• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

I fucked up... a lot

I didn't ask to be told I'm an idiot. I came on here for support, not to be ridiclued and critisized. I detoxed cold turkey off of heroin and meth. I've been dealing with rape and molestation trauma I haven't faced in years. I have suffered from an eating disorder for twelve years and had to gain 25 lbs. I had 59 days. My recovery was important to me.

Things are better. My parents talked to my therapist and he convinced them to help me get into another treatment program, which theyve agreed to do. And I talked to my boyfriend and he says he's just sad and worried, not angry, and he just wants to support me. :)
 
Last edited:
mrs_mia_wallace said:
I've been in rehab over 8 weeks and I got kicked out this morning. I had 59 days and I've been out 7 hours and I've already shot up H and snorted a line of meth.

I was so into my sobriety... not in the beginning but the last three weeks I was really happy being sober. I met an amazing guy in rehab and I was working hard and going through some rough times--I really felt like I was working on my issues for the first time, and really into 12 steps-- but I had hope.

Then last night some of my friends wanted to go and get shit and I really didn't even want to go but I just wanted to get out and I wasn't sure if I was gonna use or not, honestly... And then I got caught and they kicked me out. I did not want to leave at all, I was hysterical and told them I would do anything if they would let me stay, and they told me they would call the cops if I didnt go pack. I am so devastated. I am stranded in Arizona and I'm totally broke-- I hitchhiked to Phoenix and spent all my money on drugs with my friends I got kicked out with so I'm flat broke. I miss my boyfriend and I can't stand that I hurt him. And my parents are furious with me and want absolutely nothing to do with me, and after doing family therapy things were SO good between us. I feel hopeless and scared and I have no idea what I'm gonna do.
Click to expand...
I know it's really hard, but try not to feel hopeless. It's not hopeless, no matter how much it seems that way.

So you screwed up a bit and got kicked out of rehab. You made a mistake and you're in a bad situation right now. But that doesn't mean you've failed. You have a chance to remake your life here. This could be the start of a new, much better phase of your life, or you could get back into bad habits. It's your choice.

You don't have to go back to being an addict. You said you liked being sober. You went a whole 59 days without using any drugs. That shows that you can quit. But only if you really want to. Do you? You need to answer that for yourself. Because if you don't, nobody is going to be able to help you. But if you truly want to, and it seems like you do, then there are plenty of things you can do to fix your life.

First of all, I'd recommend cutting off all contact with your old friends. Wipe out their numbers out of your phone, move to a different area, make new friends. It's extremely hard to say no when the drugs are right there in front of you. It's much easier to stop if you don't have access to anything. Second, someone in this thread has offered you help in getting back on your feet. If you're serious about wanting to quit, then I think you should get in touch with that person. Their email is in their profile. Third, take things one day (or one hour, or one second) at a time. I know you've probably heard that a million times, but in my experience, it's really good advice.

Just my two cents.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Okay, I have had to clean up a LOT of bullshit in this thread. Can everyone please act like adults and show each other some goddamned respect please?? We do NOT tolerate name-calling, aggressive or abusive comments to people in difficult situations here in The Dark Side. This is a place of sanctuary where people come for support in their times of need. If you can't respect that and follow the rules then please do not bother posting in The Dark Side.

Thank you.
 
^thanks, n3o!!!

Your efforts keep this place so much more beneficial and therapeutic and don't let us all devolve into the nastiness we're all capable of.
 
^ so according to you posting on BL means I won't be able to get off benzos and subs, or does it only apply to the OP?
 
And ms mia, you know you just made a really bad choice, the consequences were tough, but rehabs obviously can't have people sneaking out. Anyhow, I think everyone makes mistakes early in recovery. You're very fortunate to have a family that is giving you another chance. They must have some faith in you, I would venture to say if you get kicked out of this new rehab, your probably not going to get another chance with your folks help. Best of luck to you.
 
Pander Bear said:
STOP speaking to people who get high

STOP posting on bluelight

you aren't serious about getting sober until you do both of these.
Click to expand...

^ he's right. I wondered what became of you after you posted about wanting to try methadone....I've been in your shoes - being kicked out of treatment and stranded in a far-off city - Put your faith in something and try to get out of this - if you want to stop using stay away from bluelight ;) good luck
 
i dont get why so many people here are hateing on her she made a "MISTAKE" as did probably almost evreyone in this lovly bluelight community shit ive checked into rehabs n detoxs where ive checked myself out hours later atleast she stayes for 2 months n had a slip up so wut just jump right back on the wagon n hopefully you will learn from this mistake and not do it again
good luck : )
 
Pander Bear said:
STOP speaking to people who get high

STOP posting on bluelight

you aren't serious about getting sober until you do both of these.
Click to expand...

I agree with ditching friends who still get high if you are trying to stay sober, but for me the dark side is my support group in sobriety. Why should I or Mia give that up?
 
Guys, please read my post-- I'm checking into rehab today, I fucked up, yes, but does that mean that all the work Ive done in the past is totally dismissed?

I didn't know these friends were using. We've always been passionate about sobriety and sick and tired of being sick
and tired. But this past week shit got really hard for everyone and two of them relapsed. That basically got the snowball efffect... It's hard for me to pull away from them because I became so close to them all. But none of them have intensions of staying sober so I know they can't be a part of my life right now. But I also had nowhere to go when I got kicked out literally on the street....

As for BL, I know it's not good for my sobriety, but I had just really hoped for some non judgement support for what I'm going through right now....
 
^
i really admire u : ) as we all know relapse is part of recovery and most of us dont do wut the op is doing we usually binge for alittle while b4 we go back in she is going right back in i giv u much respect : )
 
I'm not able to say i know what your going through cause i don't, but bluelight is a great place to be in any situation.

Just stay away from the sections of the sight that hinder more than help, i know there are plenty of places on here that give you a chance to talk about your specific problems cause chances are someone on here has lived them, and if not then you can always make your own thread. pretty much everyone on here is understanding and can give you the support you need.

Occasionally there are idiots who have to say shit that they don't need to.

Remember Bluelight isn't just about drugs, there's plenty of other forums to talk in :) i hope everything works out for you, like a lot of other people who read this thread it means something to me
 
good luck OP. You got another chance, and hell im sure a lot of us here have gotten tons of "second" chances, but you need to understand how much work you need to do or everything can and will go to shit again
 
Mia,

I've read some of your posts in TDS over the last few months........you seem like a sweet person with a good heart, but burdened with many struggles. Glad to hear you are going back into rehab........your sobriety time is more than many have had in their years of using (including me!) and a relapse doesn't mean that you have lost your sobriety for good, just keep up with what you are doing by going back to rehab and not using. Stay strong Mia!
 
Pander Bear said:
STOP speaking to people who get high

STOP posting on bluelight

you aren't serious about getting sober until you do both of these.
Click to expand...

I agree with your first comment, wholeheartedly.
But I do not agree with the second suggestion. The Dark Side is here for the very reason that people need support when coming off drugs. Sure, there are many other forums here on BL which contain material that could encourage one to use drugs, but here in TDS we actively try to avoid that. If mia could limit herself to only reading/posting in TDS, it could be a really helpful source of support for her, as it has been in the past, for her and many others.
 
Good job on the 59 days, that is awesome! It isn't GOOD that you used one time, but it isn't the end of the world either. You put in a lot of hard work and it doesn't just all go to crap when you hit a road bump.

Remember the guilt you feel, and try to use that to help you from quitting. It seems like you really don't want this stuff in your life anymore, and no one else wants it for you. Friends will understand if you don't want to get fucked up. If they don't, it is probably better being friendless :/

Good luck, I know you can do it! <3
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top