Heroin detox at home

[Chem-man]

I had to call all the ones that I was buying from and tell them not to call me, I couldn’t change my phone number because of work but they all respected my decision and broke ties. It is going to be a lot harder with bad influences hanging around, my dr said I just had to keep myself out of those situations- but I know it is easier said than done.
Hang in there you can do it!

 

[Jabberwocky]

Chinup is a girl and yeah she's clean :D

I'm really sorry to hear you're struggling. I know exactly how you feel in those don't give a fuck moments. What has helped me get through those is reminding myself - do you remember the day after a relapse? I always wake up and feel so fucking awful, despairing, hopeless that I am compelled to go and do more just to get rid of the misery & guilt. Hopefully you have also had the opposite experience in your life - have you ever resisted a craving?? I have, and often I can then spend the whole day vaguely resentful about it, as if I've cheated myself out of something. However, by the next day, I'm often so grateful for the fact I didn't give in. I remind myself of those experiences, remind myself that when I'm in my RIGHT mind, I don't want to take drugs. The reasons why can be hard to really see & understand when I'm in the middle of a craving, so I remind myself simply that the reasons are apparent when my perception isn't distorted by cravings.

Can you get your hands on codeine instead of tramadol?? I wouldn't recommend using tramadol to come off opiates, since if you use it for any length of time then when you stop the tramadol you will have SSRI discontinuation symptoms to deal with on top of the opiate withdrawal. If you can swap to codeine or even kratom then you at least won't have that added set of symptoms to have to contend with.

huh, so that's what was going on back then... dealt with ssri discontinuation symptoms years ago and did not even know what was happening to me.... it was hell, so much that it made me relapse after months of being clean
honestly ive been trying to quit most of the time ive been using, so im kinda used to being in hell now. its now my home.
every time i've resisted a craving, i end up being really angry, angry at myself for not being able to live a sober life without going insane. its not that bad right now tho, i could do it if he wasnt here with me dosing in my face. i thought i could stand it but it's way harder than i thought once i see it.... i try to think of reasons why i should not do it but the cravings make me so weak
im afraid kratom dont do shit for me. what i have is methadone and tramadol, but i could ask my doctor for codeine

 

[Jabberwocky]

yes i am a girl and yes i am clean, well off heroin anyway, and have been apart from two blips that each lasted less than a week for over 2 years.

i'm really glad you have given your room mate 2 weeks and i hope you stick to it!! /lhonestly it will be so much easier without it in your face all the time.

i would agree with what rio said about tramadol bringing its own host of problems,

what psychological help are you getting? are you in touch with your drugs services? can you get a therapist? you really need to work out why you're using and address the issues you've been self medicating.

oh god i'm a bit uncomfortable with the idea of a therapist not to mention ive had a few and i dont think they were of any help but someone told me of a place that might do so imma check it out
anyway i dont feel like im mentally ill, maybe i have a little depression and a lot of anxiety but its not that serious, what might be tho is my anger management issues i tend to be very very violent but only if someones messing with me so idk if i really need that....

 

[Jabberwocky]

I agree, you have to cut out addicts unless they want to get clean themselves. My mother use to sell me pills and I had to make a very hard decision to cut her out of my life before she overdosed. I choose sobriety and she chose heroin. I miss her a fucking lot but I told her to go into rehabilitation before I would allow her to live with me. She refused. I chose me instead of my mother. What I learned from this so I don't feel crushing guilt is you can't save another person no matter who they are. They must choose sobriety. I have been clean on year. Its a roommate....put him out! Choose yourself!

thats terrible i hope that one day i can manage a year clean or almost clean. its hard for me to believe that people can achieve that after years of heroin. no one that i know in person has ever done it. i don't know how they do it. life sucks if i'm allowed to say that...
i'm sad that you couldnt help your mom. i couldnt help my mom either before she got murdered. i dint understand what was wrong with her until later. i could have helped her then.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I had to call all the ones that I was buying from and tell them not to call me, I couldn’t change my phone number because of work but they all respected my decision and broke ties. It is going to be a lot harder with bad influences hanging around, my dr said I just had to keep myself out of those situations- but I know it is easier said than done.
Hang in there you can do it!

i wouldn't dare to do that, i can only imagine myself regretting it and trying to get back in touch with them desperately, maybe that means im not ready yet....

 

[Jabberwocky]

i had written off therapists because i'd had therapy for like over 10 years continuously and not made a jot of progress. mostly because i was not being honest to them or myself. i'm not suggesting you're mentally ill, i'm saying that there is an underlying reason you are using, a psychological need that you are addressing using drugs. a therapist will help you untangle this, which would give you the best chance of entering long term recovery.

look, you've decided you want to stop. i never got that far before i was basically forced to go to rehab, so you're readier than me by that metric. i didn't delete my numbers til at least 6 months after i got into recovery. even though they were for dealers who lived a 5 hour train ride away (i left the city i was using in). in the end i had to get a friend from NA to delete 5 numbers for me. even though i'd asked her i fucking hated her for it! so i guess i'm saying i know how daunting it is to lose your contacts but don't let your brain to use stuff like that to convince yourself not to try.

 

[Jabberwocky]

i had written off therapists because i'd had therapy for like over 10 years continuously and not made a jot of progress. mostly because i was not being honest to them or myself. i'm not suggesting you're mentally ill, i'm saying that there is an underlying reason you are using, a psychological need that you are addressing using drugs. a therapist will help you untangle this, which would give you the best chance of entering long term recovery.

look, you've decided you want to stop. i never got that far before i was basically forced to go to rehab, so you're readier than me by that metric. i didn't delete my numbers til at least 6 months after i got into recovery. even though they were for dealers who lived a 5 hour train ride away (i left the city i was using in). in the end i had to get a friend from NA to delete 5 numbers for me. even though i'd asked her i fucking hated her for it! so i guess i'm saying i know how daunting it is to lose your contacts but don't let your brain to use stuff like that to convince yourself not to try.

aha i knew it was some scary shit to lose ur contacts
will try therapy in this new place i just mentioned but if it dont work ill rly be done with that
@chinup if u dont mind me asking, how did u end up in another city in rehab if u didnt want to quit?

 

[PaintTheTown]

thats terrible i hope that one day i can manage a year clean or almost clean. its hard for me to believe that people can achieve that after years of heroin. no one that i know in person has ever done it. i don't know how they do it. life sucks if i'm allowed to say that...
i'm sad that you couldnt help your mom. i couldnt help my mom either before she got murdered. i dint understand what was wrong with her until later. i could have helped her then.

Its truly heart breaking but addiction and mental illness is hard to navigate never mind control. She is at peace for once on her life. I'm also sad she was not able to get sober for herself or her children. Sad but not surprised after understanding her more as you said. There are people who get clean and sober from heroin. Some with and without subs. You can do this.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Its truly heart breaking but addiction and mental illness is hard to navigate never mind control. She is at peace for once on her life. I'm also sad she was not able to get sober for herself or her children. Sad but not surprised after understanding her more as you said. There are people who get clean and sober from heroin. Some with and without subs. You can do this.

i used to think that death was a safe place, not so sure anymore. supposedly ive died six times (overdose of course), someone i knew was always there, telling me i had died, asking me what i saw, i said i saw nothing, but i sure as hell felt no peace. quite the opposite. i felt agony. wherever my mom is, i feel like shes angry.

 

[PaintTheTown]

i used to think that death was a safe place, not so sure anymore. supposedly ive died six times (overdose of course), someone i knew was always there, telling me i had died, asking me what i saw, i said i saw nothing, but i sure as hell felt no peace. quite the opposite. i felt agony. wherever my mom is, i feel like shes angry.

There are a lot of emotions that rollercoaster throughout each day when it comes to the death of my mother. Angry, sad, hurt, miserable, confused, lonely, and happy with the thought she is at peace. Losing a parent is something I don't wish on anyone.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

@strangeaeon How are you doing today? Are you sober??

You seem to have some irrational beliefs that I think it would do you good to try and challenge. I know it's difficult to dispense with deep-seated thinking patterns and it may feel unnatural at first, but there are at least two I've gleamed just from reading your posts here. The first one is you believe that nobody can get clean from heroin for a long time and live a happy life just because you haven't met any in real life. Do you see how ridiculous that is?? Do you think the countless people who have quit heroin and now live happy, productive lies are....lying?? Actors? If you really don't know anyone in recovery then that's a whole problem by itself too - it's very difficult for us to do this alone. There are a bunch of recovery groups, and they're all online now since the pandemic. If you're religious then there's 12-step groups like NA, if not there's SMART Recovery, Refuge Recovery & LifeRing, all of which I've found really helpful and can't recommend enough.

The second is this belief that having cravings makes you weak. That's absurd. You're depriving your brain of the opiates you've given it for a long time - of course your brain is going to respond to that, and one of the main ways it does is by cueing your thoughts. You think of heroin, and then you feel desire, and that's a craving. Cravings are something we have to wait out. It's in our hands and it's our decision how we act when we experience them, but it's almost completely out of control to decide whether we have them or not. It's an involuntary state of mind, and to beat yourself up for having them and labeling yourself "weak" is not only silly & ridiculous but also making it way harder for yourself by taking responsibility for every thought and sensation your opioid-deprived brain is throwing out there. I'd really recommend trying your best to be a bit kinder to yourself and try and see yourself & the world in a more rational way.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@strangeaeon How are you doing today? Are you sober??

You seem to have some irrational beliefs that I think it would do you good to try and challenge. I know it's difficult to dispense with deep-seated thinking patterns and it may feel unnatural at first, but there are at least two I've gleamed just from reading your posts here. The first one is you believe that nobody can get clean from heroin for a long time and live a happy life just because you haven't met any in real life. Do you see how ridiculous that is?? Do you think the countless people who have quit heroin and now live happy, productive lies are....lying?? Actors? If you really don't know anyone in recovery then that's a whole problem by itself too - it's very difficult for us to do this alone. There are a bunch of recovery groups, and they're all online now since the pandemic. If you're religious then there's 12-step groups like NA, if not there's SMART Recovery, Refuge Recovery & LifeRing, all of which I've found really helpful and can't recommend enough.

The second is this belief that having cravings makes you weak. That's absurd. You're depriving your brain of the opiates you've given it for a long time - of course your brain is going to respond to that, and one of the main ways it does is by cueing your thoughts. You think of heroin, and then you feel desire, and that's a craving. Cravings are something we have to wait out. It's in our hands and it's our decision how we act when we experience them, but it's almost completely out of control to decide whether we have them or not. It's an involuntary state of mind, and to beat yourself up for having them and labeling yourself "weak" is not only silly & ridiculous but also making it way harder for yourself by taking responsibility for every thought and sensation your opioid-deprived brain is throwing out there. I'd really recommend trying your best to be a bit kinder to yourself and try and see yourself & the world in a more rational way.

much thanks for bothering telling me that, i will remember it everytime.
today... i am very sad, i've managed to stay clean a few days while having it in my face. of course i cry everytime. yesterday i prepared myself a fix, then threw it into the trash lmao. today i want to do the same, again i have it in my face... hope i can throw it into the trash if i end up preparing another fix. my roomie said he woudl leave after two weeks because he cannot stay sober. tomorrow morning i am going to take him with me to my doctor see if he can help him. hes been like 14 years or more like this. thats insane yo. ive only been 8 years and it feels like a lifetime. these days ive been sober ive managed to get so much stuff done that otherwise would have never....

 

[Jabberwocky]

wow!! u am seriously impressed you managed to throw it away. i will say if you keep preparing fixes you will eventually use. its torturing yourself.

when you say the guy is doing it in your face do you mean he is using in some communal area? if so can you not ask him to do it in his room. you'll still know but at least you don't have to see it. when is his 2 weeks up? it sounds like the quicker he is gone, the easier it will be for you. its very kind of you to take him to your doctor.

really good to hear you got a lot done while you've not been using, hopefully it gives you more motivation to keep fighting.

 

[PaintTheTown]

@strangeaeon How are you doing today? Are you sober??

You seem to have some irrational beliefs that I think it would do you good to try and challenge. I know it's difficult to dispense with deep-seated thinking patterns and it may feel unnatural at first, but there are at least two I've gleamed just from reading your posts here. The first one is you believe that nobody can get clean from heroin for a long time and live a happy life just because you haven't met any in real life. Do you see how ridiculous that is?? Do you think the countless people who have quit heroin and now live happy, productive lies are....lying?? Actors? If you really don't know anyone in recovery then that's a whole problem by itself too - it's very difficult for us to do this alone. There are a bunch of recovery groups, and they're all online now since the pandemic. If you're religious then there's 12-step groups like NA, if not there's SMART Recovery, Refuge Recovery & LifeRing, all of which I've found really helpful and can't recommend enough.

The second is this belief that having cravings makes you weak. That's absurd. You're depriving your brain of the opiates you've given it for a long time - of course your brain is going to respond to that, and one of the main ways it does is by cueing your thoughts. You think of heroin, and then you feel desire, and that's a craving. Cravings are something we have to wait out. It's in our hands and it's our decision how we act when we experience them, but it's almost completely out of control to decide whether we have them or not. It's an involuntary state of mind, and to beat yourself up for having them and labeling yourself "weak" is not only silly & ridiculous but also making it way harder for yourself by taking responsibility for every thought and sensation your opioid-deprived brain is throwing out there. I'd really recommend trying your best to be a bit kinder to yourself and try and see yourself & the world in a more rational way.

This is direct but spot on. Memory can be erased. Only if us addicts could buy a spotless mind when it comes to our addictions. Some people will have cravings for ever due to memory especially durinh stress, sleep deprivation, and cross addiction (sugar, work, caffeine, etc). They are just much less and easily ignored the longer you are sober and by you being aware/avoid your triggers. This is why those people can be sober 20 plus years then relapse. Memory will never allow you to forget how your drug of choice numbed you out to life stress. Its biology and once investigated by any addict and used will lead and keep them sober. There have been many articles about the age of 38 being a magic number for addicts who use for a long time. The age you "grow out" of addiction. You either experiment before this age and stop naturally, get sober at this age from your drugs of choice, or better start fighting hard as hell to get sober after this age because death is very likely due to you not stopping. Its absolutely possible to get sober for the remainder of a persons life. Its also possible to relapse and correct quickly for continued sobriety. This is what makes addiction and sobriety individualized plugs so complex.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

much thanks for bothering telling me that, i will remember it everytime.
today... i am very sad, i've managed to stay clean a few days while having it in my face. of course i cry everytime. yesterday i prepared myself a fix, then threw it into the trash lmao. today i want to do the same, again i have it in my face... hope i can throw it into the trash if i end up preparing another fix. my roomie said he woudl leave after two weeks because he cannot stay sober. tomorrow morning i am going to take him with me to my doctor see if he can help him. hes been like 14 years or more like this. thats insane yo. ive only been 8 years and it feels like a lifetime. these days ive been sober ive managed to get so much stuff done that otherwise would have never....

Dude, DO NOT make preparing a shot to throw away a habit! That's insane! It took huge willpower to throw it away the first time and I give you serious props for that, but it's like hanging off the precipice of a cliff and managing to pull yourself up so you decide to hang off of it again! I can guarantee if you keep making a hit then it won't be long before you take one!!

Congratulations on the few sober days. Are you in withdrawals? Like @chinup said, you should do everything in your power to ensure someone isn't blatantly using in front of you. If it's not practical for you to move out or kick him out, then you should tell him what you're trying to do and insist that he uses in private. That's the least the guy could do and I'm dismayed that he hasn't already. How selfish is this asshole?

This is direct but spot on. Memory can be erased. Only if us addicts could buy a spotless mind when it comes to our addictions. Some people will have cravings for ever due to memory especially durinh stress, sleep deprivation, and cross addiction (sugar, work, caffeine, etc). They are just much less and easily ignored the longer you are sober and by you being aware/avoid your triggers. This is why those people can be sober 20 plus years then relapse. Memory will never allow you to forget how your drug of choice numbed you out to life stress. Its biology and once investigated by any addict and used will lead and keep them sober. There have been many articles about the age of 38 being a magic number for addicts who use for a long time. The age you "grow out" of addiction. You either experiment before this age and stop naturally, get sober at this age from your drugs of choice, or better start fighting hard as hell to get sober after this age because death is very likely due to you not stopping. Its absolutely possible to get sober for the remainder of a persons life. Its also possible to relapse and correct quickly for continued sobriety. This is what makes addiction and sobriety individualized plugs so complex.

I agree 100% about how pernicious our memories can be. That's why I think it's helpful to actively remember the consequences of our using. It sucks, but we don't have to put any effort in to remembering the good times on drugs - our brains will do that for us, with or without us trying. We do need to actively remember the suffering that made us want to quit though else we are all too quick to forget. I wrote out exactly how I was feeling on day 5 of quitting last time as well as the consequences using has been having on my life, and read over it when I'm feeling tempted, and it's been a massive help.

That's interesting about age 38. I've read about "aging out" of addiction, but I've always read that it occurs in the mid to late 20s after the brain has matured since the prefrontal cortex will then be fully developed, allowing us to exercise more control over our impulses which would have been far more difficult when our prefrontal cortexes were immature in adolescence - early 20s. Do you have any links about age 38? I'd love to read the reasoning behind it.

 

[Jabberwocky]

wow!! u am seriously impressed you managed to throw it away. i will say if you keep preparing fixes you will eventually use. its torturing yourself.

when you say the guy is doing it in your face do you mean he is using in some communal area? if so can you not ask him to do it in his room. you'll still know but at least you don't have to see it. when is his 2 weeks up? it sounds like the quicker he is gone, the easier it will be for you. its very kind of you to take him to your doctor.

really good to hear you got a lot done while you've not been using, hopefully it gives you more motivation to keep fighting.

wanna know why i threw it away lol i was a good 50 minutes looking for a vein and when i found one on my fucking index finger it only registered once and then no more the rig was not clogged or anything so shit was weird so i just said fuck it

that idiot is gone, he only comes to shower and stuff, he liked to use in the living room where i could smell it from my room because he smoked it
the lights were hella bright and i came out of my room to ask him for a fix, he would always let me bum one, that son of a bitch
ah and when i took him to my doctor he just lied about being clean what a dumbass huh?

im starting to get this weird existential dread where if i stay still for a few minutes i start craving the blissful indifference i get when on dope

 

[Jabberwocky]

This is direct but spot on. Memory can be erased. Only if us addicts could buy a spotless mind when it comes to our addictions. Some people will have cravings for ever due to memory especially durinh stress, sleep deprivation, and cross addiction (sugar, work, caffeine, etc). They are just much less and easily ignored the longer you are sober and by you being aware/avoid your triggers. This is why those people can be sober 20 plus years then relapse. Memory will never allow you to forget how your drug of choice numbed you out to life stress. Its biology and once investigated by any addict and used will lead and keep them sober. There have been many articles about the age of 38 being a magic number for addicts who use for a long time. The age you "grow out" of addiction. You either experiment before this age and stop naturally, get sober at this age from your drugs of choice, or better start fighting hard as hell to get sober after this age because death is very likely due to you not stopping. Its absolutely possible to get sober for the remainder of a persons life. Its also possible to relapse and correct quickly for continued sobriety. This is what makes addiction and sobriety individualized plugs so complex.

i hate that, so many addicts i know get bullied because of that, i mean the endless fight to stay sober, what's there to bully someone for about that? i condone violence i really do and im sorry that im not sorry

 

[Jabberwocky]

Dude, DO NOT make preparing a shot to throw away a habit! That's insane! It took huge willpower to throw it away the first time and I give you serious props for that, but it's like hanging off the precipice of a cliff and managing to pull yourself up so you decide to hang off of it again! I can guarantee if you keep making a hit then it won't be long before you take one!!

Congratulations on the few sober days. Are you in withdrawals? Like @chinup said, you should do everything in your power to ensure someone isn't blatantly using in front of you. If it's not practical for you to move out or kick him out, then you should tell him what you're trying to do and insist that he uses in private. That's the least the guy could do and I'm dismayed that he hasn't already. How selfish is this asshole?



I agree 100% about how pernicious our memories can be. That's why I think it's helpful to actively remember the consequences of our using. It sucks, but we don't have to put any effort in to remembering the good times on drugs - our brains will do that for us, with or without us trying. We do need to actively remember the suffering that made us want to quit though else we are all too quick to forget. I wrote out exactly how I was feeling on day 5 of quitting last time as well as the consequences using has been having on my life, and read over it when I'm feeling tempted, and it's been a massive help.

That's interesting about age 38. I've read about "aging out" of addiction, but I've always read that it occurs in the mid to late 20s after the brain has matured since the prefrontal cortex will then be fully developed, allowing us to exercise more control over our impulses which would have been far more difficult when our prefrontal cortexes were immature in adolescence - early 20s. Do you have any links about age 38? I'd love to read the reasoning behind it.

it is torture alright. other times i just had to watch him and even help him shoot in the neck without me even asking him for a fix idk how i managed
i am sober, my withdrawals are so small that it only takes one or two tramadols to calm me down and a gabapentin and a carbomazepine (??? for convulsions) with my vitamins to get me to function.... imma bout to get me some expensive cbd i hate that but the cheap ones are shit

i did not want to kick him out, i dont know how long i can take being home alone before going insane?
he has been selfish his whole life but can u guess why? not sure if i should blame him idk.... maybe i am meant to be like this for another 10 years till im 38?

 

[Jabberwocky]

ffs that guy is an idiot to be lying to the doctor. i'm glad you have kicked him out, and totally get you about being worried about being alone. i go insane pretty quick when i'm no my own. do you know anyone else who needs a place who would be a more positive influence? i wouldn't rush to get someone cos you do need space to look after yourself and don't want to rock the boat til you've got a few months in and are in a stable place. your brain will need to process everything you have been numbing, i had about a month straight of really horrendous things that had happened while i was using that i just hadn't processed and i thought it would never end, but it did and from there i think my brain really started recovering.

no you are not supposed to be like this for another 10 years. honestly by your mid 30s that shit starts taking its toll, both physically and on your mental capacity- older users who've been doing it decades never seem quite there, even if they then get a few years clean. if you're 28 now and are able to get into recovery you still have a decent stab at a better life than the one you would get using. honestly once you're past the first about 6 months almost ANY life is better than the one you had using- i had a horrendous depression at 6 months clean and another, situational, for 3 months at 18 months clean where i tortured myself with the idea of using for 3 months then finally caved and it was shit. but i'm so glad i stayed the course and you will be too.

addicts are selfish, you're not blaming him its just a fact.

 

[Jabberwocky]

ffs that guy is an idiot to be lying to the doctor. i'm glad you have kicked him out, and totally get you about being worried about being alone. i go insane pretty quick when i'm no my own. do you know anyone else who needs a place who would be a more positive influence? i wouldn't rush to get someone cos you do need space to look after yourself and don't want to rock the boat til you've got a few months in and are in a stable place. your brain will need to process everything you have been numbing, i had about a month straight of really horrendous things that had happened while i was using that i just hadn't processed and i thought it would never end, but it did and from there i think my brain really started recovering.

no you are not supposed to be like this for another 10 years. honestly by your mid 30s that shit starts taking its toll, both physically and on your mental capacity- older users who've been doing it decades never seem quite there, even if they then get a few years clean. if you're 28 now and are able to get into recovery you still have a decent stab at a better life than the one you would get using. honestly once you're past the first about 6 months almost ANY life is better than the one you had using- i had a horrendous depression at 6 months clean and another, situational, for 3 months at 18 months clean where i tortured myself with the idea of using for 3 months then finally caved and it was shit. but i'm so glad i stayed the course and you will be too.

addicts are selfish, you're not blaming him its just a fact.

bro in 8 years ive only managed to stay clean the most 2 months and holy shit it was a nightmare worst 2 months of my life no matter what pills i took i just wanted dope so bad as if it were a person the love of my life or something, life was just not worth living without it and in the end i moved back to where the dope was two hours away and ill be damned if i have to go through that again
this dude is about 32 or 31 not sure and yes he def seems not quite there.... i thought he was smart but i think theres something broken about his mind
he left by himself i didnt exactly kick him out, i just put too much pressure for him to handle
i really wish all of you understood astrology so i could talk to you in my real language haha
about getting another roomie i uhh sometimes i need a lot of alone time so idk what to do its weird i just dont want to get depressed im not like that