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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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Good luck sps, and to all of us who are struggling <3


Every day it's something different...
 
I think alot of people under-estimate codeine, it's pretty euphoric and addictive, way moreso then shit like tramadol or darvocet.
 
So, I was a heavy opiate user for about 2.5 yrs and pretty much quit back in April, until around the end of Sept. when I started back up for about a month. I quit again and was doing pretty good until a few days ago when a friend showed up with (20) 20mg oxy's that she needed to unload quick (and cheap) and being the nice person I am I had to help her out. 8)

My plan ('cuz I always start out with one) was that since my tolerance was low from not using for awhile, that I would hold onto them and do one or two every now and then just for fun (haha) that was less than a week ago and they're all gone now. I'm such an asshole. I knew better and now I feel like shit, not so much physically just depressed and pissed off.
 
candygram said:
So, I was a heavy opiate user for about 2.5 yrs and pretty much quit back in April, until around the end of Sept. when I started back up for about a month. I quit again and was doing pretty good until a few days ago when a friend showed up with (20) 20mg oxy's that she needed to unload quick (and cheap) and being the nice person I am I had to help her out. 8)

My plan ('cuz I always start out with one) was that since my tolerance was low from not using for awhile, that I would hold onto them and do one or two every now and then just for fun (haha) that was less than a week ago and they're all gone now. I'm such an asshole. I knew better and now I feel like shit, not so much physically just depressed and pissed off.
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Opiates are a bitch like that... it sucks when you are really putting forth the effort to quit and then somebody just kind of shoves it in your face like that. Hell most people don't have the will power to turn it down. Oh well, its not the end, just don't pick up again for a long time! If it keeps being a problem you might have to cut yourself off from other opiate userse :(
 
ive always had bad period pains and i get to the point where theyre so bad i cant sleep and i vomit with the pain
which means i end up in hospital cos ive got meds ive got to take or i can go into seizures (yes IV valium is nice but i fucking hate hospitals)
so my doctors prescribed me codeine phosphate (i hadnt had my period for a yr - its always bn irregular) 30mg - the only trouble is 30mg is never enough
its not just that it doesnt take away the pain enough (it genuinely is intense pain) but codeine mixed with my daily valium feels soooo good
im a little worried about this leading onto a codeine addiction cos knowing me codeine will never b enough anyway - esp as i hav a friend very willing to give me things like oxy and morphine :\
 
candygram said:
My plan ('cuz I always start out with one) was that since my tolerance was low from not using for awhile, that I would hold onto them and do one or two every now and then just for fun (haha) that was less than a week ago and they're all gone now. I'm such an asshole.
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God i'm like that to, i always say "I'll take it easy on my script have a couple everyday maybe a bit of party to begin with" a few days later i'm down to my last tray feeling like a dick. My doctor was very reluctant to even give me this script as its been 12 months and about 20 scripts some for 112 10mg tabs a month due to an error no one noticed..
 
last day im on codeine ive promised myself - gave all the pills to mum for next time i actually need them
feel pathetic at 24 yrs old having my mother dole out painkillers but otherwise i just go overboard
 
izzy66 said:
hey, i'm izzy, just checking in. i was born with a habit, struggled as long as i can remember, actually am amazed to still be around. i do the best i can but i still fall a lot. lots of bad has happened that's made me feel really closed and i don't let anyone see the whole picture. i don't like it when people go away, no matter how that may happen. guilt and loss and shame have taught me to keep some distance and keep the worst of me to myself. that sounds worse than it is. i actually have arrived at some amount of happiness in my life although i don't think too many would want to swap places. but in comparison to other times, now is OK. good things happen. i just had two bits of writing published in a small anthology. i have a few good people around me.
anyway, i'll quit babbling. good to be here.
thanks,
iz
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I want you to know that I told my shrink pretty much the same thing and she put me on 150mg effexor.
And this shit is awful. I dont withdrawl from opiates....never have, for years.
But this venlafaxine will slap me around good if I miss more than one dose.
PTSD was the diagnosis for me. I trust no one but I want people around. I dont let anybody know about my drug use. In fact I keep company with straight laced non-drug users. If they knew I would shoot heroin at the drop of a hat Id never get past the foyer of their homes.:\
 
i made it a week before buying half a bundle with a friend a couple days ago, just finished it now. :(
 
Well its been 24 yrs on the H and i just got my 6th conditional discharge but this time it was while operating a motor vehicle and i earn my living with my CDL so the 1000$ lawyer was kinda worth it,
What sucks this time is the probation for 6 months but hey, the day after court was my 49th b-day and so the decision of what to do isn't a hard one to figure out.how's it go? ummm "sick and tired of being sick and tired" and all the wasted effort and cash never mind the dealer time.
A few of you said that as you get thru the sobriety it gets better day by day,oh yeah thats true but then again misery loves company and so ya gotta lookout fer #1. peace
dawg,
 
i8hooked said:
I want you to know that I told my shrink pretty much the same thing and she put me on 150mg effexor.
And this shit is awful. I dont withdrawl from opiates....never have, for years.
But this venlafaxine will slap me around good if I miss more than one dose.
PTSD was the diagnosis for me. I trust no one but I want people around. I dont let anybody know about my drug use. In fact I keep company with straight laced non-drug users. If they knew I would shoot heroin at the drop of a hat Id never get past the foyer of their homes.:\
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oh hell you got that right. I don't talk dope stuff with anyone anymore.
during my 30's I gave up and went to a shrink. also had an asshole in my house telling me over and over how fk'd up my thinking was. While trying to escape the madness, I did things I can hardly believe now. finally I caught a spark of my real self, got rid of the asshole, got off psych meds, and found a doc who wasn't into meds for everything. I only trust to a point and wouldn't, couldn't explain to a norm why and how opiates can be lover and enemy, desired and hated, total peace and complete destruction.
there is no point trying to explain anything about opiates to someone who hasn't lived through it.
I only take 3 meds now; thyroid replacement, klonopin some days, and 60-80mg methadone for RA and lots of broken bones. if anyone ever told me 10 yrs ago i'd have an Rx for 'dones I would have laughed. since I tossed the paxil, risperdal, seroquel, lithium, etc and gotten bone/spine pain under control, I've gotten my life back. been nothing short of amazing. coming into the world addicted and sickly, everyday i'm alive is incredible.

even so, I don't trust easily, prefer to be alone, have a hard time around people I don't know, and run like hell if I get any weird feelings.
life ain't perfect but it's better than I ever expected.

sorry for the extra long babble.
iz
 
I'm withdrawing for the third time in a month.

So if trend continues, I'll feel better in another 2 days, go through 1-3 days of clean euphoria, then realize I could get soo high if I choose.

I'll then tell myself that after that last WD, I'll know:
A) Not to use daily
B) Not to use multiple times daily
C) To buy as little as possible

Hope I realize that this doesn't work this time.
 
well i finally gave in
i hav known for awhile that auckland has bn getting that white powdered heroin we used to get wen i first tried it, again
the gd stuff
of course ive bn hanging out to hav a bit more, even after nearly 2 yrs without IV opiates
just took a nasty relapse on methamphetamine among a bunch of other drugs that i enjoy but dont make me feel guilty the way meth does, and there i am calling an old connect
walking in the rain to a seedy area....doing dirty deeds in a carpark with a gang member.....sharing a needle with said gang member......taking home the rest....promising myself id throw it out
instead i just snorted the rest after dinner
and oh boy do the memories return....
 
Best to not dwell on it and see what you learn :)


I'm sure you know this already, but myself and majority of addicts on this board can tell you that the return 'honeymoon' phase ends quick. Tolerance returns quickly and those WDs come back super fast!

So you did a bit of dope, oh well. Can't take it back now, so might as well move forward.
 
blackdog said:
Well its been 24 yrs on the H and i just got my 6th conditional discharge but this time it was while operating a motor vehicle and i earn my living with my CDL so the 1000$ lawyer was kinda worth it,
What sucks this time is the probation for 6 months but hey, the day after court was my 49th b-day and so the decision of what to do isn't a hard one to figure out.how's it go? ummm "sick and tired of being sick and tired" and all the wasted effort and cash never mind the dealer time.
A few of you said that as you get thru the sobriety it gets better day by day,oh yeah thats true but then again misery loves company and so ya gotta lookout fer #1. peace
dawg,
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So you have been using boy for 24 years and you drive a commercial vehicle for a living?
How have you gotten around the frequent drug screening that trucking companies subject their drivers to?
 
thanks carl......yea im not even in a 'honeymoon' phase really.....fucking love the feeling of course but evry time it makes me hate myself for doing it
essentially ur right tho - guess weve all just got to move the fuck on and start again.....
 
drug_wench said:
essentially ur right tho - guess weve all just got to move the fuck on and start again.....
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Well it is a lot easier said than done.

Except for maybe the first high, I don't like myself on dope at all. I slept over my girlfriends house a few days ago, and both nights I was there I did bags in her bathroom. It made me depressed and in a bad mood and I've felt incredibly guilty about it since. I want to tell her the truth, but I don't want to risk losing her. :\ :X I feel awful just thinkin' about it :!

Now I just got to move on and hope it doesn't happen again. Hopefully I'll find a way to make it up to her. <3
 
^^ I know what you mean with the guilt of "bathroom bags." Last Christmas, heavily into my very first bout with heroin, I did like 3-4 bags in the bathroom of my aunt's house. She had just found out she had cancer at the time, which made me feel even shittier. Although I know I have to take responsibility for my actions, I just have to hope that people realize the person I really am is not the junkie I become when I get around dope.


On another note, just to share a story...

the other day a friend was supposed to drop off some, but ended up getting out of work late and wasn't going to have time before he had to be some place. I asked a friend who I thought didn't do drugs anymore if he would pick it up from my other friends house and bring it to me if I payed him gas $ (I know he had enjoyed coke like 5 or 6 years ago, but he the only thing he does now is smoke cigs). I even offered him $10 on whatever the gas was, too. I've done a lot bigger favors than this for him in the past, so I didn't really feel bad because I wasn't asking him to buy for me, just stop off and grab it from my friend and come over. This is all in the suburbs too.

Well, he calls me around 2:55 from a payphone and said he thought he remembered where our other friends house was, but now he isn't sure, so do I know the address. I give it to him, and he tells me he will call me once he's on his way over. Long story short, he never shows up, and the next day he tells me he got arrested when he was turning to go to the payphone, went to county, and his mom had to bond him out.

Something was very fishy about this story, starting with the fact that he said "I'm not mad at you just frustrated" after he acted like he was yelling at his mom. Now, I know this kid, and he gets pissy at the smallest thing. He has no record, and does not do dope from what he tells me. If I was doing a friend this favor and got busted when I had a clean record and didn't do this shit--I would be so f*n angry. Second, was that I was arrested for the same thing a few months ago plus a couple misdems. It is a 4 felony, but he said they gave him a 2.

Because of this and the fact I do have reasons from the past not to trust him completely, so I called both the police station and county jail to see if they have had anyone with his name in custody in the past day or so. They said no, just like I figured they would. When I called to tell him that I don't care if he did the shit, but I DO CARE that he lied to me, he said he couldn't believe I would accuse him of this and hung up on me.

I was pretty damn pissed because I had been preparing to get high since practically the night before since originally I was going to be getting them at like 9 am. I'm sure you all know how it feels when you are mentally ready and the goods never come. It took me days to calm down, and I still haven't gotten any.
 
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