firstly ill thank trinidad for editting ur post (u didnt need to do that mate but thanks for the thought)
secondly i bid u well, PA - i know how awful it is going without and hanging out and i know wat it does to ur bipolar
u r in my prayers - as u know i care for u very much, ur a gd friend!
and wen i said 'hav a cold one' i didnt mean u!
try marijuana - its awesome for wds....and u know all the other meds
as for the reason they give us the formula of done they give us here (pure methadone and water - which yes, does taste like a CWE!!!!) is cos its less bad for ur teeth than other more sugary formulas
ive got used to swallowing my dose so it goes straight down my throat past my taste buds
now onto holly - hun, plz PM me if u want to talk
dont listen to discouraging posts ppl say
i know u will probly still cop - thats realism i guess, but i really pray u dont cos 4 months is a big achievement
i hate how suboxone is just handed out to ppl in most countries - here as ive said before, we take it daily at a pharmacy/clinic like methadone so were monitored by a case manager/doctor and taken off if were caught skipping doses (cos that obviously means were planning to use)
this gives us more incentive to stay on suboxone and off illicit opioids
see, suboxone sounds like its doing the same thing to u it was doing with me - not holding u and keeping u depressed and hanging out!
there r other options other than scoring
-stay with a clean friend who will ensure u get thru this rough period
-try switching to methadone (i dont feel like using heroin at all on methadone now im stabilised)
-stay with ur parents or something and say 'help'
-try an NA/AA meeting and fuck wat they say about clean time just cos ur on suboxone
after 16yrs on drugs maybe u need to book urself into rehab
hun i used to prostitute myself for heroin too
prostitution is actually legal over here but i was doing it illegally (with gang members)
one night - and if u want to b judgmental anyone i dont give a fuck cos we all know wat heroin wd is like and i had little choice other than go into major wd, i met the dealer and he told me he wudnt give me any heroin unless i went back with him to the gang HQ and....u can guess the rest
so im not going to b hoity-toioty about prostitution
however i will tell u why u shudnt do it wen its illegal (which it shud b really - the rate of STIs has gone down majorly over here since it was legalised)
its cos u risk catching terrible diseases and then in turn passing those diseases on
and im not just talking syphilus which is bad enough - im talking HIV
plz think all this over before returning to that culture
i can identify with wat ur going thru cos ive bn thru it, tho for much less of a long time period
but i want to keep my pride
plz think of how proud u shud feel of wat uve achieved
plz think of ur options other than scoring
i cant talk u out of it - hell i still, despite all my yrs of trying to give up 100%, slip up (fairly regularly these days) on methamphetamine
u say heroin is worse than meth
its no competition
one is no worse than the other
i hate the way meth is dubbed 'the worlds worst drug' cos diffrent ppl hav diffrent drugs of choice
no drug is the worlds worst tho i will always say the 3 most easy to get addicted to (and hardest to give up, plus most damaging to ur body/brain/soul) seem to b meth, crack and heroin
heroin is harder for u to conquer than it was for me - for me meth is almost impossible to conquer
i had ur needle fetish too up till i went on methadone and still do to a certain extent although before methadone i was actually injecting sterile water (from the needle exchange) and since then i havnt injected anything but meth a couple of days ago
there is no methadone for methamphetamine so im going to a relapse prevention course atm to help me steer back on track
but this thread is not about meth so back to ur dilemma
u say a cop caught u with a hypodermic
i dont know about where u r but over here if u carry ur needles/syringes in a bag given to u by the needle exchange (with the words 'this was obtained legally at the ADIO needle exchange' or something along those lines) u cannot b arrested for having them
if this is the case where u r (shud b the case if u hav a needle exchange program) then make sure u always carry that bag with u and u cant b arrested - they even give u a number to call on the bag if u
r still arrested
thats for if u continue to use needles - which i hope u dont (for heroin anyway)
one thing that might relieve the cravings to shoot up/needle fixation wud b to continue to buy sterile water (or if its available - even better - saline) from ur local needle exchange (they shud stock it, if not look out for it in shops) and inject that
however if ur veins start to get really fucked up like mine were towards the end and ur finding u cant go into safe places like ur cubital median etc then its time to seek more help
for me its bn drug counselling, relapse prevention program, an intensive outpatient program i did and methadone
all of the above r better than my previous life shooting heroin
yes life is dull without heroin at first
but wen i look back to wat it was like
on heroin and i concentrate on wat i
hav got going for me now i keep looking one way - ahead
as far as relationships go - u wont hav one if ur a fucked-up junkie and its obvious to evryone, esp if ur prostituting urself
u deserve a nice relationship and that will come
all gd things come to those who wait - at the most unexpected times
the trouble with us addictive personalities is that we find it hard to delay gratification
LEARN - its part of growing up!
uve had yrs of not being able to grow up properly cos uve bn hindered by ur drug use......now wat u said about entering the world as a baby again is right
we r like newborns again wen we clean up
and its not easy to take those first steps
try looking for a hobby that interests u or go to NA/AA meetings - both r excellent ways to meet clean ppl....possibly of the opposite sex!
i met my fiance at detox.....whod hav thought now id b mostly clean (not by NA standards but by my own and by my partners), no longer craving heroin thanks to methadone - a drug id always doggedly refused to go on, engaged and a christian?
it can all happen for u too if u want it to
that or u can go back on heroin
i hope some of my words helped at least a bit - and again im sorry i write so much, ive just grown to care very much for u and i believe deep down u still want to b clean, ur just stuck in a rut
PM me if u want to talk in private and i promise it wont go any further than my eyes
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
