Vastness
Bluelight Crew
Oh, I missed this part! At least diazepam helped. Kratom doesn’t make me nauseous unless I take too much or sometimes a white strain can be too stimulating. You needed a red strain. That’s more relaxing.
I believe I do have a red strain, "Borneo Red Vein", I usually do prefer red a lot. I haven't used kratom in a while though and I think I overshot the dose after overshooting the amphetamine, and then when it wore off I was hit with the nausea... could also be slight hunger pangs from too much appetite suppression today...
Not gonna dose any more amphet today because I'm trying to be strict and stick under the 60mg / day max guidelines. I think less is probably optimal for me, maybe been a bit naughty today with my dosing. Pretty much resigned to having to work out my own self-medication for my (probably, not definitely, but, probably) adult-onset ADHD I seem to have developed, or maybe always had in some capacity... in my country I have no chance of getting prescribed it, I don't think, unless I go private, but that is expensive, and I also don't feel like just paying someone over the odds just to write me a prescription which seems like would be the situation... "not sick enough" as ever... but amphetamine is a recent upgrade from years of quite frequent armodafinil usage, which helped for a while but helps a lot less of recent... this is surely the end of the road as far as sustainable therapeutic chemical interventions, can't realistically go any "harder" without entering uncharted territory which no medical professional would endorse, and risking serious negatives and long term side effects...
Ritalin is another option of course but it's a lot more expensive than racemic amphetamine so not ideal. I don't really want this to be a long term thing anyway, just long enough to get my life to a place where I'm not stressed about work and being productive all the time...
Have some 4F-MPH I'll give a go soon but from what I surmise that's unlikely to be therapeutic long term due to rapid tolerance build up, also obviously far more risky given the nonexistent studies on humans for ADHD type symptoms, so that'll probably be a brief recreational curiosity.