How to be an attractive male - getting a girlfriend?

[PMS]

Hello,

I'm a 29 year old guy from Norway. I've been single all my life, with the exception of one short-lived relationship back in 2011.

Being single and alone makes my life feel worthless; and the one thing I want most in my life, is to have a girlfriend. And maybe get married, and start a family.

I was a drug user for many years, but now I've been clean for three months. Gained alot of weight, and my health and overall appearance is much better. I really should start working out aswell, it might make me look good.

I'm tall and muscular, and play guitars. People have said I look good, and is a charming personality.


So, I've started looking around for possibilites of finding a woman. This year I will attend a local music festival, go out on a bar, and visit Amsterdam.


I wonder if there is some advice to be had, as I'm new to dating and going out.

Thank you,
-Erl

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

What part of Norway you from?
Nygårdsparken used to be great to score from I heard from a dog once.

Being single and alone makes my life feel worthless; and the one thing I want most in my life, is to have a girlfriend. And maybe get married, and start a family.

Really?..........the one thing you want MOST out of life is this?

I was a drug user for many years, but now I've been clean for three months

Depending upon the habit 3 months clean is nothing in my life experience, what was your drug of choice?

 

[Wolie83]

I have a couple pieces of advice and alot of the chauvinists are going to agrue, poke fun at and ridicule what i am about to say...and it is all I am about to say on the matter.

1) outside appearances do not matter. I is what is on the inside that counts...that is what makes a person beautiful or hideous.

2) a REAL woman's heart is like a rare treasure. You have to adore it, cherish it, love it and take care of it or you will lose it.

Again...that is all I am saying on the matter and will not respond to any remarks, questions and/or concerns.

Blessed be.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

It's hard to say. Just do your thing and someone who likes you for you will come. Women are attracted to confidence and if you are participating in things you love your confidence will be evident.

And once you have one, women like security. So make her feel loved, etc. (something i need work on).

 

[PMS]

What part of Norway you from?
Nygårdsparken used to be great to score from I heard from a dog once.



Really?..........the one thing you want MOST out of life is this?



Depending upon the habit 3 months clean is nothing in my life experience, what was your drug of choice?

Hello!

I'm from a small village, on the countryside in North Norway. Nygårdsparken is in Oslo? I've been in Oslo, and scoring drugs there was like being in an eastern bazaar, compared to what I've been used to.

Yeah, I guess the meaning of my life would be to find a woman and keep together. I can't explain how bad I've felt trough all these years being single.

I might be a very romantic and love-pursuing person; but being without someone has led me into a life of depression, lonliness and pain. It has been like everything has been on hold; no reason to do anything alone in this world. So I lived alone in a shitty apartment, began doing drugs, which was an "evil circle"- when I became a junkie, i was even more unattractive, and pursuing dreams of love and relationships seemed impossible.

But I will do my best from now on.


Yeah, I'm 3 months clean. I've spent the last year working towards a clean future, step-by-step getting in control of my life and habits.

I used I.V. speed and subutex mainly.

-Erl

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

Nygårdsparken is Bergen, I've spent alot of time there before.

I noticed myself Norway has what us English see as bad quality street drugs, though the use of bupe as you said was huge.
How long were you using subutex for? I'm not passing judgement upon you, I've ben using heroin since 2001 myself.

 

[PMS]

Nygårdsparken is Bergen, I've spent alot of time there before.

I noticed myself Norway has what us English see as bad quality street drugs, though the use of bupe as you said was huge.
How long were you using subutex for? I'm not passing judgement upon you, I've ben using heroin since 2001 myself.

Ah, okay!

When I was in Oslo, I managed to score awesome hash and ridiculously good heroin. I've also had some awesome speed paste from Oslo. But here in the North, what I get is limited to what my "dealer" can/could cough up- which means that quality has often been a concern. If things were up to me, I'd use alot more benzos, and better quality speed.


But now I've quit the speed.


I used the subutex from 2011, until recently, when I got into a methadone program. I'm in some ways glad I didn't get hold of heroin, only subs- since I'd likely would have killed myself with an OD many years ago,

cheers.

 

[nuttynutskin]

If you play guitar in a band you're already half way there.

 

[PMS]

If you play guitar in a band you're already half way there.

Yeah, I've been playing music since I was a little boy. Guitar and bass since I was 10. I had a band going with some guys, but our lead singer lashed out on me and accused me of "going behind his back", when that was not my intention at all. So that fucked up what was supposed to be our big debut concert, on a local music festival. Pisses me off!

Some girls seem to like me playing guitar, others have said out loud it's a "loser thing" that people do because they can't get laid enough. I play music because I think it's fun,

I suspect the main reason of me not having gotten a girlfriend yet, is because I've been living an isolated life in a flat, in a small village. I haven't been going out much on clubs or bars, so maybe the single women out there doesn't know I exist.

I think I'd make a great partner-there's nothing I'd like more than make someone happy.


When I was a teenager, I was overweight and not popular with the girls -at all. This made me think I was less of a man than my peers, and that no woman would ever find me worthy. These thoughts have been staying with me for many years, though in the recent times I''ve realized, that I'm just as good as everyone else. I still have problems with believing that beautiful women could like me- I seem to be more at ease with a "5/10" girl around me than a "9/10". If you catch my idea.

My ancestors were married, christian and hard-working people, some of them were native scandinavians (sami, kven), and I think it may be therefore I've been wishing for a serious, long term commitment. Rather than going out for one-night stands and tinder stuff.

Cheers,
-Erl

 

[nuttynutskin]

Yeah, it's not possible to get with any women if they don't know you exist.

Get yourself out there and get seen. Maybe join a club or something that interests you? I know all about feeling isolated, but in my case it's mostly by choice.

 

[PMS]

^^ Will do! I'll report back on any progress .

-Erl

 

[JackARoe]

It's hard to say. Just do your thing and someone who likes you for you will come. Women are attracted to confidence and if you are participating in things you love your confidence will be evident.

This. All good replies. Confidence is magnetic. To a degree.

I can not say enough that it will just happen without trying. My wife is from Canada and a friend of a friend directed her to ask me a question in email 16 years ago and right away I could tell we'd be together. To different countries. Home alone on a Sat night. So (for me) no dating apps, no blind dates, no set ups. I am not saying that those things don't help, I am just saying that trying too hard introduces it's own type of resistance. I think most people can see that in a way and we all know people that try to hard. My wife truly came out of the blue and 16 years later would marry her again. Not bad. Connections happen in miraculous ways. And we tend to attract what we are. For context I was 40 when it happened and already had years of dating psychos and just flat out bad dates. It seemed hopeless.

I will say this PMS you will not leave this Earth until you experience a relationship. I think the most important part of the "ingredient" for a good relationship is be fully present. Listen. Give your partner your attention. Attention is Love. I have a guy at work that strikes out all the time but this guy does not listen to a damn thing anyone says. He is already thinking of his next statement. He thinks because he is short and bald it hinders him. I told him if he is present and really listens being short and bald does not even factor in.

Lastly someone that cares for themselves first is the best candidate. We have to love ourselves first before we can give it away.

 

[G_Chem]

“I seem to be more at ease with a "5/10" girl around me than a "9/10". If you catch my idea.”

This gives me the impression your aiming your sights way too high and not being realistic with what you can get. All guys want a 9 or 10 due to all the movies that show the nerd getting the hot girl, but in reality you need to focus less on looks and more on someone you connect with.

Trying to constantly go for 9’s or 10’s is going to leave you feeling like a failure time and again. Also based on your posts, I get the impression your trying far too hard. You just need to live life happily and someone will find your lust for life attractive, being 3 months clean is nothing and your still fresh out of addiction.

-GC

 

[Boku_]

Has the OP PMS been going to NA meetings to get clean?? Lot's of former drug addicts take "the 13th step" and date someone who they have meet through going to 12 step meetings like narcotics anonymous or alcoholic anonymous. Don't be a sleaze bucket and crack on to every woman you meet at NA. Just be yourself and involve yourself in the after meeting social events like coffee meet ups and restaurant nights.

My advice for PMS is if he can afford it look into applying for an Australian working holiday visa and have a one year working holiday in Australia!

Aussie women who drink to get drunk love to hook up with European men. Any Nordic guy with a Bergan tee-shirt and lacoste shoes with a funny accent can pull a chick in a backpacker bar/pub in Oz. Failing that if you can't get it for free you can at least get some practise with a paid professional. If you save up your Norwegian Krone's you should get laid at least once or twice seeing as brothels are legal in most Australian cities.

Did i mention Australia has one of the highest minimum wages in the world. So even if the only job you can get is at KFC or McDonald's you will get by. Come to think of it Nordic nations are remarkably similar to Australia(except for the lack of legal prostitution laws). You know high standard of living, safe cities, low crime rates, good health care and decent wages for even unskilled work. if you are used to paying expensive prices for things in Norway Australia won't be such a shock.

Melbourne and Sydney both have Killer heroin and top notch pure Crystal methamphetamine as pure as the driven snow. You said " If things were up to me, I'd use alot more benzos, and better quality speed. " Believe me you will find better quality speed to boot and IV in Australia than in Norway. We call it ice and/or base, It doesn't matter if you find Aussie made outlaw MC biker brand base speed cooked up in a lab somewhere in Oz from precursors smuggled out of China or in terms of the world's best of the best gold standard quality ice it's super easy to find Asian high grade Golden triangle produced Burmese/Chinese meth in Australian cities.

This is a bold statement but I reckon both the outlaw MC bikers speed lab's cook's and Asian based Crystal meth cook's have perfected the process and technique of cooking up the highest grade speed/ice possible to the point if you IV a shot of speed or ice purchased in the Australian drug market it will be that good that any day of the week i will take the Pepsi taste challenge against whatever speed you find in Nordic Northern European drug markets.

Getting syringes to shoot up with is easy in Australia. Needle exchanges are everywhere. Hell both Sydney and Melbourne have medically supervised safe injecting facilities. So if you are on your own and you want to shoot a shot of Heroin you can safely do so. Don't worry about the police getting involved if you overdose, Australia isn't like America. If an ambulance comes to help you they won't call the cops.

However if you really don't want to use drugs again you can do the 12 step meeting thing. Lot's of Narcotics Anonymous meetings happen in Australia so that can be a good social outlet to meet people while staying clean. Flying from Europe to Australia you can stop in Thailand. Why i mention Thailand? the cost of a 10 day or 28 day drug rehab stay is waaaay more affordable in Northern Thailand than in Europe. So if staying clean is important to you a stint in a Thai rehab could be just the ticket.

Aside from a working holiday in Australia my advice for the OP if he is wanting to get a new girlfriend first try and broaden your circle of friends. Attempt to have friendships with females first, worry about getting a girlfriend later. The more friends and acquaintances you have the better your social skills will get. If you have female friends they may have a friend or relative they can introduce you to for a date.

Has the OP tried online dating yet? google Oasis Active dating, women from all over the world on that website

 

[PMS]

Haha Boku_ that sounds great.

I'm fed up with where I'm staying now, to say the least. Paying a shitload of money for a lousy flat, living in a small village where I know of only shitty junkies.
Paying loads of money for low quality dope. And nothing to do; I've been staying this way for many years now. I'm going to move elsewhere,

Australia seems a bit ... far away maybe. I'm considering getting a flat in the Netherlands,
if everything works out, I'll be able to move in three months time.

Cheers
-Erl

 

[atara]

So there's socializing, and then there's dating, and they're very different:

Socializing is kind of a one-day-at-a-time task, but you need to keep doing it every day. If you've been lonely for a long time then you need to start here before you can date. It's kind of an essential "maintenance" task like eating or walking around that makes it possible for you to do all these other things. It's also how you find dates.

Dating is cumulative: you improve your body and conversational skills, and one improvement leads to another. There's a lot to do. Mostly I am talking about how socializing affects dating.

(Analogy: socializing is like staying sober; dating is like working out.)

The struggle for people who are coming from an isolated lifestyle who want to date is that the world expects you to socialize regularly. If you start dating without having a real social life, you keep running into all of these pitfalls that make the whole task harder. You also have a lot of trouble finding someone in the first place. Pitfalls like "partner wants X, is it normal/okay?" or "how do I interact with strangers when out with partner?" or "what should we do for fun tonight?".

Socializing doesn't (directly) lead to dating, in the sense that socializing causes dating (unless you're very lucky/attractive), but it supports dating, in that, while dating, you often face problems that you fix via socializing. You don't even have to be very social to get a date, but it helps a lot in turning that date into a good relationship.

So, I don't mean to say that you shouldn't date, but in addition to working on dating, you need to work on your social life on its own, separately from dating. That turned out to be important for me when I was facing some similar (but less bad) problems.

(My first "relationship" immediately evaporated because I was too nervous to call back after we hooked up. My second relationship was, uh, bad. By the third time around I had friends.)

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Haha Boku_ that sounds great.

I'm fed up with where I'm staying now, to say the least. Paying a shitload of money for a lousy flat, living in a small village where I know of only shitty junkies.
Paying loads of money for low quality dope. And nothing to do; I've been staying this way for many years now. I'm going to move elsewhere,

Australia seems a bit ... far away maybe. I'm considering getting a flat in the Netherlands,
if everything works out, I'll be able to move in three months time.

Cheers
-Erl

Be extremely careful in the Netherlands. You are in recovery, at the start of it, and you can very easily get any hard or soft drug you want in the Netherlands.

Also it can be extremely difficult to find housing, and you will have to go through a lot of beauracracy, and not just for housing either. You will also be forced to pay for insurance despite already having it in Norway, you will have to open a bank account, get multiple types of visas or permits. Also it is extremely expensive to live in the Netherlands but you are from Norway so maybe you are prepared for this? It is not nearly as expensive as Switzerland is.

Do you go to NA/AA meetings? You also mentioned relatives going to church, both can be places to meet people who do not use drugs. Good luck.

 

[PMS]

Be extremely careful in the Netherlands. You are in recovery, at the start of it, and you can very easily get any hard or soft drug you want in the Netherlands.

Also it can be extremely difficult to find housing, and you will have to go through a lot of beauracracy, and not just for housing either. You will also be forced to pay for insurance despite already having it in Norway, you will have to open a bank account, get multiple types of visas or permits. Also it is extremely expensive to live in the Netherlands but you are from Norway so maybe you are prepared for this? It is not nearly as expensive as Switzerland is.

Do you go to NA/AA meetings? You also mentioned relatives going to church, both can be places to meet people who do not use drugs. Good luck.

I will only be staying for up to six months. I'm on welfare, and Norwegian laws permits citizens to live up to half a year outside norway, each year.

I found some apartments online, that were quite small, but not too expensive (5-600 euros).

I'm planning to smoke alot of weed and hash, it has never been my problem (but I want to stay away from the hard drugs).

No NA/AA meetings because I live in the countryside, and it's a long journey to the nearest city. But things are going allright now, I can't even get hold of drugs even if I try.

Going to Amsterdam on holiday in August, I'm excited! It would be heaven to be able to visit Amsterdam more than once a year.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I will only be staying for up to six months. I'm on welfare, and Norwegian laws permits citizens to live up to half a year outside norway, each year.

I found some apartments online, that were quite small, but not too expensive (5-600 euros).

I'm planning to smoke alot of weed and hash, it has never been my problem (but I want to stay away from the hard drugs).

No NA/AA meetings because I live in the countryside, and it's a long journey to the nearest city. But things are going allright now, I can't even get hold of drugs even if I try.

Going to Amsterdam on holiday in August, I'm excited! It would be heaven to be able to visit Amsterdam more than once a year.

I have never had any sort of issues with drug or alcohol addiction, or dependence. However, even if you live in rural areas you can easily find NA/AA meetings.

Narcotics Anonymous Nederland

Een gemeenschap van herstellende verslaafden die elkaar helpen clean te blijven. Met één vereiste: het verlangen om te stoppen. Ontdek ons 12 stappen programma.

na-holland.nl

You do not even have to leave your home, you can chat with people involved in NA/AA online.

Be extremely careful smoking weed and hash. I know many hard and soft drug addicts who relapsed when they did this as they thought that because they were getting stoned that it meant they could use the soft or hard drugs they had addictions with, without any sort of problems.

Often times smoking pot or hash will just become a substitute addiction. Stay safe.

Also, please keep in mind that the dutch really hate drug tourists or foreigners who go to the Netherlands-usually Amsterdam, to use legal and illegal soft and hard drugs. It is fine to smoke in cannabis/hash coffee shops or in the privacy of your home but just smoke there.

 

[Zopiclone bandit]

@PMS

Do NAV still cut your benefits down to 50NOK if you have been out of work for more than a year?