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Help. i got a girl I work with preganant. She deceived me and told me she was on BC.

^The cock is becoming increasingly obsolete in this day and age where Dildos are in plentiful supply.
 
I'm not saying that the OP is wrong. He trusted her and why shouldn't he have trusted her? But regardless perhaps he should have worn a condom anyway just to be on the safe side?

Still though I think what the girl did was wrong and if she did it intentionally a bitch thing to do.
 
Ultimately I think he should discuss this with her. And blaming at this stage is pointless, it's happened and some sort of decision and/or plan has to be made. Going back and forth isn't going to solve anything. Trying to figure out who's to blame isn't going to resolve anything or end anywhere positive. What some of you seem to be hoping for is that she'll say, yes it's her fault and she'll have an abortion. Highly unlikely that she'll do this, she'll do what she wants to do and that's a fact, wrong or unfair that it is.

I'm not pointing any fingers at anybody, that's the point. I am saying men should be proactive if they don't want to father a child.

I agree women shouldn't lie about being on birth control and it's a manipulative, stupid act but men shouldn't put all their trust in some casual sex partner who they don't know (and nor should women). What else can I say? Life's unfair and people have to deal with things without going back and forth for hours about whose fault it is. How is that going to solve anything?

Some of you seem to think you can control everything, people, decisions or whatever and you can't. You just have to try to accept what's happened and hope that you get through it ok.
 
Miss_vanilla said:
Ultimately I think he should discuss this with her. And blaming at this stage is pointless, it's happened and some sort of decision and/or plan has to be made. Going back and forth isn't going to solve anything. Trying to figure out who's to blame isn't going to resolve anything or end anywhere positive. What some of you seem to be hoping for is that she'll say, yes it's her fault and she'll have an abortion. Highly unlikely that she'll do this, she'll do what she wants to do and that's a fact, wrong or unfair that it is.

I'm not pointing any fingers at anybody, that's the point. I am saying men should be proactive if they don't want to father a child.

I agree women shouldn't lie about being on birth control and it's a manipulative, stupid act but men shouldn't put all their trust in some casual sex partner who they don't know (and nor should women). What else can I say? Life's unfair and people have to deal with things without going back and forth for hours about whose fault it is. How is that going to solve anything?

Some of you seem to think you can control everything, people, decisions or whatever and you can't. You just have to try to accept what's happened and hope that you get through it ok.
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However, it's perfectly fine and acceptable to have a meaningful, adult conversation (sans fingerpointing and getting mad!) about the potential stake of the unborn embryo and the stake of both the man and woman in the case of the child.

It is only morally wrong to bring up this type of discussion if you are against abortion and are pro-life.

OP, as long as you are careful about your words, don't point fingers and don't get mad (hey, you could have wrapped it anyway, for secure measure!) there is no reason you can't have a heart-to-heart discussion and even offer to pay for the abortion.

Her life isn't the only one in question here and you have a freedom to express your thoughts and emotions on such a life changing experience.
 
And this is why I don't think a man should be held responsible for a child for 18 years if he objects to having it.

If a woman wants to have a baby against the father's will, she should be willing to do it on her own.
 
Miss_vanilla said:
Yes, well people lie. All the time. To be perfectly honestly I don't trust a lot of people, especially those I don't know very well. I will never understand why men believe women when they say they're on the pill, if I was in the guy's position I'd be wearing a condom for a) my own choices regarding unplanned pregnancy and b) to prevent STDs, especially with a casual partner.

No offence to you OP, I've believed people who've lied to me heaps of times and felt duped but what can I say? People shouldn't be trusted unless you really know them.

I really hope it works out for you, I just don't see any point in this he said/she said bollocks, and playing the blame game, it's pointless. Talk to her.
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I think you've got some professional advice from Vanilla. And I appreciate Vanilla's tone with you also. Very collected, very serious. When I read the phrase "She deceived me" I took on a somewhat negative attitude about what your problem is. She wouldn't have deceived you if you had covered your own ass.

I think she owns you now, BUT the kid might be someone you've needed all your life, and never knew it. Having a kid isn't as bad as having an infirm mother in law. I would have never thought it possible 33 years ago, but I have four kids now. All adults, and all treat their dad and I very well.

We didn't plan it. I got pregnant, and we got married. I didn't plan those kids they just came. I wasn't planned. My husband wasn't a planned baby either. It would be fun to see a poll about how many people were planned into this world and how many of us were "SURPRISE! I"M PREGNANT!"
 
ugly said:
She wouldn't have deceived you if you had covered your own ass.
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You do realize that makes no sense, right? What you mean to say is, "You would not be suffering any of these repercussions of having been deceived if you had covered your own ass."

But even that is a ridiculous thing to say because it makes the assumption that, by being prepared, one can avoid all the negative consequences of being deceived, one can even avoid being deceived. If you trust no one and never leave the house, then this may be true, but if you truly believe what you are saying...

...then I won't feel bad for you when the waiter/waitress takes your credit card into the kitchen, swipes it through their own personal card-reader, and you become a victim of credit card fraud. (Had you taken more precautions, it surely would not have happened!) I won't feel bad for you when you give a friend a ride, you get pulled over for a brake light you didn't know was out, your friend stashes drugs under your car seat and you catch the charge for it. (Hey! You should have covered your own ass and patted your friend down before he got into the car!)

In the real world, there's a certain amount of trust that you must lend to each person and to take all the proper precautions would be ridiculous. You're not going to follow the waiter or waitress into the kitchen to watch them swipe your card, and you're not going to pat a friend down before he gets into your car. You're going to trust these individuals to do what's right much in the same way that you might trust someone who tells you "It's okay I'm on the pill..."

In fact, you have even more of a reason to trust this person who tells you that she's on the pill because she, too, has a stake in it. I mean, why would she want to get pregnant either?

I think you guys are being just a wee bit harsh and unfair, no?
 
i have no sympathy for anyone who doesn't practice safe sex and then finds themselves with unintended consequences. birth control should not only be a one sided affair, because then it just gives way to excuses. she told you she was on birth control, but as you only had drunken fuck sessions with her, do you know anything about her sexual history? what made you trust her enough to not take your own contraceptive/anti-STD measures? do you understand how contraceptive injections work? does she? doesn't sound like it, if she just got a shot 6 months ago, seeing as you have to get another one every 12 weeks, but believe it or not, you can do everything perfectly right with your birth control and still have it fail for unbelievably stupid reasons. antibiotics, faulty manufacturing, etc. you are 28 years old entering a masters program, yet you were too dumb to remember that sex in these times is a matter of life and death, and to plan accordingly. as to what you should do, obviously, talk to her about it and see what her plans are, and be willing to support any choice that she makes, and grow the fuck up.
 
How old is this Girl? if shes old maybe she thinks she won't get pregnant anymore, but if shes young, under 27, she can always get pregnant in the future.
Also have you talked to her about abortion? Did she say she wants to keep the baby for sure? Make sure she understand you don't want to be with her. Also tell her being a single mom is hard, and it will even make it harder for her to found a guy that will accept that., a lot of guys don't want to be in a relationship with a single mom. tell her your better of getting pregnant from a guy that loves you and wants to be with you, not from a guy who doesn't love you, and only had sex a few drunken times, not even sober.
 
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^ And I don't mean to suggest that I would ever let a child of mine go hungry. The way that I see it is, regardless of how it happened, it happened, and so I'd have to step up to the plate and be a father to that child.

But I just think that our young men today have enough to feel bad about than to tell them that every time a woman gets pregnant, it's their fault for being so stupid.
 
pontifex01 said:
QFT OP listen to this person if you start feeling guilty/responsible.
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if?

he is responsible for this because he failed to take responsibility for protection. even if she's on bc and he uses a condom and the planets align, sex can result in pregnancy. if you're not aware that it's at least a possibility - however remote - and you're ill-prepared for the consequences, you shouldn't be having sex.

i'm with miss_vanilla, all the finger pointing and hyperbole in the world isn't going to change the fact that she's pregnant and he's the father. op, you need to get together with her and talk this through.

alasdair
 
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If it comes down to it and she doesn't want to get rid of it, PM me OP. I know someone who was in a similar situation and figured out a way to get out of it.
 
^
Pushed_down_stairs.gif


Better hope you don't have syphilis too.
 
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