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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

How are you in one word v. Pedalling through the dark currents

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cracked - possibly close to breaking? But its hard to tell sometimes.

What a fucking week, My sister tells me she is preggers, but then miscarriages the next day.

My mom called me today to tell me my aunt has breast cancer. In both breasts. She is having them both removed in a week, and starts 6 months of cemo.

fuck. I have have to face my MDPV problem.
 
sickened:

the dentist i saw today told me i should "just double up on my oxy intake, and then explain to my dr" with a huge grin on his face...

double up?
seriously?


they are not in my system 'as need be', or, frustratingly atm do i have any now that they are needed.


***but still, i think i should call his supervisor and make this if this is a good idea, that sounds like a lot to take...?
i dont think id make it to the root canal...
hmmmmmmmm
:-x

a week of this until a root-canal.
 
neko: Sorry to hear that. My mother had breast cancer which is gone now, so hang in there it can all work out <3

pip: How do you do it man? :(

Me: Somehow combined tired/energized. Henry the cat seems to think I'm a trampoline at night.
 
Legerity said:
neko: Sorry to hear that. My mother had breast cancer which is gone now, so hang in there it can all work out <3

pip: How do you do it man? :(
Click to expand...

by trying to understand what is happening, and knowing that fear, pity, "Why me" are enemies, fight through means of knowledge and acceptance. they win, and build much much needed patience.


i was looking very forward to calling that supervisor, and asking that simple question. i wont be able to do it the same now as my phone is dead, lost its charge/usb, so monday or whenever - im calling

this sort of professional 'morals&ethics' have no business in medicine, deadly medicine...
 
exhausted moved 1350lbs of shingles with a new crew today. Biggest fucking roof I've ever seen lol. Happy tho, I can work 7 days a week with this boss now, other guy was very inconsistent.
 
failing

Said I would stop visiting bluelight almost two months ago, but I cant. Ive relapsed on opiates at least 4 or 5 times this month and had some in February too. Ran into some real fucking bum luck with a girl last weekend and 3.5 months (Dec 1 - Mar 19) of not binging on alcohol went out the window. I drove drunk consciously and then continued to drink after my friend picked me up and brought us down town. My bank account is sitting at .3 USD right now. And I know as soon as I get that paycheck in a week, where a lot of that cash will wind up. I keep telling myself I will be able to turn it around "soon" but deep down I know that I don't want to stop yet. There is too much I am running from still.

The one good thing I have been doing for myself is daily cardiovascular exercise which puts the depression at bay for a while. Otherwise, my life is a shitshow.
 
Everyone has their rough patches; try to go a bit easier on yourself. You want to be clean again eventually-- and you will be-- but you need to deal with some of this other stuff first. Exercise is a great way to keep the symptoms at bay, but chopping at the roots works better than snapping branches. First things first: forgive yourself. You're good people, just going through a difficult time.

ATM: sleepy. G'night BL.
 
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