• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

How to hold off for sex in a relationship? Wanting male advice

Muddle

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 12, 2010
Messages
121
Location
U.S.
Generally speaking, in all serious realtionships I have encountered and have been in, me and the guy i was dating have almost always has undeniable chemistry physically mentally and emotionally and moved way too fast in all areas. These relationships never worked out because I was not taken seriously, and me and the fellows were not on the same page when it came down to what we wanted in the near and later future.

How do I hold off with sex in relationships, take it slower, and still let the guy know that I want to take it seriously, and I want sex (when it is to come, to be cherished and respected) and not just given. Is that too much to ask for as a young female seeking a male in his mid twenties, and how do I let men know this once we pursue something more serious without coming off too harsh and scaring them away knowing that they will not get to "hit it" as they some may say.

Basically I am asking how to let a guy know what it is I want from him, and how to compromise with him, without getting to attatched too soon.

I want to make note that I do not have a problem with sex early in the relationship, but it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship if we get involved too quickly into it. Guys tend to think I am slutty and not girlfriend material, although I want to somehow let them know I am looking for a relationship
 
Last edited:
Honesty is key. If a girl I was in a relationship with wanted to hold off on sex, I would want her to be honest about that in the beginning to avoid disappointment later on about being "led on" about the sexual side of the relationship
 
Honesty is key. If a girl I was in a relationship with wanted to hold off on sex, I would want her to be honest about that in the beginning to avoid disappointment later on about being "led on" about the sexual side of the relationship

So what I am hearing is, this will be hard to find ? :(
 
IMO, a true person who is willing to be in a relationship with someone else will respect the others wishes/desires/compromises/etc. If not, then the relationship might experience some hardships due to a misunderstanding of needs and desires. This might be harder to find because of the males expectations in the relationship as well. But there are all types of people in this world and I dont doubt that there is someone looking for this type of relationship as well
 
IMO, a true person who is willing to be in a relationship with someone else will respect the others wishes/desires/compromises/etc. If not, then the relationship might experience some hardships due to a misunderstanding of needs and desires. This might be harder to find because of the males expectations in the relationship as well. But there are all types of people in this world and I dont doubt that there is someone looking for this type of relationship as well

I have found it so hard to find
 
yea, alot of guys just want sex. If you want a relationship with the guy you need to be clear and honest like tweakyb said. If you scare the guy away, obviously he just wanted sex and thats good for you since it seems you want a relationship before you start getting intimate.

I had sex with my ex before we dated but it didn't affect anything. Your saying your not getting respected by you bf's but i dont think that has to do with you having sex with them, i just think your finding the wrong guys. It's always nice to wait so you can find out if the guy really wants sex or a relationship so just tell them the truth.
 
yea, alot of guys just want sex. If you want a relationship with the guy you need to be clear and honest like tweakyb said. If you scare the guy away, obviously he just wanted sex and thats good for you since it seems you want a relationship before you start getting intimate.

I had sex with my ex before we dated but it didn't affect anything. Your saying your not getting respected by you bf's but i dont think that has to do with you having sex with them, i just think your finding the wrong guys. It's always nice to wait so you can find out if the guy really wants sex or a relationship so just tell them the truth.

Good point, I also tend to attract the player, not wanting anything serious, bad boy type as well. hm...
 
yea, alot of guys just want sex. If you want a relationship with the guy you need to be clear and honest like tweakyb said. If you scare the guy away, obviously he just wanted sex and thats good for you since it seems you want a relationship before you start getting intimate.

I had sex with my ex before we dated but it didn't affect anything. Your saying your not getting respected by you bf's but i dont think that has to do with you having sex with them, i just think your finding the wrong guys. It's always nice to wait so you can find out if the guy really wants sex or a relationship so just tell them the truth.

I think this dude makes a very good point. It doesnt matter how soon you have sex with someone, they are either into you in a way that could become a relationship, or they just want to get laid.

But get to know the dude first, hang out with him some with out any relationship/sex related topics on the table. If he wants to go on s date, do what feels natural. I personally find it super hard to get into sexual acts unless I feel a connection with a person, and when I do get into it, it is usually wonderful. You could also just ask openly if the dude thinks you two have potential or not. Even guys who are only looking for sex are usually pretty honest about that.

I know you were looking for a guys opinion, but I couldnt help myself.
 
First of all, I would say during conversation that you like to take it slow and not have sex right away. Dont leave him guessing. Dont play games and hope he gets it. Just come right out and say it. Its the best policy.

Otherwise, the general rule is to let him go farther each time. Kissing, cuddling, feeling, maybe heavy petting, onto hj/bj, and sex is last.
 
I think this dude makes a very good point. It doesnt matter how soon you have sex with someone, they are either into you in a way that could become a relationship, or they just want to get laid.

But get to know the dude first, hang out with him some with out any relationship/sex related topics on the table. If he wants to go on s date, do what feels natural. I personally find it super hard to get into sexual acts unless I feel a connection with a person, and when I do get into it, it is usually wonderful. You could also just ask openly if the dude thinks you two have potential or not. Even guys who are only looking for sex are usually pretty honest about that.

I know you were looking for a guys opinion, but I couldnt help myself.

any advice and point of views are welcome. I like hearing what everyone has to say! so thank you, and I feel the best intimacy with a guy is when I am mentally connected to him and that makes physical affection so much more intense.
 
Just be a good girl. Carry yourself like an elegant princess(you are) vs a party girl, and then DON'T give it up. It's really that simple. Make them work for it, or at the very least, get to know you enough so you know they are worth your time.

Just know that a lot of guys will lose interest if they are only looking for a fuck. But-GOOD. You don't want those guys. It may take longer to find the perfect guy, but it takes awhile to find the perfect guy regardless, this way you'll just avoid wasting your time or getting used in the meantime.

(not a guy here, sorry but I wanted to post)

<3
 
Just be a good girl. Carry yourself like an elegant princess(you are) vs a party girl, and then DON'T give it up. It's really that simple. Make them work for it, or at the very least, get to know you enough so you know they are worth your time.

Just know that a lot of guys will lose interest if they are only looking for a fuck. But-GOOD. You don't want those guys. It may take longer to find the perfect guy, but it takes awhile to find the perfect guy regardless, this way you'll just avoid wasting your time or getting used in the meantime.

(not a guy here, sorry but I wanted to post)

<3
its fine, i like hearing what everyone has to say. And you have given me some faith. Im still uneasy about developing relationships, im no good at that.
 
I know how you feel and have had similar issues. It was always hard for me to wait. I've had a lot of problems with not being respected by men. I was "slutty" when I was younger, but then I changed. But still, once I sort of felt branded with that label it was hard for me to feel rid of it. I think just feeling that way about myself deep inside tended to make me attract a lot of guys who just wanted a fuck. It's sort of a self fulfilling prophecy. One guy uses you, you feel like a worthless whore who wasn't worth his time, then you have lower self esteem and attract the next guy to come along and make you feel like a worthless whore. You have to break the cycle.

For the record though not all guys will lose respect for you if you sleep with them pretty quick. In my experience, if they are into you, they are into you and will be happy with whatever happens. The problem is attracting guys who aren't really into you and just wanna fuck. But you can stop that cycle easily by taking some time to be celibate. I took about 6 months celibate before meeting my man and it made me feel way stronger and have much higher self esteem.
 
I second that. If a girl wants to fuck within hours of meeting, I might figure she is slutty and has lots of other options she is holding onto, but anything past date 3 (unless she is a virgin and sensitive about it) I certainly wouldnt lose respect for her. I dont really see any point or benefit to beating around the bush beyond that. It would not make my view of her any more favorable.
 
I second that. If a girl wants to fuck within hours of meeting, I might figure she is slutty and has lots of other options she is holding onto, but anything past date 3 (unless she is a virgin and sensitive about it) I certainly wouldnt lose respect for her. I dont really see any point or benefit to beating around the bush beyond that. It would not make my view of her any more favorable.

I aggree that if anyone wants to fuck after just meeting, then those are some low standards, or a slutty person. But this goes for guys and girls.

But it should be pointed out that sometimes its not easy to count dates, or by the time you got on what might be considered an offical "date" the two of you could have been friends for awhile already. I dont know about other people here, but I have never gone on a date someone that I just recently met. I usually hand out with them causally some first. In fact thats normally how I meet people.

The point is, by the time you go on a date with someone, you could very well already have a good idea of how things will go.

I also wanted to say that I dont know about you, but its hard for me to say "Okay, I'm only gonna let this guy get to cop a feel tonight". If I allow something to happen, like actual making out, not just a good night kiss, this means I have a real attraction to him. And if the making out is going well, and I feel that fire, then damnit, I dont want to stop. When a guy turns me on, I have trouble finding the off button. But thats never been a problem for me,I am good and telling what a guys intention is, and knowing my own.
 
I can agree with that. I dont believe in a 3 date rule either, for exactly the same reasons you mentioned. There is no reason why two people couldnt hook up at the same festival before going home.

Also, I dont necessarily look down on women who just want sex either. At times in my life I have been very open to that. No judgment on my part.

I think that any attempt to make a real connection first, some kind of emotional bonding and cuddling before whipping it out....that is a sign that it means something....it doesnt need to take weeks though. It could happen over a day or two.
 
Generally speaking, in all serious realtionships I have encountered and have been in, me and the guy i was dating have almost always has undeniable chemistry physically mentally and emotionally and moved way too fast in all areas. These relationships never worked out because I was not taken seriously, and me and the fellows were not on the same page when it came down to what we wanted in the near and later future.

How do I hold off with sex in relationships, take it slower, and still let the guy know that I want to take it seriously, and I want sex (when it is to come, to be cherished and respected) and not just given. Is that too much to ask for as a young female seeking a male in his mid twenties, and how do I let men know this once we pursue something more serious without coming off too harsh and scaring them away knowing that they will not get to "hit it" as they some may say.
Basically I am asking how to let a guy know what it is I want from him, and how to compromise with him, without getting to attatched too soon.

I want to make note that I do not have a problem with sex early in the relationship, but it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship if we get involved too quickly into it. Guys tend to think I am slutty and not girlfriend material, although I want to somehow let them know I am looking for a relationship

Being a male in his mid-twenties the immediate answer is yes, that's a tall fucking order. I am going to venture to say that there isn't a whole lot of males in their mid twenties willing to wait too long for sex. In my opinion, sex isn't a big deal at all, and not alot of guys are willing to revert back to the high school attitude of "sex can wait" because if you are willing to hold out there are a GRIP of females within reach willing to give it up at the drop of a hat.

I understand what you are saying by "it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship" but I am also going to guess that it's not the early sex that is spoiling it, and that most likely it is your way of communicating with the male. Holding out on sex is not the key to a long term relationship, it's a good way to get guys to completely stop talking to you and ignore phone calls, but not a good way to get a long term relationship.

Like others have said: If a guy is into you, he is into you and it's not gonna matter when you give the pussy up. If you guys have a good connection and just get along he probably won't even be concentrating on sex. Having said that, if you find a guy that is like that and hold out on sex, then he is going to think he is friend zoned, and if a guy doesn't want to be your friend, you just lost him.

In short I guess all it really comes down to is COMMUNICATION. If you meet a guy you connect with explain to him that in the past when you have sex with a guy early in the relationship it doesnt seem to work, and that this time around you would like to take it slow (talk to him about HOW slow) chances are he will give it a chance.

I know if I am seeing a girl and she just holds out on sex without explaining I'm thinking she is using me for something, she is a prude, or she is fucking clueless on what she wants, and chances are I won't stick around too long. However if I see a girl and she explains to me that she doesnt want to just hand the pussy over for whatever reason but she makes it clear she is into me, well shit, that's a challenge.
 
Last edited:
Being a male in his mid-twenties the immediate answer is yes, that's a tall fucking order. I am going to venture to say that there isn't a whole lot of males in their mid twenties willing to wait too long for sex. In my opinion, sex isn't a big deal at all, and not alot of guys are willing to revert back to the high school attitude of "sex can wait" because if you are willing to hold out there are a GRIP of females within reach willing to give it up at the drop of a hat.

I understand what you are saying by "it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship" but I am also going to guess that it's not the early sex that is spoiling it, and that most likely it is your way of communicating with the male. Holding out on sex is not the key to a long term relationship, it's a good way to get guys to completely stop talking to you and ignore phone calls, but not a good way to get a long term relationship.

Like others have said: If a guy is into you, he is into you and it's not gonna matter when you give the pussy up. If you guys have a good connection and just get along he probably won't even be concentrating on sex. Having said that, if you find a guy that is like that and hold out on sex, then he is going to think he is friend zoned, and if a guy doesn't want to be your friend, you just lost him.

In short I guess all it really comes down to is COMMUNICATION. If you meet a guy you connect with explain to him that in the past when you have sex with a guy early in the relationship it doesnt seem to work, and that this time around you would like to take it slow (talk to him about HOW slow) chances are he will give it a chance.

I know if I am seeing a girl and she just holds out on sex without explaining I'm thinking she is using me for something, she is a prude, or she is fucking clueless on what she wants, and chances are I won't stick around too long. However if I see a girl and she explains to me that she doesnt want to just hand the pussy over for whatever reason but she makes it clear she is into me, well shit, that's a challenge.

very well put.
 
Being a male in his mid-twenties the immediate answer is yes, that's a tall fucking order. I am going to venture to say that there isn't a whole lot of males in their mid twenties willing to wait too long for sex. In my opinion, sex isn't a big deal at all, and not alot of guys are willing to revert back to the high school attitude of "sex can wait" because if you are willing to hold out there are a GRIP of females within reach willing to give it up at the drop of a hat.

I understand what you are saying by "it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship" but I am also going to guess that it's not the early sex that is spoiling it, and that most likely it is your way of communicating with the male. Holding out on sex is not the key to a long term relationship, it's a good way to get guys to completely stop talking to you and ignore phone calls, but not a good way to get a long term relationship.

Like others have said: If a guy is into you, he is into you and it's not gonna matter when you give the pussy up. If you guys have a good connection and just get along he probably won't even be concentrating on sex. Having said that, if you find a guy that is like that and hold out on sex, then he is going to think he is friend zoned, and if a guy doesn't want to be your friend, you just lost him.

In short I guess all it really comes down to is COMMUNICATION. If you meet a guy you connect with explain to him that in the past when you have sex with a guy early in the relationship it doesnt seem to work, and that this time around you would like to take it slow (talk to him about HOW slow) chances are he will give it a chance.

I know if I am seeing a girl and she just holds out on sex without explaining I'm thinking she is using me for something, she is a prude, or she is fucking clueless on what she wants, and chances are I won't stick around too long. However if I see a girl and she explains to me that she doesnt want to just hand the pussy over for whatever reason but she makes it clear she is into me, well shit, that's a challenge.

Agreed, I was going to write something but this pretty much reiterates what I was planning on saying. Be open and be honest and let him know what you want.
 
Being a male in his mid-twenties the immediate answer is yes, that's a tall fucking order. I am going to venture to say that there isn't a whole lot of males in their mid twenties willing to wait too long for sex. In my opinion, sex isn't a big deal at all, and not alot of guys are willing to revert back to the high school attitude of "sex can wait" because if you are willing to hold out there are a GRIP of females within reach willing to give it up at the drop of a hat.

I understand what you are saying by "it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship" but I am also going to guess that it's not the early sex that is spoiling it, and that most likely it is your way of communicating with the male. Holding out on sex is not the key to a long term relationship, it's a good way to get guys to completely stop talking to you and ignore phone calls, but not a good way to get a long term relationship.

Like others have said: If a guy is into you, he is into you and it's not gonna matter when you give the pussy up. If you guys have a good connection and just get along he probably won't even be concentrating on sex. Having said that, if you find a guy that is like that and hold out on sex, then he is going to think he is friend zoned, and if a guy doesn't want to be your friend, you just lost him.

In short I guess all it really comes down to is COMMUNICATION. If you meet a guy you connect with explain to him that in the past when you have sex with a guy early in the relationship it doesnt seem to work, and that this time around you would like to take it slow (talk to him about HOW slow) chances are he will give it a chance.

I know if I am seeing a girl and she just holds out on sex without explaining I'm thinking she is using me for something, she is a prude, or she is fucking clueless on what she wants, and chances are I won't stick around too long. However if I see a girl and she explains to me that she doesnt want to just hand the pussy over for whatever reason but she makes it clear she is into me, well shit, that's a challenge.

nicely worded
 
Top