getting lit up in this very specific way. This is an addiction and the rest of your life hasn't started lighting up the system again yet. But it will.
Your body is smart. It's thinking, if this still works, why not just keep doing more of it? The point is because they get tired. They get tired of waiting to feel good. And it's the same point where people go back to heavy substance abuse for many reasons including pain. They go back to hard drugs, go back to overindulgence when drinking alcohol. It's okay to feel good about yourself but just not that way. By hurting.
Physical pain can heal acutely however mental pain can linger chronically and it stays present longer than expected or fades away much more slowly and you can be left being more susceptible in that lingering with that delayed departure.
Please don't judge your healing from inside of this place because this is the worst place to decide. But you have to stop re-dossing yourself with this abuse of these feelings every few days or forever and a day for that matter. For every new intoxicating contact, every new bit of rumination or fantastical thinking or storytelling or running through the same conversations in your mind.
You have to stop ghosting yourself with this kind of rumination. It just keeps telling your brain nope we're still addicted to this and it gives your brain a reason to continue.
Chronic alcohol use can decrease the function of the prefrontal cortex, affecting impulse control. As a result, people may act out aggressively while under the influence. And Impaired cognitive function is a decreased cognitive function that can make it difficult to problem solve, control anger and make healthy or safe decisions when doing things especially like excessive drinking and heavy substance abuse. Sometimes individuals may be less likely to read a situation correctly and overreact as a result.
You are good ! And you do know that you are also. Please keep going and being the Great you that you really are !!! You Can.
Aghhh.
