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Recovery Here I go again...

Hi Everyone, IOP the last couple of days has been pretty intense. Monday's topic was the frustration-->anger-->depression-->substance abuse cycle and yesterday was continued work on CBT. I told the group that two "scripts" (that's what therapist calls them that my parents left me with were:
1. From father: If someone is trying to fuck with you, they're probably fucking with you.
2. From mother: If someone is fucking with you whether or not you get your ass beat, or give the ass beating, it's better to take the consequences and not lose face (she is Japanese, which is why this concept of "face-saving" is important.
The therapist quipped, "Your parents left you with some interesting scripts." To say the least. It has left me a person that instinctively assumes the worst about people. We started to work on new scripts that could be substituted for these two unhealthy ones and I have an one-on-one appointment with him today and I'm sure we'll talk more at length about that.

I have things now to look forward to as well which will help curtail the drinking and cravings. Going to trivia nite with my sponsor tonight, then going to see The Florida Project at our local art theater tomorrow night. It's definitely Oscar material. It's about impoverished families that live in cheap motels along Kissimmee's tourist strip. Also planning on seeing the midnight showing of The Exorcist also at the art theater Saturday night, then my ex is taking me to Animal Kingdom on Sunday to eat at my favorite Disney restaurant that serves West African food since her coupon expires that day.

Hope everyone has a good day. It's nice to feel like positive forces are back at work in my life.
 
aihfl, I'm glad you found yourself a sponsor that is a good fit for you. I was never able to find one myself but I have great support at home. My wife is aware of my recovery and we talk on a weekly basis about it, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. I have attended IOP and found it very helpful. Everyone there was very supportive and taught me a lot.

Just wanted to pop in to say hi and I'm following your progress and look forward to seeing more of it.
 
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That does sound like a tough IOP aihfl. Please let us know how things process.
 
Hey again aihfl,
Glad to hear youre staying the path.
Keep on keeping on my friend.
All the best.
TOC
 
aihfl said:
Hi Everyone, IOP the last couple of days has been pretty intense. Monday's topic was the frustration-->anger-->depression-->substance abuse cycle and yesterday was continued work on CBT. I told the group that two "scripts" (that's what therapist calls them that my parents left me with were:
1. From father: If someone is trying to fuck with you, they're probably fucking with you.
2. From mother: If someone is fucking with you whether or not you get your ass beat, or give the ass beating, it's better to take the consequences and not lose face (she is Japanese, which is why this concept of "face-saving" is important.
The therapist quipped, "Your parents left you with some interesting scripts." To say the least. It has left me a person that instinctively assumes the worst about people. We started to work on new scripts that could be substituted for these two unhealthy ones and I have an one-on-one appointment with him today and I'm sure we'll talk more at length about that.

I have things now to look forward to as well which will help curtail the drinking and cravings. Going to trivia nite with my sponsor tonight, then going to see The Florida Project at our local art theater tomorrow night. It's definitely Oscar material. It's about impoverished families that live in cheap motels along Kissimmee's tourist strip. Also planning on seeing the midnight showing of The Exorcist also at the art theater Saturday night, then my ex is taking me to Animal Kingdom on Sunday to eat at my favorite Disney restaurant that serves West African food since her coupon expires that day.

Hope everyone has a good day. It's nice to feel like positive forces are back at work in my life.
Click to expand...

Damn, man, that sounds like a good IOP. I'm *so* glad to hear that things seem promising, and that you're getting out and socializing (something I should learn from).

Congrats!
 
Well guys I haven't been around here because I've been too busy drinking. After a largely sleepless night punctuated by vivid nightmares I have to figure out a way to get off the alcohol merry go round. I had a dream my car had been stolen in an Albertson's grocery parking lot (I don't think we even have Albertson's in Florida anymore) which was followed by a police shooting. It sounds outlandish talking about this in the daylight but I need to get rid of these alco-terror dreams.
 
aihfl, that sounds like a disturbing dream. Does alcohol make your dreams more or less vivid/nightmarish?
 
Damn man it sounded like you were doing so well but this fucking alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful like the book says. Its only 7am here and I am starting on 40oz.
 
Yes it is. I went to the hospital yesterday but they didn't admit me (they used to detox in their psych ward) and gave me a script for Librium so I can detox myself. The pharmacy was too far to drive so I went and got more alcohol instead.

TPD, alcohol makes my dreams very vivid. They can be pleasant, but when they're unpleasant they're really unpleasant.
 
Shit, that it shitty. Are you gonna try again, go to get your Librium and detox yourself? That is so frustrating the hospital wouldn't detox you, but facilities can be full sometimes (etc). At least they gave you the script for Librium, that is a lot better than nothing. How do you feel about trying to detox yourself at home?
 
I honestly don't know. My ex is going to try to fill my prescription for me. I'm flying by the seat of my pants.
 
What do you feel like would help you? Like under ideal, best case scenario?

What do you want right now in terms of focusing on a goal? How about just identifying one (or two)? It all about brainstorming my friend, just because you come up with a goal doesn't mean you are bound to it or must achieve it. It's nice if you do of course, but the process it more about you thinking of ways you might imagine yourself getting out of this pickle. A little daydreaming and hope can go a loooooooong way in your situation.

Keep your head up <3 I'm glad your lady friend went to get your meds! That is a very nice thing to do. Do you have somewhere safe to stay where you can use them to detox? Don't forget to try and hydrate yourself and get enough nutrition when you do detox though. That makes it a lot less painful.
 
I’m camped out on my ex’s couch. The Librium is a godsend. I don’t trust myself to not drink by myself.
 
Aw that’s good to hear you are doing a little better. Gotta do what you gotta do, that is awesome your ex is willing to lend you a hand. Perhaps you can do her a good turn and do the dishes or the laundry before you leave. Still, I’m glad to hear you’re doing okay.
 
Well I’m not exactly ok but I’m grateful not to be at my own home. I’m listening to her practice violin and I’ve got three dogs and the television to keep me company
 
Could be a lot worse then; on the mend say? Try and see if you can’t eat some food or get some kind of nourishment. I don’t have any personal experience with trying to stay nourished while going through alcohol withdrawal, but I imagine it is no less important than with opioid withdrawal. Hydration and nourishment I mean.

Keep up updated aihfl, we’re rooting for you <3
 
Ugh the insomnia is wicked I just took a Librium and it’s not knocking me out. I’m only supposed to have one every six hours. Does anyone else find retching strangely comforting?
 
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