Having naturally been an anxious, depressed person for most of my life...the idea of taking ANY stimulant was just not going to be in the cards for me. I never had
the urge to want to be up for days (as sleep is in my top 5 fave things to do), or take apart electronics, or pick my eyebrows completely off. This is my daughters doc.
Anything speedy. She got hooked as a teen on Ritalin, then Adderall then straight up speed scripts from a shady Dr. So, I have seen firsthand how she reacts to it.
Very scattered, takes HOURS to figure out what to wear for the day, only to take it all off and then not leave her room. Heroin is IT for me. I IV'd my first shot and
didn't think much about it. Didn't get what the big deal was. Fast forward a month to that second shot...OH YEAH! The good 'ol days when a single cap would last
me all day. I was a functioning addict/am a functioning addict. 18 years now. My boyfriend, now deceased from an overdose, could kick it for 3-4 days. I could not.
I had to have it at any cost, because it was the only thing that made me feel normal. Not fucked up, not standing hunched over, not sitting on a couch nodding off.
I got shit done. It energized me. Not at first. But a couple years in and I accomplished a lot. Got my degree, always had a job, bills paid. Then I required more.
And I was scoring for the boyfriend as well. (story for another day). Its work. 24/7 full time job with no benefits or sick leave payment. I wanted off the roller-
coaster, but didn't want to be sick. That is the kicker isn't it? Toward the end of your usage, its all about not wanting to be sick. Instead of going to treatment,
I robbed a bank. Yup, true story. In my mind, I thought it would go one of two ways: a) I get away with some money and continue on the same road for a bit
or b) l get caught and the jig is up. And I know subconsciously that is what I wanted. I could never kick on my own. Me and the boyfriend always had good
good intentions of quitting, but its impossible when there are two users living together. So, I did a two year bid. And thought about getting high the whole
time. And when I was released in 2013, it took two weeks before I was back on. I hate that I am in bondage to a drug, but at the same time, its the only
time I feel like my real self. Boyfriend died in my arms in 2016. That fucked me up proper. So, no looking back since. And I am 55 now. I started late,
I was 35 that first hit. Oh, and to Pequea, there are definitely recreational users out there. I know plenty of people that don't have that addict gene. They
can party for a weekend and not think about the shit again. To me, they are like unicorns!!! Sorry for the rambling. Bottom line-I love heroin. It keeps me
from feeling the full effect of life. Like, life is too harsh. So heroin blunts it for me. And after the death of my man...forget it. Not ready to mourn that yet.
peace, people
