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Help me settle a debate with my boyfriend!

Z

Z-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 7, 2011
Messages
64
Location
Ireland
Show of hands please - my boyfriend calls me difficult. I tell him I don't like it and that most people wouldn't. He disagrees, he thinks most people wouldn't care being called difficult. He challanges me to ask some people.

So help me out - what do you think when/if you were to be called difficult? Are you happy, sad, insulted or what?
 
I probably wouldn't like being called difficult, but I probably would like it better than being called a stupid, obtuse bitch, or something along those lines.
 
Yes, but is it really one or the other?! Can't it just be a case of not calling someone difficult?
 
I don't think that's it! I actually don't think I'm difficult, but he's said it a couple of times over the last few months and I told him the other day to stop and he said it again today (literally over me just trying to get out of him what time he wants to hang out at tonight!), so when he said that most people wouldn't think it's a bad thing I wondered if maybe I'm the only one that thinks it is!

So am I???
 
Z-girl said:
I don't think that's it! I actually don't think I'm difficult, but he's said it a couple of times over the last few months and I told him the other day to stop and he said it again today (literally over me just trying to get out of him what time he wants to hang out at tonight!), so when he said that most people wouldn't think it's a bad thing I wondered if maybe I'm the only one that thinks it is!

So am I???
Click to expand...

You should tell him not to worry about what most people would feel. He's not in a relationship with the world so, all that should matter is he's hurting your feelings and that's not cool.
 
Ah I have, he's just being an idiot. You're dead right though, thank you. How would you feel if you were called difficult by your significant other?
 
I love being called difficult. I'm definitely not easy and difficult just means they don't like my standards which I admit are pretty high. I'm a-ok with that.
 
Ok, fair enough! Having high standards is definitely a good thing. I think that's my problem too, my standards are pretty high (if you can call it a problem)!
 
I don't know! But I think the issue is not what he means, but rather how would you take it if you were just called it? I ask a lot of questions and it irks him sometimes, so I think that's part of it!
 
if neither of you really know what he means when he says it, it's hard to understand why you'd get that upset about it. maybe you are 'difficult' but you would use another word to describe how you're behaving?

if you're looking for validation of your feeling upset by this, asking others is perfect. but if you want to really understand what's happening here and work through it, sounds like you need to talk to him.

alasdair
 
I wouldn't like to be called difficult. At all. I'd find it really insulting.
But that would also depend on why he's calling me difficult :)
 
After some prodding and dancing around the subject, he says that difficult means problematic and awkward. Call me difficult, but I definitely don't like it now!

Would you all be happy bring called difficult with that meaning attached?
 
'problematic' and 'awkward' are both essentially, in this context, synonyms of 'difficult' so i don't feel any more informed. perhaps you could ask him to illustrate his feelings with some examples?

alasdair
 
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