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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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xxkcxx
I wouldnt even trust my sister to shuttle me bags,
although i have many a time...hehe. How can you trust somebody when when u can't trust yourself? not that you can't be trusted but i always thought that if i can think of such devious measures,then there are scum bags who will actually think nothing of taking whats yours and making it theirs
peace dawg,
 
kelvanE said:
word it's like blue balls. :|
Click to expand...

Wow, that's actually a really good analogy! :)

That sucks when it doesn't go through. Makes me jump through even higher hoops and reach out to more people because it feels like it has to after preparing for it.


I really hope I'm done with this garbage. I hate thinking never again, but I'd really like to go all of 2009 without it and the rest of '08....well maybe the rest of '08...no, no I shouldn't.... FUCK!

I feel like Gollum in Lord of the Rings...my precious (bags!)
 
Hmm its like you put all your faith is in these bags of powder. everything will be ok i fi have some brown......

I'm about 18 hours after my last bit of oxy i'm shitting my guts out and feel pretty bad, gottas go to teh nurse in a bit then am probably gonna go score even though i want to quit i just cant miss work.
 
So i still feel ok, much betterthan i thought i would. I did a small cwe this afternoon, less than 200mg of tabs and had some oxy crumbs. Like i said i feel ok, but am worried this is the eye of the storm and tommorrow will be bad
 
I've been clean for a month now and i feel great. but the mind still thinks about the nice warm fuzzy feeling of that H. I just take it a day at a time and try and stay of here...dont get me wrong love this place and the people but my will power is so low that i know i'll say "F**K IT" and go score. So, I just try and stay away from anything related to H. Just reading about it makes me wanna use, just the word it self "HEROIN" makes my stomach turn. So, just better to stay clean, especially after reading thru 12 pages of relapses and years and years of trying to kick, it just opens my eyes and soul, besides I hate not being able to "FEEL" life, and I dont want my brain and spirit to go numb. It's not worth it guys. But, N.E. wayz, good luck to all and happy holydays and even a happier new year. May a higher power give you all the power to get through the hard times. I'll pray for all of you, and come back once in a while.<3<3<3<3
 
ive managed to go back to pretty much where i came from (minus the meth and all the other shit) in a week.....just a week
im slamming my way thru 3 3ml barrels a day now - how did my tolerance go up that quick?
all i want is to b numb.....nod out
ive lost all my clean friends except for maybe 2 of them
and i cant even b bothered seeing the other junkies
deja vu i guess
 
drug_wench said:
ive managed to go back to pretty much where i came from (minus the meth and all the other shit) in a week.....just a week
im slamming my way thru 3 3ml barrels a day now - how did my tolerance go up that quick?
all i want is to b numb.....nod out
ive lost all my clean friends except for maybe 2 of them
and i cant even b bothered seeing the other junkies
deja vu i guess
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That's rough DW. Tolerance does go back up super quick.

When you get back on you don't start from square 1 again, after a few days, you're almost at the point you were at when you last stopped. :(


It's not going to get any better, it's only going to get harder to stop again if you keep going. Can you get out of that environment for a little while, at least just to get clean again and break this current cycle? You know, make it so it was short-lived and only a week relapse, not one that goes on and on until you're at a bottom again.
 
i8hooked said:
So you have been using boy for 24 years and you drive a commercial vehicle for a living?
How have you gotten around the frequent drug screening that trucking companies subject their drivers to?
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Good frucking question i8,
I will admit that very thing has been detrimental to my getting full time employ with a top choice professional outfit all these years. So what i've been doing is working with small mom&pop outfits, which is my preference because of the small size of their fleets and so no random or pre-hire pee tests. Also no driver hierarchy to deal with.
And i also have access to d.o.t. physical cards that any Dr.s nurse can fill out for you in a proper way.
Lucky for me i have been a functional addict and have had a good handle on my addiction for all these years, which i will admit seems to be taking its toll on me mentally and i'm sure physically also. anyway food for thought.
peace
dawg,
 
Carl Landrover said:
That's rough DW. Tolerance does go back up super quick.

When you get back on you don't start from square 1 again, after a few days, you're almost at the point you were at when you last stopped. :(


It's not going to get any better, it's only going to get harder to stop again if you keep going. Can you get out of that environment for a little while, at least just to get clean again and break this current cycle? You know, make it so it was short-lived and only a week relapse, not one that goes on and on until you're at a bottom again.
Click to expand...
all sound advice - i know ive got to get the fuck out of here really, for awhile at least
i just hav so many commitments at home - need to b near my horse (who of course im not riding) in case of emergency, need to find a place to stay, etc, etc
im going in for assessment with the counsellor again on tuesday and again theyre going to try and put me on fucking methadone (thats NZ for u) cos im a 'chronic relapser'
im already getting the emotional withdrawals wen i dont use......all teary and irritable and im not sleeping if i miss a shot - ALREADY????
tho i spose i cud owe that to losing all my friends at the farm wen i confided in my supposed best friend there
yea im hoping if i go easy on myself i can give it up again sweet as - maybe this counsellor will give me some help on tuesday i dunno
id forgotten wat all this shit was like
GAH! only a week back into it and it kind of feels like a yr or something 8(
 
Ok, so I have no self-control. Was supposed to stay straight for a bit since I have a court case Monday that will possibly come down to a drug test to decide if I go to jail, residential or outpatient.

I'm sure you can guess the rest of this story.

It's like I LIKE to sabotage myself.
 
Every week is the same thing, feel shitty for a few days, go back to using for a few days.

I'm fucking exhausted of this shit. If I could get one person out of my life, then I wouldn't have any connects.

Now I've got the hots and colds again, feel depressed and down. :( I want to be normal. :! :( :X
 
Carl Landrover said:
I'm fucking exhausted of this shit. If I could get one person out of my life, then I wouldn't have any connects.
Click to expand...

....and if ur anything like me a big part of u wants to get that person out of ur life but another big part of u really just.....cant seem to?
if so.....know how u feel
u hav my total empathy
and xxkcxx, yea i can imagine wat happened next - sorry to hear it
i hate that feeling of wanting to do the right thing but being out of control
i got fired from psychotherapy today
went along i guess obviously trying not to totally nod out
he knows about my past drug use and he said he suspected i was on drugs
of course i lied cos thats wat i do
he asked to see my arms and it all went downhill from there
i said id had a lot of blood tests lately and he said blood tests dont leave red marks running up my arms and he said until i stop using psychotherapy is useless for me cos im probly so blissed out anyway
if he only knew
mum says 'its not like ur having physical withdrawals - why dont u just stop?'
gd question mum
want to shoot some white and find out???? :\
 
^ I HATE when people say that about stopping. Just because I am not wd'ing doesn't mean I still don't think about it constantly.

So, I went to court today and thank God they didn't drug test me. I was freaking out. It actually went really well. After 4 months of them brow beating me, it came down to them saying "Looks like you are doing OK now. We'll see you in 2010 for your final court date for the original case."

Can't wait to get high!
 
I have a difficult decision to make in the next few hours.

Dope boy needs a ride to the city for drug classes. I'm giving him a ride there early because it's a lot easier for me. Problem is since it's early, he's going to go score, so I have to decide whether or not to throw down with him or not.

Pro's:
Get fuckin' high man!
He's pickin' up a lot, so my price would be cheaper

Cons:
I'm already close to 36 hours past my last dose and feelin' kind of crappy, this is going to prolong getting off it
I'll probably be stuffed up and coughing up stuff on Christmas Eve/Day
If I don't pick up, I'll probably feel pretty decent on Christmas Eve/Day


^
That one seems important, but I can get HIGH tonight! Junky decisions!
 
Christmas Presents or Dilaudids.
Did it last year and diddn't hear from my folks for a while, when I gave em some pine cones with peanutbutter and birdseed on it there like.. I gave you $100.00...

God damnit I want christmas money now. FUCK ADDICTION. sorry w/d now :(

Hey this year I did buy christmas presents so thats better than last year.. woot woot for sales at pac sun lol
 
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