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How to hold off for sex in a relationship? Wanting male advice

MemphisX3 said:
Being a male in his mid-twenties the immediate answer is yes, that's a tall fucking order. I am going to venture to say that there isn't a whole lot of males in their mid twenties willing to wait too long for sex. In my opinion, sex isn't a big deal at all, and not alot of guys are willing to revert back to the high school attitude of "sex can wait" because if you are willing to hold out there are a GRIP of females within reach willing to give it up at the drop of a hat.

I understand what you are saying by "it seems to spoil the possibility of a long term relationship" but I am also going to guess that it's not the early sex that is spoiling it, and that most likely it is your way of communicating with the male. Holding out on sex is not the key to a long term relationship, it's a good way to get guys to completely stop talking to you and ignore phone calls, but not a good way to get a long term relationship.

Like others have said: If a guy is into you, he is into you and it's not gonna matter when you give the pussy up. If you guys have a good connection and just get along he probably won't even be concentrating on sex. Having said that, if you find a guy that is like that and hold out on sex, then he is going to think he is friend zoned, and if a guy doesn't want to be your friend, you just lost him.

In short I guess all it really comes down to is COMMUNICATION. If you meet a guy you connect with explain to him that in the past when you have sex with a guy early in the relationship it doesnt seem to work, and that this time around you would like to take it slow (talk to him about HOW slow) chances are he will give it a chance.

I know if I am seeing a girl and she just holds out on sex without explaining I'm thinking she is using me for something, she is a prude, or she is fucking clueless on what she wants, and chances are I won't stick around too long. However if I see a girl and she explains to me that she doesnt want to just hand the pussy over for whatever reason but she makes it clear she is into me, well shit, that's a challenge.
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very very well written..

You know I wanted a relationship with this girl, we went out for four months and no sex.. and I just lost interest, I don't call her anymore or go out with her.

She still calls me once a week, and we talk for a like 35mins, and twice shes like lets go out for lunch..

Now I think she just wants to be friends, which I'm not interested. Because when we first met we both told each other we are seeking a long term relationship.. actually it's good we didn't have sex, because now I know she's not the one. If we did have sex, I would have probably have been with her much more.

and I really really wanted a relationship with her so did she, but the no sex thing ruined it.. and it's not like I was asking for sex on first date..
 
Yes....not that its bad to have sex before the third date, but much longer than that and not even a bj, I am going to assume they just want to be friends instead of lovers, and I will begin to look elsewhere.
 
Well, whenever I am sexually active with a guy once we start seeing eachother I just feel like I am being used and a slut.
 
Does that upset you? If you want this kind of fellow, look for 'chumps'

Buys flowers.

Asks you for a date.

Buys you dinner.

Is content with a kiss on the cheek when you get dropped off.
 
Muddle said:
Well, whenever I am sexually active with a guy once we start seeing eachother I just feel like I am being used and a slut.
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Why do you feel this way? Dont you enjoy the sex yourself? If not, you may need to get to the root of whats preventing you from enjoying it as much as the men you are seeing.

Are you attracted to men? Do you feel like you are just going through the motions? Have you ever questioned your sexuality or felt like you dont have much of a sex drive?


Sex is natural. Its not necessarily a bad thing that people want your body and desire your sexuality, unless they are ignoring you other aspects.

If you want somebody to appreciate you without getting bogged down with the sex, maybe what you need is a platonic best friend and not a lover.
 
Think of all the nights you've whacked off before and all of the times you've had her pussy, what's one extra night versus your dignity and self-respect? If she's playing the pussy game and you hold her out, she'll panic. Now go find some porn and hit the shower.
 
beamers said:
Think of all the nights you've whacked off before and all of the times you've had her pussy, what's one extra night versus your dignity and self-respect? If she's playing the pussy game and you hold her out, she'll panic. Now go find some porn and hit the shower.
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I am not sure what you are trying to say..?

I dont need sex on the first date, but I am also not willing to go back to a junior high level of contact after 17 years of regular sex (I am 30). Its not happening. I would walk away from an otherwise good relationship if sex was being withheld for any reason other than physical or health limitation.
 
Sentience said:
Why do you feel this way? Dont you enjoy the sex yourself? If not, you may need to get to the root of whats preventing you from enjoying it as much as the men you are seeing.

Are you attracted to men? Do you feel like you are just going through the motions? Have you ever questioned your sexuality or felt like you dont have much of a sex drive?


Sex is natural. Its not necessarily a bad thing that people want your body and desire your sexuality, unless they are ignoring you other aspects.

If you want somebody to appreciate you without getting bogged down with the sex, maybe what you need is a platonic best friend and not a lover.
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That's what I think to, maybe u need a male platonic best friend right now..

are you looking for marriage? maybe you just want a relationship out of pressure.
 
Muddle said:
Well, whenever I am sexually active with a guy once we start seeing eachother I just feel like I am being used and a slut.
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I could not agree with Sentience more on this statement. Do you really feel like a slut EVERY time you sleep with a guy? Because your not. This whole thread proves it. You are very concerned with making a connection with someone, those are not the actions of a "slut". And in defence of people who do want to get laid, there really nothing wrong with that either, unless your being dishonest with your partner with your intentions.

You said earlier that you need a deeper connection with a guy to enjoy sexual activity, and that is normal, I am the same way. But if I hang out with a guy a few times, I feel a mutual connection and attraction, and if he can turn me on, I am not afraid or ashamed to have sex with him. Its taken time, but I can now tell pretty accurately whether a guy is going to rock my world. And even if things happen not to work out, there is NO SHAME in good sex.

But if your giving into sexual acts to please a guy, and are not comfortable with them, then you need to learn to back off before you get into a situation where you have to say no.

Either way, your not a slut. Slut is a stupid word invented to make girls feel bad about their sexuality.
 
You need to pre-screen your potential boyfriends better. Since you're concerned about being used for sex, find high quality guys that like relationships and intimacy instead of just sex.

It's perfectly OK to be a challenge and withhold sex while your dating guys and potential suitors, to make sure they are the kind of guys you want to be with. Once you find a guy you really like and you get a little serious, you can't reasonably withhold sex without making him question the relationship.
 
I hate when females take "slut" comments to heart, and even more when they turn it on themselves and believe it. I mean, it's your pussy right? Who the fuck has the right to comment on wether you give that pussy to 1 or 100 dudes in one night? So the fuck what if you enjoy a natural high god gave you and you also enjoy multiple partners? I see why it effects them, but just shake it off, fuck everyone else. No one has the right to comment on anyone elses personal business.


i fucking loves sluts.


just my .02
 
ch00n said:
You need to pre-screen your potential boyfriends better. Since you're concerned about being used for sex, find high quality guys that like relationships and intimacy instead of just sex.

It's perfectly OK to be a challenge and withhold sex while your dating guys and potential suitors, to make sure they are the kind of guys you want to be with. Once you find a guy you really like and you get a little serious, you can't reasonably withhold sex without making him question the relationship.
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it could be the guys ur with are out of ur league, so thats why they want sex so quackly.
I know a few girls like that, they go out with guys way out of there league, and then once they guy demands sex after the sex date, they get all sad and mad.. lol
 
I think you just to need to look at the type of guys your interested in rather than trying to hold back sex in the hope that they will want a longer relationship with you.

Not all guys are just after sex, there is a few out there looking for something more.
 
Not all guys JUST want sex, but you are also going to ruin your chances with guys who see you as the total package, because its not really reasonable for adults to hold off for so long. Especially if you let them pay the bill, they are going to start feeling like you are taking advantage of them.

I think its really important to get to the bottom of why you feel wrong about sex. This might not be about choosing the right guys. This might be trauma that could ruin even a potentially good relationship, because you are not ready for it.
 
QUOTE=Sentience;9016891]Why do you feel this way? Dont you enjoy the sex yourself? If not, you may need to get to the root of whats preventing you from enjoying it as much as the men you are seeing.

Are you attracted to men? Do you feel like you are just going through the motions? Have you ever questioned your sexuality or felt like you dont have much of a sex drive?


Sex is natural. Its not necessarily a bad thing that people want your body and desire your sexuality, unless they are ignoring you other aspects.

If you want somebody to appreciate you without getting bogged down with the sex, maybe what you need is a platonic best friend and not a lover.[/QUOTE]


I am very attracted to men, I love all that they have to offer a women. I have never questioned my sexuality aside from dunkingly kissing a friend but I feel strongly that I am sexually attracted to the male gender.

I feel that in this day and society sex is not what it used to be. I think the media may have influence to this. But that is just my opinion from my experiences.

Whenever I obtain from a relationship for whatever reason, I notice that I crave being physically and emotionally close with someone. I just havent had luck with finding someone who I feel wants the same as I do in life and that I can imagine myself with longterm.

I also sometimes worried that I won't beable to find someone (could just be that I won't find someone during this lifetime, who knows..I don't) because when you think about all the people in the world, it seems like wishfull thinking, and hopeless to believe I will have time to find them, out there.


Hm, what do you think?
 
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MemphisX3 said:
I hate when females take "slut" comments to heart, and even more when they turn it on themselves and believe it. I mean, it's your pussy right? Who the fuck has the right to comment on wether you give that pussy to 1 or 100 dudes in one night? So the fuck what if you enjoy a natural high god gave you and you also enjoy multiple partners? I see why it effects them, but just shake it off, fuck everyone else. No one has the right to comment on anyone elses personal business.


i fucking loves sluts.


just my .02
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If some stranger calls me a slut, I will not take that into consideration. I only take it personal when someone who I am very open with and share my feelings and much about me with will call me a slut, as if to use against me and to belittle me.

But I love what you said, <3
 
basically, out of personal experience, just get out with your the guy your talking about and do things.

It will be a lot more torturous for you and the guy, assuming both of you want to have sex right away, to be cuddling all the time and watching tv a lot, ya know what i mean?

just get out and do activites, like go to parks, the beach, ride bikes, stuff outside of the house.

in all my relationships i act impartial towards the subject of having sex soon.. i can hold out for a long time somehow lol. And almost ALWAYS, i hold out long enough that its the girl that actually says "dude we need to have sex.. what are we doing..."
it also depends on the guy i guess. if sex is more important to him than a mental connection then he will push for sex before he really trys to get to know you.

If you're trying to establish a good relationship, it is mostly best to establish a mental connection first. This can take 1 day to months to establish a good connection, where you just "click" with the other person and feel at home, unshy, and so mentally the same. Once you feel that connection i think its safe to start having sex if you want your relationship to be healthy. cause when i was a few years younger sex right away and then trying to have a relationship never worked
 
it could be the guys ur with are out of ur league, so thats why they want sex so quackly.
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This, if she's hot we'll jump through the required hoops (to a point) and do the relationship thing.

I am not sure what you are trying to say..?
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She can't deny you if you haven't been asking. Most guys have no clue about this and get lead around like dogs.
 
Depressicaa said:
^ There is a wonderful article that explains that mentality!

http://thefastertimes.com/lifeaftercollege/2010/10/28/the-fellatio-fallacy-why-do-you-work-so-hard/
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But yea thats what happens when one person league is higher than the other..
one who is beneath is always trying to impress the other..
for example for guys who have out of league girls will do anything for the girl, because they are afraid to loose her, while in return not getting much..
basically one is always working harder than the other on the relationship,I have seen this happening in many relationship where one is higher than the other..
also somebody is always not happy in this type of relationship..
the person who is higher, is not happy, thinking that they can get better..
also the person who is lower is not happy because they are putting in so much effort, and none in return..

So I think in relationship both need to be equal..
Equal looks, equal social status , and etc.. This way both can put in effort..


From what I'm getting from the OP,, I might be wrong, but because the guys are out of her league, they're not really afraid to lose her, that's why they demand sex.. they are probably thinking we can get better, why wait..
I'm pretty sure if these guys shes dating had a girl out of their league they would wait as long as possible for sex, even 2 years which i read in other thread here..

My friend has the same exact problem as the OP, she goes on date, and on the first second date, the guy wants sex and this is really getting her upset..

she's 34, 5'3 and look wise shes 6,7 out 10, she is not great-looking but fuckable, noting special and is preschool teacher.

and honestly most of the guys she told me she went on dates were really out of her league, they were doctors, lawyer, dentist, businessmen, most were very successful, and she's crying why there asking for sex and BJ on the first date. and she tells me she doesn't want to have sex till shes engage with them.. those guys don't really care if she gets offended, because they can go out with any other girls, probably a lot better than her.
she even tells me when she was younger she was very very picky, I can tell she still is, I haven't seen her with any guys in her own league, until then she will have problem..

but then again it's human nature to always have something better than yourself..
 
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