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How are you in one word?? v. Who? What? Where? How? When?

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Backsliding. I've managed to find the energy to fake it again to ease the minds of the people around me...but I'm quickly running out of that energy and desire.
 
I know what you mean. It can be so exhausting, having to pretend that everything is okay when things are actually horrible. I've just recently started pulling myself out of a bad funk, but I've been in a place like that (where I feel like I need to put on a happy face to keep from making waves) not long ago.

There's likely not much that I can say that you've not heard a million times over, so I'll just offer my sympathies to you, and remind you that there are resources here where you might be able to find some help, or at least vent. You, like everyone else, deserve to be happy; it's just that for some of us it takes much more effort to get there (and stay once we've arrived).


ATM: Okay. Having a mellow evening, but had a visit with my sis and her family, which was pleasant. Nights alone like this makes me wish that I had someone to come home with/to, but such is not how my life is, or has been.
 
Hopeless.

I wanted to go my first NA meeting tonight, but instead I got high on opiates. I figured I had some studying to do, but in reality I took the opiates because I get really panicky/anxious when I'm in a situation of meeting new people. Next thing I know, I'm not even doing what I'm supposed to be. At least I can vent here, over the safe anonymity of the internet...
 
Currently feeling: hurt. I do not understand why women do not stick up for other women! Especially women they deem their 'friends'! It seems as though all of the young women I have recently let into my life again are more concerned about partying with a bunch of random young men who will mostly try to fuck them while they are passed out, give them STDS, and tell their friends about it the next day. I have had a mostly nonexistent social life for quite some time now for this reason. Female 'friends' should be supportive and intuitive enough as a fucking woman to know that when another woman says "I don't feel comfortable going to parties with men", there is at LEAST one VALID fucking reason behind it! I am so fucking hurt by this because people do NOT know what the fuck I have been through and yet I try to tell them and they STILL try to talk me into things I am uncomfortable with! What the fuck happened to women realizing how difficult it is to be a woman—and acknowledging it in their interactions?
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^
Truth! *Hugz* Some women are too distracted to see the connection and it is pretty depressing Tbh(I guess we can all get swept into being unempathetic in an effort to not look at some of the seemingly, negative realities of life). However not all! ;)... and some grow to understand this through experience as well.
Some women are so focused on the competition of 'mating game' they cant understand anything that infringes on their delusion. The things that make us aware of what we really need and what we dont, always seem to hurt but if they keep us on track; to seeing what matters, then I guess it keeps us searching for those things in life and adapting to the state that make us feel whole as an individual(hard to digest but it does). :)<3


littlecrow said:
Hopeless.

I wanted to go my first NA meeting tonight, but instead I got high on opiates. I figured I had some studying to do, but in reality I took the opiates because I get really panicky/anxious when I'm in a situation of meeting new people. Next thing I know, I'm not even doing what I'm supposed to be. At least I can vent here, over the safe anonymity of the internet...
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LC you can always try again hun; dont give up on yourself! <3 Is there anybody you could link up with that would go to one with you? Maybe you could go first with a view to just showing up, sussing things out and making an excuse to leave. It is perfectly reasonable to 'protect' yourself in these situations AND perfectly reasonable to feel anxious. However, we all need strategies to cope that arent going to involve us sabotaging our efforts to be doing whats best for ourselves. My heart goes out to you...being a chronic self saboteur I know how utterly devastating this can be but there is no reason why you cant keep on moving forward in an effort to help yourself, we all deserve this. <3

____________________________
Trying

to deal with all this insecurity or whatever it is.
 
Stressed =

Trying to get off opiates again (6th time is the lucky one) + trying to get caught up on school work because I essentially missed the first 2 weeks of classes


At least I finished my community service and my possession arrest should be nollied today. My lawyer went to court since I completed everything I should have.
 
SideOrderOfOpiates said:
Currently feeling: hurt. I do not understand why women do not stick up for other women! Especially women they deem their 'friends'! It seems as though all of the young women I have recently let into my life again are more concerned about partying with a bunch of random young men who will mostly try to fuck them while they are passed out, give them STDS, and tell their friends about it the next day. I have had a mostly nonexistent social life for quite some time now for this reason. Female 'friends' should be supportive and intuitive enough as a fucking woman to know that when another woman says "I don't feel comfortable going to parties with men", there is at LEAST one VALID fucking reason behind it! I am so fucking hurt by this because people do NOT know what the fuck I have been through and yet I try to tell them and they STILL try to talk me into things I am uncomfortable with! What the fuck happened to women realizing how difficult it is to be a woman—and acknowledging it in their interactions?
2z8t36x.gif
Click to expand...
I can so relate to what you are seeing/experiencing and feeling---though its over a gap of 30 years ago. I remember feeling as a young woman in my twenties that I was surrounded by shallow, desperate women that only found their self-worth through being desirable to men.I have to tell you that I had to consciously try to be the woman friend that I wanted to have and while it opened a door with some of the women I hung out with, many just dropped away and I met new friends that valued friendship as much as or more than sexual relationships. Now I am in my fifties and I have had the deepest relationships of my life outside of my family, with other women. We have shared everything. My husband calls them my "posse" . Guys can put up a lot of walls to protect themselves from vulnerability but I think women hide the same thing under a pretense of sociability and that makes it even more lonely. Are you in school? If so, does your school have a Womens Center? Also finding a support group for survivors of sexual abuse could be a good place to get to know women that could relate. Use your good frustration to look for new friends.
 
OverDone said:
smitten
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Aww! :)

ATM: Okay. Kind of a neutral sort of day; I'm covering for the QC tech that's on holiday, so I'm just doing lots of mindless, routine work. The thing is, the day passes quickly with this sort of stuff, and I have less opportunity to get stuck in my head as I have to coordinate a bunch of parallel tasks.
 
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