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  • EADD Moderators: Pissed_and_messed | Shinji Ikari

How to keep happy?

charlie clean said:
So, whatever you do, don't kill her and chop her into small pieces for ease of disposal.
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Damn, there's my number one suggestion gone.

In all seriousness, I can't really add much that hasn't already been said. You seem to at least have a mature attitude to it (not that it'll mean it hurts less, but it's a start).

Every relationship is unique so there's no one-size-fits-all solution unfortunately. Plus I'm pretty rotten at being dumped - I've never stalked anybody, but I've spent far too much time beating myself up about things that ultimately I had no control over.

Whatever you do though, don't let it have a lasting effect on your self esteem, and any decent person should at least be adult enough to give you some indication of what went wrong. Otherwise it's downright cruel and you're probably better off without them in your life.

I really don't want to spout the hackneyed 'time is a healer' stuff, but unfortunately that's the truth. Meanwhile, as suggested above, just try to spend as much time around good friends as you can.

That sounded really lame didn't it? Hope the pain eases before long somehow.
 
Shit, mate. I was promptly finished a week or so before xmas. Absolutely fucking ruined the end of my year, and the beginning of this one. All good advice, above. Drinking until you're hammered is probably a bad idea. A few drinks with friends will likely help. Other than that, smoking plenty of weed usually puts a positive spin on things - unless it doesn't agree with you. You have my full sympathy with this. I'm still mortified about my break up. She can go and fuck herself, however. Hope you're reading! (She was very much the stalkerish type, so it wouldn't shock me.)
 
SamhainGrim said:
D
Whatever you do though, don't let it have a lasting effect on your self esteem, and any decent person should at least be adult enough to give you some indication of what went wrong. Otherwise it's downright cruel and you're probably better off without them in your life.
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We spoke about it and basically she said we didn't share the same passions and, despite me being an otherwise 'perfect' boyfriend, it was a fundamental concern of hers.

I have no reason to doubt that. I trust her fully, so not thinking there's something behind the scenes going on. To be honest we do have different interests, but I thought I wasn't alone in being able to appreciate the other persons strengths and weaknesses even if it didn't tie in directly to my interests.

I just find it desperately annoying because before me she was with a lad who treated her like shit for seven years. She stuck with him throughout despite the lad being a controlling coward, yet here I am about to be thrown on the scrap heap because we have different passions.

I seem to have no luck in relationships. The one before this one didn't trust me (for literally no apparent reason) and went and got herself fingered in a club and kindly let me watch.

I'm in moan stage now. I'm just getting old and want to be happy. I hate feeling like this. Nice guys do finish last.
 
RLP said:
I'm in moan stage now. I'm just getting old and want to be happy. I hate feeling like this. Nice guys do finish last.
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I honestly do feel your pain (not that it'll help at all, but I genuinely do) and it sounds like you've been through the wringer with relationships. But don't start laying the blame on yourself by suggesting it's your fault for being a 'nice guy'. There are thousands of women out there who'd kill for just that. You're just meeting the wrong ones. Some people make habit of just that. I'm one.

Go easy on yourself, eh? ;)

And if all else fails, just take solace in hating all women with a passion.
 
JessHalo said:
I don't think your posts cheered him up at all Samhain Grim. :|
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What's your problem, 'Jess'?

Anything specific, or are you just attempting to agitate the excrement once again?

In any case, leave it out. RLP can speak for himself, I'm sure.
 
I'm not dismissive of anyones input.

To be honest it's much nicer to be able to write and read crap on here (even if it's "you're a grotesque, ugly freak") than it is to be in bed with the curtains closed at 3pm.

cute_squirrel-486.jpg
 
Don't worry, it's just someone insensitively attempting to use this thread as a means to pursue their own juvenile grudge. Any further bullshit will be removed.

Really hope things improve for you sooner rather than later.
 
yeah, get on with your life and do not be tempted to get in touch and be friends until your fully over her.
 
swedger77 said:
yeah, get on with your life and do not be tempted to get in touch and be friends until your fully over her.
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I've already said that whatever happens I want us to be at least friends.

I love this girl and would do anything for her. It doesn't matter if I'm with her or not, the feelings don't change.

I won't stalk her, but I do want to be in her life, making sure she's smiling.
 
From personal experience the 'lets just be friends' thing hasn't worked.

You need to get your power back. Conjure up all your inner masculinity when she delivers her speech. Try not to cry..be a vulcan. Ask the questions you want to ask as long as they aren't needy..Then you end the conversation. 'I suppose thats it then, I thought we'd be good together' or something along those lines.. Keep it short. Then walk off without a hug ( hard as that might be) and DONT RING HER AT All.
Its going to hurt anyway.. may aswell keep your dignity. The chances are she'll be curious about your behaviour and want some kind of emotional validation... She might ring you.
 
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RLP said:
I've already said that whatever happens I want us to be at least friends.

I love this girl and would do anything for her. It doesn't matter if I'm with her or not, the feelings don't change.

I won't stalk her, but I do want to be in her life, making sure she's smiling.
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There's no sense in not being friends is there? Though a bit of distance (temporarily) can help you adjust to the redefined parameters.

If you've shared a bed (and everything else) with somebody then it's silly to break off contact entirely, though you might want to think about how you'd feel to see her with somebody else. Which will inevitably happen one day, as horrible as the thought may be.

Jess - that sounds like manipulation to me. Manipulation and headgames are not good.
 
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RLP said:
I'm in moan stage now. I'm just getting old and want to be happy. I hate feeling like this. Nice guys do finish last.
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It's just another step down the road ~ and you're not old ~ took me til past 50 to 'be happy' = and it doesn't take anyone else to achieve it ;)
 
RLP said:
I've already said that whatever happens I want us to be at least friends.

I love this girl and would do anything for her. It doesn't matter if I'm with her or not, the feelings don't change.

I won't stalk her, but I do want to be in her life, making sure she's smiling.
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I understand what your saying but this will not be easy for you or her to just become good friends especially in the transitional period moving from a couple to friends. A lot of water under the bridge.

It may also make thing awkward for her if she moves on to a new partner at some point in the future. I would personally find it difficult to just become mates with an ex.

All the best whatever strategy you opt for.....but a bit a distance in the short term might not be bad advice.
 
To be frank RLP, I think you need to let this emotion out and in any way possible (aside from blunting yourself with substances and thinking it's your fault and applying self-blame).
Have a really good cry, punch some cushions, write down what you're feeling (even if you just end up scrunching it up n binning it or burning it) and try not let the what if's and am I the one that... and how can I.. stuff get inside your head as that will just perpetuate your sadness in a self destructive manner.
So really do let the emotions out in healthy ways - Don't try and block it because it's your brain telling you that it's needed <3

And as for the being friends thing..... It doesn't always work out :\ When it does then jeez it's brilliant, but when it doesn't then.... [Insert probable utterly horrible thing here].

I reckon some time apart will do you both good. But remember - There's not been a definitive breakup yet!
I'm not suggesting you get your hopes up but I'm not suggesting the opposite either.

Much love mate and I hope you'll be alright <3
 
SamhainGrim said:
There's no sense in not being friends is there? Though a bit of distance (temporarily) can help you adjust to the redefined parameters.

If you've shared a bed (and everything else) with somebody then it's silly to break off contact entirely, though you might want to think about how you'd feel to see her with somebody else. Which will inevitably happen one day, as horrible as the thought may be.

Jess - that sounds like manipulation to me. Manipulation and headgames are not good.
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what is good?
 
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