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How do I ask her if she would be okay with a long distance relationship?

LogicSoDeveloped

LogicSoDeveloped

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Joined
Oct 12, 2010
Messages
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We just met 2 weeks ago at a music festival. She's brilliant, she's gorgeous, she has a great personality and she cooks well. I absolutely like her a lot and would love to date her...one problem, she lives 4 and a half hours away.

We have a lot in common too. There is just something about her that drives me crazy.

The good thing is: I can transfer to school to the town she's in in the fall, if not the fall for sure the spring. I really want to be with her and I know she likes me too. She's cool with our age difference as well-she's 4 1/2 years older than me. I'm 19 btw.

I feel kinda weird wanting to be her boyfriend already considering we just met two weeks ago but we spent a lot of time this past weekend when I drove to visit her for a couple days. I haven't had a relationship in 2 years and haven't really felt this way about a girl in a long time. I haven't been in a serious relationship either.

She's really really cool. So, is it too early to ask how she feels about a long distance relationship? I won't be asking her out yet, I prefer to do that in person. I am visiting her in another 2-3 weeks so probably then.

We did have sex a few times which was the first time in 11 months for me. I explained to her that I didn't come see her to hook up and while I enjoyed it, I really do like her and she told me she knows that and understands that thats not why I went to see her. I'm pretty sure I'm the first person she's had sex with in a while though not quite as long as I've gone w/o it.
 
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LogicSoDeveloped said:
We just met 2 weeks ago at a music festival. She's brilliant, she's gorgeous, she has a great personality and she cooks well. I absolutely like her a lot and would love to date her...one problem, she lives 4 and a half hours away.

We have a lot in common too. There is just something about her that drives me crazy.
The good thing is: I can transfer to school to the town she's in in the fall, if not the fall for sure the spring. I really want to be with her and I know she likes me too. She's cool with our age difference as well-she's 4 1/2 years older than me. I'm 19 btw.

I feel kinda weird wanting to be her boyfriend already considering we just met two weeks ago but we spent a lot of time this past weekend when I drove to visit her for a couple days. I haven't had a relationship in 2 years and haven't really felt this way about a girl in a long time. I haven't been in a serious relationship either.

She's really really cool. So, is it too early to ask how she feels about a long distance relationship? I won't be asking her out yet, I prefer to do that in person. I am visiting her in another 2-3 weeks so probably then.

We did have sex a few times which was the first time in 11 months for me. I explained to her that I didn't come see her to hook up and while I enjoyed it, I really do like her and she told me she knows that and understands that thats not why I went to see her. I'm pretty sure I'm the first person she's had sex with in a while though not quite as long as I've gone w/o it.
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I don't think it's too early to be subtle about discussing it...
These kinds only come around every so often...as quoted in bold...

could be an opportunity lost....
Knowing what I know now..
I'd rather try and risk rejection..
over regretting not trying...and end up settling..
just one point of view...take it or leave it.

~token
 
I want a few more opinions but that's what I'm leaning toward. I dunno. I think she'll say yes. I don't want to scare her but fuck...I don't want her to be the one that got away either.

EDIT: fuck it, I just asked her. I'll let you guys know what happens.
 
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LogicSoDeveloped said:
I want a few more opinions but that's what I'm leaning toward. I dunno. I think she'll say yes. I don't want to scare her but fuck...I don't want her to be the one that got away either.
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it's a big deal..i get it...
good luck :)

~token
 
I decided to but it didn't go so well. She said that because she's been in relationships for almost all of her life, she wants time to find herself. I guess it didn't go terribly. I dunno. I feel sad right now but she doesn't seem to be weirded out or anything. She just said to give her time which I'll do. She did say that we should discuss it when I'm not a bit drunk as I've had several drinks this evening.
 
You should just go with it man, why do you have to know you are in a relationship? You like her, she likes you, she isn't going to be hooking up with other dudes if there is an interest in you. And even if she was, does it matter?

Especially with her being older, play it cool. And that goes for your entire relationship. Just be chill, be a little bit coy, and don't open up to her all at once. If she is older, she will have seen that shit so many times. In all seriousness, be like David Caruso in Jade.
 
I don't know why it bothers me if she is hooking up with other guys. It just does I guess. It does mean I can hook up with other girls cause if she is hooking up with other guys, I might as well.
 
unless she is an utter idiot, she is prolly aware of the distance between the two of you. and at this point in time, she is okay with having an occasional fuck buddy. it doesn't seem like she wants a serious relationship right now.

so you can either keep going with what you have and see if it turns into something more. or you can break it off now and find a girl who is more interested in a serious relationship.

lastly, 4 hours really isn't that bad in terms of long distance. i wouldn't do anything rash like transferring schools until you know it is turning more serious. cause what happens if you transfer schools and stuff doesn't work, are you going to be content at the school still?
 
animal_cookie said:
unless she is an utter idiot, she is prolly aware of the distance between the two of you. and at this point in time, she is okay with having an occasional fuck buddy. it doesn't seem like she wants a serious relationship right now.

so you can either keep going with what you have and see if it turns into something more. or you can break it off now and find a girl who is more interested in a serious relationship.

lastly, 4 hours really isn't that bad in terms of long distance. i wouldn't do anything rash like transferring schools until you know it is turning more serious. cause what happens if you transfer schools and stuff doesn't work, are you going to be content at the school still?
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agreed^^ logic..sorry it didn't work out as you'd hoped...but these^^ are your options now...
no one knows what the future holds..you could end up happier than expected...i hope for this..<3

~token
 
She just got in a relationship this evening, messaged me an apology and blah blah blah blah...I'm pretty torn up about it but nothing the bottle can't fix. Already made plans to go clubbing next weekend. Was trying to find something stronger than alcohol but maybe its best I don't have access to such things at the curent time. I don't know what to say. She's a lying bitch, I can say that for sure.
 
Basically she said no.

any excuse not to be in a relationship is 99 percent of the time a nice way of saying no just so u know.

women esp in there young 20's are a pain. and change there opinions bout shit everyday of the week.

23 year old guy i try to avoid women 20-24 just casue there annoying.
 
I got laid. I guess that's the bright side of things. I'm gonna hook up more often, get interested less often. As Drake would say "clubbin' hard, fuckin' women, ain't much to do." Not really into his lyrics unless I'm fucked up but I am so...yeah, big deal, eh?

@tokenname, thank you for feeling me <3
 
IME it never works out when you meet a girl like that at a fest or on vacation or whatever.
I've met a few girls at Bonnaroo each year I went and while it was fun to hang out and party a couple days together I always find a long distance relationship would never work out. Given usually when you meet someone like that they always live super far away, and while you can exchange numbers and all that but over time you're going to talk less and less

And sorry bro, that is kind of messed up she was all into you and everything and said she didn't want a relationship but then jumped into one immediately after sleeping with you and stuff, guess she just wanted a fling, and I think that's cool because of where you met her and the circumstances
 
187coopa said:
Basically she said no.

any excuse not to be in a relationship is 99 percent of the time a nice way of saying no just so u know.

women esp in there young 20's are a pain. and change there opinions bout shit everyday of the week.

23 year old guy i try to avoid women 20-24 just casue there annoying.
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Although I'm older than this age group you speak of..
omg..it pisses me off that you lump all of us together like that..
it's BS...
there are good ones out there..even at that age..
are all you 23 year old guys the same??
Seriously, hope not.

LogicSoDeveloped said:
I got laid. I guess that's the bright side of things. I'm gonna hook up more often, get interested less often. As Drake would say "clubbin' hard, fuckin' women, ain't much to do." Not really into his lyrics unless I'm fucked up but I am so...yeah, big deal, eh?

@tokenname, thank you for feeling me <3
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anytime ;)<3
 
Now she said she's going to marry him. I'm starting to feel like I dodged a bullet. She's coming across as delusional. I told her that karma is real and what goes around comes around. Then she said, don't wish harm on others, the universe is watching and more blah blah blah. I was sending her a message that said "I'm not wishing harm on you, I simply said that karma is real. By saying that I'm wishing harm on you, then you are saying you did something to warrant negative things in your life." but then she had blocked me before I could send it. I'm glad she blocked me. I don't need her in my life, even as a friend.

I'm really not that upset about anymore now that I've realized that she doesn't want anything to disrupt her perfect little bubble. Since I don't have any respect for her anymore, it is harder to feel hurt. She comes across as the type to marry a dozen times over the course of her life. Thankfully, I won't be one of those guys.

and yeah man, its not fair to lump all chicks of that age together. There are many wonderful women that are in that age group that are friends of mine who are with equally great dudes.
 
It does seem like you dodged a bullet there :).
Sometimes people just aren't who they seem to be when you meet them. No matter how great the times are, it doesn't always last (in fact, very rarely lasts). Good experience while it happened, but now it's time to move on, which it seems like you're doing :)
 
LogicSoDeveloped said:
Now she said she's going to marry him. I'm starting to feel like I dodged a bullet. She's coming across as delusional. I told her that karma is real and what goes around comes around. Then she said, don't wish harm on others, the universe is watching and more blah blah blah. I was sending her a message that said "I'm not wishing harm on you, I simply said that karma is real. By saying that I'm wishing harm on you, then you are saying you did something to warrant negative things in your life." but then she had blocked me before I could send it. I'm glad she blocked me. I don't need her in my life, even as a friend.

I'm really not that upset about anymore now that I've realized that she doesn't want anything to disrupt her perfect little bubble. Since I don't have any respect for her anymore, it is harder to feel hurt. She comes across as the type to marry a dozen times over the course of her life. Thankfully, I won't be one of those guys.

and yeah man, its not fair to lump all chicks of that age together. There are many wonderful women that are in that age group that are friends of mine who are with equally great dudes.
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OMG..logic...unbelievable!..
well..like you said..doged a bullet and better off ..
at least the hurt can move on now...<3
 
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