He just broke up with me......

[tender lamb shank]

This is very interesting. Revealing the truth about you will make me look like a natzi, and going along with it will only reinforce what makes you post these things.

I got an idea:

1) Open power-point and add a black background to the slide.
2) Select an image of your ideal man and place it on the slide top left, leaving half the right side empty so you may write things there.
3) Open a text box in bold characters size 14, and write in it: "I will always be with you, no matter what". This is the title of the construct.
4) Write an introduction about that man in size 9 calibri, where he addresses you in the first person, portraying himself as the ideal man of your dreams.
5) In a second paragraph, talk about a woman he met, who was heartbroken, and begin a dialogue between them, in calibri font size 9.
6) Go with the flow, making the woman portray all her emotional problems, and her prince charming taking care of all her issues. Write what pleases you.

Only you knows what you want to hear. Asking us for what you want to hear is counter-productive, since you only select what pleases you, and discarding what does not angers you. Create a world where it's all about you. Where the man of your dreams, gives you exactly what you want.

what in fucks name is actually wrong with you Ksa?

 

[n3ophy7e]

sorry to hear this- it sounds shit. were you both drinking?

No neither of us were drinking.

oh neo im so sorry

i too have left relationships with the silent treatment and no real communication in the past and they have been the most difficult to endure as you dont entirely feel that chapter of your life is completed and was ended abruptly with no great explanation of where things went wrong, and its horrible. the mourning period continues for longer than whats healthy, and i sincerely hope you will find the strength to get through this as gently as humanly possible, and come out of it a stronger, wiser and better you

please dont be a stranger to SLR when you are feeling overwhelmed or are needing a friend/support network. take care of you please

...kytnism...

Thank you so much lovely

i've had this before. they do eventually stop and it does hurt but one day you stop thinking about it. its a long way off but you will get over it, but it takes lots of time and shitty emotional states before then.

there is light at the tunnel end

Thanks so much hun

 

[Ksa]

what in fucks name is actually wrong with you Ksa?

You don't know where I've been Tender hahaha! I'm giving our sister OP the key to another dimension she never knew it existed. You should try this yourself.

 

[Ksa]

If you performed that exercise for a few hours and you really meditated deep enough, the text you come up with will be so intimate and embarrassing you will never be able to show it to anyone but yourself. It is your secret, it is what drives you and what defines you. It is a mirror of yourself, in all it's honesty, in all it's beauty, where all the masks fall, the pride falls, the ego falls, and all you're left with is that pure bliss of inner truth, innocently revealing itself to you, through your own meditation. You begin to discover yourself. When you discover yourself you discover your expectations. You can judge weather these expectations are realistic or not. And if you go deep enough, you also realize it doesn't make one bit of a difference.

Aren't you curious to discover yourself? To discover what's so wrong about these men that you just can't get along with them? The truth is there's nothing wrong with you, and there's nothing wrong with them. You may be a small minority in terms of one's expectations but it changes nothing, when you truly learn about yourself.

Unfortunately, this is as far as I can go. Nobody can be told what they will find because the answer lies in you. I showed you the door, you have to walk through it and discover what's in there, in you. Once you've done this, I can guide you further.

 

[quiet roar]

You need to try and pick yourself up and move on.

It will take time to know that life is about change. Moving on from loves lost can be the hardest change to endure--and then accept--of all.

^^ He's right.

It sucks but you probably won't ever get an answer to why he broke up with you (he may not even know why, except that he doesn't want to be with you any more). I realise that makes it all so much harder to accept but that's the way it is, and the sooner you can let go, the better you will feel.

Unrequited love hurts like hell so the sooner you can focus on the fact that he isn't great and he doesn't deserve you, the better.

 

[axl blaze]

SI was asking questions like "Why are you doing this?" and "When did you decide this?" and "Why won't you give me a chance to show you I'm getting better?"....but they were all met with complete and utter silence. SILENCE!

what? complete and utter silence? this guy sounds like he has the communication skills of a fucking ROCK. so do you know why he even broke up with you, or are you just not disclosing this information?

I've been there. I thought my life was over when my girl of 5 years and I broke up. but hey - I met a better girl who is an even better fit

and you will meet a better man. your looks and intelligence are only bested by your genuine heart I don't think very highly of this guy, and I think you will meet a better one

oh, an aside - STAY SOBER! I didn't do that when my ex and I broke up. it's an easy pit of snakes to fall into, and it although it seems like a good decision when you're feeling so glum, it only covers up the feelings that YOU need to get over to be a better woman

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Thank you so much dude, it's really helpful to hear of other people who have suffered this kind of heartbreak before but have gotten through it. This is the worst I've experienced by far. But you're absolutely right, he doesn't deserve me and I will find someone better.


For the record, we had some issues dealing with my alcoholism, but I've been sober, I've been seeing my therapist once a week for months, I'm back on all my medication, I'm doing all the right things. He even came to come counselling sessions with me so that we could work on our communication problems, which was promising. But after the sessions he still insisted that me and my addiction were the one and only problem with the relationship (even though I am now sober). So, what more could I possibly do to try and solve things??? I did all I could, and that will help me sleep at night. I did everything in my power to save our relationship, and he tried nothing. He refused to even acknowledge the problems we have with communication and conflict resolution. He refused to acknowledge that he has some things he needs to work on to improve his communication in relationships. He refused to even TRY to fix anything. So, it's his fuck-up and it's his loss.

^^ He's right.

It sucks but you probably won't ever get an answer to why he broke up with you (he may not even know why, except that he doesn't want to be with you any more). I realise that makes it all so much harder to accept but that's the way it is, and the sooner you can let go, the better you will feel.

Unrequited love hurts like hell so the sooner you can focus on the fact that he isn't great and he doesn't deserve you, the better.

Thank you, that is very helpful advice

 

[Drinktillhescute]

Good luck Hun :/ I hope you find that man you deserve and loves you for you... I think he is the one with the problem. I know it's heart wrenching to leave and move on , but you should.
And men have a way of crawling their stupid asses back when we are happy and forget about them..
DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN! Lol feel better and you can talk to me any time.
I have man prob too some times and no girlfriends to talk too

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thank you so much hun, I really appreciate it

 

[axl blaze]

yeah - it's totally his loss. specially since you have been working so hard at staying sober. congrats. trust me, I know how very difficult and how fine of a line that son of a bitch is to walk when hit with the daily struggle that can be life

from my limited knowings of you, it seems that you need a man who is just as open and heart-felt and expressive of himself as you are. you don't need no emotional wallflower! his unaffecting attitude comes across as at the very least dull, and at the very worst apathetic

you need a vibrant man! keep your head up - once again, he is the loser in this battle

 

[BlueHues]

This is very interesting. Revealing the truth about you will make me look like a natzi, and going along with it will only reinforce what makes you post these things.

I got an idea:

1) Open power-point and add a black background to the slide.
2) Select an image of your ideal man and place it on the slide top left, leaving half the right side empty so you may write things there.
3) Open a text box in bold characters size 14, and write in it: "I will always be with you, no matter what". This is the title of the construct.
4) Write an introduction about that man in size 9 calibri, where he addresses you in the first person, portraying himself as the ideal man of your dreams.
5) In a second paragraph, talk about a woman he met, who was heartbroken, and begin a dialogue between them, in calibri font size 9.
6) Go with the flow, making the woman portray all her emotional problems, and her prince charming taking care of all her issues. Write what pleases you.
7) As you go along with the flow, you will notice that certain constructs please you more then others. Develop on these ideas alone. Explore them.

Only you knows what you want to hear. Asking us for what you want to hear is counter-productive, since you only select what pleases you, and discarding what does not angers you. Create a world where it's all about you. Where the man of your dreams, gives you exactly what you want and asks nothing in return. You can do this, trust me. There is no other way to get what you want. It doesn't exist on Earth. You have to create it.

Wow, this seems pretentious beyond comprehension to me, with the "font sizes" and shit...

High on stimulants by any chance?

 

[poopie]

Can we at least look at the bright side?

Tender lamb shank is back.


Oh, and another hot (kind, thoughtful, intelligent, funny) single chick is graced upon legions of men who will have no idea what to do with themselves.

(I'll be sending a more meaningful PM soon enough, young lady)

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Thank you darling

And thank you again axl

 

[T. Calderone]

I think the hardest part is not knowing why and he may never tell you. This may have been stewing in his mind for a while and he saw your getting yourself stronger as his time to break things off with you. I mean, there's never a good time but maybe he thought this way. (just a thought) Trouble is, people are fickle even the ones who you think you know best and could always count on.

Don't let this interfere with your progress in sobriety. I fell back into drinking hard when I had a nasty breakup. Not that I needed a reason as he was my favorite drinking buddy but it really got out of hand. Like kytism said, you have to take care of you right now, first and foremost. Let him give you the silent treatment and leave you wondering what the hell happened.

He's the one missing out and that's too bad for him. Whatever he's going through does not give him a license to treat you so shabbily. He may decide in the future he wants to be friends and have you back in his life. Would you even want that? It's stuff like this that will help mold your convictions as to what you really want from him and relationships in the future. For now just concentrate on getting through this so you can heal and move forward.

 

[paranoid android]

n3o i am so sorry to hear this. That sucks majorly especially since he gave you fuck all of a answer as to why. Please look after yourself and don't fall back into drinking. I know it's hard and after i had a pretty nasty breakup a few years back i hit the bottle pretty damn hard. Of course this only made me feel worse and no doubt it would make you feel worse as well.

Personally i think any guy that would breakup with you needs his head looked at. You could get any guy you wanted to so it's his loss....

If you need to rant to someone you know how to contact me. Keep your head up cause you will get through this

 

[gdmac]

It's funny how we each see us through others eye and never truely look at ourself. It is the only way to be ones self and know that you are and can recive the love that we each want and require..Know yourself first then you can know the love that is there to be shared and enjoyed..Just sayin..

 

[Ksa]

Wow, this seems pretentious beyond comprehension to me, with the "font sizes" and shit...

High on stimulants by any chance?

I haven't come up with it yesterday, but somewhere in 2008. Ever since I have done it over 10,000 times without exaggeration. I call it "meditation method #5, image guided thoughts".

 

[stormcharger]

Ksa no lie you are one of the most weirdly insane people I have met on the internet

 

[junglejuice]

First of all, congrats on the sobriety!

This is a shitty situation. It hurts. I know it does. The thing is, I've found that I wasn't ever truly able to make big strides in my life in terms of recovery when I was with another person. I had to be my number one priority. I'm dating again after a lot of work on myself and I'm finding that my proverbial roots didn't grow when I had another person to lean on. In fact, in some of my past relationships I leaned harder on them and my ability to stand on my own two feet diminished. I'm in a good place right now. I really like the person I'm with and I find that now that I'm sober, I'm slower to fall hard for someone. It's more like walking side-by-side than holding hands. It's a better progression for me. If it doesn't work out, it'll hurt but I'll be OK.

I have to be able to weather the storms that life will throw at me. Life is going to throw storms at you too. This SUCKS RIGHT NOW but it WILL GET BETTER. Just keep doing the next right thing for yourself, and life will fall into place. You'll start to become the person that you really are, not the one distorted by the chems. You'll meet the right man when you are your real self, and you will be really happy. You are a hell of a catch. Have faith, and keep on walking.

Much love

 

[dopemaster]

IME relationships always end when one person gets sober even if the other person is sober or not.

There is more than just this one man in the world. You said you knew him for 13 years. Maybe its time for someone new?

Also if he broke up with you for calling him, he was gonna break up with you anyways. When someone says they wanna take a break or have some space they are usually breaking up with you right then.

Did he just answer the phone and not speak? If that's the case maybe he was pre-occupied if you catch my drift. Just move on. He already has.