Moved from Regional Heroin Discussion Points of Reference:
omen_owen mk2 said:
Why not just get clean mate?
Honestly Owen, because I have extremely intense and unrelenting mental health issues concerning Major Depression and a very chronic and intense anxiety disorder, and in the face of having tried every medicine offered to me (not once, not twice but almost thrice for most of them) heroin is the only 'solution' (
HA) I can see. I am
petrified of what I will become when sobriety hits me, absolutely petrified. The prospect of hitting that low, knowing there is nothing in the world that can help me (except Heroin, which for some fucked up reason I've stopped because its illegal) is enough for me to kill myself, I'll be honest with you.
The local HSE (Irish NHS equivalent) have always refused to prescribe me benzodiazepines which when taken allow me to interact with people, therefore work and take up my role as a productive member of society which is all I want to do. I dont want to be doing drugs everyday, dodging the law 24/7 buying my medication on the black market - I'd never be able to handle prison if anything went wrong which further tatters my already highly fragile nervous system. I'd go through the fucking heroin withdrawal if I could get onto a prescription of diazepam for even a couple of months or just to take them when I'm working, because being self sufficient would work wonders for my depression - which would still exist but at a much lesser intensity - but the health services wont prescribe them.
And as you know, Heroin is very far from ideal too - its awful at this stage and its costing me every penny I receive from the welfare - and being on welfare is enough to make one depressed as it is, especially when you've broken your fucking neck for years repeating exams and studying ridiculous amounts of hours to get yourself into college...not to mention the 1000's of euros spent on those couple of years I was in the course and everything was ok MH wise (approximately 9k). So far, it appears it has all be in vein. Thank heavens I'm not in financial debt over those first two years because I just dont think Id be able to handle it because I just cannot work in my state, I'm agoraphobic most of the time.
Since 2008 my mental health has been on a steep decline once again. Up until that year I had been doing very well in life; I was in college, studying on a fantastic course, making A's and A+'s in most of my classes and I knew all of my peers by their first names, had their phone numbers and would see them regularly in town for drinks. Everyone loved me, and I was told this several times. Basically now, even with the heroin, I spend most of my time alone - and lets face it - if I wasn't collecting welfare I probably wouldn't have left my house once in the last three weeks.
Thanks for you concern, gents. Something has to be done, I know. Cant keep doing this.