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Help me settle a debate with my boyfriend!

Z-girl said:
Show of hands please - my boyfriend calls me difficult. I tell him I don't like it and that most people wouldn't. He disagrees, he thinks most people wouldn't care being called difficult. He challanges me to ask some people.

So help me out - what do you think when/if you were to be called difficult? Are you happy, sad, insulted or what?
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Doesnt seem to matter to me if I like it or not. I disagree with it.

I think the first thing I would do is, beseech myself for my emotional state and see if I am reacting emotionally or otherwise irrationally to someone's apparently incessant request. There might be a chance Im being selfish, and refusing to be open minded about the request.

Though, probably not...

Then Id reply back that 'difficult' is indeed the correct term - for someone unsuccessfully forcing another to succumb to their will without any empathy or room for feelings and opinions of their own. Id reply with logical reasons for why I disagree, and if my logic wasnt disarmed in its own way, id demand respect out of the accuser. If respect is returned, Id give time for the other to come up with a more sincere description of what is desired and why, and try to keep an open mind about finding out what the other needs. Id give the person accusing me of being difficult room to convince me in a respectful and rational manner. If not, they can hit the road.

Id respect myself for being 'difficult' to force me to do something I dont want.
 
He should care about how it makes YOU feel not how MOST people would respond to being called difficult. I cannot stand when my husband says well so and so didn't do that. Since when am I so and so? Since when do I follow suit with others when it comes to making decisions for me?

Maybe you difficult and that is why you don't like being called out on it.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
I think you're being a little too over dramatic and sensitive.
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Ah now, I'm hardly being dramatic! Was just asking a simple question about people's opinions to a comment. I think I've accepted everyone's opinions and advice/comments graciously enough too, so not really being too sensitive either.

I think 'difficult' means a lot of different things. I initially thought that it was a veiled insult (a badly veiled insult!), but actually I think I was too quick to come to that decision and that what someone perceives to be insulting is completely an individual thing.

Speaking for myself, I'm glad my boyfriend challenged me to ask some people what they thought (although I'm fairly sure he didn't think I would actually do it :)), because the way I will think about that word in the future, should it come up, will be completely different to how I was thinking about it when this conversation began. A few people have mentioned that they would rather be thought of as difficult than easy, but I think the more accurate comparison to make would be difficult versus easygoing. I would certainly rather be more easygoing than difficult, but I no longer think of it as something to take so personally - I am how I am, I can make efforts to improve myself and to be closer to the kind of person I would aspire to be, but I don't think I need to think of a comment such as 'difficult' as such a failure of my character and of who I am. I am sensitive, certainly - that's a part of my personality that I don't think I can change (and don't particularly want to) - but this has helped me to see that certain comments aren't something to be taken so much to heart.

That's my two cents anyway. It's definitely all about perspective, and that's something that we all have a certain amount (if not complete) control over. It's all about how we choose to look at things, I think.
 
Relationships are always difficult though. Your partner is going to feel like you're being difficult at times and vice versa. That's a relationship. It's totally normal and you shouldn't take offense to it but enlightened that he's feeling that way due to a particular behavior. The good relationships are the ones that can get through the difficult times.
 
The fact that you have felt inspired enough to begin a thread on the topic at hand kind of illustrates your boyfriend's case, OP 8o

His appraisal of your being 'difficult' is probably meant to be something of an unassuming compliment, in that he finds your character to be comparatively 'complex' to those of most others - i.e., he feels as though his interactions with you are coloured by a greater depth and a heightened sense of dimension than his experiences with other people he is close with; something one would naturally anticipate to be the case, seeing as you are in an intimate relationship with one-another, and intimacy always entails a certain degree of difficulty - especially between one or two people who might also be inclined towards recreational drug use, no less.

I think it is worthwhile to adopt a less defensive stance when it comes to assessing the words our partners use to describe their objective experience in relating to ourselves.... and to try to be more inspired by the sense of mutual respect and unconditional acceptance that you share, despite the occasional failures to communicate points of view (something not many of us are adept at doing, not least of all when feelings are also running high). choosing instead to nurse one's insecurities only ever results in the creation of more tension and uncertainty, where no form of criticism or hurt was ever intended! He probably regrets using that term, ambiguous as it is, seeing as you appear to be such a naturally sensitive person...perhaps he is not quite so sensitive or inclined to take offense to that sort of stuff, something he also has 'difficulty' in trying to tiptoe around so as not to cause offense... just ease up and try not to take such innocent remarks to heart; your boyfriend obviously sees a lot of amazing qualities in you, or else he'd be single or with someone else :)

good luck, stress less <3
 
lmao i have been called that and the funny thing is i just laugh it off and you should to. never take something like that to seriously because obviously he is still putting up the good fight for some undetermined purpose! HAHAHA
 
I think it has a lot to do with the other person.. I have a few ex's that would all call me difficult .. and was told so many times that is how I am.. that once I found my love and he accepts me as I am and I say I am sorry for it he looks at me and tells me that I am not gets all doe eyed and kisses me then rants about how others just miss understand me..

So to him I am not and never have been to my exs or at least most of them I was.. So to eaches own..

and yeah.. it can hurt some times.. even more so when you are just trying to watch out for the ones you love..
 
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