Work sucks, sucks, sucks, sucjs, sucks, is fucking slave labor. I work in a hospital Anerica;s new sweatshop. They won'y staff adequately to get the job done. They are more worried about cutting a $15,00 nursing assistanst but won't think twice about buying a new piwcw of equipment that diesn't work. Our managers get bonuses when they maximize productibity, Productivity is # patients/ workstaff. They have been having troubles with falls. This is a new list of things that medicare won't pay for hospital stay if they occur with injury. We have been instructed to make the patient appy, not patient health. Medicine has done wonders to reduce mortality but has done little to decrease morbidity. Go back to the old days- use Gods own medicine liberally. They do in patients on hospice, but their is an irrational fear that you will kill a patient if you manage their pain yo agressively prematurely if the goal is to keep them alive despite poor prognosis: people are selfishly klinging to suffering half dead train wrecks intead of morhine Gtt (drip) and let nature take its course.Also, studies that have been burried found that dexedrine has a n synergistic effect with morphine on psin relief- not widely used in hospice in this country. It has the added advatage of keepimg patients more alert and gives a mood lift for those final days. That plus a morphine, dilaudid, or better yet, fentanyl Gtt, will make final one hundreds of millioms of peoples; last day both more bearable and interactibve.
You British devoloped the Bromptons cocktail (bromptons hospital mixture) for the terminally ill. If you wouldn't a fraction of Euthanasia patients or people praying for death if you treated malignant pain, chronic, ect...more agressively. And there are cheap alernatives to the expensive stuff.
Anyway had to work: got shit on (not litterally but close). The ones that do worst in the hospital are the self-centered (about 90%) of the in US, especially CA hospitalzes, and they get increasingly more demanding. There heart can be going into all kinds of weird rhythms neccistating calls to docs, interventions, to use an example, but the patient hets bent out of shape because their soup id too bland. Its like your circling the drain, dude, sbut your pissed that (50 yards it took your linen has a little stain or you don't have a back rub. If the doc mskes a mstake i his orders and you csyy tjrmTo prevent falls the simple, patrotic solution is to hire a nursinq asstant, decrease falls dramatically. Istead, they want to implement "fall prevention progarams" were you put patients on bed alarms ( which require beds that cost about the price of a maserati0, keep alert and prienyed patients on bed alarms, so when they really need to go, you have to drop what yor doing, run about 50 neeters/ it alwats happens when you got an important intervention (like starting an IV on a patient hard stick on a patient in isolation you help them. Go back in the room room get blood, a fash in the chamber return and another bed alarm. Goes off, this time on a seroius patient, so you have to finish, ptients got hep C, so you finish fast. Run into the bed alarm room, already got caled twice, CNAs are busy- they should be dropping everything, but they coecred or conned us into signing a fall prvention plan which carrries a clause making us personally liable.
So this is whats gonna happen, despite everyone working like a slave, people are gonna fall, the hospitall which maintains its non-profit status eveb though administrators get bonuse. The hospital will lose money to law suites. Then one day a light bulb will go off on the head of the corporate genuses on top and they will shell out the nicles and dimes to hire a sitter because its cost effective. Why they doing this- because the organization is bloated and top heavy and alot of people have to justify there jobs by commin up with ludicrous, sickly laudable regulations that sound good in their IV towers- the staff bear the bottom is most expendable. Bottom linee, is many will have to get hurt to disprove there plans, b/c they are asking but not implementing everyones recommendations. Its nickle and dime and the patient is treated like a product, benefits and payrole, ect, increase the cost of labor, but what happened to puting patients first, humans first=gambling wit lives.
Anyway, everyones' been put to sleep by now. I'm noding. Was directed to self tapper subs by my psychiatrist but today (I was down 10 a tiney sqrare of film, maybe 0,2-0.3 mg, topd, and I was so exchaserbated, took several times that and now with my tolerance have that pleasant opiated yet ebergetic feeling- I'm skipping what happened today but it in part involved a confused patient taking her IV out and having had a BM was playing with it and smearing it on her bed, and having blood verywhere, but she needed new IV stat and I had one in earlier and she took it out, she gad bad veins that bow easily so it took 1.5 hours to clean her up, this is with the help of a nursing student or it would be non doable (they free-get to pay for priveledge I'm leaving out the dritical thinking stuf that could fill a page. Really just another day at the office, hrring one more staff member would make everybodies life easier. But descions are made vt people divorsed from the bed side- sounds good in there slow moving board meetings
I can cmmisurate with you guys, my stress melted away,but now I fear I fucked up all the progress I made on my sub habit. That plus heroic doses of benzos- the sheer stress would have me in the hospital
When I was smoking heroin- I'd cop 3 grams of tar (would get free 1/2 with a 5 bag purchase. I would pop a xanax, was it down with 6 pints of stine Indian pale ale, and skoke some tar. Istantly, even though the alcohol would make me forget, I was wrapped in a blanket of warm euphoria. on a good dat, after night shift i would be nodding so hard that all my troubles were but a fadded nightmare a million miles away.
So when I read what you are all writing- nothing sucked worse thab a bad day at work and we had to go through out alternate connect. Connect #3 I would use occasionally- stole his connect.
Otherwise, even with juice, I would just feel normal, and still crave a smoke of gear after a long stressful day. Anyway, O had a minor setbak today but the sub gave me a taste of those heady days,
Having said all that, my life, finances, general satidfaction is better without dope. Its not worth going back to be at the . Iwuldn'ytrade mercy of the dopeman, full of self-importance power he had over me- knwig he held the keys to both heaven and hell a t his hand. Wouldn't trade it for old life- freedom is worth the price, and the stress of not having to worry about him being around when I got off work- he would sleep at 7:00 pm (he had cjoral hydrate Rx along wih all his other drugs), bou he;d stay up latter when I worked b/c I was a good customer- but sometimes he wouldn't answer his phone. Sometimes he'd wack his dope. After a while, I would just quit for a week with the juice trppling/doubling up method. Would usually get a call after the third day- he assumed I has going through someone else- the guy whose dope was full of bash, sometimes, but anyway, the quality of his dope would improve immesurably. But these are in non dorught years. If you have green, you got something to hold you and keep you well until you get fire so you can get right,
But I miss it, I plan to stay the course, I don't have connects anymore, and TJ, were I could score out in the open sure thing is not worth the risk. I don't want to be a slave to an illegal drug that drains all my cash, fucks up my credit, enslaves me and compells me to act in an unprincipalled manner , while I'm handing my money over to a flunky that doesn't work a fraction as hard as I do and manipulates me for all my hatd earned cash Atleast methadone- you goy the mental jones but not the physical. Wonder if I'll have withdrawl from the bupe, took about 10 mg from0.3 for last couple of days tops.
By the wat- I make long posts- but this is so long because I nod and wake up and start composing a new paragraph.
So anyone with experience- do you think I'll have sympyoms in 2-5 days fri I was gonna meet my psych and tell hin I tapered so we can get to work on the benzos. I want to use more but I want to get off this stuff- Like I saud- atleast I'm covered from getting a high off a full agonist. Anyone gave experience with this (don't want referall to sub thread-too fuckin long. I've been writting for hours.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
This is a waste of space, sorry. Pray (if you do) that I have the stredth abd fortitude to overcome subs please all of you.
Thanks for letting me vent, I really,
really needed to- feel better now. Off next 2 days.
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