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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I fucked up... a lot

Pander Bear said:
STOP speaking to people who get high

STOP posting on bluelight

you aren't serious about getting sober until you do both of these.
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Wait, I can understand staying away from drug users. But leaving Bluelight? A lot of us give support to recovering addicts. A lot of people find comfort here, and some can get encouraged to keep going. I know that I've always found comfort and help in this site.
 
Georgie25 said:
I agree with ditching friends who still get high if you are trying to stay sober, but for me the dark side is my support group in sobriety. Why should I or Mia give that up?
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there's way too much temptation here for somebody struggling. And frankly, I doubt most people who visit the dark side and are trying to recover are being very honest with their peers (irl) about what they do on the internet. If this forum is the only thing keeping you sober-- then great. If you can't keep sober, and you're here-- this should be one of the first things to cut out.
 
^^ I completely disagree with that entire post PB. But you're entitled to your opinion, as is everyone else.
 
This isn't the end Mia. I'm sure their are other places that will take you. Pick yourself up and keep trying.
I do agree with PB that there are TRIGGERS here, but I think you can keep company here that will support you choice to be sober.
 
I don't have issues with drug addiction, but I find solace here in TDS when it comes to my mental illness. Most people in my real life can't relate or don't understand what I'm going through, but most of the people here in TDS can relate and its comforting knowing that others are going through the same thing I am, and are getting better.
 
I think 59 days of sobriety is a huge accomplishment, I don't think I've been completely drug free for over a couple days in the last 15 years. I think you should focus on the positive and just move forward and ignore all the negative. I've always heard that relapse is part of recovery so no use in beating yourself up for something that's already in the past. Sounds like you're in a much better place now than when you first posted. I wish you the best of luck.
 
That's good that you found another treatment place that you could go to- good luck with everything :)
 
You SHOULD seek out clean friends. It works wonders, being surrounded by people who never do any drugs.

As far as keeping away from Bluelight... Honestly, as a recovering addict myself, I often feel this place does more harm than good. It gets me thinking about drugs, and it's hard to read posts about people preparing to do coke or heroin, knowing that you can't join in the fun. This is especially true with forums like BDD and OD.

HOWWWWEVER: The Dark Side has never made me want to do drugs. It's a depressing place where we see what happens to people who take their addictions too far. I can still remember the threads I read here at first, a couple years ago, and it scared the shit out of me. Didn't scare me away from drugs, but it definitely didn't make me want to do em.

So yeah, stick around Bluelight, but try and keep yourself in TDS :).

Also, don't get too discouraged. I'm glad your family and boyfriend are being supportive, and you've found another rehab.

As for the assholes in this thread, I didn't get to read their comments before all the snipping. Probably for the best, they aren't worth listening to. There's a time and a place for "tough love", but it's not here. There is a way to be honest without being hurtful, and it's a fucking joke if they're trying to defend calling you names as being helpful.
 
I think you're being too hard on yourself. When I read the title of this post, I assumed you'd done something really terrible like, I don't know, run someone down while drunk driving or something. But in reality, you only feel bad precisely because you were doing so well. 59 days clean, and totally cold turkey? I think most people addicted to heroin would be over the moon if they could stop for that length of time. You've genuinely achieved something very, very difficult. And yes, you relapsed, but it sounds as if you were heavily influenced by 'friends'. That isn't really an excuse, but it certainly lessens the blame you're heaping on yourself. And the fact that you immediately came here and vented about it tells me you're still aware of your situation and still serious about giving up.

You said in another post that you've found another rehab centre. That's good. The best outcome for you right now would be to see this not as a real relapse (which implies you're now in for months of heavy using) but to see it as just a blip between periods of success.

At the end of the day, you know now, you absolutely know, that you can make it at least two months. So use up whatever stuff you have left (or better yet throw it away, though that really would take inhuman willpower) and aim for four months clean this time around, in the knowledge you've already taken the most difficult step.

Whatever you do, don't tell yourself that you've failed, or that you've done badly. You haven't. You really did achieve something impressive and therefore you really can do it again. You know the dangers now. The next time someone says they're going to score, you'll know what to tell them.

Good luck.
 
Wow I was fucking HIGH when I posted on here... I don't remember writing any of this, lol!

Anyway... I just got back to SF today. I did a 30 day rehab and I'm in a sober living now. I'm giving this thirty days and then I'm not making any promises either way... but I'm not sure how much I'll be on here for these 30 days cause this site is a bit triggering for me--right now anyway. But just wanted to check in with you guys and let you know I'm doing OK <3
 
^^ It's great to hear from you hun, and even better to hear that you're doing well!! I sincerely wish the best for you. Take care of yourself, give it your best, and keep us updated if/when you can <3
 
Very good to hear! I admire your ability to get up, dust yourself off, and continue working towards the lifestyle that you truly want. That takes great depth of character and will. Be well, mrs mia...
 
I wish you the best, Mia. Keep your chin up, as much as rock bottom sucks it is also a new beginning, and once you get past the difficult parts you'll have more appreciation for life and less fear because you've managed to overcome so much.
 
hey guys :(

I relapsed last night... I got really drunk. I got kicked out of my sober living and so now I'm staying with my parents.... this sucks :(
 
We all go through trying times. Just keep at it, keep trying. Make the hard decisions that you know you need to make to stay sober. Make new sober friends, stay away from anyone that uses drugs or alcohol. You're lucky to have such understanding parents. I'm not sure that my parents would've taken me back after all you've described.
 
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