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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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Ive gotten sick enough where i havent eaten for days when in withdrawal and ive gotten so weak ive almost fainted. So i don't doubt that secondary symptoms of withdrawal can kill. I now force myself to eat atleast some food no matter how bad the stomach cramps are and to drink lot's of gatorade and water to keep hydrated.
 
theartofwar said:
I'm losing my grip - no doubt about it - just called to check in on my old guy to see if i could line up some bags, I need to be saving this money. I dunno why the hell I think so fucking stupid when I'm not using, when I'm on I know "I have to stop this, I need to get m life right" - but when I'm off , fuck it. What the fuck man, sorry - rants over - I want out of my head.
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Wow, I can totally relate to that. When I'm not high (or in withdrawal) it is truly a battle to make it even 48 hours without trying to get high. Then when I actually AM high, I think the same things: "God damn this is ruining my life, I need to quit this shit."

Oddly, the only time that I really feel like I have the motivation to quit is when I am high. When I am detoxing, even as far as 2 weeks down the road, I still have no energy and feel like shit. Then I know that with all the clean time I can get REALLY fucked up again. It's really frustrating.

It really scares me that I have been playing this game with the poppies for over a year now. I still remember back in the beginning when I had been using for only a month and was trying to reason with myself that I should quit. I never saw myself putting up with this kind of hell a year down the road.
 
so im going to try to make this as right as possible based on the guidelines.

im really new to this site, as in within hours. reading these posts really made me think about my usage and it seems so juvenile. only 10-15 mgs of dilaudid a day.... 3-4 bags of heroin a day. sometimes id mix the two (using the mixed d to mix the heroin). but it just didn't seem like it came close to some of the usage im reading about. i know, use is use, no matter how much it is. and an addict is an addict no matter what the addiction is.

then i remember where i was before using, what made me do it in the first place... and im sick. with college and work, im an idiot for putting myself in this situation. its been 2 days since any usage at all. im not even sure if the withdrawls are coming or not. ive been a little irritable but thats about all. i dont know. im babbling. the only real problem with my family is alcoholism. i guess any sort of addiction is hereditary (i hear thats a possibility).

my apologies for the nonsense in this post. but i AM glad to be able to freely be with other people who actually fucking GET IT.
 
QuasiStoned said:
Wow, I can totally relate to that. When I'm not high (or in withdrawal) it is truly a battle to make it even 48 hours without trying to get high. Then when I actually AM high, I think the same things: "God damn this is ruining my life, I need to quit this shit."

Oddly, the only time that I really feel like I have the motivation to quit is when I am high. When I am detoxing, even as far as 2 weeks down the road, I still have no energy and feel like shit. Then I know that with all the clean time I can get REALLY fucked up again. It's really frustrating.

It really scares me that I have been playing this game with the poppies for over a year now. I still remember back in the beginning when I had been using for only a month and was trying to reason with myself that I should quit. I never saw myself putting up with this kind of hell a year down the road.
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jonesin like you read about - and sure nuff it's all i think about. But I know the minute that I'm really good - my mind levels out and starts saying what the fuck, again? It really scares me honestly, because I've only had a few odd months of clean time - so this is more than a way of life, it's what I know it becomes darkly encompassing.
 
I will have 6 months clean on the 13th of this month.

It was hard; very hard. I decided to go to a very structured, long-term recovery home to give me strength. Giving myself time--giving my chance a chance--really did it for me. By the 4 month mark I wasn't thinking about it nearly as much and I am staying and moving around in the area I was BUYING my dope in. I see people selling and buying all around me, but if you really, really want it, and get to that point, it really doesn't matter where you go to get clean.

Many of you know about my struggle over the past few years. I'm not saying it is over for good because I can't know that, but I want to offer some hope and let you know that it gets SO much better. I am happy today; I'm at peace; I LIKE myself today.

The one thing I am struggling with is that I introduced someone here on BL to my dealers and basically sponsored him on how to cop. He's now deeper into the game that I think he even realizes and I'm feeling quite bad about that...I will get over it, but it really is hard to see ANYONE in the middle of this cycle, but especially someone you helped get there...
 
Hey guys, enjoyed reading all of this. It really helps to know that others have/are going through the same thing and are winning, no matter how small or large the victory. I currently have been on oxycodone for one month about 60-80 mg a day. Is this even something I am going to have serious withdrawal from?
 
Spaceman Spiff said:
Hey guys, enjoyed reading all of this. It really helps to know that others have/are going through the same thing and are winning, no matter how small or large the victory. I currently have been on oxycodone for one month about 60-80 mg a day. Is this even something I am going to have serious withdrawal from?
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After a months use the withdrawals shouldnt be too bad. They might suck alright but since youve had sense enough to quit early on it shouldnt be that bad. Also your first withdrawal generally isint that bad because every withdrawal get's worse and worse.

Id get some lopermide and a anti-nausea drug like dimenhydrinate (dramamine, gravol) both of which are OTC. Lopermide is essential for opiate withdrawal because it helps stop the diarrhea and helps stomach cramps somewhat. Dimenhydrinate is a good anti-nausea drug that should stop any nausea as well as any dizzines. I always get dizzy during opiate withdrawal. It also helps you sleep too which is also good.

Best of luck to ya man.
 
Seeing things are running away on me - talked it over and gonna go back to rehab next sunday - gonna try to nip this before it takes over again. I'd go sooner but I have obligations this week that I have to take care of. First time I'm choosing to do this for myself, I really know I need help and I want it.
 
paranoid android said:
Ive gotten sick enough where i havent eaten for days when in withdrawal and ive gotten so weak ive almost fainted. So i don't doubt that secondary symptoms of withdrawal can kill. I now force myself to eat atleast some food no matter how bad the stomach cramps are and to drink lot's of gatorade and water to keep hydrated.
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have you tried pedialite? it's the stuff they give kids when they've been sick and throwing up and diarrhea-ing and whatnot. in my experience it does help, although it tastes kind of like the sweat and tears of orphans.
 
get pedialite - mix it w/grape gatorade powder - it's not half bad actually then. Otherwise ^ as you said, tastes like piss n vinegar lol.
 
Spaceman Spiff said:
Hey guys, enjoyed reading all of this. It really helps to know that others have/are going through the same thing and are winning, no matter how small or large the victory. I currently have been on oxycodone for one month about 60-80 mg a day. Is this even something I am going to have serious withdrawal from?
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This is also so much individual.
Someone may get influensa like symptoms while one other may only feel mental side-effects like craving.
I think you are in the clear, some minor wd's perhaps.
Keep in mind that the most of the WD is in you're head (Its what you make of it)..
IF you keep thinking oh man this is bad, bad bad.. etc. It will be BAD.

paranoid android said:
After a months use the withdrawals shouldnt be too bad. They might suck alright but since youve had sense enough to quit early on it shouldnt be that bad. Also your first withdrawal generally isint that bad because every withdrawal get's worse and worse.
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I made some text bold in your post here..
I don't agree with that statement. On the contrary actually, in my opinion they get easier [to deal with] and not as painfull.
My first opioid withdrawal was very bad and since that they have not been as near as bad. Sure i got some good tools to handle the WD [mental tools] and that is a huge part.
 
^ Ya. I think the first WD can be terrible *psychologically* because one might not have ever experienced that kind of thing before. And it's really scary, panic-inducing and just unfamiliar territory. I think what pa was getting at was that they can escalate physically if you keep going through them. So they might get easier and more routine to handle in the mind, but harder and harder to ride out in your physical body.
 
well it's been a little over a year since I last did Heroin - I still have cravings an think about that needle going into my arm. BUT so far so good. Thanks for all the support on this board. I wish I could do heroin without going hogwild, but alas for me it isn't possible at all. I miss getting high and that rush when it hit my brain. But I don't miss the driving around and wasting money and then being sick the next day and starting the whole thing all over again. Suboxone freed me from that hell. And I only had to take it for like three days or something - but I still think about it alot. Sad but true, probably always will from what I understand.
 
i give up....


do i need to hit another bottom b4 i want to quit ..... do i need to feel more pain...

i cant even stay on suboxone lol

i dont know why im laughing its not funny

its quite sad actually
 
cire113- I feel you man...i'm on suboxone and i've fucked up a couple times but i'm not using all the time, couldn't afford it even if i wanted to lol

As my suboxone supply dwindles and the more days go by that I have no job and no money just makes me even more depressed.

I should be happy I'm clean...but I'm not. :(

If there was any time I would want to use in my life it's now....

I've ran the "race to stay sober" for almost a year now...I feel like I'm right before the finish line but I just can't make it.

I sure picked a hell of a time to try and "straighten out my life"! With this shit economy (living in Ohio to boot...one of the worst places effected by the down economy. There are literally NO JOBS HERE! Believe me, I've been looking for a whole fucking year!) I don't see a job in the near future. So that just leaves me to sit in my room alone like I do everyday and think about getting high.

I have a feeling I'm going to quit "thinking" about getting high and actually "getting high" very soon if something doesn't change. :(

FML.
 
Miss Hollywood said:
cire113- I feel you man...i'm on suboxone and i've fucked up a couple times but i'm not using all the time, couldn't afford it even if i wanted to lol

As my suboxone supply dwindles and the more days go by that I have no job and no money just makes me even more depressed.

I should be happy I'm clean...but I'm not. :(

If there was any time I would want to use in my life it's now....

I've ran the "race to stay sober" for almost a year now...I feel like I'm right before the finish line but I just can't make it.

I sure picked a hell of a time to try and "straighten out my life"! With this shit economy (living in Ohio to boot...one of the worst places effected by the down economy. There are literally NO JOBS HERE! Believe me, I've been looking for a whole fucking year!) I don't see a job in the near future. So that just leaves me to sit in my room alone like I do everyday and think about getting high.

I have a feeling I'm going to quit "thinking" about getting high and actually "getting high" very soon if something doesn't change. :(

FML.
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Aww please don't give up on trying to stay clean. I know what it's like to have nothing to do but sit in your room and think about getting high believe me ive done it for long enough. Getting high doesent make it better though because once the high wears off you are bored to death again and even when your high your bored really. So please don't give up it's not gonna do you any good.

If it makes you feel any better my province is the poorest in canada. We never even had any jobs here really even before the recession hit lol.
 
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