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How High Are You? V. Dude Where's My Bar?

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5g kratom
60mg amphetamine so far in 2 doses
1mg clonazepam, and
1mg etizolam this morning

Made it 16 days kratom free. Does this still count as sobriety? 😄 Probably not I guess. Had 4 hours sleep though after spending all of yesterday dealing with a stressful work situation, followed up by a few beers with a friend and waking up hungover. I mean... this kind of day is what these drugs are for, right, to soften what would otherwise be a pretty shit day. I'm not dependent right now so... basically sober IMO. 😉 Gonna resume my kratom abstinence after today for sure. Maybe segue into some phenibut or something if I need a parachute then get back on the straight and narrow... so as I say... basically sober.
 
nznity said:
MORNING MY SA BROTHERRR FORM ANOTHER MOTHER . nice way to start ur monin :Dbtw when ur dopesick,the opaites hit harder and ffeeel blissful . hah
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Well i can feel it creeping up but will still wait. I do have H, oxy and subs for when. But what to do ;)
but added since last post

15mg valium
1mg alzam
800mg gabapentin
more weed
20mg piroxicam

👊
 
1500mg Phenibut
Cigs
Coffee

I feel like I got cheated. I took a 12 day T break and I barely feel the phenibut and am even a little dysphoric. Maybe my Phenibut romance is over? Maybe it's because I didn't get enough sleep? Kinda peeved...
 
BK38 said:
I feel like I got cheated. I took a 12 day T break and I barely feel the phenibut and am even a little dysphoric.
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That happens to me with phenibut sometimes too... actually with a lot of drugs. Could be lots of factors at play, lack of sleep as you say, maybe slightly unrealistic expectations causing you to nocebo yourself a little... like with quite a few drugs that are somewhat subtle by which I mean they don't hit you like sledgehammer to the face I often find that I kind of romanticize the good parts of using them in my mind when I've taken a break from something or other... like I start thinking after this I'll dose and life will be great, I'll have no worries at all! 😄 But then of course in reality it's not like that, you're just hyper alert waiting for that mystical alteration in mood that will make everything OK, and thus overanalysing it too much and overwhelming substances with more low key effects. I had it with kratom too after my recent T break, was disappointed my tolerance barely went down at all, but had been romanticising it in my head and forgetting about the horrific withdrawal effects and all the ugly self loathing I felt just 2 weeks prior...

But then, in my experience, once you get over the initial mood analysis paralysis and just accept it is what it is and relax into it a bit more... you can usually start to appreciate it a bit more. Although of course permatolerance is a real thing with many drugs too...

Man, this speed I took earlier is fucking boom, am churning out all the work I spent all week procrastinating and moaning about. 😄 Am allowed 1 more dose of kratom today. Debating if it's worth it though, might just take a benzo to level things out if needed... seems like they suit my physiology a bit better.

Much love y'all.
 
Vastness said:
That happens to me with phenibut sometimes too... actually with a lot of drugs. Could be lots of factors at play, lack of sleep as you say, maybe slightly unrealistic expectations causing you to nocebo yourself a little... like with quite a few drugs that are somewhat subtle by which I mean they don't hit you like sledgehammer to the face I often find that I kind of romanticize the good parts of using them in my mind when I've taken a break from something or other... like I start thinking after this I'll dose and life will be great, I'll have no worries at all! 😄 But then of course in reality it's not like that, you're just hyper alert waiting for that mystical alteration in mood that will make everything OK, and thus overanalysing it too much and overwhelming substances with more low key effects. I had it with kratom too after my recent T break, was disappointed my tolerance barely went down at all, but had been romanticising it in my head and forgetting about the horrific withdrawal effects and all the ugly self loathing I felt just 2 weeks prior...

But then, in my experience, once you get over the initial mood analysis paralysis and just accept it is what it is and relax into it a bit more... you can usually start to appreciate it a bit more. Although of course permatolerance is a real thing with many drugs too...

Man, this speed I took earlier is fucking boom, am churning out all the work I spent all week procrastinating and moaning about. 😄 Am allowed 1 more dose of kratom today. Debating if it's worth it though, might just take a benzo to level things out if needed... seems like they suit my physiology a bit better.

Much love y'all.
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I think you're right. I reckon I just had inflated expectations as a result of taking a T-break. Conned myself into thinking I deserved a proper lift.
 
Just threw about 20 bags of coca tea and a teaspoon of baking soda into a cup with some warm water, then sipped slowly.

Never really had coca tea this way. My vision's blurry as fuck and my mouth and cheeks are tingly numb.
 
Bought some 'adrafinil' this week so I wasn't dipping into my limited modafinil supply so much. It is so much stronger than I expected. Basically like real clean speed that increased in strength all day. Earlier tonight, I was unable to shut the fuck up for hours.

Even had a valium, felt the effects hard, it wore off and this supposed adrafinil was still going.

I've had adrafinil before, a tan batch, nothing like this. Not certain what this stuff is, but fuck. I'm thinking another modafinil analogue.

Wish we had easy access to lab testing here.
 
Night two or three enhanced with a sufficient amount of Crystal.
A beer.
Bowls.
Coffee.
Abilify.
Fluoxetine.
Acataminophen
Hydroxyzine.

Landing gear hopefully works or suicide watch.
 
A couple bars in I decided to clean my room (one of my favorite things to do when I'm on benzos)... Anyways I picked up this weed flower vape pen ($100) and was like... let me just put this away.

2 hours later I've scoured my entire fucking room and house, checked the trash, checked the laundry, checked all over the fucking place.

It's gone... forever. RIP
 
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