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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How are you in one word vs. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

herbavore said:
^((
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Nice!:)
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Grateful.

Still feeling fucking rough but am totally free of cravings for opiates and benzos really. Even had the thought earlier that I could swing by the chemist and get some otc co-dydramol to help with the couple of hours public transport I'm doing today and straight away quashed it knowing that would be a backwards step. Just looking forward to shaking off the rest of this wd/illness and getting on with my life. Now my shoulder is on the road to recovery there's no excuses for going there again.
 
Congratulations, I wish I could be as strong as you! Every time I get past the cravings I always seem to find my way back through obsessive thinking and rationalization.

NERVOUS. I have to go see my GP today, and am worried he may say something about me getting my prescription filled early the last few months. The last time my pharmacy had to call him because it was three days early and they did not want to fill it. So he is either going to not say anything, suggest we up my dose (which is what I really want though I don't know if it's in my best interest), suggest a new medication, or cut me off completely...I am nervous but I have been seeing this doctor for over a decade, so I don't think I have any reason to be. Ugh
 
Believe me this isn't some sort of innate ability I posses, I've detoxed and relapsed probably 20+ times in the last 8 years. I think I'm just getting tired of this cycle and ready to move on. I really hope so anyway, my body is starting to fall apart along with my mind.
 
Today is still the same day Herby! Time zones and that....

Still feel totally fucked tbh, think I'm about to genuinely use cannabis as a medicine for the first time ever. If it can just help kill some of this nausea and give me an appetite to get some calories inside me so my body has something to rebuild from I will be so grateful.

Got a busy day tomorrow with doctors, then haircut, then physio at the hospital and then 3 hours public transport followed by socialising. I need some calories inside me to run on desperately.

Giving up cannabis was never part of the plan this time round (unlike in the past), but would be nice not to be using a drug to feel ok again so soon even if it is just weed.
 
Papaverium said:
Thanks you guys :)
Addiction sucks, I'll kick its butt.

I am now feeling lucky because I got a message back from a job and they want me to start tomorrow. It's only part time but it's something, I need a job really bad right now.
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cool :)


stupid

iv fucked up and scored for tomorrow morning stupid thing to do and now i hate myself for letting myself down and others with this
 
Crazy!
THECATINTHEHAT said:
Believe me this isn't some sort of innate ability I posses, I've detoxed and relapsed probably 20+ times in the last 8 years. I think I'm just getting tired of this cycle and ready to move on. I really hope so anyway, my body is starting to fall apart along with my mind.
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Word: doubts
Been off methadone 58 days.
with methadone I became normal for nearly a decade (almost 8 years) I think my doctor would prefer that I chose going back to methadone.
It took me 20 years to be sober for so long.
Now without it, with cravings after almost 8 years living without it really scares me.
If I was having the most normal life ever, relapsing could in fact sent me back to square zero.
And I'm not 30 anymore. I would never been able to relive and go through all this shit again. Not now.

This would actually only work if relapses to other shit would literally be impossible.
First thing I ve lose would be my doctor for sure..

What happens when I started traveling again. I don't think I would even bother to come back.
Depressing thoughts..
 
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Yeah my relationship with drugs was pretty fucked from the start, I tend to move to mega damaging high speed usage really quickly which results in an attempt to kick again. In some ways I think things would have been very different from the start if I hadn't been so naive about just how ill combined benzo and opiate withdrawal would make me, I probably would have gone on a script there and then and stayed on it for years. Whether that would have been better or worse I don't know, worse I reckon. As it happens I haven't spent longer than a year continuously scripted to anything.

edit: ....and fuck me what a difference a tiny smoke of cannabis makes, infinitely more effective than buscopan or pharmaceutical I've tried for killing nausea and stimulating appetite. Never again will there be even the slightest bit of doubt in my mind as to whether cannabis is a legitimate medicine. If I was having to go through chemo or some shit I would be smoking cannabis before taking any pharms that's for sure.
 
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