• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

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i had this idea... write a poem here.

^^not trying to be an ass, but this thread is not for sappy love poems--

the idea was (and i encourage you to read the OP) that i give you a title and you write a poem. using that title.

you didnt title your poem, and you wrote it 8 years ago--so theres no way its relevant to this post.

make a new thread, if you want commentary or feedback on your work.

id appreciate it if youd delete that and make a new thread.
 
oooooooooooyou can not reach me now,
No matter how you try.

Goodbye cruel world,
It's over,
Walk on by......





No matter how you try you can not attain the tragedy of that song. I would feel that writing anything with "it's over" as the theme would be meaningless in comparison to that song.
 
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its over

im not sure what youre talkin about there psych...

and hell yes i can call anything i want "its over"

notice the post topic.

and ill stop flaming you, its over.;)
 
Here's my Bukowski-inspired poem. Maybe it's not so raw, but it was written while drunk! Writing while drunk isn't something I do normally, because the results are usually disastrous. This one worked out ok though, I guess.


The staggerer

My friend
(the staggerer)
has shouting matches
with his shoes,
cradles dark bottle
when happy,
walks the strip like he’s at home,
but he’s never home
'til the morning
when the grass bathes him
in its arms,
sun pressing to him,
the park holding
only early walkers in its paths,
a conversation between a woman
and a dog who’s walking tangents (all of which
my friend doesn't see, only hears,)
and he takes the shape of bliss,
of waking sleep,
spreadeagled solace
‘neath the morning,
compares the musics
of the birds.


P.S. Psych: I love The Wall. :D
 
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For me The Wall is all about the film. The Floyd showed The Who how to do rock opera (as much as I love The Who). ;)

And for me it's hard to pick their best album. My favourite songs would probably be Atom Heart Mother, Astronomy Domine and Echoes.

Anyway, this is a serious hijack... I'm guessing wesmdow will tell us to take this outside... to N-EMD!
 
Dude, Atom Heart Mother is amazing. That whole album is, it makes me sad that the members of pink floyd thought it was crap. Atom Heart Mother is so beautiful.
 
Psychedelics_r_best said:
Dude, Atom Heart Mother is amazing. That whole album is, it makes me sad that the members of pink floyd thought it was crap. Atom Heart Mother is so beautiful.
Click to expand...

Totally.
 
"Lines" for Raven

Cross the field; distraught lines of war
from blood and wide open memories

I have lived outside the lines
and grown wicked in my longing...

The tragic thief
Thief in the television
and my thought was stolen

Sentuous stoned grief in Lament
for the pale old stinch of
liquor coffee pills remorse

It is waged! the wailing agony outside on the
outer rim...outside the lines
Decieved and beaten into door-steps on
the corners of midnight and morning

Sickness and the lonely virus raid the
terror huts on the city's Eastside where children roam
and kill and steal...she got high again... oh my Raven!

My stomach once overflowed with whiskey
I laid shaking and dying and gasping

Shredded time in shredded dirty dishes...

Tides slip slippery begging sorrow from toys
over to little children on the Runn
Law no longer after me...

However my Devils prevail in time and
color inside the lines of a prison only I could build
No great design...

Just smoke and handy drunk workers
with cock suckers and junk fuckers...

Rebellion now in the lost line of homelessness
I bring you all this hymn without rhyme and a lack of reason
Ah to the worlds gigantic heartlessness
Power hungry
Lost in a tired friendship
Abstract bullet eaters on the steps of bakery smelling
morning sunshines

Violence at every turn
Shot down your moment of beaming hope
Shot down in no glory at all
The outline of abstract art...

You are my distraction; Monkey on my back
But you were my Raven...And I miss you
Whispering, pinching
Driving in suicide ice-cream trucks
Homicidal candy-robbers

Angel--rows of lined trackmarks on her arms
Gothic fiends in robes
I saw God...I saw God
--Born on the red planet
and long lost solitude

Tired symptoms of systems
...flairing emotions...
No pills for emotion sickness!

You got much time for the crime of living
New neglect and new Gods
Rise above the lines of Heaven
And fall beneathe the waves of Earth and Hell

Shoe strings hiding murder scenes
and liquor store heists
Dead Korean store clerk in pools
of a drunken vodka washed American midnight
Pissing out poetry on sheets of magic

Does it register?
Does it register, my Raven angel?
 
when all creativity is gone... - you make do with what you got :)

i made it
lines
now
you are mine

it's over
filthy pig
nothings left but
rotten meat
 
ALRIGHT, break it up. make a pink floyd discussion thread//write in the lyrics thread if you havent.

(my favorite PF album is animals:))
 
So... is this thread going to continue, or should we maybe start a new "writing challenge" thread?

Maybe we could take it in turns to nominate a challenge, and set a new one once a fortnight or something?
 
#18.

Look at them now.
They're feeling so PROUD.
How on earth can they survive?

Let me know in time.
LET ME KNOW IN TIME.:X
 
wordy pm me about changes to this thread. i like the idea but the execution is impractical.

we should work out a better system.
 
I'm unsticking this thread, for the time being at least. I'd like to keep the idea alive though.

wesmdow, I'll drop you a PM. :)
 
Lines


There is static in the eyes
Of the persistent
The darkest hunt
And its devoted
Carry a fever
That cannot stand
Disregarded
For the prey
In which they delve
Is of the exotic
And so ravenous
Does it make
The haunted
That their hunger
Can impose a growl
On the fullest of bellies

The ultimate minority
The secretly associated
Gather
The hunt
Is in perpetuum
At all hours
Behind stained doors
And into basic rooms
With posters of Bob Marley
Cashed Ash
And stacks of
CD case badges
The clamor
The frenzy
Of the aching
These briefly united
Consumers
Takes place
launching themselves
Into the woeful fated
Jaded Forest
Of everything
Never enough
And for what---
Tummies and noses
Equipment and doses
Upon doses
Upon doses
To carry around
From town to town
Because who really knows
What’s ever in your suitcase
Anyway.

And you can’t see
What’s up my nose
Or in my arse
So I’ll feel free
To keep things this way
Because I can handle
My own luggage
It all depends
On what I need
Or how much I can carry
At the time
And so many times
Have my arms been hale
Have our needs
Perilously harmonized
But fuck what a jive
Oh what a wail

Some of us are still stirring
In our spoons
And in our wallets
And in our heads
While others
Haven’t a taste
For anything
Anymore
Dirt and worms
In the skulls of our comrades
Rotten slime
in the holes
Where there used to be eyes
That would go down for lines
But there’s no more time
For failing at what
Life defined
is supposed to be
For decaying
Or waiting
Coming down
let them, the dead
remind you
of the precariousness
Of the deep forest
We all cannot
Get out.
 
Severed


Discuss
Each forensic bit
Of insecurity
.... Desolation .....

Dissected

A rupture
Of disapproval
While the state
I so chose to purchase
*Impulse of the dollar*
Has burned
A ghost hole
Singed in the pocket
And down
To the thigh
Where the blue jean hole
Is imaginary
For the dollars
from there
Filled the hungry space:

The rotten gorge:

------The cavity
mollified it with
a moment enough
for time to satisfy
And the high
Its a mangle
On my tongue
Reprieve the repeated fault
Of my disassociation
My intemperance---
For aim only do I
To be complaisant
With you
Rash
about use
But jealousy
Exclamations
Of unnecessary anguish
Bring me guilt
imaginary obstacles
to be discussed
another day...
for now i will do my best
to pursue
the respected
situation
I will seek
The high
with
No more strings attached
...severed...
 
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You're prolific! ;)

I like these two... barbed, broken, ghosting, glowing stuff.
 
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