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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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Aw CG, here's a hug <3

It's rough. It's like living in a washing machine: wash, rinse, repeat. I crave opiates every single day. It's so constant that it's becoming easier to ignore, if that makes any sense.
 
Today is day 4 of sobriety.

I wanna go to a meeting, but I feel really fucking anxious about it. I don't know why. I know damn well I can just sit there and listen and don't have to talk to anybody, but it still seems like an arduous task for whatever reason. I crave H. like a motherfucker too.

CG: I can sympathize with you about that nostalgia...
 
today is my second day with no pills.

i go through this every month... i get my script, it's gone in less than a week, and i wait 3 weeks for more.
life sucks right now. when i had the money to buy enough pills for everyday, life was peachy. then i started shooting dilaudids. lost my job. now it's all went to shit.
at least i haven't iv'd in a year now i think. that's a plus.

oh, btw... i'm koolaid, and i'm a junkie.
 
Welcome koolaid!

Congrats collective vision on getting sober. It gets easier with time... cravings don't really ever leave but the anxiety does. I've only ever been to 2 twelve step meetings; once after I had a very experience and once when I got on suboxone and admitted to myself I was addicted. While I disagree with some things about the 12-step program, mainly giving your addiction over to a higher power, you can go without having to believe the 12-steps. I mean, you're supposed to work them but any addict or alcoholic is welcome to the meetings. If I were you I'd go check it out. I was really anxious about it but actually enjoyed the experience. NA just wasn't the format I needed to help me get clean. But it works well for a lot of people, including our very own Drug_Wench :)
 
Im iAbT, and im an addict. Today at work, there were these two guys, who reeked of weed, and i catch myself thinking, what kinda blunt do these guys smell like? Ok, so ive been clean for a little over 5 months, I live in a halfway house, and pay my damn bills. I looked up at the moon tonight, and thanked my higher power (whatever it is) for allowing a dope fiend like me to go 5 months without drugs, its amazing. My back hurts, EVERY day, and i get past it, somehow. I just recently got a MRI done, so mabye ill get some good new tomorrow when I talk to my doctor, all I know is no opiates, I told him going into this. Because im sure even a darvocet or a ultracet, could lead me back to where I was, and ive worked too fucking hard to go back there.
 
ClubbinGuido said:
Life is a bitch to handle sober.
Click to expand...


that's why i'm speedballin' right now...

i love heroin. it's by far the greatest hard drug ever. and mixed with coke, valium, temazepam, cannabis, and diphenhydramine...simply beautiful. life becomes good again.
 
enoughorangejuice? said:
that's why i'm speedballin' right now...

i love heroin. it's by far the greatest hard drug ever. and mixed with coke, valium, temazepam, cannabis, and diphenhydramine...simply beautiful. life becomes good again.
Click to expand...

So fucking true. Life becomes life when I'm on opiates. The machinery in my head is drowned out. But when i don't have it, I'm on the other side of that warmth and numbness, tired, depressed...
 
Everything does seem better on opiates, until you're not high any more :\
 
I was thinking that earlier, chic.

I'm craving so bad. I just have this ... want. I mean, an appetite for something I cant get my finger on. I must be poly addicted- I crave sex when I'm sober, or alcohol, or weed, or benzos... you get the pic.

But the only time I feel satisfied is on dope. When I can crush up a few pills, I feel like I'm scratching the itch.


2nd day in a row craving this way.
 
^

yeah the first time i detoxed myself it was alot like that... it wasnt even really a craving for drugs as a craving for excitment... somthing to happen... be it me geting high or like... people coming in and holding us all hostage you know? i wanted somthing crazy to happen remind me that im alive... it was kinda hell for the people i was in rehab with... i constently went around causing trouble and fucking around...

idk if that happens to everyone though... im probably just crazy ;)
 
chicpoena said:
Everything does seem better on opiates, until you're not high any more :\
Click to expand...

Ain't that the truth. Every now and then you get that voice telling you to stop, but it's much easier to just flood the brain with heroin and forget about it. Then when you're sober the same voice is gibbering and screaming for a bag.

Will be sick in a hour or two. I'm just plain out of cash, have pawned everything, got laid off, dude won't front I doubt, and so it's gonna be a nasty day.

On the other hand now I'm off to check the coke megathread. Just to remind myself that it could be, and has been in the past, much worse than it is now. Hopefully that's enough, right?
 
^Every step you take forward is something to be proud of.

I fuckin hate that voice that tells me that if I just had a little vicodin that everything would be all better. It's bullshit, and I know it. But that doesn't mean I can stop listening :\
 
i've been on suboxone for over a year now and only slipped once in the beginning... it seemed to control my cravings pretty well until the past couple weeks, and now i'm really wanting to make a phone call and load up on some OCs to "celebrate" the 1-year mark since the last time i took any.

the only thing stopping me is the worry that since i've been on 8-16mg a day i'll need to take a lot, and it could still end up being a big waste of money. it sucks to feel like you're forced to remain un-high, if that makes sense- initially i didn't mind that the sub did that, i knew it's what i needed to get better- but now that i've been "good" for so long and really want to have this one binge, i'm pissed that there's no guarantee it'll do jack shit for me. ::sigh::
 
Ugh... I feel like shit. I'm leaving my house in a little while to go cop. I put off seeing my girlfriend until later this evening... I don't get it, I can go days without opiates and then all of a sudden I get this craving, like Dude,ImnotDAVE is saying, an appetite you can't put your finger on. Funny part is I know what I am doing ain't right but I'm still going to do it anyways.
 
^^^ word..

It'l be 3 years of nearly everyday for me in.. like March 09.. my friend that got me shootin up od'ed this summer and is gone.. i wish me and his stupid ass could have one more trip down to the city.. just cruisin getting fuct up.. its not the same anymore.. I still need heroin everyday to feel nomal but I don't have half as much fun without my homie..
 
^ Fuck bro. Same thing happened to my friend. We were doing it for about 3 years everyday and he OD'd in June last year. I feel you on wanting one more trip. As fucked as it sounds I long for the days me and him would be shooting up in his kitchen everyday at 8am.



See now this is funny. I decided fuck it. I'm not gonna cop because I want to spend time with her. I'm going to do the right thing. Guess what happens? My girlfreind calls and says she can't hang out tonight because of some bullshit with her parents. See, I always get fucked. This is obviously a clever trick by God.
 
^werd. That is some BS. Now you are gonna want to go cop even more cause you cant kick it with your girl. The boredom is what always got me. Knowing that i could make two phone calls, one on the way, and one when im there, and id have my shit.

I hear there is some tar in bmore atm and im thinking about grabbing some since it doesnt come around much. but that would mean buying a spike and im on the fence about that.
 
Cravings - that obsession - CAN go away! I'm about 120 days clean, I still THINK about using every once in a while, but that's it, a THOUGHT. No longer do I have that obsession - it's been removed. Truthfully, removed. Thanks to AA/CA and my Higher Power (whom I call God).

Living without drugs and without a program is HARD. Living without drugs WITH a program is MUCH easier!
 
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