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Humiliation

NO.

Perpetuating a lack of self worth and sense of humiliation by recreating a savage rape that you experienced AS A CHILD (and is where these disorders of the psyche stem from) is unhealthy.

He needs to forgive himself and realize it wasn't his fault, if he hasn't done so already, and move onto healthy practices.

I'm into BDSM as much as the next pervert - I mean I am into some twisted shit, but it all comes from love, however this is something that he needs help with, as it clearly comes from a place of fear.

Totally agree with Jamshyd.
 
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Whipped Dream said:
Nope. I READ all of the above threads, word for word. I just fail to see how his fantasies are harmful and unhealthy.

(Obviously the reference to pulling out a knife and stabbing a guy for wanting to kiss him was an exaggeration, come on folks).

Do you people leave the house? Have you seen what goes on in this fucked up world? His fantasies are pretty mild, really.

If he was suggesting making a snuff film or re-enacting what he experienced at the age of 11 (see I DID read it all!), I would definitely say he was fucked up and to go see a therapist. But S&M is regularly practiced by many folks who appear on the outside to be normal upstanding members of society.
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You are posting dangerous advice on a Harm Reduction message board. If you don't understand why four of us are telling you this, perhaps you shouldn't be giving advice in the first place.
 
Jblazingphoenix100 said:
NO.

Perpetuating a lack of self worth and sense of humiliation by recreating a savage rape that you experienced AS A CHILD (and is where these disorders of the psyche stem from) is unhealthy.

He needs to forgive himself and realize it wasn't his fault, if he hasn't done so already, and move onto healthy practices.

I'm into BDSM as much as the next pervert - I mean I am into some twisted shit, but it all comes from love, however this is something that he needs help with.

Totally agree with Jamshyd.
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OK, I can see your reasoning here.

What would YOU define as "healthy practices?" You admitted that you're into BDSM...is that "healthy?"


Ultimately what I'm doing here is playing devil's advocate in defense of the OP. What he wants in bed may be considered extreme by most. But who is anyone to judge what he SHOULD or SHOULD NOT de doing between consenting adults behind closed doors. If you're claiming he shouldn't do it because it's "unhealthy" I wan't a damn good reason why....and I think you've done that in the above post. Thank you.
 
No, we are not considering IT extreme. In fact, all of us are openly into kink of all kinds.

We are considering the OP's mind-state to not be very appropriate for this not-so-extreme sexual practice.

Be considerate of the OP for a minute and take your devil's advocate to CEP or P&S, because this is not the right place for it.
 
Jamshyd said:
No, we are not considering IT extreme. In fact, all of us are openly into kink of all kinds.

We are considering the OP's mind-state to not be very appropriate for this not-so-extreme sexual practice.

Be considerate of the OP for a minute and take your devil's advocate to CEP or P&S, because this is not the right place for it.
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This is the response I was fishing for. It didn't appear from my perspective that the rationale behind seeking out professional advice was clearly defined.

ANd I disagree in regards to it being in the right place. P&S for sure, but it was in the light of sexual taste, which definitely applies here.
 
No no, I sincerely believe in everything I said. (but, if you hadn't noticed, I like to have the last word. BRAP)

Was just fooling around to lighten the pedantic cat fight that seemed to be following on from real intellectual debate.

OP - forgive me for hijacking.
 
Jblazingphoenix100 said:
No no, I sincerely believe in everything I said. (but, if you hadn't noticed, I like to have the last word. BRAP)

Was just fooling around to lighten the pedantic cat fight that seemed to be following on from real intellectual debate.

OP - forgive me for hijacking.
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Yes I DID notice. And I'll let you have it...this time.

And apologies here as well if I came on strong...I like to make people challenge the reasons why they do what they do and why they say what they say.
 
Jblazingphoenix100 said:
NO.

Perpetuating a lack of self worth and sense of humiliation by recreating a savage rape that you experienced AS A CHILD (and is where these disorders of the psyche stem from) is unhealthy.
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I have to agree completely here.

I am not looking down on anyone for their choices in life, do as you will, but I strongly suggest taking this person's advice I have quoted here.

PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I'm sorry to hear that you were raped. You did not deserve it and it was not your fault or something you wanted. It doesn't make you bisexual but I do know men who are bisexual and gay who have been raped by men but even though they're actually attracted to men the rape wasn't something they wanted.

I wouldn't try to do the sort of kink/roleplay you're describing where you're "forced" by your girlfriend to have sex with a guy and suck his cock. You said how if a guy touched you or tried to hug you how get very angry at him and pull a knife out.

There's a difference between acting out a consensual kink fantasy, or roleplay or doing BDSM between two or more adults, and doing something that probably will trigger a flashback or horrible memories from the past for you and you might react with violence, anger, and acting on this will cause you more problems and regret.

Have you ever talked to a counselor or therapist about what happened to you? They can be helpful and there are ways you can see a counselor or professional therapist for free if you can't afford it or don't have insurance. I think that you should do this.
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More excellent advice.
 
if you got raped- dont try to recreate it

you think that stuff will turn you on because it is your earliest memory of sex, but the reality is it will fuck your head up by reliving past trauma. bad idea
 
pofacedhoe said:
if you got raped- dont try to recreate it

you think that stuff will turn you on because it is your earliest memory of sex, but the reality is it will fuck your head up by reliving past trauma. bad idea
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I don't think that is how he thinks about it.

It isn't uncommon for people who have been raped, to have been aroused or even had an orgasm during the rape/sexual violence/trauma. This does not mean that the person enjoyed it, or even liked any part of it whatsoever. These are just physical responses to external stimuluses.

For people who have had this sort of thing happen to them, it is common they will then be fixated upon it in a sexual manner, NOT because they think "oh it'll turn me on, it's my earliest memory of sex!" (the first time many people have sex, is not pleasant, even if it is consensual), but because they have a subconscious association to sex for their entire life, to the trauma.
 
I don't think that the rape has much to do with this and his fantasy. I know tons of people who are considered mentally "normal," and haven't gone through such a devastating life event, that are in some far more weirder shit than this...
 
axl blaze said:
I don't think that the rape has much to do with this and his fantasy. I know tons of people who are considered mentally "normal," and haven't gone through such a devastating life event, that are in some far more weirder shit than this...
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^ But OP clearly acknowledges there's some sort of connection to his self-worth/self-esteem. It seems like a straight guy wanting choke on a dick like when he got raped seems almost like a self-mutilation, when it's directly related to his self esteem. It's almost the equivilent of cutting IMO, and needs to be talked about with by a professional IMO. It doesn't seem healthy at all for a straight guy to want to choke himself on a dick, from a self-esteem problem. You see what I mean?

To OP: It's not your fault, and you should not be ashamed. You need to talk to somebody who can help you with your self esteem. If you fix your self-esteem problem, I see no problem exploring, but the fantasy sounds more like self-harm, than a fetish, since you're not really gay, you just got raped, and it wasn't your fault.

I witnessed something really similar with my uncle. I already said incase you didn't read it, he got raped as a child, and his whole life he dated prostitutes, never actually had sex, and died a lonely messed up virgin. I don't want OP to go through that. (And for all I know he may have had a similar humiliation fetish also, he dated strippers his ENTIRE life.) It's not healthy when it stems from a traumatic event.
 
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So I guess I am fucked up then, that's a shame because I'd never go to therapy. I've seen one before and I knew the very answers they were going to give me, it was like talking to myself except the times they'd tell me to tap myself 3 times on the neck when I was having a panic attack to stop it 8) I don't know what possible solution they could give to solve my desires. I'll always have the desire. My girlfriend would never do it anyway so I'd have no plans of doing it unless I met someone else who would but I would never leave the girl who I plan to spend my life with.

My birthday is coming us and she said that she "may" sleep with another man for me if we could ever get it arranged which would me hard. My girlfriend could get any guy she wants but what is she going to ask "do you have a big dick and willing to have my boyfriend in the corner watching?" I own a club so there is a place to find people. But she draws the line at the humiliation. We've had plenty of threesomes (with women) as she is bisexual so I figure she deserves a guy now. But as bisexuality, I'd never participate in MMF sex, only watch as my girlfriend gets it on with man...with the exception of the humiliation

And as for self-image problems...well, shit just look at my profile pic! I've got a fucked up face and a big noes. I don't know how I've got such a hot girlfriend. I just don't know how I can get past this fantasy of mine, if just sounds so damn sexy, but thank you for all the advice!
 
idk man I think there's hope for you. Maybe a therapeutic MDMA session with the girl might sort everything out. I think that would be the bet way I can think of. If you can get over the self-worth issues I'd say explore however, but when you want to recreate a negative experience like that for the sole purpose of harming yourself wouldn't be healthy imo. Don't give up!!!

Edit: My SO just read said you are good looking. You and your girl look good together.

I would try the MDMA session. It might help you open up and get to the bottom of it. TBH I been to counselors my whole life and I gave up on them. You pay them shitloads of cash just to listen and BS. I never felt any progress although they always say "we're making progress" - ya they want to see you and take your money next week. I would much rather talk to a close friend or SO.
 
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