I like jokes and not being obvious isn't actually a matter long as things make sense on reflection is what counts I reckon.
The fact that you can still make a joke is a really positive indication of your character and mental strength and depth.
I already could see that you were commanding yourself emotionally very well at this time. And I'm actually glad that you have the sense I thought you were paid to defined better coping mechanisms then drinking mouthwash lol!
I have done crazier things myself and I'm sure I would have been down for that in my youthful prime. Fortunately as I got older I came to my senses gradually in bumps.