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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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kelvanE said:
you gotta love the blue nail polish when they're folding paper airplanes in requiem tho. i fucking love that dark blue nail polish.
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Weird, I thought I was the only one strangely drawn to that scene :D

But I do have a nail polish fetish in general though 8)

drug_wench said:
unfortunately it didnt stop me :(
i saw it in 5th form wen i was like 15, in german class!
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kewl, can you still speak german?
 
I feel like my mom is very cynical sometimes and 'glass is half-empty'. My step-dad works about 75 hours a week, sometimes more.

I think that's one of the reasons she married him...that he wouldn't be around so she wouldn't get so emotionally attached.


She keeps saying how much my girlfriend reminds her of herself when she was in her 20's. I bring up stuff me and my girlfriend are doing and she comments that my father and her used to do those things.

My fathers drug use tore my parents apart and I think my dad destroyed a lot of my moms spirit. He left and took her hope and faith and love.


I think that's my biggest fear right now. If I don't beat this, I'm going to do the EXACT same thing to my girlfriend that my dad did to my mom.
 
Carl Landrover said:
I feel like my mom is very cynical sometimes and 'glass is half-empty'. My step-dad works about 75 hours a week, sometimes more.

I think that's one of the reasons she married him...that he wouldn't be around so she wouldn't get so emotionally attached.


She keeps saying how much my girlfriend reminds her of herself when she was in her 20's. I bring up stuff me and my girlfriend are doing and she comments that my father and her used to do those things.

My fathers drug use tore my parents apart and I think my dad destroyed a lot of my moms spirit.


I think that's my biggest fear right now. If I don't beat this, I'm going to do the EXACT same thing to my girlfriend that my dad did to my mom.
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Fuck man, I hope you read what I posted on the last page for you in regards to your situation with your girl and your using. I hope I'm not coming across as preachy or judgmental, it's just that I've been EXACTLY where you are and believe when I tell you...you DO NOT want to be where I am now.

I made a fool out of my girlfriend of nearly 4 years, by thinking I could hide my use from her. I wasn't honest, I lied to her face, and I hid so many things from her. Did so many shameful acts of self-destruction while she sat by me unknowingly loving a person taking complete advantage of her.

Goddamnit I want so badly to be able to go and take it all back. I want to plead with god or fucking whoever to just let her give me one more chance....one more fucking chance. But she's given me so many and now she's got nothing left to give. And here i am, wishing I had done it all differently. All I had to do was be more honest; go to her for support rather than turn to some stupid fucking substance.

But her I am. Completely alone while she goes on to live a better life, someday with someone that will hopefully be able to love her back in ways I'm not capable of.

FUCKKK
 
im afraid i agree with eon, carl - hard as it may b, i think u need to face the music with ur gf
honesty is the most important thing in any relationship IMO

i know id find it near-impossible to tell paul if id used but hey.....tbh im not proud to say it, this may b the heroin thread, but i relapsed last night on meth - and paul knew straight away (he saw it in my aura)
he was mad at first but today hes bn so supportive, helping me with my cravings and the awful feeling left with me cos of the crash

i know hed b the same if i used junk - disappointed but there for me
u need to give ur girl a chance to b there for u too!

like eon im not trying to preach, i just hope u can find a way to do the right thing

and yes, valium, i can speak basic german (Deutsch ;))
very very basic german that is

urrrgh the need for a higher dose of suboxone is becoming more apparent by the day
medicinal marijuana and gastro-soothe r helping for now but im not feeling my best
 
I'm not suggesting necessarily that he (Carl) tell his girlfriend that he's been using behind her back for all this time...

For me, I know I couldn't do that because my girlfriend didn't really understand addiction that well. Telling her that would have caused the exact same outcome as it did when she found out the hard way, I'm sure. She would have left anyway.

What I am suggesting is that he gets the help he needs so that he can stop doing what he's doing behind her back. That's what I wish I had done, on top of maybe even just telling my girlfriend, "hey...I'm really struggling here. Things aren't as peachy as I'm making them seem". Or something like that.

Woulda, coulda, shoulda. So many things I did wrong that I wish I could go back and make right.

edit: btw drug wench, good on you for being honest with Paul about your relapse. I know you know it's something that happens, and all that really matters is that when it's all said and done, you still want to be clean. We all make mistakes :)
 
ok, so weird situation here...

A friend I used to live with called me this morning because she said that her bf had a seizure last night and when the ambulance came, so did cop cars. She said they told her dad that he was running a heroin den and asked if they knew me. She was calling because she was accusing my mom of calling the cops and saying this.

My mom had in the past, when I was living at this house and doing heroin with my friend and her brother, called the police telling them stuff, but nothing ever happened. As far as my mom knows, I am clean and I don't even talk to these friends anymore.

The only reason I can think that the cops would bring up my name is that I was arrested by the same officer that came to their house on a heroin possession charge last year, will I was staying at this house.

I'm kinda wondering if cops have been watching them this whole year or something though. I mean, needless to say this chick is really pissed, but my mom definitely didn't call anyone in the past like at least 6 months if not more.

I mean, it would be way too ironic that the day her bf seizes and an ambulance is called that my mom also calls the cops right?

I don't know what to do about this situation and I also am kinda nervous about why my name was even brought up considering I am still on probation....




ETA: Fuck.

This crackhead that is friends with these friends apparently was arrested last night when this happened. He called me this morning telling me he was going to fuck me and parents up--go to their works, have people come to our house, etc. Said he hoped I liked licking pussy in jail.

We had to call the cops to file trespassing orders. He's going to be arrested again for telephone harassment, but it's a misdemeanor and he'll got out on bond again.

I'm fairly scared.
 
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tried to quit everything

Iam a 23 yr. old male and I have been dependent on drugs from age 12. I have recently went to rehab for opiate addiction and was doing great. I have since relapsed on pills and now Iam addicted to porn as well. They say thats a classic sign of drug addiction. I used heroin and my wife didn't know until I od'ed on the bathroom floor after christmas. I have no sex drive and can't stay aroused. My wife found all the porn sites and pharmacuticals sites. We have a 5 yr. old and one due in Oct.... What should I do struggling badly. Should I walk away from my family or fight my addiction again???????? Anyone.8o

I also just days ago, drank a liter of vodka, forgot to get my son at pre-school. (by the way we are 20ft. from the school. School called my wife at work, my mom found me all passed out. Wife came home she said I was choking on my vomit. Got in my truck. Evaded the cops and got a D.U.I. and other charges. My wife put a restraining order on my for 2 weeks. I just can't grow up.... Any ideas what to do or good advice were to start!!!! HELP PLEASE
 
^ omg, fight it again.

how long were you clean for this time?

You should always pick yourself up. Your family is the best thing you have despite all your struggles, so do it for them. Never stop fighting because you have them.
 
Out of opiates and money for a good while, no job to make more money, city is dry of near everything... Misery here I come... Oh wait I never wasn't miserable guess It's just another day.

Shoot me, please.

Pray I don't do something dumb and end up in jail for another year.
 
valium, perhaps u need to take a look at ur life and where its going - im not talking down to u here or anything.....after all i was a chronic fucking relapser myself

if u cant support ur habit maybe u shud call a halt to it before it grows any worse
im sure ur aware of the many ways to get help for fighting (and beating) an opiate addiction
(if not PM me and id b happy to suggest some)

just a suggestion....u dont hav to end up in jail!

also, i guess in some ways ur right eon
im not in carls or ur position - paul is an alcoholic.....he understands wat its like to b in the grips of addiction
i guess honesty is just one of the things i value most in a relationship and thats why i said all that - cos id b devastated if i thought my man cudnt tell me evrything

on the other hand, maybe ur right in that its better carl just cleans up ASAP and the shit can b buried before his lady finds out
either way, carl, i wish u gd luck

(thanks, eon, re. being honest with paul - although he kind of guessed before i even opened my mouth and said 'hey i did meth' :\ - i guess its a blessing in disguise that he can see auras!)
 
i guess i'll check in here and subscribe...im mike..from southern california near san diego kinda.

hi everyone

im still a daily methadone/h user ..been using a little less lately tho and tapering off the methadone so things are lookin up. i havent read that much of this thread yet but ill get on to it soon and subscribe..

just wanted to say hey whats up
 
welcome mike
hav u ever thought of (wen uve tapered down to a low enough level of done) switching to suboxone?
IME suboxone really helps with cravings if u get it to the right dose for u - it also leaves u much more clear-headed than methadone
it also absolutely blocks u from getting high on any other opiates - unless u were to take a ridiculous amount and OD (or of course, miss a dose and wait out its long half-life then use) - as it contains narcan (naloxone)
just something to consider

its only downfall is it costs - i dont know wat they charge for MMT in america but over here its free, while suboxone is approx $100 a month for 2mg and goes up by about $10 per 2mg u add on after that (i paying....well quite a bit at 20mg a day...)
ive heard suboxone is pretty expensive in the states, but there seem to b plenty of us on here who take it regularly

id still never go on the methadone program personally, tempting as it is, as ive abused it recreationally in the past and am pretty sure id manipulate my way into getting as high a dose as poss if i was prescribed it!
 
^^^^ DAMN that's it? I've spent like a grand a week for the past 4 months..urgh...hey question, does anybody know if its normal to have a MAJOR MAJOR HEADACHE that lasts all day after shooting a bag of heroin? l believe this would be like my 2nd or even 1st time of actually shooting up a WHOLE BAG..so maybe that's why, but i've searched around a bit and i can't seem to find anyone discussing anything about getting a MAJOR MAJOR HEADACHE LIKE I'VE HAD all day today since my last shot from last nite, I mea i was really fucked up ...but this mornin I felt soooo dammmmm aweful!!!! urgh
 
eon_blue said:
Fuck man, I hope you read what I posted on the last page for you in regards to your situation with your girl and your using. I hope I'm not coming across as preachy or judgmental, it's just that I've been EXACTLY where you are and believe when I tell you...you DO NOT want to be where I am now.

I made a fool out of my girlfriend of nearly 4 years, by thinking I could hide my use from her. I wasn't honest, I lied to her face, and I hid so many things from her. Did so many shameful acts of self-destruction while she sat by me unknowingly loving a person taking complete advantage of her.

Goddamnit I want so badly to be able to go and take it all back. I want to plead with god or fucking whoever to just let her give me one more chance....one more fucking chance. But she's given me so many and now she's got nothing left to give. And here i am, wishing I had done it all differently. All I had to do was be more honest; go to her for support rather than turn to some stupid fucking substance.

But her I am. Completely alone while she goes on to live a better life, someday with someone that will hopefully be able to love her back in ways I'm not capable of.

FUCKKK
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I had seen your other post and saw your thread...just didn't/don't know what to say.

I haven't used Tuesday (3/3). I would like to be completely honest, but it would damage us too much if she found out I had been using. She loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but she's a strong-willed girl and she would almost definitely leave me.

I've been really emotional around her lately. It's kind of hard since I'm adjusting after that binge and trying to taper off suboxone.

It was nice seeing her today after not using this weekend. My nose wasn't stuffed up at all and I could really smell her hair. :)
 
carl, maybe u shud stay on the subs if u want to stay clean - find the right dose to deal with ur cravings
tapering off suboxone now wen uve just stopped using H wud b pretty hard on u wudnt it?

i think luv shud hav no boundaries and its a shame that u feel u cant tell ur girl the truth but ur right - if she wud b that quick to give up on u than ur stuck between a rock and a hard place
surely she wudnt mind u taking prescribed suboxone tho wud she? u cud tell her ur going on it cos ur starting to get cravings again and dont want to relapse - that is, after all, the truth

im on 21mgs now and man even that 1mg has made all the diffrence - i feel so much better
it just means i take 20mg evry second day and 22mg evry second day
today was a 22mg day and im feeling so much better

mararies - no offense but it isnt a competition about who takes the most of wat
thats getting into dick-sizing territory and its hardly supportive of the above poster who is obviously suffering (and georgie - u know my PM box is always open if u want to talk about it.....ive bn thru it, its shit, but if u want it enough, there r many ways out)

as for the headache - never had a headache from opiates, just major headaches coming off
my brother gets headaches from codeine tho....he wont take panadeine for that reason
 
personally= I have gotten headaches from taking too high a dose of opioids. I once snorted a bunch of H and got the worst headache that lasted for hours. It sucked.
 
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