catch-up on DW......essay
Yesterday I was a month clean cold turkey. After trying suboxene and devil methadone the only thing that has worked so far is good old fashioned discipline. This is the longest of been 100percent sober without any dones, subs, weed, or alcohol in seven years. I always replaced heroin with something else, then one day i guess I had that moment of clarity thing they speak off. I went through the worst kick i think i've ever gone through and haven't really looked back since.
The mental cravings are there but every time i get one instead of sitting around thinking about it or feeling bad about myself I just do something even if it just means cleaning my kitchen or mowing the fucken lawn.
velvetacidchrist I wouldn't worry to much you might go through some mild uncomfort for a few days but I don't think you will go through full blown withdrawals again.
Also to all those struggling with opiate addiction remember theres no one way to do it. I don't even know how many times I have kicked only to go right back. Who knows I might relapse tomorrow. Stick with it, stick with something, anything weather its subs, dones, AA/NA, or what ever its better than being a god damn junkie. Life may well very suck once your off dope but at least you wont have to wake up sick every morning. At least that how I try to look at it.
this was inspiring and very well-worded
evry bit of it (although i dont like to think of methadone as the devil as its kind of saved my life - suboxone unfortunately wasnt enough for me and NA certainly wasnt......but evryones bodys diffrent) so thanks for that
i always like wat u hav to say, trinidad
ive had a nasty 24hr bug, which my fiance also caught (so at least we spent the day in bed together) but im back and ready to answer many of wat u guys hav had to say, so bear with a long post!
velvetacidchrist - i plan to stay on methadone for about 4yrs (the length of time its going to take me to come off valium - as an epileptic i hav to do a slow valium reduction)
i chose opioid maintenance as valium will b masking some of my withdrawals according to my drug counsellor - as i drop my valium lower and lower, its bn generally figured by my case manager/methadone doctor and drug counsellor that my methadone dose will need to go up
also being on valium makes me crave opiates, my opiate of choice being heroin, which is incredibly expensive (so i do terrible things in order to score) and something i tend to inject (IV has always bn my method of choice) so methadone is obviously a better way to go
i am currently on 50mg and fully stable
as for ur own crisis with using, i cant say for sure whether or not u will hav wds - like i said earlier, evryones body is diffrent and that includes with wds
i know ppl who can shoot heroin for weeks on end and hav no wds - i shoot heroin for a couple of days and i start to mildly go into withdrawal
same with any addictive drug, sadly
i guess u will know by now how it has affected u - i hope ur doing well!
and as for using other drugs and saying 'at least im not sticking a needle in my arm', i do exactly the same thing!
i luv my weed and the odd E and/or trip - none of which r majorly addictive drugs compared to heroin and none of which i abuse
if u r a weekend warrior with weed/E/trips.....hell even coke/speed (tho those r fucking addictive for me) then theres no shame in using them, as long as ur leading a (mostly) sober life IMO
staj - i switched from subs to done cos subs didnt work for me....not only did i need to up my dose weekly (and we all know how expensive those pills r) but the higher the dose the more unstable i became
i had mood swings, i was suicidal, i didnt get out of bed and i didnt ride my horse
straight after i dosed id feel manically happy and hyperactive then the next day id b deeply depressed
i later looked up on the net and some sites suggest that if u hav a history of ADHD, depression, anxiety or bipolar, suboxone may not b a gd drug for u - i hav 2 of those (ADHD and anxiety)
as for going on BL triggering u - same.......but only on certain sites
the mods here aim to make this forum in particular as non-triggering as poss, which is why we hav the rules we hav in these threads that i outlined at the top
if u still find it triggering that is sad, and im not trying to say piss off by any means - ur input is always appreciated like anyone elses - but ur recovery is more important so if even TDS triggers u u r best to stay away IMO
i hope that didnt offend u!
bow-viper - i can totally empathise with the not being able to afford ur subs! it fucking sucks that we shud hav to pay for this med that works so well and saves the lives of many a junkie
i hope u can find a way to get the money for them - maybe u need to change to a diffrent (cheaper) doctor
i think suboxone shud b free like MMT is
theres less of a stigma surrounding suboxone, it makes u feel less cloudy in the head if thats wat u like and is easier to come off....so why is methadone free and suboxone hellishly expensive?
why rnt the govt trying to help opiate addicts get clean as much as poss? it wud mean more ppl off the streets
anyway ive gone up to 50mg and feel im finally ready to stabilise (for now) on methadone
i havnt injected anything since ive bn on the program (a week today) even water, although while i was in the early stages of stabilisation the urge was still there
i keep my needles in case i slip up (and i guess it just makes me feel 'secure' knowing i hav injecting gear) but i hav seen a massive improvement in my life
so methadone isnt the devil for evryone - sorry trinidad, im sure u didnt mean to offend but i will admit i did feel a little slighted by u calling it the devil cos i havnt bn so well since last yr wen i relapsed
im not, by any means, saying u shud all go on methadone but if u cant take suboxone and ur in a position like im in atm.....well rather methadone than either being mentally ill due to suboxone (and still injecting water and having dope cravings) OR selling ur soul for heroin
my bf says hes never seen me so well since i went on MMT - im not one of those ppl who abuse it i guess (a lot of the done clients ive got to know thru regular waiting in that room for my turn in the pharmacy r drinking heavily and/or abusing other opiates)....
im on nothing but methadone and the odd puff of ganja
methadone here in auckland (well at the clinic here) is 'biodone forte' - that is pure methadone and purified water mixed (no sugary mixtures, no preservatives), therefore making it better for ur teeth than other formulas out there
yea it tastes kind of like a crushed paracetamol pill mixed with water or something (VERY bitter) but they provide u with water and raspberry juice (which tastes like cough medicine) afterwards
after my dose i go straight outside and hav a smoke then chew some gum - wham, there goes the taste problem.....plus it gets the saliva flowing (only reason dones so bad for ur teeth is that it dries ur mouth out)
only downside to methadone is it makes me talk too much - but then, oxy used to do the same
NA 'lovingly' dub it the 'methadrone' and wont let us talk at meetings because of it
fine with me....i dont need meetings, ive got a loving fiance, a program that works for me, plenty of counselling, etc
and ill leave u with that
btw if u read all that u deserve a nice cold one now - or preferably, a fat joint
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Weed is the only thing in the world that helps my depression and anxiety, and I can't have it now thanks to fuckin asshole piggy police!
. 60 30mg morphine instant release pills in a week thats abit much even by my standards. Granted i was using them to hold me until i had my mscontins again but 5 a day coulda done that.
