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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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it is hard work staying clean i havent used heroin for 8 yrs now but i search every where for something to give me that feeling .. thoses days when i used were some of the best in my life, apart from the coming down etc i dont know, i guess i just felt alive and good.. again rambling on i'll shut up now
 
Iv been relatively opiate free for the last 2 or so weeks, I just snorted 40mg of oxy(very low dose for me) and 2mg xanax(regular recreational dose) and im feeling suprisingly good. My opiate tolerance never seems to go away though, I even took a whole 2 1/2 months break once and it did nothing to lower my tolerance, I could still easily IV 80-120mg of oxy without any danger of OD'ing. In fact the only drug that my tolerance ever lowers with is benzos strangely.

Considering I was going to shoot it due to the small amount, im pretty proud of myself for snorting it, the biggest reason being that I dont have any fresh needles, but now that I think about it im glad I didnt because I could have easily taken a 15 minute walk to get some fits but I decided not to, plus I always regret it after I come out of a nod or the day after :\. The thought of what ive done to myself through injecting pills makes me sick. I tripped on some DOC the other day and had a big think about life and threw all my junky shit out which made me feel so much better. I want needle use to be eliminated from my life unless its K which I want to try IV. Apart from that I want to get over it really bad. IV use has royally fucked my brain chemistry and I want a chance to regain what has been lost.
 
I've been taking oxys off and on for nearly 6 months now. I fractured my spine in late april and ended up getting dozens of perscriptions for over 3 months. When my ligit scripts ran out I ended up forging them and constantly doctor shopping until I nearly got busted with a fake script. By this point I could easily go through 200mg of oxycontin in one day - snorting never injecting, although at one point I had a needle in my hand for 10mins as I talked myself out of it.

When I could no longer get scripts I found another source but can now only get them every few weeks and they make a serious dent in my bank balance. It wasn't until I had to start going without oxys for week long periods that I found out how addicted I actually was to these things. I nearly lost myself completely to them and my girlfriend at the same time. I've tried to stop ordering them but moments of weakness seem to come along more often than not, so soon enough the cycle starts again. I still crave them constantly, I even broke my own rule to never score smack and scored off the street a few weeks ago to replicate the high after I couldn't score the oxys I planned to...

As I am also currently addicted to GBL (today is the first day I've stopped dosing every two hours for the past 7 weeks) my mind is working so hard to keep thinking straight that its almost unbearable. I started drug councilling last week and I have the most supportive girlfriend anyone could ever hope for so I know I'm not on my own but a life of sobriety is so foreign and scary to me that I don't even know how to start. I guess taking it one day at a time is the best idea for now. I just want to get my old self back..
 
Good luck with all of that G stuff Ilikeacid, I dont know about G but benzo withdrawl is about 10x worse than ope WD for me but once the worst is over you should at least know not to do it again :p and wanting to get yourself back is a very good reason to stop and has been motivation for me to settle down a few times. Good luck with the oxy stuff too, I know how hard it is to resist the urge and it definitely isnt easy, especially in the midst of WD and your mind isnt good at making decisions. I bet your stoked to have put that needle down though, a very smart decision and has probably saved you alot of grief.

The thing with IV use for me is I feel so guilty after I use, like I know all that shit is getting stuck in my lungs and vascular system but when I want that shot I dont give a fuck, I get that shot no matter what, then not long after I get worried that I have not long to live because of all the dumb shit ive shot. I shot some fucking brown, dirty speed for like 2 weeks, I cant imagine what that has done to me. I just hope I dont die prematurely.

Has anyone ever had an IV pill habit in which they lived through and years have passed since quitting? Ive asked this before but I can never get enough answers. I shot oxy, ritalin and speed(cotton filtered, though multiple times) for about 2-3 months straight, every day and lots of it, then I quit for about 2-3 months and ive had about 20 shots since then(maybe 10 were micron filtered). I cant get the thought of me dying out of my head, its so bad it aint funny. I think the ritalin was the most dangerous for me though and that is one thing I have successfully stopped shooting and have very limited access these days despite me not wanting to shoot it in the first place, If I want it that bad then ill just plug the stuff. Wouldnt mind some stims atm actually....fuck what have I done, I bet I have some stims by the end of the night :\
 
^ Thanks for the words of support mate :)

G withdrawl can be compared to benzo withdrawls, for two days your brain is flooded with way too much dopamine causing constant panic attacks and mild seizures without heavy doses of strong benzos... fun. I've got plenty of valium and xanax so hopefully for the next few days I can just hold on tight and get through the worst.

I get the guilts too, but after smoking shit like oxys, smack, speed and Ice. Smoking H seemed very toxic, and smoking 20mg oxys (even after peeling all the outer coating off) left some very strange residue that I can only imagine is killing me slowly even today..
 
What helps me worry less is that usually when someone is really fucked up from something like smoking bad drugs or injecting pills is that I think you have to be a pretty full on user to the really bad really quick. Ive smoked some pretty awful things in my life and id say those are the least of my/our worries, as long as you dont smoke pills or dirty speed in my case then you should be ok. Ive heard of people IV'ing pills for years before they end up irreversibly fucked and I certainly know plenty of people who smoke some really yuck speed and E pills and theyre ok.

Im not saying its ok to do all this stuff but if you dont do it anymore or do it as little as possible then theres a likelihood that niothing too serious would happen.

I hear many people say its bullshit but ilikeacid you are a respected and trusted member of bluelight, I have a little question...I would never( smoked ice that some idiot put plastic in once so I dont smoke anything unless I know its very close to pure) try it but does smoking oxy really work and how do you do it? I heard the method where you crush a pill and put it in a cracky/glass pipe with a little water and smoke away but fark, that, Id IV MDMA pills before I smoked them as dumb as that sounds but my lungs have copped enough.

I always just thought it was bullshit because its mostly untrustworthy noobs that post about smoking pills and all that but it sounds like it worked for you so maybe my mind is changing, /did it work?
 
yo ketaman...i feel you there...my first ever shot was ordine, which is liquid morphine but its meant for oral use...so its syrupy...i used that from when i was 15 to 18 on a very regular basis...i could always get it...so when i wasnt using smack or ms contin or oxys it was that...i never used micron filters back then...who knows what that did.

are all the dexies, was scripted them from 14 to 17...in the end i would shoot all the dex i took never swallowing...didnt use a micron with that either, just cotton in the bottom of the 10ml.

then there was the methadone binge i went on and that includes viceptone when i was getting it...that lasted 9months of everyday use in the end until i got caught diverting my dose.

then my last habit was a subby habit because i had naltrexone implants....i was scoring subs that had been in peoples mouths and shooting that...just using a rollie filter but it would still be hell milky.

its amazing i never came into more complications than the abcess on my wrist...that was from ms contin...although that was pretty bad i did get septasemia....i would hate to think the amount of binders and shit that ive pumped into my system!
 
elz said:
i know i probably sound like an idiot but opiates are only bad when you can thave them... if for instance there was an endless supply or the world didnt deem it as "bad" there wouldnt be a problem... this is my opinion any way... im probably gonna get raked for it... sorry guys im ranting on..
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Dude i totally know what youre saying. Same thing crossed my mind. Like why is addiction a "bad" thing in and of itself? Like if you were guaranteed a free stash of smack to last you youre whole life....then well why not?
 
This is absoute hell.

Stopped my oxy habit 5 days ago. My back is killing me, my room is an absolute mess, and I can't seem to eat an average-sized meal without getting nauseated. Goddamit, I never thought this would be so terrible.

I have these pods sitting in a box under my bed...I think I might just brew up some tea to get rid of this withdrawal...it's a gamble though :\

I hope y'all can overcome, best of luck.
 
JTG123 said:
Dude i totally know what youre saying. Same thing crossed my mind. Like why is addiction a "bad" thing in and of itself? Like if you were guaranteed a free stash of smack to last you youre whole life....then well why not?
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Yeah that would be great, but I think the doses would just increase exponentially until it just killed you.

At this point though, I don't even think I'd care if I died from it.
 
^^^
Congrats on having the willpower to even make it 5 days. It should only get better from here on out.

I'm addicted to pods and it's hard to go cold turkey, I always taper for a few days and then think about the high again and figure, well, I'll nod just one more time...

Even though I feel better when I'm not high for 3 days straight that constant wondering about how it would feel to just dose one more time really gets to me.
 
JTG123 said:
Dude i totally know what youre saying. Same thing crossed my mind. Like why is addiction a "bad" thing in and of itself? Like if you were guaranteed a free stash of smack to last you youre whole life....then well why not?
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I hate depending on something to get through the day though. Even if I had 50 connects and they all gave me free drugs, there's always the potential that I wouldn't be able to get them.

Plus, my lungs and sinuses got messed up from snorting heroin and there would be noticeable track marks from shooting after awhile.

Maybe if we all had an infinite supply of oxy or something, but even then I just hate the fact that I NEED something to get through the day, aside from food and water of course.
 
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Im just getting so sick of not being able to get high, its getting so frustrating. I just sniffed 120mg of oxy and im not even nodding, what the fuck do I have to do to get high!!! im not even dependent either(well if I am its very low) and ive taken plenty of breaks but my tolerance going down just never happens. Im gonna try this DXM thing an try to lower my tolerance a bit. I honestly have no idea how I can do this much and not be satisfied. I could shoot 60mg and be happy and nodding and the bio-availabilty is only about 20% difference, I just dont understand. Im seriously considering snorting another whole 80 just to get that old feeling ack but id probably just OD if thats even fucking possible for me 8)

Jeez I wish IV'ing wasnt so dangerous or id be doing it all the time but I just cant to that to my body or mind anymore and I wanna be able to go to the beach with my friends and wear short sleeve shirts without people seeing or wondering why I have pin pricks all down my arm. people got suspicious of my IV activites once, I dont want it to happen again. My friends, family and my welfare is more important than getting high, but this is making me consider starting up IV'ing H once or twice a month(versus oxy about 15-20 days out of the month, IV'ing maybe 3-4 times)

Im just frustrated, ive been so excited to get high for the last 3 or so days and now Ive just got the opiate irritables lol ill chill out now that ive vented lol
 
This thread reminds me of when I was shooting dope.

Shot up for two years. Horrible period of my life. Did dope almost daily and thought this would be my way of life forever.

One day I just quit. Cold turkey. Fucking horrible feeling. When you're not sick you "just don't feel right" it's odd.

Regardless, two years off that garbage. I have to say it feels good to not have arms that look like hamburger.
 
I'm so sick of the PAWS. The listlessness, the apathy, the depression. But then whenever I use, I'm stuck wondering why I like that high so much. Its almost like you appreciate them way more when you're addicted. My tolerance has gotten so low since I've been clean for most of the year that I even got sick off (vomited) only 30mg of oxy. Still I find myself thinking 'oh if I only had an unlimited supply of oxy I'd get everything done and be a perfect human being.' Even when I just proved to myself it's not the case.
 
chicpoena said:
I'm so sick of the PAWS. The listlessness, the apathy, the depression.
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Yeah...you know what? I'm starting to wonder if the whole PAWS thing ever goes away. It seems to alleviate somewhat but does not disappear entirely. I've been more or less clean for the last 6 months, a couple of percs in that time but no daily habit like I used to have. Even now I have trouble sleeping and weird withdrawal type pains in my feet and legs alot of the time. Plus, it takes a long while for anything to seem terribly interesting after you quit.
 
pallidamors said:
Yeah...you know what? I'm starting to wonder if the whole PAWS thing ever goes away. It seems to alleviate somewhat but does not disappear entirely. I've been more or less clean for the last 6 months, a couple of percs in that time but no daily habit like I used to have. Even now I have trouble sleeping and weird withdrawal type pains in my feet and legs alot of the time. Plus, it takes a long while for anything to seem terribly interesting after you quit.
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I'm sure the PAWS goes away eventually. It has to, right? The body is quite resilient. If the nervous system can recover after a stroke why couldn't it recover after opioid addiction? My intermittent usage can't be making things any better. Maybe you can't have it both ways; perhaps you need to be firmly in one court or the other.
 
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