How to be an attractive male - getting a girlfriend?

[CoastTwoCoast]

Congrats on being clean! Definitely start working out, it will help your confidence and you'll carry yourself better.

Being a musician is a sexy quality. Find a girl who is passionate about music as well. She doesn't have to play an instrument, but someone who enjoys music.

It's difficult trying to meet people the older you get. You could try internet dating and find someone else who wants a serious relationship like you do, not just a hook up. Personally, I will never date on the internet again. Going to clubs and bars is an option, but you probably won't find a quality girl there, just a bunch of party girls. I wish I had better suggestions about where to meet people. If I ever decide to date again, I will try to find someone at church. You definitely have to get out there and be seen. You won't meet anyone under your bed.

You seem like a good guy, I wish you the best of luck!
There's a lot of excellent advice in this thread.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Congrats on being clean! Definitely start working out, it will help your confidence and you'll carry yourself better.

Being a musician is a sexy quality. Find a girl who is passionate about music as well. She doesn't have to play an instrument, but someone who enjoys music.

It's difficult trying to meet people the older you get. You could try internet dating and find someone else who wants a serious relationship like you do, not just a hook up. Personally, I will never date on the internet again. Going to clubs and bars is an option, but you probably won't find a quality girl there, just a bunch of party girls. I wish I had better suggestions about where to meet people. If I ever decide to date again, I will try to find someone at church. You definitely have to get out there and be seen. You won't meet anyone under your bed.

You seem like a good guy, I wish you the best of luck!
There's a lot of excellent advice in this thread.

Yeah I am also extremely hesitant to ever date or get into a relationship with someone via the internet again. I've had bad experiences, and there are way too many liars, sketchy people, and people into dangerous sex, hard drugs, and people into cheating on their spouse/partner, etc. and I don't mean people who are in open relationships or consensual open marriages.

Also a lot of major time wasters or people who claim they want to date or be in a relationship, but when it comes time to actually meet in person they cancel or make excuses.

PMS, are there venues where you can play music? Even if they are pubs you do not have to drink alcohol there. I basically do not drink now and drinks in bars or pubs are overpriced, and I have to drive home from the bar or pub.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Yeah I am also extremely hesitant to ever date or get into a relationship with someone via the internet again. I've had bad experiences, and there are way too many liars, sketchy people, and people into dangerous sex, hard drugs, and people into cheating on their spouse/partner, etc. and I don't mean people who are in open relationships or consensual open marriages.

Also a lot of major time wasters or people who claim they want to date or be in a relationship, but when it comes time to actually meet in person they cancel or make excuses.

PMS, are there venues where you can play music? Even if they are pubs you do not have to drink alcohol there. I basically do not drink now and drinks in bars or pubs are overpriced, and I have to drive home from the bar or pub.

Right and too many sociopaths. I've learned my lesson when I met a guy who started threatening me after we were together a couple of times. I was just becoming a believer at the time. I told him I believe in Jesus. He got full of rage and yelled "FUCK YOU!!" I realize it wasn't him, it was his spirit. The devil was mad I was turning to the Lord. Not making this a religious topic, but you have to be careful who you date, especially as a believer. It can be dangerous to mix with nonbelievers.

I should add that not all nonbelievers react like that, but I have to be wary of the ones who are so strongly against God. The anger was unbelievable.

 

[Shortec Stublue!!]

What a refreshing post and question, compared to the odd shit we see that is not drug related.

I think just having the self awareness to ask for advice, means you will succeed sooner or later. Meaning you seem like an individual who will value another, in your case a woman who is searching for connection.

Your appearance does matter as nature works in first impressions to get us started. However more importantly @PMS is to let yourself shine from within once you do “click” with someone. Happy to help if I can anymore no probs ?

P.s I don’t know what Dutch people some of you lot have met, that don’t take kindly to “drug tourists” the whole economy of Amsterdam relies on it, and they are as comfortable as a Londoner is being asked about Big Ben lol.

 

[PMS]

Hello everyone,

I once met a girl on Facebook, who claimed to be so in love with me. Turns out she was a member of a satanic sect, and wanted me as a piece of prey, to be sacrificed to the devil. :/
She (and other members of her sect) nearly destroyed my life, and made me do some pretty fucked up things. Nowadays this situation seems to be over, but I hope it doesn't start again. She was a true horror, attacked me with black magic/voodoo, put out false rumors about me being a pedophile, all around the city of Trondheim and Tromsø. :/ I was seriously considering finding her and attacking her physically, to defend myself. (Since I don't know any black magic spells to counter attack). This episode made me very concious about how different people can be, and how dangerous it is to get in touch with strangers.

As far as my music goes, I'd love to perform and so. But most of my material is written for a full band or duo/trio; and I'm not ready yet to perform solo professionally. I can't really sing (i think), and then it often gets a bit thin with just a single guitar. My performance, songs and set would have to be very, very good . I do prefer to play with other people.
Meeting other musicians is really hard too, since I live in a shithole village with almost no people or things around me. I hope these things will get better the day I move to a new location.

My first real crush was a girl who played the saxophone. I think that women who can do something like that, is much more appealing than ones who just knows how to get drunk and spread their legs. It took me some time to learn that women can be very, very different- after having some "hard realizations" in life, I started to think that all women were the same, and wanted the same things. What i meant, with being more comfortable around "5/10s" than "9/10s", was that- I've seen so many "bitches" who thought, that because they looked hot, they were something special- and better than they really were. I'd rather have a girl who isn't supermodel pretty, but a good person.

These days I'm really occupied around this subject, of being single and wanting to meet someone. It's killing me to wake up alone, sit here alone, and go to bed alone every single day and night- I've been doing this my entire life. It's like every day is wasted; when I could have spent my time and energy making life good for someone. Often i feel really down and depressed because of this. I think people who are together, and particularily people who've had lots of relationships and an easy time getting it to work, often don't appreciate or know what they really got. This goes for everything. But yeah. If I get a girlfriend, I hope to really appreciate it, and be a good guy.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Hello everyone,

I once met a girl on Facebook, who claimed to be so in love with me. Turns out she was a member of a satanic sect, and wanted me as a piece of prey, to be sacrificed to the devil. :/
She (and other members of her sect) nearly destroyed my life, and made me do some pretty fucked up things. Nowadays this situation seems to be over, but I hope it doesn't start again. She was a true horror, attacked me with black magic/voodoo, put out false rumors about me being a pedophile, all around the city of Trondheim and Tromsø. :/ I was seriously considering finding her and attacking her physically, to defend myself. (Since I don't know any black magic spells to counter attack). This episode made me very concious about how different people can be, and how dangerous it is to get in touch with strangers.

That is horrifying! There is a lot of evil in this world and I thank God for his hedge of protection around me and my family. He pushes back the darkness and protects you from evil like that. I'm sorry that happened to you. You made me think of this guy I met from Ok Cupid, I went out with him like 3 times and we hooked up. Then I looked at his profile and it said "Looking for a girl to sacrifice to Satan" something crazy like that. I remembered how during a conversation, he mentioned we met on the day of some kind of satanic ritual that takes place...I realized that he could have easily killed me in my sleep or I would've woken up with him holding a knife over me trying to cut my heart out. I never saw him again and I told him to get to church. This was still my early stage of first becoming a believer and I realized that there are very dark forces that were trying to take me out around that time. I immediately deleted my dating profile and stayed away from dating anyone on the internet again.

As far as my music goes, I'd love to perform and so. But most of my material is written for a full band or duo/trio; and I'm not ready yet to perform solo professionally. I can't really sing (i think), and then it often gets a bit thin with just a single guitar. My performance, songs and set would have to be very, very good . I do prefer to play with other people.
Meeting other musicians is really hard too, since I live in a shithole village with almost no people or things around me. I hope these things will get better the day I move to a new location.

It's understandable you want to play with a band, but as far as dating, the right girl will be very impressed if you play for her. That's a turn on.

My first real crush was a girl who played the saxophone. I think that women who can do something like that, is much more appealing than ones who just knows how to get drunk and spread their legs. It took me some time to learn that women can be very, very different- after having some "hard realizations" in life, I started to think that all women were the same, and wanted the same things. What i meant, with being more comfortable around "5/10s" than "9/10s", was that- I've seen so many "bitches" who thought, that because they looked hot, they were something special- and better than they really were. I'd rather have a girl who isn't supermodel pretty, but a good person.

These days I'm really occupied around this subject, of being single and wanting to meet someone. It's killing me to wake up alone, sit here alone, and go to bed alone every single day and night- I've been doing this my entire life. It's like every day is wasted; when I could have spent my time and energy making life good for someone. Often i feel really down and depressed because of this. I think people who are together, and particularily people who've had lots of relationships and an easy time getting it to work, often don't appreciate or know what they really got. This goes for everything. But yeah. If I get a girlfriend, I hope to really appreciate it, and be a good guy.

You will get a girlfriend someday, just take your time and make sure she's good for you. You seem like a really sweet guy and you deserve someone who will treat you well. I've noticed that when you tend to obsess about wanting someone, it doesn't happen. It's like universal law, the more you focus on something and want it too badly, the more you push it away. Take care of yourself by getting yourself together first, start working out, get out around people more and if you happen to meet someone, great! It usually happens when you least expect it and when you're not trying so hard.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Nobody can really advise you in this way because different women can be attracted to vastly different looks and personality traits.

 

[pofacedhoe]

Hello,

I'm a 29 year old guy from Norway. I've been single all my life, with the exception of one short-lived relationship back in 2011.

Being single and alone makes my life feel worthless; and the one thing I want most in my life, is to have a girlfriend. And maybe get married, and start a family.

I was a drug user for many years, but now I've been clean for three months. Gained alot of weight, and my health and overall appearance is much better. I really should start working out aswell, it might make me look good.

I'm tall and muscular, and play guitars. People have said I look good, and is a charming personality.


So, I've started looking around for possibilites of finding a woman. This year I will attend a local music festival, go out on a bar, and visit Amsterdam.


I wonder if there is some advice to be had, as I'm new to dating and going out.

Thank you,
-Erl

go gym as it will help with the mental issues that led u to addiction and reduce the general anxiety

if people are telling you you look good thats the most accurate indicator

put yourself out there in public, playing guitar will help- form a band

my advice- push yourself into as many social situations as possible as anxiety is often fear of the unknown

the more you go out and do stuff, the less it seems like a big deal

to put it in contaxt i go out to clubs on my own, always get chatting to people (i'm gay and the clubs are straight but good music) I have no issues. all people shit in a toilet regularly and it smells. no one is better or worse, we are all just full of shit so go out and chat up some babes fam


also move to a city- if you live in a village your 20's will pass you by, get the fuck out and go big city

 

[Jabberwocky]

yo, so I use tinder usually to go on a bunch of dates, but these dates are more like an exercise for socializing so I am not looking for physical interactions or anything like that. I'm just as isolated as you although I don't live in a village, I live in a pretty big city I moved here in the fall of 2018, the people aren't as open minded as where I've lived before (excluding my hometown) but there is such a huge variety of them that I sometime find the right persons.

with apps like this I usually hate to waste time, so I like everybody mega quickly and filter out the matches, if I have a match I try to get an overall impresion of the person and as soon as I can I ask them on a date, it's better keeping them in interaction with you in person than to just chat all day on a messenger, plus lots of people put on all kinds of personas which reflect who they want to be not who they really are so in person you can analyze them better.

as the rest of the people said, clubbing is an option, but in my opinion it's only good for sex it wouldn't improve your human interaction skills. so try to find different activities, a literature circle, a painting course, maybe something related to a gym where a lot of persons do the same type of exercises, you said that you compose for multi-instruments, you could get a DAW and learn it so you can play and record more instruments, maybe do a show from time to time with the help of the laptop and maybe a visual show, there are plenty of softwares for this, the visuals thing would be to compensate for the lack of singing, you'd be surprised how many people would enjoy it.

I am going through the same thing right now, I look ok, although I am not very muscular but I am not fat and I have pretty traits maybe some feminine ones too lol , so it helps a little bit but what helps more is the fact that I can adapt to any situation and be open minded, let's say a girl is into something which I am not, I still can hold a pretty decent conversation, oh and the thing that lures the chicks the most is the sense of humor, although sometimes I can exagerate with the humour .

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

Hello everyone,

I once met a girl on Facebook, who claimed to be so in love with me. Turns out she was a member of a satanic sect, and wanted me as a piece of prey, to be sacrificed to the devil. :/
She (and other members of her sect) nearly destroyed my life, and made me do some pretty fucked up things. Nowadays this situation seems to be over, but I hope it doesn't start again. She was a true horror, attacked me with black magic/voodoo, put out false rumors about me being a pedophile, all around the city of Trondheim and Tromsø. :/ I was seriously considering finding her and attacking her physically, to defend myself. (Since I don't know any black magic spells to counter attack). This episode made me very concious about how different people can be, and how dangerous it is to get in touch with strangers.

Out of my decades on this planet I gotta admit Norway can equal most places for Goddamn freaks, sexual perverts, Occult nutcases & also Christian nutcases too.
I'm sorry but oh did I laugh upon reading that part, I'll give you a tip here mate.....2 snooker balls in a sock to the jaw or knee will counter ANY of her majick trust me.

and made me do some pretty fucked up things

Fell free to PM me if you don't wanna say openly but what the hell did you get into?
I got a horrific image in my mind of people snorting Ritalin & then inserting frozen Lutefisk up their anus.

 

[Zonxx]

step 1 would be to have testicles to go ahead and chat them up its like fishing, they do get away, your words are the best bait you can learn to use next to having a ferrari
step 2 women aren't fucktoys never disrespect a lady, and show some manners and class ya filthy lowlives! (joking)
step 3. i don't know this one i havent had any long term relationships but thats because most women can't keep up with my use of drugs and don't like being told they can't

 

[Zonxx]

Has the OP PMS been going to NA meetings to get clean?? Lot's of former drug addicts take "the 13th step" and date someone who they have meet through going to 12 step meetings like narcotics anonymous or alcoholic anonymous. Don't be a sleaze bucket and crack on to every woman you meet at NA. Just be yourself and involve yourself in the after meeting social events like coffee meet ups and restaurant nights.

My advice for PMS is if he can afford it look into applying for an Australian working holiday visa and have a one year working holiday in Australia!

Aussie women who drink to get drunk love to hook up with European men. Any Nordic guy with a Bergan tee-shirt and lacoste shoes with a funny accent can pull a chick in a backpacker bar/pub in Oz. Failing that if you can't get it for free you can at least get some practise with a paid professional. If you save up your Norwegian Krone's you should get laid at least once or twice seeing as brothels are legal in most Australian cities.

Did i mention Australia has one of the highest minimum wages in the world. So even if the only job you can get is at KFC or McDonald's you will get by. Come to think of it Nordic nations are remarkably similar to Australia(except for the lack of legal prostitution laws). You know high standard of living, safe cities, low crime rates, good health care and decent wages for even unskilled work. if you are used to paying expensive prices for things in Norway Australia won't be such a shock.

Melbourne and Sydney both have Killer heroin and top notch pure Crystal methamphetamine as pure as the driven snow. You said " If things were up to me, I'd use alot more benzos, and better quality speed. " Believe me you will find better quality speed to boot and IV in Australia than in Norway. We call it ice and/or base, It doesn't matter if you find Aussie made outlaw MC biker brand base speed cooked up in a lab somewhere in Oz from precursors smuggled out of China or in terms of the world's best of the best gold standard quality ice it's super easy to find Asian high grade Golden triangle produced Burmese/Chinese meth in Australian cities.

This is a bold statement but I reckon both the outlaw MC bikers speed lab's cook's and Asian based Crystal meth cook's have perfected the process and technique of cooking up the highest grade speed/ice possible to the point if you IV a shot of speed or ice purchased in the Australian drug market it will be that good that any day of the week i will take the Pepsi taste challenge against whatever speed you find in Nordic Northern European drug markets.

Getting syringes to shoot up with is easy in Australia. Needle exchanges are everywhere. Hell both Sydney and Melbourne have medically supervised safe injecting facilities. So if you are on your own and you want to shoot a shot of Heroin you can safely do so. Don't worry about the police getting involved if you overdose, Australia isn't like America. If an ambulance comes to help you they won't call the cops.

However if you really don't want to use drugs again you can do the 12 step meeting thing. Lot's of Narcotics Anonymous meetings happen in Australia so that can be a good social outlet to meet people while staying clean. Flying from Europe to Australia you can stop in Thailand. Why i mention Thailand? the cost of a 10 day or 28 day drug rehab stay is waaaay more affordable in Northern Thailand than in Europe. So if staying clean is important to you a stint in a Thai rehab could be just the ticket.

Aside from a working holiday in Australia my advice for the OP if he is wanting to get a new girlfriend first try and broaden your circle of friends. Attempt to have friendships with females first, worry about getting a girlfriend later. The more friends and acquaintances you have the better your social skills will get. If you have female friends they may have a friend or relative they can introduce you to for a date.

Has the OP tried online dating yet? google Oasis Active dating, women from all over the world on that website

tsktskpf, i'll beg to differ on your australian speed good sir, eastern canadian speed will shrivle your testies and make you feel like you're a racecar with rocketfuel

 

[Michael_25]

go gym as it will help with the mental issues that led u to addiction and reduce the general anxiety

I've been going to the gym for the past 3 years and it has done little for me. I get zero interests from girls, as most likely the OP does. If you can't even hold a conversation, nothing is going to save you.

 

[G_Chem]

You know how to converse with women? Ask them questions.. Don’t let the conversation steer towards you, always have it be about them.

This works for guys and girls.. Asking questions not only makes them do all the talking but shows your interested in them and they’re life. So many people out there are narcissistic assholes so if you do this it’ll be noticed.

The other poster had a good advice too. Go on test run dates.. Practice makes perfect. Go chat someone up on the street, the more you talk to others the more you’ll not be anxious about it. Coffee shops or bars are obviously good places too.

-GC

 

[Vastness]

Surprised how few people have mentioned it but try dating apps. There are lots of them, and it's a far easier way to connect with lots of women than out in the real world, especially if you're of the socially anxious type. People hate on them a lot here I've only really had good experiences. Personally I see it as an accelerated, rarefied version of real life interactions, in that yes, people are very picky, it seems shallow, it's a numbers game, but so is real life to some extent, just with apps it ends far more quickly (even immediately!) if it was never gonna work out anyway. As has been mentioned -

with apps like this I usually hate to waste time, so I like everybody mega quickly and filter out the matches

...As far as I'm aware this is essentially how all straight men use dating apps, swipe right/right/right indiscriminately and when you match, filter then. As a man, your conversion rate, so to speak, will be low, but for most of us this is the case in real life too so some benign acceptance of reality helps - by which I mean, don't stress about it.

There's for sure value in becoming confident enough to approach people in real life too - but meeting women via dating apps is a good option, and will give you more confidence to try other options.

Also... ARE there any women less than 9/10 in Norway?? I visited Oslo a while back and it had the highest concentration of absolutely beautiful women I've ever seen. Perhaps your standards ARE too high, or living where you live has just spoiled you. :giggle:

 

[damsel1985]

Wear some black nail polish & style your hair... invest is some snakeskin boots. these small things should get your inner rock star on for at least a night having a strum. You have to over-emphasise your interest if you want a woman to pay you an adequate amount of attention. Comment on appearance. Offer a kind or sympathetic ear, or a lift somewhere if it's only just going out of your way. But maybe instead of doing these nice things, the megalomaniac will always come up not nearly flying solo for so long. Best of luck. I've bowed out of the relationship market, not nearly entertained enough by men these days to really make it a feasible goal.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

I've bowed out of the relationship market, not nearly entertained enough by men these days to really make it a feasible goal.

Ditto...a million times ditto

 

[damsel1985]

it's not like i find women attractive enough so relationships are extinct. i'm at a real relationships crossroads.spring pheremones etc.

 

[Jabberwocky]

idk why you guys are not into dating, I have so much fun meeting new women, it's not even about relationships because I don't get to that stage too often but don't you love when you get to know someone new who just clicks with you? I find it exciting, the whole process, I think in dating that's what I like the most. I know that a lot of times, there are shitty persons you come across, but when you find that person you click with, it compensates for every bad one. I'm in this phase right now again with a chick I met friday, wow I can't stop talking to her (ok maybe it's because of the tramadol too )) )

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

idk why you guys are not into dating, I have so much fun meeting new women, it's not even about relationships because I don't get to that stage too often but don't you love when you get to know someone new who just clicks with you? I find it exciting, the whole process, I think in dating that's what I like the most. I know that a lot of times, there are shitty persons you come across, but when you find that person you click with, it compensates for every bad one. I'm in this phase right now again with a chick I met friday, wow I can't stop talking to her (ok maybe it's because of the tramadol too )) )

I used to feel that way while dating, but none of it is worth it to me in the end. Guys always pretend to be one way in the beginning of course, then their true colors come out. So over it. I'm glad you met someone you have chemistry with!